Rachel L Williams
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© 1995-2008 URNotAlone.com, All Rights Reserved. All items © Copyright by their respective owners, used here with their consent.
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Untitled Post
Sherryutah October 4th, 2008 3:20 pm MDThttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-DPV-vswIM[1 comment]
Untitled Post
Sherryutah October 4th, 2008 3:18 pm MDThttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-DPV-vswIM[Comment on this post]
Life
Erin Wright February 20th, 2008 2:32 am MST"Life is like a box of chocolates". Ain't it the truth. Every day brings new challenges, joys, and dissapointments. But there is always another day and maybe something unique and wonderful will happen.I'm currently trying to balance personal needs with relationship needs and still don't know the result. But each day moves us closer to a resolution that will hopefully satisfy both of us. Just wish this damned cold/virus we both have would go away....it's the pits![Comment on this post]
Surround Yourself with Love
Michele Angelique January 6th, 2008 4:51 pm MSTOnce we think more deeply about the people we interact with, it becomes easier for us to work toward filling our lives with people who help us cultivate healthy and positive relationships. Even though it might not always seem like we have much control over who we are with, we do. The power to step back from toxicity lies within us. All we have to do is take a few moments to reflect on how another person makes you feel. Assessing the people we spend the most time with allows us to see if they add something constructive to, or subtract from, our lives. Should a friend sap our strength, for example, we can simply set the intention to tell them how we feel or simply spend less time with them.
We will find that the moment we are honest with ourselves about our own feelings, the more candid we can be with others about how they make us feel. While this may involve some drastic changes to our social life it can bring about a personal transformation that will truly empower us, since the decision to live our truth will infuse our lives with greater happiness.
When we surround ourselves with positive people, we clear away the negativity that exists around us and create more room to welcome nurturing energy. Doing this not only enriches our lives but also envelopes us in a supportive and healing space that fosters greater growth, understanding, and love of ourselves as well as those we care about.
Much love and happy 2008,
Michele Angelique
[1 comment]
My dream date
Ashley Lynn Mays December 28th, 2007 1:02 am MSTYes he was tall he had brown hair and brown eyeswe went to Nfalls for day luvely dinner and I won at the casino, he didnt.The falls change colour and I melted.I was so happy Thisi s what its all about happiness huggzzs---ashley[Comment on this post]
Smooth Hairless Legs, Painted Toenails, Sexy Panties.... What's next?
Kaitlyn Alexis December 21st, 2007 10:04 am MST December has been a crazy month for me. I hardly know where to begin. My feminine side has been very strong lately. I guess its safe to say that because of that I have been pushing the boundaries a bit with expressing my femininity. I have always had pierced ears, and wear earrings from time to time. I have been tweezing and slightly shaping my eyebrows for years but now I have been painting my toenails and keeping them pretty. Of course since its long pant weather, I have been staying shaved and smooth including my legs, my privates and my under arms. I have also been trimming my arm hair to a very short length. On top of all of that I have begun wearing panties almost every day. Needless to say, all of this has really thrown my wife for a loop. I’ll get to more about that later. At some point this month my wife suggested a visit to friends of ours who live a few hours away. I was all for it. Then she brought up the fact that they have a Jacuzzi, and she couldn't wait for us to use it. I had to remind her that I have smooth hairless legs and painted toenails (I know that I could simply remove the nail polish, but the hair on my legs would never grow back fast enough, besides I really don't want to remove the polish or let my leg hair grow back in.) That would certainly raise a flag. I began to think about this long and hard. I began to get very angry. Why would that make me angry? Well, I have come to accept myself for who I am. I am a tgirl. I am OK with that. I would say that within certain limits my wife is OK with that too. Yet, I have to hide who I really am from loved ones and friends. I really don't want to hide myself, but I am a realist. I know that there are repercussions if I reveal my true self to the world. I began to wonder which, if any of our friends would understand and remain our friends. I decided that it would be a good idea if I joined a local support group. Perhaps it will help to talk about this with others who are in the same situation. So, when during an innocent online chat with my wife, when she suggested that Kaitlyn needed a purse and a cute clutch, I replied yes she did, as she (Kaitlyn) would like to attend a local support group meeting and would need a purse for her things. This really confused her. We thought it best if we continued the discussion in person. In the mean time I continued to search the web for information about acceptance and telling friends. It was during that search that I stumbled on a very interesting web page. I wish I could recall the link as would love to provide it here. The site was a real eye opener. It made me stop and think about things and helped me see things from my wife's point of view. Many points introduced on the site really stuck with me. Some of which follow (paraphrased): If your wife decided to wear a fake beard and mustache would you be