URNotAlone

Transition Update

December 10th, 2007 9:03 pm MST

Well, its been a while since I’ve made a journal entry, so I figure its about time that maybe I sit down and write a little something. But instead of writing about my views on the Universe and the World and such, I thought I’d maybe just give an update on how things are going in my life and with my transition. So here goes……

Let’s see…..it’s been 8 months, give a week or so, since I started my transition. Its amazing how it seems like it was just yesterday. But April 4^th, 2007 was the very first day I started my transition in earnest. That was the very first time I ever felt the sting of a laser zap!!! And to this day I have had six treatments in all. And in all, about 95% of all my dark facial hairs are gone! And currently I am working on my 30^th or so electrolysis visit to take care of the rest! It is working very well. There are some stuborn areas, but electrolysis is taking care of that. 

[As a side note…..I recommend to everyone interested in facial hair removal to FIRST do the laser thing, especially if you want a fast track to getting rid of facial hair. After about 4 or 5 visits you will have a very good idea of where on your face the laser is not going to be effective. For many people it is on the upper lip area and the chin. Also, after about 4 or 5 visits, you will be able to identify the lighter colored hairs the laser will not touch (gray, white, very very light tan or brown, etc.). And do NOT let ANYONE try to convince you that a laser can get rid of white or gray hairs…it CAN’T. Then you can go ahead and start electrolysis on those areas or those hairs. Done this way you could potentially save yourself thousands of dollars and years worth of time.]

Anyway, back to life.

Therapy. Hmmmm…lets see. I have the most wonderful therapist in the world. She’s an absolute expert in her field and has guided and counseled many M2F and F2M transitions. She is extremely well know in the transgendered community and has clients that travel hours to meet with her. She has spoken at many well know TG events and she’s is GREAT! She has done wonders for me and I am sooooo very lucky to have her so very close to me, especially for being up here in NH. I have met with her each week now since April this year and continue to do so but now on a bi-weekly basis. It was with her that I met my SOC requirements for hormone therapy and it was with her that I received my recommendations and referral for starting HRT.

So, what’s up with HRT?? Well, I am in the middle of my third month and things are going well. I have not noticed a lot yet, but one thing that is definitely noticeable is my hair. I have noticed, and friends have noticed, that my hair is becoming noticeably finer. Which, I was told, was one of the first things I could expect. Right now my endocrinologist has me on a low dosages but I meet with him in another couple of months for blood tests and to check my hormone levels. If everything checks out ok he will be upping my dosages and placing me on my permanent levels. That’s a good thing. And although I would certainly like those higher levels now, my doctor works very closely with my therapist and my therapist assures me that this is standard procedure with him. That’s ok with me. Making sure my transition remains healthy is paramount in my life. All good things come to those who wait so I certainly do not mind being patient and waiting!

What else is up? Let’s see. Wardrobe. I am building my wardrobe. Constantly. My housemate tells me I have one of the best casual wardrobes she’s ever seen!!! And that’s a good thing coming from a genetic female with a great taste in casual clothing. And my girlfriend tells me I’m doing great in that department too. Seems I have a good eye for many things female! There is certainly always more to buy, but it seems I just can’t stay away from the likes of JC Penney, Macy’s, and a few other stores! Wow do I love shopping! Certainly my formal outfits need some additions, but in reality, how often do I really wear a knock-out dress or skirt or top or 5" heels? Not often. And 5" heels? Not that I can walk in them all that well anyway, but not a lot of girls can. But reality is reality and for the most part jeans, shorts and spring and summer tops and sweaters are my favorites! The formal stuff takes a back seat to the casual every-day stuff. Only makes sense for me.

My job is going very well and I love my line of work. Although it is not purely what I spent many years in college for, I do, never-the-less use my skill sets on a daily basis. I honestly believe there are those that are wondering what I am up to with my outward appearance. I certainly do not wear female clothing to work but undoubtedly there are those that notice my hair is getting very long, my eyebrows appear much more female than male, and I don’t ever seem to have a 5:00 shadow, let alone any noticeable facial hair. I have not yet had my ears pierced, but that’s happening soon. Heck, in reality, there are plenty of guys at work with pierced ears and long hair anyway. Yup, lots of pony-tails where I work. Just not in the front office.

But here’s the weird part….what I have found is given changes in little small dosages, its seems like the majority of co-workers get over things. I remember all to well returning to work after a week of vacation this past summer. During that week off I had my eyebrows professionally plucked and shaped. I spent the entire week, almost full time, as Jackie. Girlfriends of mine and I had a blast that week. We went for glamour shots and spent a number of nights out on the town at some very well know spots in the Boston area. But the Sunday I returned home my housemate, who’s name I won’t mention, said to me…Oh my Gosh are you in TROUBLE!!! You look way to female!! And I said to her….GOOD! Well, that next day at work I remember all to well wanting not to move an inch from my desk. I was terrified. And when I finally did start walking around the office and on the production floor I absolutely KNEW for sure people were noticing my eyebrows. And I absolutely KNEW I was being treated a little different. I just knew. I could tell. People were wondering.

But you know what…people got used to it then. And now they are getting used to my long hair and lack of facial hair. And NO ONE has noticed my longer nails or that once in a while I will forget to remove all my clear nail polish. I think surely my pierced ears will be noticed once I have that done, but given the length of my hair I think the small studs I’ll be wearing to work will be for the most part covered up. But that too will eventually be forgotten. But really I have no intention of seeing how far I can push this outside of reason. I have a great job and I am not going to jeopardize that. My transition and my future depend entirely on my ability to do this right. Yup…small changes. Baby steps. Little doses. That’s the best way to make this happen.

Friends? I have NEVER EVER EVER had friends in my life like I have now. Close friends. Good friends. The best. Dear friends. Friends that care about me and friends that I care about. More than I ever have had in my life. I remember taking the COGIATI test for the very first time on Transexuality.Org. When it gave me my result in mentioned that to be happy I had to explore my transgendered side and decide, with professional help, just how far and in what direction I needed to go. But it also told me my transgendered path would lead me to an entirely new world of friends. And it has. The friends I have now are the friends I will be with the remainder of my life. Its so suprising how life turns on a dime. I have decided to transition. That’s definite. I knew I would loose friends because of it but in my wildest dreams I never imagined those friends would be replaced with friends of a far greater value. I am set for life in the friends department and I meet new and wonderful friends almost on a daily basis here on URNA.

So where do I go from here? Well, I’m working on paying down my small personal debt and saving my money. I have big plans for the new year. If all goes well and if things go as well as they have for the last eight months, the next eight months should prove to be fabulous. There is a lot to do and a lot to be done. But I am paying attention to the little details and doing everything I should be doing to make dreams come true. I have the help of wonderful people in my life. Friends, family, my therapist, my electrologist, my doctors and a special someone.

Time ticks on. And so does my transition. Now more than ever I am on my way!