Alicia Cynthia Smythe
" transitioning and marrying"
Journal Entries for Alicia Cynthia Smythe
I'm shopping for my wedding gown!
October 29th, 2008 7:34 am MDT
Wow! The Great Goddess continues to bless me, Alicia Cynthia, Her undeserving servant, in wonderful surprising ways. I am engaged to be married!!! A beautiful man whom I have known for years has unexpectedly proposed to me, and I have accepted. We plan to be married as soon as possible after my SRS, which is now scheduled for September 2009. A classic case of friendship blossoming into love... Scott has known me as both Al and Alicia, and he has stuck with me through all of my dark, lost times. He has proven himself to be a real friend, and I have complete faith that he will be a loving husband. He's a lovely man in his fifties and, like me, never married. We are both incredibly excited, to say the least! We also plan to adopt a child, so we will be the perfect little American family... and I will be both a wife and a mother! Within about a year, I shall be Mrs Alicia C. Stevens! But of course the best part is this: now I get to shop for my wedding gown!!! Praise be to the Goddess and to the power of Love to conquer all problems! I am sooo very very happy... FINALLY! ~ Alicia Cynthia ~ :)
The USA has been replaced by the USSA
October 20th, 2008 2:09 pm MDT
The USA is dead. It was a country in which people once believed in individual freedom, personal responsibility, limited government, and free enterprise. It was a unique, special country – the only one ever founded upon the principles of limited government. The USA has been replaced by the USSA – the United Socialist States of America. This is a country in which people now believe in slavery to Big Brother, personal irresponsibility, life-long dependence on government, and business nationalization and collectivism. It is just another third-rate socialist state, like so many others in the UN. It should be obvious to everyone that the USA is dead. After all, if the principles of a constitution are routinely ignored, how can the country founded on that constitution be said to exist? I no longer have a country to call my own. All I have is a government that I am a subject of – a government that confiscates my hard-earned money at the virtual point of a gun and then redistributes my money to its most-favored political minions. The USA has been on the decline-and-fall path since FDR made it fashionable to ignore the Constitution. Bush put the USA in her coffin with his dramatically expansive government and these recent “bailout” power grabs. Obama will surely hammer the final nails in her coffin and bury her forever. But “the people” must also share much of the blame for her death… There is something seriously pathologic about a people who are so willing and eager to put an anti-American Marxist terrorist-sympathizer with a Messianic complex into power. These people are fanatical followers of the Cult of Obama, like other deluded people who were once willing slaves to Stalin, Hitler, Mao, and Castro. Obama will turn this country into a strange and sick concoction of Cuba-France-Kenya-Venezuela, and the people will be enraptured and eternally grateful to their Master! I am now a woman without a country, because the USA that I grew up in and that I once loved is as dead as an eagle that has forgotten how to fly. But I do LOVE SARAH PALIN! She is my new role model as a REAL WOMAN: Strong, smart, sexy, and conservative!!! Alicia C. Smythe I'm a conservative libertarian lady surviving in the USSA October 2008
* chronology of my evolving TG life *
August 26th, 2008 5:26 am MDT
1960 – born with male body, female soul 1970 – first realize that I want to be a girl early 1970s – begin crossdressing late 1970s to mid 1980's – femme feelings seemingly disappear; feeling mostly male and dating lots of women late 1980s – femme feelings return; begin occasional crossdressing again 1990s – living on my own; collecting, wearing (and purging) lots of female clothes; very confused 2003 – begin more "serious" crossdressing, trying to perfect my femme look; start photographing myself; join online TG community; start going out as a woman by myself "in secret" 2006 – begin to realize that my crossdressing is really a sign of my transsexuality; my urges to be female become very strong; my sexual orientation begins to change, as I have my first sexual relations with men (and really enjoy them) 2007 – begin professional therapy; begin going out openly in public and socializing as a woman; get severely beat up by cops one night in September as I leave a gay bar dressed as a woman; confused again! 2008 – after much confusion and mental turmoil (and spiritual searching), I decide to finally and fully transition from male to female; begin female hormones and voice therapy; compile an amazing wardrobe and live increasingly openly as a woman 2009 – plan to continue my transition procedures and have sex change surgery (and hoping for eventual marriage and motherhood)… all my dreams will finally come true, Goddess willing! ~ what a wonderful, surprising, and blessed journey life is ~ * Alicia Cynthia *
