URNotAlone

So it occurs to me...

November 8th, 2007 12:55 am MST

I am sitting here, trying to stay on top of all of the day to day junk and particularly the technology (email, blogs, webpages and of course the awesome tips and tricks sites) between my drab self and my Mikki self... then I just wonder - How the hell does anyone keep it all together??I am not trying to whine, break down and cry (I hate when my mascara runs)... but seriously.  It's bad enough these days to have a life as ONE person - emotionally, time-wise and of course economically (besides, girls are a lot more expensive than boys!!), but as a split between two "selves", it's just a mess; perhaps what I am feeling is a "spiral" if you can call it that.  Oh, no... I am not on hormones b4 anyone asks and tells me to check with my endocrinologist ;-)However, perhaps psyche has something to do with it.  What I mean is, since my dressing and getting out more has became more stronger (the urge, passion, obsession perhaps), there are all of these competitions for the aspects above (time is really the worst of it all).  It's just friggin crazee!  However, it's ironic how a good getting dolled up and pretty can calm nerves and make you feel so... so... frivilous? alive? hell, I dunno, maybe it is just the escape!?  Maybe it is like when we were kids and we used to play superheros, cops, robbers, dressup, house... all of those "fantasy" things?  The shitty thing is when you get done, there is this incredible "low" when you gotta get back into boy mode.  Hell, it's like all of that effort, shaving, tweezing, coverup, makeup, wigstyling, trying not to sweat... then roughly 8-10 hours of "fun".  Don't get me wrong, I love it... I do and wish I could do it more, considering things to make it easier (electrolysis, lazer... maybe hormones... someday if it comes to leaning more towards taking the leap), but wow!Well, enough ranting (yawn)... for now!ciaoXO Mikki