URNotAlone

Someday I'll understand

April 5th, 2008 1:35 pm MDT

Please
before reading this it is not intended for you to feel sorry for me, it
is just something that happened and I learned to move on.

I had
just had taken the evening off, you see I was in the Navy and I finally
recieved shore time off. My ship was refueling and repairing small
things before we were to report back to sea.

I
went to wash clothes at a laundry mat because it was quiet, the temp
outside for October was 80 degrees and it was beautiful to be away from
everyone for a change.
Imagine serving on a ship with 5400 other guys day in and day out, the break was needed.

You
see I kept to myself because of my gender issues, always in my mind but
kept a secret. I was straight young and single, so I dated when we were
in port long enough.

So
here I was washing clothes when another guy shows up to wash clothes,
he was from another ship but was familar, actually he was there picking
up his laundry.
His name was Larry, I remember it like it was yesterday and at the time it was October 1987, I was 24 years old.

Larry
and I began chatting about the navy, where we were from, where we have
been and he said he was finishing up his laundry which he said you want
to party, of course I did, heck I just returned from being at sea for 6
months.

So we waited for my clothes to dry and off we went, I followed with my car to his house and there was a party in full swing.

Cool I thought, girls and guys were everywhere. Larry was the perfect host, bringing me beers when I was through with the one I had.

Now I had been drinking beer(magic word here)some
how or sometime my beer had been spiked with something because I woke
up to find myself being raped by three guys. I was so out of it that I
couldn’t defend myself and passed out again.

I
woke up to find myself on the ground near my clothes and my car, all
bloody and bruised, with semen all over me. I just cried till I had the
strength to get dressed and drive back to the ship, my chest was
scratched and bruised, I had a fat lip and cuts on my face and around
my small breasts bruises that no one ever seen. My bottom was torn and
bloody, I realized I had been raped by three guys.

What
was I going to do?  I first showered, for like ever trying to wash off
the posion that was in me as well as the dirt that I couldn’t get off,
I sat and cried in the shower.

For
many hours I sat and tried to think what had happen, why had this been
done to me? What I could have done to bring this on myself.

I
never reported it, how could I tell the Navy I was raped, how could
this happen to me?  My parents don’t know, I couldn’t share that with
anyone, I’d sit near the ocean and cry because I never intended to
become a rape victim that night. I never knew the humilation I had
experienced that evening, how would I explain to someone I was raped as
a young lady.

I had myself tested for everything, it was a precaution and I wanted to know if ...

I
never washed clothes again off base, I always had someone with me till
the day I left the Navy. I was afraid of it happening again, because I
went back by that house to see where it happen. Larry no longer lived
there, his ship was back out to sea. And he took my virginity with him.

I
never told anyone till many years later, and there were only four
people close enough to know that terrible evening, when I became a rape
victim.

It has been nearly 22 years since that terrible day, I
have learned so much from that experience but I am over the hate
because it is something I can not dwell over. Those men knew what they
were doing but didn’t know it would hurt me more emotionally for years.

I am stronger now in mind and body, and know I will not go somewhere by myself even now as a woman.