URNotAlone

Time to Update

August 18th, 2009 7:55 am MDT

Its been a very long time since I have wanted to log in to this site and I guess I should post some kind of update. Sorry to those who know me, with all the BS at home I have just not felt up to being here. Now I am trying to just get back on my feet and live for myself.

Some things are better in the past 2yrs some things are just the same if not worse.  Part of the root of the issues were that my husband has ptsd from his military service.  We have started to see a counselor but were told its a long process that can take 1-2years to even see improvement at home. Also this is NOT a counselor we can be totally honest about "all" the issues.  Anyway, in the last year he has refused to dress around me, I have even resorted to begging which I dont do anymore.  I got tired of begging for attn from my own spouse, got tired of begging him to dress.  I have even told him hes throwing away a great thing, that he has no clue how lucky he is to have me supporting him.  His internet pay sites are a thing of the past, but he still goes and looks up stuff online thats free that I dont agree with.  Not that I have a problem with him doing that its just that hes doing that INSTEAD of spending ANY time with me.  e just doesnt seem to care anymore. Any chance he gets it seems hes off to the internet and ignoring me. We have not done anything together in months and months.  I have even tried buying him new clothes and that doesnt work.   I have tried everything that I can do, even offered him a civil divorce if he wants out.  But, he keeps promising me that he still loves me and wants only me, but his actions show otherwise.  All he seems to do is work, sleep and spend time online if hes home.  He has not touched me in 7 months, hes always "tired".  I told him if he doesnt want to give me attn ill find someone who will and he was all for that, but what he doesnt get is I married him and just want that attn from HIM!!!   I will give him some credit though, he has gone every week for 3 months now to counseling and in the past 2 weeks there is minor improvements at home but not much.  Until I see improvements for more than a short time period I cant honestly believe that he means it. I do still support his dressing.  I honestly wish he would dress for me, I prefer my "gf" anyday, although only if im treated right because I believe i deserve much better.  I deserve attention and appreciation!

Well its time to get me back on track and stop letting him drag me behind.  I made a major life change in June.   I finally went thru with the Gastric Bypass Surgery.  To date I have lost 48 lbs and already starting to feel better about myself.  I have taken up quilting to pass my time and have started looking for new friends.