My 3 goals: transition, husband, Goddess
August 21st, 2008 4:29 am MDT
Over the next several months, I will be focused on achieving my three main goals: 1. I'll be completing my male-to-female transition, including the final surgery. My body will soon be female, to match my mind and soul! 2. I hope to find the man of my dreams... a sweet, good-hearted, intelligent boyfriend who will want to be my husband after my transition. I long to be a loving wife and (after adoption of a child) a loving mother. (Interested men... you know where to e-mail me!) 3. I will improve my psychological well-being and my spiritual richness. I want to develop a much closer and deeper relationship as a woman with my creator and sustainer... the Great Goddess! * love laughter light * ~ Alicia Cynthia ~
~ the MOON is FULL ~
August 15th, 2008 10:38 pm MDT
The Moon is full. Feminine power is strong. I feel the Goddess within me. I hear Her beautiful song... She sings that I am a woman, I have a female soul, I need to let my spirit fly, to my heavenly feminine goal. The Moon is full. Feminine power is strong. I am Alicia, a Woman. I am Her beautiful song. ~ I LOVE YOU ALL, Alicia Cynthia ~
Am I MENTALLY ILL?
August 11th, 2008 6:26 am MDT
Am I mentally ill? Are we all mentally ill? What if transgenderism (including crossdressing, transvestitism, transsexuality, and all of the often associated compulsions and addictions) is actually a mental illness??? Perhaps the experts are wrong when they say it is just a gender condition or a lifestyle... Perhaps there truly is a CURE for all this - if one looks long and hard enough! A way to just be a regular man??? -A
PATHOLOGIC PITFALLS of Transgenderism
August 5th, 2008 7:38 am MDT
As the one-year anniversary of my getting beat up by cops because I was dressed like a woman approaches (September), I find myself once again reevaluating my life. And I find that I am still falling prey to what I call the “pathologic pitfalls of transgenderism” – unhealthy, sick habits related to my transgender feelings. Some of these unhealthy habits are on display in a few recent postings that I’ve made on URNA... In particular, my sicknesses/weaknesses are an obsession with sex and an addiction to alcohol, both of which are fueled by my online participation in the transgender community. I am now in the midst of a full male-to-female transition in the real world – and I will most likely be getting sex change surgery next year. I want to begin my female life on the right (high-heeled) foot. Thus, to help me conquer my weaknesses, I will, once again, be taking a “leave of absence” from URNA – though my profile will remain active. I need to concentrate on a successful transition to my female life and participation in the real world as a real woman. I also need to focus better on my work and on my family and on my continued spiritual development (as well as on finding “Mr. Right”). I thank the Goddess for my womanhood, and I want to do the right thing…. I want to be a good girl and to make Her proud of me. And I need to remember the simple truths that my parents taught me. I will always love my mom and dad! So I wish you all peace, and I’ll be back in touch at a later date, when I have gotten my female life more in order. ~ BLESSINGS, ALICIA CYNTHIA ~ :)
* Barbie and Bratz *
August 3rd, 2008 12:22 pm MDT
I love playing with Barbie and Bratz (especially Cloe) dolls! They are such perfect representations of sexy femininity.... OH, if I could only be a 16-year-old girl today!!! That's got to be the most perfect time of life...when everything is still possible and when you are so young, innocent, pretty, and desired by so many men! As my life stands today, I will have to settle (after my upcoming sex change surgery) for being a not-so-bad-looking middle-aged woman in the real world. But I still enjoy fantasizing about being a young sexy fashion model and looking like BARBIE and BRATZ-CLOE! Such FUN! FUN!! FUN!!! I LOVE BEING A GIRLIE GIRL!!!! ~ ALICIA CYNTHIA ~ ;)
* I am finally transitioning *
July 10th, 2008 1:19 pm MDT
