URNotAlone

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August 15th, 2011 7:25 am MDT

This weekend was a hard one.  Had to go to a 18 year olds memorial service.  He committed sucide.  Yes, an in a very terible way.  Seems no one cared for him while alive but so many morned his passing.  I was in shock had my fb page on an saw his mom, so ofcourse sent a quick chat.  no anser so went to complete my washer/dryer (now this was midnight) came back to computer at about 12:30 an ther it was (My son commited sucide) ofcourse I wrote Immed. what when how call me I am up an home.  But no answer.  Took couple of days for me to reach someone on fb only cause I lost my voice completly.  Just never sunk in that a young kid who seemed to enjoy life (I thought) could do such a thing.  But have come to realize he had been sorta planning this.  Told persons if he died wanted to be cremated and not to separrate his ashes (parents divorced). He did not go peacefully either it was a terible death.  I think I huged his brother so tightly that he probably thought what is wron with her.  But I did tell him at 1st I thought it was him an did not comprehend right away..he really gave me a good hug then... The service was not what I exxpected thought there would be more love instead of a sermon using his name for people to join there church...So I just sat there an look around at people an remembered this kid growing up an some of his confusion of life.  I myself loved you Ian be a peace now an enjoy your eternal life..