URNotAlone

does everybody else sometimes feel this way?

June 1st, 2008 10:17 am MST

I really wish, sometimes that I wanted to be a 24/7 girly girl.  If I really wanted it, I know I would do it.  And I think I'd be good at it.   The problem is that sometimes I don't feel girly.  Sue's brother comes in and takes the reins for a while.  This isn't just something I do to "get by" or hide behind.  It's the way I feel at the moment and therein lies the headache.  At arbitrary times, i feel masculine, and, when I do,  Sue takes a nap for a while.  There's really no internal conflict.  Both sides coexist peacefully and together form my personality.   The problem is that I can't ever foretell how I'll feel in an hour, or even in five minutes.  Right now I'm traveling and I asked some local girls where to go and they were so nice and supportive.  I got everything ready, even mapquested all the directions. But when it came time to dress I wasn't in the mood to be Suezie.  I wasn't afraid or embarassed.  I was just disinterested.  That sucks I think because I know I would've had so much fun.  I also feel like I let my sisters down a little by not going out to meet them.  But I'm not going to force myself to be a girl.  I'm a girl when I am and I'm not when I'm not.  Because of this Im a totally natural girl when Im a girl because I AM a girl and not a guy pretending to be girl.  I dont want to change this.  I dress when it's natural for me.  I just wish I could get the two parts of me to agree on some sort of time share :)  <sigh> ME ME ME can you tell I'm very girlie at the moment?  I apologize for this rant but I thought getting it all out might ease the frustration I feel when things like this happen.  Thank you all for listening.  Sue out <giggle> :)