Journal Entries for Holly Rebecca Mason
Where are you?
July 29th, 2008 11:19 pm MDT
Im on the lookout for the special someone...and, Im done with the "average guys". Bleh. I need someone more feminine. I need someone who understand me. Someone who will love me despite some of the crazy things I may do or say. This is UrNotAlone..but right now I feel really alone.
So Glad to see you Well
January 31st, 2008 2:00 pm MST
So im doing good.I have a new boyfriend and his name is Chris. Hes really sweetHes not a CD, but we've really hit it off. He came over last satturday, and agan on sunday, anf he's staying over this weeend.We'll have the place to ourselves, so wish me luck!!!
Where I am
January 24th, 2008 5:57 pm MST
Alright so, I didnt get committed, and Im actually doing okay now.I met a new boy, and though hes not a CD, I believe we're going to hit it off.I met him over myspace, but he only lives about 15-20 minutes away and hes coming over to see me tomorrow.I am so excited!!! Really, I am. And so is he.We have a lot in common too..music, movies, fetishes, memories of cartoons from the '90s..everything. Plus hes real cute, and hes still feminine!
Im falling apart
January 16th, 2008 11:08 pm MST
So Ive been seriously thinking about having myself committed.Im no longer stable.Last night I was crying and shaking for hours, and cutting again, and being destructive, and tearing my art down off of the walls..and today I did the same. all day. non stop flowing of my tears.I dont know what to do with myself anymore.Im driving myself crazy and I hate feeling the way I do, 24/7.And apparently you can just call up a hospitol and tell them you need to be committed to the Psych Ward.....but I dont even have any insurance, so I wouldnt even know where to begin about paying for it.And yeah, sure I could probably just show someone my cuts at school but then it would be like Im doing it for attention, and that is not the fucking case.I do want someone to notice though, just so I dont have to worry about things...so someone else will be to blame for getting me put away where I so desperatly feel I belong right now.I wish someone who knows me would just blab on me about being a suicidal psychopath.Things cant get any worse.
A New Beginning?
January 6th, 2008 6:00 pm MST
So, towards the end of 2007, Ive had a bunch of realizations about myself.I no longer am interested in guys, nor girls. I want someone who is in between.That is so hard to find! Especially at my age, in my area.Im 18, graduating high school this year, and I live in a not-so-populated area of Pennsylvania; but I suppose its better than living in Lascaster or some other super duper conservative place..This is all Khrys's fault!Khrys, or Khrystophelia, is my ex and he is a CD.Everything between us was so perfect...but, he never got to experience really being a teenager and wants to make up for it now; he wants to explore his options..date other girls.This sucks for me, because in my whole history of dating, all I have ever wanted was to find someone to spend the rest of my life with.Thats all I really want.So now; where the hell am I going to find a CD/TV in West Chester Pennsylvania thats around my own age? Besides my ex...there isnt anyone here.And I cant exactly travel right now because I am still in high school and Im currently unemployed.I just want to be happy again..
