URNotAlone

My Life on My Birhtday Year 2008 Version

April 26th, 2008 5:04 pm MDT

How do you see yourself fitting into the transgender community? Such a very short time ago, I could not have answered this question.  I certainly can now.  My entry into the “outside” world was through the Tiffany Club New England.  The support and friendship I experienced was wonderful.   Because of that experience, I see myself doing the same for others.  I attend functions regularly, and enjoy welcoming new girls and do my best at using my experiences to guide and encourage them.  All the while, I am still receiving needed support and guidance.  I also try to contribute to the promotion of Transgender rights when possible.  I recently arranged for a free Community Services listing for the Tiffany Club in the 2008-2009 edition Cape Cod Pridepages, an annual advertising guide of  GLBT friendly businesses. (www.capecodpridepages.com)  If all goes as planned, there will also be an article in the issue about being a Transgendered person.   

Describe the importance of dressing enfemme in your life, and include in your response the first time you dressed, how long you have been dressing, what about dressing is the most difficult for you, how often you dress, and do you go out in public as a woman?   I don’t remember much of being 5 years old except ONE VERY, VERY CLEAR, LIFE LONG MEMORY.  That was when a few neighborhood girls were playing dress up in their mommy’s clothes in my apartment building.  I wanted to participate so much, but even at that age, knew that was not “right” thing for a boy to do.  I took one of the skirts, when no one was looking and ran around the back of the building to put it on.  I remember enjoying the experience but was so scared I would get caught returning it, I buried it!  That was 53 years ago!  Since that day, my story is very similar to that of so many CD/TV/TGs.  In the early years, I didn’t understand why I did it.  I just knew it stirred pleasant feelings within.   As a high school macho athlete, I really began questioning this weird desire and hoped and prayed it would go away when I got older.  Of course it did not, but would subside for long periods of time.  The most difficult part of dressing was keeping it a secret from my wife of 31 years.  After realizing the urge would not “go away” after getting married, (as I so naively thought and hoped), I considered, coming out to my wife several times but was too afraid of the consequences.  I found my fears accurate when my wife did discover my secret.  (more about that in an answer below)  My dressing had increased over the last few years as I learned more about it and communicated with others on the internet.  Now, divorced and living alone, I am dressed in some way shape or form 24/7.  I go out in public as often as possible with other TGs.  In January I attended First Event 2008 in the Boston area.  It was one of the most enjoyable and eye opening experiences of my life.  My God, I really was not alone after all!   I hope to attend the SCC in Atlanta this September.    C:  What is your feminine personality like, and does it differ from your male personality?  I believe my feminine personality has been the dominant personality my entire life.  I actually had to “put on” the male persona.  I did all the expected male things including sports, (high school athlete of the year in 1968), and playing the male chauvinist pig role, war movies etc.  When, in fact, I hated playing football, loved “chick” flicks, was very tender, kind, caring, empathetic to the feelings of others, romantic and sensitive.  What I have learned in the past year, is that my feminine personality traits are part of why I am loved by family and friends.  In other words, my feminine personality is who I am, both in female and male mode.   

Are you "Out" to anyone?  If so, what is, or was their response?  Has being transgender caused you any hardships or difficulties and if so, please describe these issues.  Yes, I am out to most everyone I know and many I do not know.  On  March 18, 2007 while looking for her birth certificate, my wife found a printed email from my closest TG friend and went on a witch hunt.  She found the websites I was on, pictures, clothes, basically, my whole closeted world.  I did not know this until April 6, 2007, Good Friday’ when 2 policemen came to the door of my home with a restraining order. (I had never ever raised as much as a finger to her)  That was essentially the moment when life as I knew it, ended.  I chose to tell my best friends, (a couple, with whom I stayed initially), my secret.  Their reaction was one of acceptance, love and support.  The next evening I arranged a conference call with my adult sons.  When I told them the truth about their father,  there was a moment of silence and almost simultaneously they said  “So?”  I learned very quickly what the term “unconditional love” means.  I was going to wait a bit before telling other friends, but my x-wife had a much more accelerated time frame for informing the world.  Her telling everyone we who would listen my secret, resulted in the word being spread throughout the town I was born and raised in.  My family name was very well known in the area.  I am so fortunate that all immediate family and l my close friends, really gave me all the love and support one could ask for. (my parents are deceased)  Though, at first I was quite upset about learning that the “news”  was all over town, I very quickly developed the attitude of acceptance and even piece of mind.     

Are you currently active or have you been active in any transgender groups or organizations?  Which ones, and what do you do, or did you do in these groups or organizations?  I am a member of the Tiffany Club of New England and attend their bi-monthly and weekly gatherings.  I recently began ttending their  monthly “not alone” group. This is a gathering of 6-10 girls with a prominent, Boston area Gender Therapist, Christine Becker, who so generously donates her time to the Tiffany Club.  I am also a member of the Sisters of Boston  who meet weekly on Fridays for support and socializing in area TG friendly establishments.  The moderator of this group, Ashley Bottoms, took me under her wing when I met her at the Tiffany Club on my maiden voyage “out.”   I also belong to the Sorority Sisters of New England, created and moderated by sister, Karen Reeves.  Karen has been my guiding light since 2005 when we met through the URNA website.  So, there you have it.  50 something years in "Lotus Notes" form.  Thanks for reading.  Denise Armel  

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