Journal Entries for Jacqui Michelle
Name change
July 14th, 2010 9:11 pm MDT
So I've decided to go by Jackie from now on. I made this change because lately I've been veering away from crossdressing and more towards adopting a style that reflects my actual personality; one that is very androgynous.
When I was in college, getting all girlied up was a lot of fun. Plus I was still fleshing out my identity, and crossdressing gave me the opportunity to try out being as feminine as I could be. But now, as I approach the big 3-0, I realize it's time for a make-over.
I discovered a year or so ago that I would have been named Jacquelyn had I been born a girl. Not only do I think this is a beautiful name, it has the advantage of being gender neutral when shortened. I would have made the change sooner, but I was worried about loosing a part of me. I felt like Katelyn was a sister that I was thinking about divorcing from the family. In the end, I just have to have faith that my friends will take the change in stride.
I give up
June 22nd, 2010 10:03 pm MDT
I give up. I don't know what to do any more. So many people talk on thier profiles about how they want to get out there and meet people and make new friends. Yet I've been inviting people to meet up with me for years and it has yet to happen. Sure, if I wanted to meet up for sex, I could find many more interested parties; but thats not what I want. I want to know that there are others out there who know what I'm going through. I want to be able to talk to them and share stories and feelings and find some kind of reassuring that it is possible to live a happy life with what I've been given. Is that so much to ask?
paradigm shift
July 26th, 2009 6:35 pm MDT
how appropriate that my first blog post on urna be about me trying something new.
i had getten very frustrated at not having the opportunity to get dressed up and go out very often. my wife asked why i didn't just wear my girl clothes when i'm home, but it used to depress me to spend an hour or two getting all dolled up and then just sitting around the apartment.
Then one evening, i was invited out for drinks with a few friends. Since we weren't going to a specifically TG-friendly place, I decided to dress conservitavely (perhaps androgynously is a better descriptor). Plans got cancelled, but I still enjoyed my evening in my girl clothes and light make-up.
That was when it struck me: i don't have to dress to the nines to be dressed up. i satisfied my craving with skinny jeans and a tank-top. icould even pull this look off in my daily life!
so this past friday, when my wife and i went to see Harry Potter 6, i wore capris and a babydoll t-shirt. i also had my hair only half-up (i love it down but hate when it gets in my face). it felt great and no one said or did anything to make me feel discriminated against or unsafe.
then came the ultimate test: i was feeling brave after the movie, so we drove to my wife's parent's house. her mom commented on my pants being loud (they were purple and plaid) and her sister commented that they were the type of pants her little sister would love.
i'm going to have to do this more often!
