URNotAlone

Why we are the way we are

June 26th, 2008 9:28 am MDT

I was watching a show on BBC tonight regarding a beautiful young girl
whom was opposite of myself, she wanted to be a man and she was
prepared to become him at no thought or no costs to which he could find
happiness.
Now why do we do that? It is something that is wrong something terribly programmed in our minds that we are in the wrong body.
I
can honestly say I am not in the wrong body, I share a body which is
both male and female which I have learned to live in. I didn't like it,
I have always said God did me wrong for creating me but I have learned
to accept it.
I do not wish for people to feel sorry for me, why? It
is my problem, and since I was eleven years old, as my world crashed
around me, I learned it was me to guide myself in the right direction.
I kept quiet and stayed hidden which is why I am here now.

That
young lady on BBC, had her breasts removed with complications, 3
surgeries and still have one breast that is now bigger. But she is
fighting for her manly chest and now is talking (SRS) Sex Reassignment
Surgery, which they remove a portion of her forearm in order to build a
penis. Now you tell me, if someone is willing to go through this much
pain and misery then you will have to believe there is something wrong
in the mind that wants to correct what isn't right.

I hear this
all the time, I read about it in other writings, diaries, journals,
blogs of men who have the same problem. It is scary since each of these
people have full lives, they have everything and when they fulfill
their desires everything is gone, vanished but their dreams are
complete.

Suicide plays a key to transition, I like many others
have tried to stop our problem from surfacing by suicide. Taking pills
to help me sleep to die quietly was my answer, but, I failed because I
didn't want to hurt the people around me. Strange how my mind works, I
will suffer to make others happy. So I called an ambulance and let them
know which pills I swallowed so I can live our wonderful life together.
Shauna wanted to live that day, I wanted to bow out, and easy way out.
You can thank Shauna for my being here today.
You see each and
everyone has dealt with this issue and society just thinks we are
perverts. Why? I still love women, whether I have breasts or not, I
will always be with a woman. And many others will be with women, some
may not but many others will. The same goes for female to male, they go
to female because they are male.

Being a transgender isn't the
clothes, the makeup or god knows why the sex. It is the human who has a
gender dysphoria, it is a medical explanation (discontent with the
biological sex they were born with). Many transgender people do not
regard their cross-gender feelings and behaviors as a disorder.
I do
realize that not everyone will be able to understand what is written
here tonight, you can research what I have wrote, or even ask me for an
explanation and I will try to explain so even you may understand.

Yes
were are different than the gay, lesbian and bisexuals. A majority of
the transgender are heterosexuals, but our problem isn't sex it is gender.
So
as I close this tonight, I just would like to say that I thank everyone
for supporting Shauna and I with our 'disorder' and I hope that she has
a wonderful life ahead of her.

SB