Well, I never thought it would come to this... But, as many people have told me over the years, the femme feelings do indeed grow stronger with age. I simply cannot fight them anymore! I have finally begun my true transition from male to female. I have been taking hormones and undergoing voice therapy for the past month. Next, will be electrolysis... Then, surgery... Alas, it is my destiny, Goddess willing. I have purchased a wonderful new wardrobe in anticipation of my sex change, and I am actively and often going out in public as Alicia. And, most importantly and difficultly, I am breaking the news to family, friends, and business colleagues. Although I previously thought transitioning was not for me, I was wrong. I AM A WOMAN, AND I SHALL LIVE AS A WOMAN! I AM FINALLY GOING TO BE SET FREE!!! Praise the Goddess for finally opening my eyes, heart, and soul to this glorious reality! ~ I am Alicia Cynthia ~
* My Goddesses *
February 24th, 2008 11:47 am MST
I know that Venus - the Goddess of Love and Beauty - dwells inside of me. She is the Great Goddess - the sustainer of my femininity and sexuality and my very Life Force. She is the Eternal Sacred Feminine... connecting me with the First Woman on Earth and all other women who have ever lived, breathed, and loved on our planet. Venus gives me my wisdom and my emotions, and She makes me whole. She is my dark and my light, my moon and my sun, my young and my old, my life and my death... My connection with Venus is bonded by unconditional love, and it will last forever... even after my rich spirit leaves my poor body and is finally set free to fly throughout the Infinite Feminine of the Cosmos! My personal goddess archetype is Rhiannon, the Moon Goddess of Endurance, Inspiration, and Dreams. Rhiannon is my always-present inner guide, influencing how I behave, how I think and feel, and how I relate to others. As I come to know my inner Rhiannon better, I hope to increasingly understand and accept myself as the unique goddess I was born to be and to achieve ever greater and more profound personal fulfillment as a woman. The Sacred Feminine gives meaning to my life and to my transsexuality. It tells me that I am well, I am at peace, I am a real woman, I am gloriously divine.... And I am Forever! * Alicia Cynthia *
The Feminine Ideal and Sacred Feminine
February 24th, 2008 11:45 am MST
I am far from the perfect representation of femininity. I bear the physical scars of my genetic maleness - scars that grow deeper as the years go by. Yet, in my heart, mind, and soul, I hold and possess the Feminine Ideal and the Sacred Feminine. I value these gifts more than gold - and they pulse with life and grow brighter and more vibrant with each passing day. My visions of the Feminine Ideal and the Sacred Feminine shall keep me strong and sane, and they shall save me from the decadence and corruption of the world. In modern American society, I see true femininity on the decline, while what passes for womanhood is resembling masculinity more and more in its crudeness, coarseness, and aggression. I find myself surrounded by violations of my cherished ideals of femininity and what it means to be a woman and a lady. How distressing! I feel compelled to counter this downward spiral by promoting my own Feminine Ideal of beauty, gentleness, grace, and love! Real femininity can be the most powerful force for good in the world, if it is sincerely valued and used properly. And there can be no greater blessings for the world than genuine femininity, womanliness, beauty, grace, kindness, and caring – these are the blessings that come with being a true lady with a pure female soul! * Alicia Cynthia *
* Election Reflections *
February 13th, 2008 6:28 am MST
I don't know about the rest of you, but I am sooo sick of these U.S. elections! No matter who gets in, they're just going to balloon the size of the government more, and increase their own power while decreasing the personal freedoms of the rest of us. If any of you think that Saint Barak is going to be your salvation, I have news for you…. I'm from Chicago, and I know that he is just another smooth-talking Chicago crook. Of course, as a transwoman, I am instinctively drawn to support Hillary because she is the girl in the running. Unfortunately, she is also a socialist, so that makes her quite unattractive in my book. The only candidate I really like is Ron Paul, the libertarian Republican. (I voted for him in the Illinois primary.) Libertarians are the only people left who believe in maximizing individual freedom and minimizing government interference in your life…. But he has as much of a chance of winning as I do! Thus, I am left with no good options for president, which just reinforces my belief that one should not look to government or politicians for hope or inspiration. I find my inspiration in music, art, spirituality, and Nature. That's also where I find my sense of freedom when the world is bearing down upon my shoulders. LOVE TO ALL! ~ Alicia Cynthia ~
