URNotAlone

Just a girl

July 25th, 2008 4:47 pm MDT

My emotional side is catching up with me when someone makes comments
and I hurl into a series of crying fits, jeez what is that all about?
Looking at my future as a woman and I am so excited, maybe you don't
know I have lived in both genders and I know how both have the club
advantages.

Males are truly pigs I am sorry for saying that,
no I am not, that gender is a class in itself. The scratching and
tugging, moving their packages to re-adjust oh my god wash your ass
once in awhile or wear baggier clothes to get air in there. The high
five slaps when their team makes the score, come on life can be much
more exciting if you participate in the real sport. Did you happen to
look at your fashion guys, brown and black shoes what total 20
different pair of the same thing then the athletic shoes give me a
break. Put some variety in there won't you, heck no, that would mean
you would have to use some of that brain muscle and that would strain
something. Then the clothes, T-shirts, dress shirts, ties and pants and
the same ole style of suits god where is the different flavors?
Accessories where? What a cap or a watch, once in awhile a gold chain
around a neck submerged in that hairy (yuck) mess. Standing around
talking about how lucky we are getting laid or making the other fellow
feeling bad that he didn't get any because he didn't do it like this or
that and the high five again. Men have a special bonding club, it is so
unique none other is like it. The power they have over women they think
they are better but really they no clue, if it wasn't for the woman
with her knowledge the business would have crumbled long ago. I really
hate to be critical with that but they are like cave men, and I had to
associate with them because I was taught that way. Young boys are
taught to not cry, brush it off stand straight and move on. Don't be a
sissy be a man and so be it that is what is drilled into your head. Put
down that doll, no you can not hang out with the girls you will be
labeled a sissy. Trucks, cars and skinning the knee, no tears your a
man now. I hated that club so much, I didn't care I was a sissy so what
but I could kick your ass if you provoked me enough. I have been in a
whole 3 fights, only because someone wanted to test my abilities I
guess.

Yes men have a club of their own and you have to be
male to be in it, I will be loosing that membership one day oh well too
bad but it never changes so I could tell you about it.

The
club I have always wanted to be in has been in front of my face since I
was born, I am different, I am all girl which I never had a chance to
smile when I received flowers or giggle like the girl I am. This is a
wonderful womanhood that I missed because I was being trained to be a
boy, when I should have been wearing dresses and cute socks, puppy dogs
and kitties oh so cute shopping for whatever sale is going on come on
lets go. I can not say he is cute because I am not that way but you
sure look hot in that you bitch I wanted to wear that. Being a woman
can not be compared to anything out there, it is quite special and my
hormones tell that every minute of everyday. Is my nail polish right
and wait no it is the wrong color for this outfit, off it comes and the
right finish needs to be on and oh look at that bathing suit no way
wrong color it will make me look fat wait can I have that bag instead.
Damn look at all those shoes, yes I am a shoe slut I can not help it so
much variety and my god I don't have enough room well get rid of that
spare bedroom I need the space. No heels darn they kill my calves,
those wedges are beautiful and look what they do to my butt, I got to
get one of each color and style wait does that have a belt to go with
that oh I need a new purse darn It need that scarf too. Oh and the
clothes please don't even get me started, the accessories I need that
spare bedroom made into a walk in closet, I am so happy wait is that a
split end oh my and where did that pimple come from. The plucking of
hair to be so perfectly beautiful just for myself not because I have to
impress anyone wait is that a gray hair time to color it no more gray
please. Get my attention with perfume on display, the clothes I can
shop for hours and hours does this make my ass look big oh how does
this fit crap I need to loose more weight darn I wanted that too.

I
am so emotional lately and also being unemployed sure doesn't help
because it gives me time to myself too much which I really start to see
the imperfections about myself. I once bought a pair of seven inch
heels, what was I thinking back then, I tried oh did I ever try to walk
in them and my tendons from my calves were screaming to get my feet out
of those torture chambers. They sit on my shelf staring at me now, had
to be a man that made that style because no woman is crazy enough to
wear them. The weight I have on my body oh darn brownie I knew better
but oh so delicious couldn't help myself and now I am paying for it
pushups and crunches, running so many miles sweating oh how nasty sweat
everywhere gawd I don't need this now, I want that skirt to fit right
please no more weight.

Can't be wasting time on being a man
anymore, I want to be the woman I am, the bond we have us girls and
knowing what we are having in the emotional need gawd I missed that so
much I guess I was always the girl and never knew it but I loved having
that in me. Time to find a job and get back to saving money, I want my
body to be perfect well almost because it will never be perfect, I sure
can not wait to see myself in that wedding dress just one time.

So
now you have it, the difference between genders. I love being a woman
more than a man for the simple reason I am proud of who I am, I am
stronger than the male species though they thought I was trained to be
something I am not. It is a welcoming feeling when I am in the shower
shaving the sparse peach fuzz on my legs and splashing bath oil on my
body because I want to be soft and pretty. I have been doing this since
I was a boy, and I do cry when I scrap my knee so what that doesn't
make me a sissy, I am just a girl.