Journal Entries for Persephone Van Cleve
Still seem to be here...
September 29th, 2009 12:39 am MDT
OK, well -- I cancelled my "Gold" membership (it runs thru 9/30) and did the "delete profile" thing. It's still there, for now and it's been nearly three weeks.
I don't mind staying -- if I'm welcome -- but the situation is only getting worse from the standpoint of erratic and slow page loads here. 20 seconds is the shortest lately, and some have taken nearly four minutes. When they don't come up with errors, that is.
I wish there were something I could do. I really don't want to leave the friends I've made.
--Sephie
Leaving This Dump
September 8th, 2009 11:23 am MDT
It's been going on just too long.
For some reason, this site does not like me. Pages take ages to load (sometimes over 3 minutes by the URNA clock), I usually can't access many of the profiles, and all I get from the support group is "We can't duplicate the problem here." And, I've been PAYING for this BS.
I'll miss many of the friends I've made here. but so be it -- Most know where to find me.
Take care all --
Sephie
Moon And Stars
May 12th, 2008 7:51 pm MDT
(Note to my Dear Readers: This is a re-posting of a blog entry I wrote on my Yahoo! 360 page back in January. My situation has improved somewhat from what I describe in it, but it still seems relevant and I felt it warranted re-posting here.)
Dealing with
frustration is difficult even for the best of us, I'm given to think. The
particular difficulty I'm facing now is keeping my current frustration from
degenerating into a relationship-destroying resentment.
Among
crossdressers I'm among the (apparently) fairly small fraction whose spouses
accept and encourage their femme proclivities. This is to say, my wife
understands that I am transgendered, that this is an undeniable part of
me and that my need to express this part of myself is, in every literal sense,
essential to my well-being.
For this good fortune I feel
blessed, in spite of my not being a particularly spiritual person.
So
what's the problem?
Well, there are certain compromises, some explicit
and some tacit, that limit my full self-expression. I won't bore anyone with the
nature of some of these limitations since they may seem trivial and I don't want
to put myself in the position of defending why they are important to my
spouse. Let it suffice that I had been content to live within those boundaries
for the first couple of years since my coming out to her, but naturally I'm
realizing there's more to my transgendered self than this; there are aspects I
hadn't previously considered or even suspected that I'm now longing to explore.
Becoming prominent among these is my increasing desire to form face-to-face
friendships with other girls -- mainly locally but also in other parts of the
country -- whose attitudes are well outside those of the rather conservative
bunch whose acquaintences I've made through my association with an
equally-conservative TG organization.
(Not to put a name to that organization, I can only say that its focus is on a rather narrow part of the alternative-gender-expression spectrum.)
I have to temper my longings
by remembering I owe my spouse an enormous debt of gratitude for being willing
to accept who I am. She is amazingly supportive and I recognize that further
exploration on my part could too easily lead me to betray the support she has
thus far given and from that, it follows, of the genuine love she and I have for
each other. As the song goes, "Don't go messin' with a good thing."
Compromises will likely remain necessary, and some limits may have to
remain in place indefinitely. So I will endeavor to exercise restraint (albeit
not the "fun" kind). To paraphrase the last line from a classic film from the
1940's, I can't ask for the moon -- but I already have the stars.
Good-Bye, URNA Ratings!
November 4th, 2007 8:15 pm MST
Well friends, my previous journal entry is moot. I kind of enjoyed the ratings system in spite of the beginning-of-October dip that I wrote about last month. If nothing else, seeing my rating tick up or down was an indication that people were stopping by to visit, even if they didn't care to leave a comment.
If you haven't read URNA's rationale for discontinuing the ratings, take a look. I have to applaud the management of URNA for taking a thoughtful stand on the subject and for acting on it. To me it indicates sensitivity to the needs of the TG community as a whole.
As usual: All my best,
Sephie
Ratings Reality Sets In
October 2nd, 2007 5:02 pm MDT
Ok, now please bear with me everyone. This is not going to be a whiny, "oh poor me" journal entry, nor is it any kind of pathetic plea for affirmation. Facing certain realities can be difficult but I'm going to be a brave gurl and put my own best spin on things.
I do know that the ratings system is not everyone's favorite feature of the URNA site. I suppose I have a better understanding now of this opinion. Two short days ago, on September 30th, I was just as happy as I could be with my "high nines" rating. Then October 1st rolled around and everyone's rating was reset to zero. Now, "zero" is perfectly fine if no one has voted! Well, I logged in yesterday and found beneath my main profile picture:
"Rated 6 With 1 Votes"
Whoa! What happened?
Then I put things in perspective.
This was someone, I can only suppose, who was leaving what they believed was an honest opinion based on their personal set of standards. I have no right to assume that my appearance is something that everyone should just rave about. Far from it.
On the other hand, no one -- not a single person -- has ever actually said anything unflattering; neither in my comments section, nor as a journal entry reply, nor in the chatroom, nor by e-mail. On the contary; I have received the most wonderful and encouraging messages I could ever hope for. And in this process I think I have made some true friends.
So -- I'm just going to leave my ratings on and hope for improvement (and as I write this, some kind soul has voted and raised my average to "8". At least 80% is a "passing grade," so to speak!). If they don't improve that much, so be it: The comments I receive are what will matter to me.
And I will continue to be supportive and encouraging to my friends. Who, to me, will always be tens.
Hugs to all,
Sephie
Some photos
August 31st, 2007 4:24 pm MDT
OK -- each of us is probably our own worst critic. I decided I'm willing to put that assertion to the test by adding some pics to my profile page. I hope I'm right! It's intimidating, though -- there are just sooooo many gurls on URNA who are -- by any standard -- complete knockouts, a few of whom have graciously consented to let me add them to my friends list and some of them have been willing to call me a friend (for this I am truly flattered and honored). But me -- Well, I started late, I don't have the most feminine of faces or figures, and I'm honor-bound to the love of my life to retain a substantial portion of my body hair (So don't be expecting cheesecake pics!). Which all is the long way of saying, here's more of me; examples that I'm not terribly ashamed of and which reveal a little more of my autogynophiliac character (if nothing else!). All for now -- Take care, girlfriends! Hugs, Sephie