Regarding my photo gallery
November 29th, 2007 12:39 pm MST
In my profile, you can see a gallery of 20 of my favorites pictures of myself. (There are more pictures on my Web site, which is usually down by the middle of each month due to high traffic exceeding its bandwidth.) These pics, some of which date back to 2003, have previously been online under a variety of names, including Alicia Cynthia Smythe, Xalicia Xadara, Amanda Sweet, and Linda Juliette (all names I used before settling on Alicia). I am no longer focusing my feminine energies on dressing. Instead, I am much more interested in developing my inner femininity and my womanly spiritual values. I derive much more satisfaction from that (and, in this cruel world, it is certainly a lot safer). Thus, these pictures will likely be the last you see of me. But Alicia will continue to grow and become stronger inside of me, thank the Goddess! * I may have to be Al on the outside, but I will always be Alicia on the inside * ~ LOVE, PEACE, KINDNESS, GENTLENESS, UNDERSTANDING, AND FEMININITY FOREVER ~
Pandemic of Police Brutality
November 25th, 2007 11:55 am MST
Hello all. I've recently returned to URNA to help spread a message that may be useful for many members. As I mention in my new profile, I was beat up pretty badly by some Nazi-like cops one night in September while I was out in my femme attire. (As they were pummeling my body black and blue and bloody, they informed me, "Just because you're dressed like a bitch doesn't mean we have to treat you like one!") Yes, it can still be a VERY dangerous world out there for people like us, and we need to be very careful, especially when it comes to those who are supposed to "serve and protect" and other male thuggish elements. I am beginning to heal in both mind and body, thank the Goddess, but some "scars" will surely remain with me the rest of my life. As a result of my frightening experience, police brutality has become one of my BIG concerns. I thought some URNA members might be interested in a recent article on this topic by Paul Craig Roberts, the text of which I have included below. This article was originally published in September 2007 by Creators Syndicate, and can be seen on the LewRockwell.com Web site at: http://www.lewrockwell.com/roberts/roberts224.html America’s Police Brutality Pandemic by Paul Craig Roberts
 Bush’s "war on terror" quickly became Bush’s war on Iraqi civilians. So far over one million Iraqi civilians have lost their lives because of Bush’s invasion, and four million have been displaced. Iraq’s infrastructure is in ruins. Disease is rampart. Normal life has disappeared. Self-righteous Americans justify these monstrous crimes as necessary to ensure their own safety from terrorist attack. Yet, Americans are in far greater danger from their own police forces than they are from foreign terrorists. Ironically, Bush’s "war on terror" has made Americans less safe at home by diminishing US civil liberty and turning an epidemic of US police brutality into a pandemic. The only terrorist most Americans will ever encounter is a policeman with a badge, nightstick, mace and Taser. A Google search for "police brutality videos" turns up 2,210,000 entries. Some entries are foreign and some are probably duplications, but the number is so large that a person could do nothing but watch police brutality videos for the rest of his life. A search on "You Tube" alone turned up 2,280 police brutality videos. PrisonPlanet has a selection of the most outrageous recent cases. Police brutality has crossed the line from using excessive force against a resisting Rodney King to unprovoked gratuitous violence against persons offering no resistance, such as the elderly, women, students, and elected officials. Americans are not safe anywhere from police. Police attack Americans in university libraries, in public meetings, and in their own homes. Last week we had the case of the University of Florida student who was repeatedly Tasered without cause for asking Senator Kerry some good questions in the question and answer period following Kerry’s speech. Two days after the Florida student was gratuitously brutalized, Senate Republicans defeated Vermont Democrat Patrick Leahy’s bill to restore habeas corpus protection. A UCLA student was Tasered by police without cause for studying in the university library without having his student ID on his