Adamtitoijava
"Seeking knowledge."
Journal Entries for Adamtitoijava
First time nerves
August 26th, 2008 2:49 pm MDT
I'm going to a therapy session for the very first time. I'm alittle worried that... well, I don't know what I'm worried about really. I'm a man, I know that, and nothing anyone can say or do will change that. But I have this nagging in the back of my mind that if I say the wrong thing that I'll never get to transition. It's stupid, it makes no sense. It's annoying. On the good side, Mom's new doctor might have found us a cure! Mom might live 6 more years or so! Also I started school back up this week too, more cooking classes. I missed it really. In the kitchen, no one caes about the detail of every one else, they just work together and get shit done. Though I do wish the school would let me put my boy name on the chef acket or at least just my initials. Adam and Amanda both start with A so why not?
Things do get better...
August 15th, 2008 4:17 pm MDT
Dad is not talking about my gender but he's gone back to the knocking on my bedroom door and asking if I want to go help him in the garage. He's starting to except it at least alittle bit. Mom has made a nod toward me being out in the open and is trying very hard. My Aunt has started refering to me as a guy and no one's blinking anymore when I do. The girlfriend is over her rough patch and I'm a new member of TENT which was once TACT. School's about to come back. I'm there, so fricken ready. College is hard but I love it. There ARE people that make it rough there but now other people get pissed off when I'm picked on. I don't NEED there to be others to stand up for me but I don't feel like I'm alone in a sea of sharks anymore. Makes the world better. I nod my head in thanks to Rachel, Scales, Bonnie, Joey, and my girl. Thanks you guys. My birthday is on the 8th of september. When the hell did that happen? 19...shit. Things do get better. cool
I don't know where I stand here
July 3rd, 2008 8:04 pm MDT
Things seem to have gone back to normal here, but it has that weird underlying stiffing quiet. My parents seem to be treating things with a mild neglect. If we don't talk about it, it will go away kind of thing. I'm not sure where I stand. It seems worse than before, because it's still almost hidden except they know and hate it. My girlfriend's support is still there but it is fading in light of her bitchyness. I'm ready for this summer to be over.
I have entered hell.
June 15th, 2008 12:11 pm MDT
I just told my parents. It sucked something awful. Dad won't talk to me. Ma is being quiet. My Aunt took it well. My girl has know for a while, she's the only one that's really been on my side. I think my Ma's trying. Dad, I'm not so sure. Happy Fuckin Fathers Day.
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