Alicia Cynthia Smythe
" transitioning and marrying"
Journal Entries for Alicia Cynthia Smythe
Am I MENTALLY ILL?
August 11th, 2008 6:26 am MDT
Am I mentally ill? Are we all mentally ill? What if transgenderism (including crossdressing, transvestitism, transsexuality, and all of the often associated compulsions and addictions) is actually a mental illness??? Perhaps the experts are wrong when they say it is just a gender condition or a lifestyle... Perhaps there truly is a CURE for all this - if one looks long and hard enough! A way to just be a regular man??? -A
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Alicia,
You are far from mentally ill. That is an idea that has no doubt come from the way those that originally came up wiht the tests that they use for gender disphoria viewed things. The problem Ihave always had with the COGATI is that it focusses to much on what we dislike about ourselves and ot enough what we like about who we are. This is certainly not what I would referr to as a lifestyle because that implies that transgender and transexual persons made a concious choice to be the way they are. Now really I do not know about anyone else but I know that I would not just make a concious choice to identify in a group that is ridiculed and looked upon as deviant. It is far from a lifestyle the only choice we have is after coming to the realization that our gender seems to be out of line with our innerself is the choices we make to rectify what we see as wrong. Is there a cure yes there is in the sense that you have options to choose from in making your physical appearance and gender match what your body and brain tell you you are.
I do not look upon my gender identy as a compulsion or addiction nor a mental illness I look upon it as a fact. Your question is very valid and I believe that this exact dilemma and the confusion it casues is what leads so many transgender and transsexual person to be depressed to the point of consideringsuicide as a solution to their problems.
I think the COGATI and othre test that were developed long ago focus too much on whats wrong treating gender identy as diesease that can some how be cured if it is caught soon enough. Just remeber that these tests were developed by persons that saw this as a sickness so in that way they are biased in the sense that there was prejudice inthe minds of those creating the indexes.
Having studied test and measurements in both sociology and ppsychology when I was in college aftrer reading through these test they use can saythat there are amybe 20 or 30 questions that determinewhere you fall on the scale. I have taken this test and scored as androgyenous yet I know after soul searching and much confusion most of my life that while I was born male I feel female.
I am not sure what your hearts desire is and what you ocnsider to be a regualr man but obviously on some level you desire at least to experience and exhibit a feminine side.