person. Following police orders to leave, the student was walking toward the door when police grabbed him and repeatedly Tasered him. On September 19, 2007 a young woman was repeatedly Tasered without cause by a large brutal cop in a parking lot outside a night club in Warren Ohio. On September 14, 2007, Roseland, Indiana, city council member David Snyder was ejected from a council meeting by dictatorial council chairman Charlie Shields. Snyder had protested being limited to one minute to speak. Police goon Jack Tiller escorted Snyder out, and as Snyder exited the building, Tiller, following behind, pushed Snyder to the ground and without cause began beating Snyder in the head with a nightstick. Snyder was hospitalized. Local TV news stations throughout the US offer an endless stream of police brutality videos, which are then posted on the stations’ web sites, often with an opportunity for citizens to express their opinion of the incidents. There are many disturbing aspects to police brutality cases. One disturbing aspect is that the police always arrest the people that they have gratuitously brutalized. There was no justification whatsoever to arrest councilman Snyder, or the UCLA student, or the University of Florida student. The cops committed assault against innocent citizens. The cops should have been arrested for their criminal acts. Instead, the cops cover up their own crimes by arresting their victims on false charges that are invented to justify the unprovoked police violence against citizens. Another disturbing aspect is that no one tells the police to stop the brutality. "Free" Americans are so intimidated by police that on February 19 of this year male customers in a Chicago bar stood aside while a drunk cop weighing 251 pounds beat a 115 pound barmaid, knocking her to the floor with his fists and repeatedly kicking her, for obeying the bar rules and not serving him more drinks. Yet another disturbing aspect is that a minority of citizens will justify each act of police brutality no matter how brutal and how unprovoked. For example, WNDU.com’s poll of its viewers found that 64.2% agreed that Snyder was a victim of police brutality, but 27.8% thought that Snyder got what was coming to him. "Law and order conservatives" and other authoritarian personalities invariably defend acts of police brutality. Perhaps the police brutality pandemic will bring the day when we will be able to say that a civil libertarian is a law and order conservative who has been brutalized by police. The most disturbing aspect is that the police usually get away with it. I remember decades ago when civil libertarians in New York City tried to stop police brutality by establishing civilian review boards to introduce some accountability into the police’s interaction with civilians. Law and order conservatives at William F. Buckley’s National Review went berserk. Accountability was "second-guessing" the police. The result would be a crime wave. And so on. Police forces have always attracted bullies with authoritative personalities who desire to beat senseless anyone who does not quake in their presence. In the past police could get away with brutalizing blacks but not whites. Today white citizens are as likely as racial minorities to be victims of police brutality. The police are supreme. The militarization of the police, armed now with military weapons and trained to view the general public as the enemy, against whom "pain compliance" must be used, has placed every American at risk of personal injury and false arrest from our "public protectors." In "free and democratic America," citizens are in such great danger from police that there are websites devoted to police brutality with online forms to report the brutality. Nine years ago Human Rights Watch published a report entitled, "Shielded from Justice: Police Brutality and Accountability in the United States." The report stated: "Police abuse remains one of the most serious and divisive human rights violations in the United States. The excessive use of force by police officers, including unjustified shootings, severe beatings, fatal chokings, and rough treatment, persists because overwhelming barriers to accountability make it possible for officers who commit human rights violations to escape due punishment and often to repeat their offenses. Police or public officials greet each new report of brutality with denials or explain that the act was an aberration, while the administrative and criminal systems that should deter these abuses by holding officers accountable instead virtually guarantee them impunity. "This report examines common obstacles to accountability