URNotAlone

The Center of My Universe

June 30th, 2007 7:47 am MDT

As I have traveled through the last 40 or so years of my life, I have been lucky enough, as a GM, to have made some wonderful friendships along the way. When I was a child, there seemed to always be a number of boys and girls in my life with which I had always found myself around, mostly because they were either neighbors or the children of close friends of my parents. It seems as thought fate had chosen my young wold of friends for me.

Years down the road, as I approached my early teens, those choices seemed to land more upon my responsibility than the fate of that decision being in the hands of the children of my parents friends or neighbors. Now I had more choices to choose from. Exposure to an extended population of children my age was more at hand, be it on the school bus, the play ground, etc. Lucky for me, I always seem to have made the correct discussions, because for the most part, the friends I had made in my early teen years carried me right through Jr. High and High School. And the bond which developed between us continued to grow stronger and stronger throughout the years. Unfortunately, those friends were few and very far between as my Jr. High and High School years were ones of great difficulty due to my gender issues. Nevertheless, I managed to maintain a small, but closely nit, group of friends whom looked inside of me and saw ME, not some punching bag they could have fun with. Those were my true friends.

As life would have it, however, graduating High School not only meant entering a world of new opportunity, it also meant leaving old friends behind. For sure, heading out into the real world, leaving the safety of my small family of friends, was, to be sure, challenging and worrisome. I seemed to survive, however, because my 20’s and 30’s rewarded me with friendships which I have cherished even to this very day. Those old friends, although to this day are completely unknowing of my gender issues, I am sure recognized the fact that I led a somewhat different life from all of them. Sure, my 10 or so years with my wonderful ex-wife seemed completely normal to the outside world, but in reality, I was hiding a secret inside which had been my life’s developing story from as far back as I can remember. And once divorced, it was apparent to everyone that I was somewhat of a loner. I seemed to always be the only single person at all the parties and cookouts and get togethers. Not a single friend, however, choose to treat me any differently because of that. On the contrary, I always seem to feel that I was thought of more kindly because my friends recognized I was alone, and it seemed like people in my life actually went out of their way to include me in their lives.

Things are very different today. Almost every friend I had ever made in life is distant but not forgotten. There are hundreds of memories and photographs to remind me of where I have been with my relationships. And although I find myself again at the tail end of another GG relationship, the last of this life I know, I have come to realize that nature has a reason for everything. For certain, the distance that has developed between me and my world of friends is not without reason. In fact, I am now sure I have sub-consciously made that happen in order to prepare myself for my transition and my new life.

But WAIT!!!!!! All of a sudden I look around me and I am not alone in this world at all. Thanks to URNA I have developed a totally new world of friends, and a family of sisters who are at the core of my heart and soul. And I say with absolute certainly, THIS time, these friends will not become distant in my life. THIS time, these friends will be with me for the rest of my life. THIS time, I know that I will never be alone again.

A new and final chapter of my life has begun. Fourty years of doubt, confusion, denyl and lying are behind me. Fourty years of old friends are now so very distant. But this new and final chapter of my life promises to be so very much more than anything I have ever experianced. I am now trully alive in spirit and happiness. It is almost like, no, it IS, a second chance at life. And this time I will do it right. And this time my world of friends will never be left behind.

My new friends, all the girls I have met here on URNA, will be by my side for ever. And I by theirs. Each and every one of you are like the stars that shine and twinkle on a cloudless moon lit night. And when the sun rises in the morning, each of you are a ray of sunlight that brightens and warms my face. You all are my strength and encouragement, my happiness and joy. I Love each and every one of you with all my heart and soul. I will never turn my back on you and I will never let you down. That is my life’s promise to you.

I need not mention names here. You know who you are. True friendships do not require identification by name. We just know who each of us is talking about. The thoughts and love that comprise true friendship need no words and need no writings. Those feeling are too powerful to be expressed in worldly terms. The feelings of true friendship are a given, a God given gift, something that just exist from within.

A new Universe had been born for me. A billion new suns shine from within my heart. And its all because of my friends I have made here on URNA. Its all because of the friends whom I now share my life with. You Girls ARE THE CENTER OF MY UNIVERSE.

I Love you all with all my heart.

~ Jackie