for police abuse in fourteen large cities representing most regions of the nation. The cities examined are: Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, Detroit, Indianapolis, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, New Orleans, New York, Philadelphia, Portland, Providence, San Francisco, and Washington, D.C. Research for this report was conducted over two and a half years, from late 1995 through early 1998. "The brutality cases examined, which are set out in detail in chapters on each city, are similar to cases that continue to emerge in headlines and in survivors' complaints. It is important to note, however, that because it is difficult to obtain case information except where there is public scandal and/or prosecution, this report relies heavily on cases that have reached public attention; disciplinary action and criminal prosecution are even less common than the cases set out below would suggest. There is no way to hold police accountable when the president and vice president of the United States, the attorney general, and the Republican Party maintain that the civil liberties and the separation of powers mandated by the US Constitution must be abandoned in order that the executive branch can keep Americans safe from terrorists. Even before the "war on terror," federal police murdered 100 people in the Branch Davidian compound at Waco, and no one was held accountable. Who is a terrorist? If the police and the US government have the mentality of airport security, they cannot tell a terrorist from an 86-year old Marine general on his way to give a speech at West Point. Retired Marine Corps General Joseph J. Foss was delayed and nearly had his Medal of Honor confiscated. Airport security regarded the pin on the metal as a weapon that the 86-year old Marine general and former governor of South Dakota could use to hijack an airliner and commit a terrorist deed. In America today, every citizen is a potential terrorist in the eyes of the authorities. Airport security makes this clear every minute of every day, as do the FBI and NSA with warrantless spying on our emails, postal mail, telephone calls, and every possible invasion of our privacy. We are all recipients of abuse of our constitutional rights whether or not we suffer beatings, Taserings, and false arrests. The law makes it impossible for Americans to defend themselves from police brutality. Law and order conservatives have made it a felony with a long prison sentence to "assault a police officer." Assaulting a police officer means that if a police thug intends to beat your brains out with his nightstick and you disarm your assailant, you have "assaulted a police officer." If you are not shot on the spot by his backup, you will be convicted by a "law and order" jury and sent to prison. No matter how gratuitous and violent the police brutality, a "free" American citizen can defend himself only at the expense, if not of his life, of a long stay in prison. Osama bin Laden must wish that he had such power over Americans. September 26, 2007 Paul Craig Roberts wrote the Kemp-Roth bill and was Assistant Secretary of the Treasury in the Reagan administration. He was Associate Editor of the Wall Street Journal editorial page and Contributing Editor of National Review. He is author or coauthor of eight books, including The Supply-Side Revolution (Harvard University Press). He has held numerous academic appointments, including the William E. Simon Chair in Political Economy, Center for Strategic and International Studies, Georgetown University and Senior Research Fellow, Hoover Institution, Stanford University. He has contributed to numerous scholarly journals and testified before Congress on 30 occasions. He has been awarded the U.S. Treasury's Meritorious Service Award and the French Legion of Honor. He was a reviewer for the Journal of Political Economy under editor Robert Mundell. He is the co-author of The Tyranny of Good Intentions. He is also coauthor with Karen Araujo of Chile: Dos Visiones – La Era Allende-Pinochet (Santiago: Universidad Andres Bello, 2000). Copyright © 2007 Creators Syndicate As this article by Mr Roberts makes clear, there is a pandemic of police brutality occurring in the United States today, and most of the victims are the vulnerable, including people like us. Thankfully, however, information is power, and the more informed citizens become about this topic, the better we will be able to fight it! Male aggression is the great plague of the world. But female gentleness can be the world's great savior! Love, * Alicia Cynthia Smythe *
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