accepting of it? How would it make you feel? If your wife decided to stop shaving her legs, would you be accepting of it? How would you feel about it? How is your honest reaction different from the level of acceptance your wife has given you? The site really did provoke quite a bit of soul searching and thought. In addition to the questions I paraphrased above, it dealt with how she was now sharing my "secret" and what it might mean to her if that secret got out. Now, I want to point out, that all of this doesn't change who I am. I still am the gender-gifted individual that I always was. I have no intention of denying that or trying to change that. The only difference is that after much personal reflection and "sorting things out" I am more aware of how my gender expression has an impact on those who I love and care about. What I was failing to realize was that, while I was basking in the glory of expressing my feminine self, I was at the same time, making my very supportive wife wonder what would be next, how far would this all go. I thought it would be a good time to have a glass of wine with my wife and have an honest and intimate discussion about my dressing as well as my desire to attend a support group regularly. So when the time was right, we sat and we talked things over. We first covered my desire to attend a support group meeting. She asked if I felt that I was sick or had a problem. I expressed to her that I was not feeling sick, or that I had a problem. I affirmed that I was comfortable with who I am, and with my gender identity. I explained to her that it was my frustration that I had to hide who I really am and how I like to present myself from the world, and more importantly from our friends. I told her that I would like to be able to make some friends locally that I could talk to for mental support and hopeful to find someone who I can go out to the clubs with. Once she understood, she gave me her blessing on attending the meetings. Now I just need to reach out the group and begin attending the meetings. We continued to speak about my gender expression. She was concerned that I kept moving further and further with expressions of my femininity. Many of the same questions old questions came up again. I chose to answer them with more candor and honesty beyond what I had ever done before. Q: Are you Gay? A: No, I don't think so. I have thought about this very hard for a very long time. In the end the simple fact is that I am not attracted to men. I try to imagine myself with the typical "Hollywood hunks", and it just not something that I am interested in. Q: Are you Bi? A: No, again, I am not attracted to men. I do admit that there is part of dressing that is sexually exciting to me at times. I also have to admit that I am attracted to other like me. I am not sure what that makes me but I am attracted to other tgirls. I also do love the feeling of ....(I had a hard time coming up the right phrase while talking to her, and now as I type this I struggle to find the right words once again)... I do love the feeling of being penetrated and filled by various adult toys. I often wonder what the "real thing" would feel like, but I am turned off by the fact that it would be attached to man. So now that that is all on the table I am not sure how to be classified as far as my sexual preference, but I think that clearly defines my likes and dislikes. Q: Do you want to become a woman? A: No, I don't want to be a woman full time. I don't want to be a man full time either. I wish I could change back and forth at will. But I don't think that’s ever going to happen. I would love to have real breasts, but I wouldn't want to get rid of my "tackle". Of course real breasts would severely limit my male side, so that’s out of the question too. Q: How far is this going to go? A: I really do not know. I wish I could tell you, but I really do not know. The only thing I can say is that I promise to tell you openly and honestly if I grow to want to go further with this, or I desire anything different sexually. We continued to talk for quite a long time, and we covered quite a bit of ground on various other topics as well. In the end I wanted to make sure that any time I do take, as Kaitlyn, would not be creating a negative impact on my family. We agreed that I would discuss any time that I wished to spend en femme prior to doing so. I stressed that I would be open to her saying that this would not be a good time. She appreciated this, and agreed to be honest with me about the impact. She also stressed that she understands this is part of who I am and that I need to have time for my feminine side. I think we both came away from the discussion feeling much better about things. About a week later, I had an opportunity to dress and spend some time as Kaitlyn. I took a ton of photos (I’ll be posting them to my site eventually). My wife came down and helped by taking some photos of me. She was very complementary and supportive. I was a wonderful evening and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The next morning, we had a small chat about my dressing; she wanted to make sure that I knew she was ok with it. I took the opportunity to thank her for being so supportive and allowing me to be who I am. I also told her that I understood the secret that I was forcing her to keep. In light of how hard it must be for her, that if she wanted to disclose it to a friend that she could trust she has my blessing. My only request is she lets me know who before she does so. Well last night was a wonderful night. For the first time ever, Kaitlyn received a Christmas gift from my wife. She got me three wonderfully sexy pairs of panties from Victoria’s Secret. I was so happy I nearly cried. It really comes as an affirmation of her support and acceptance of all that I am. I am so happy that I am able to sit here today typing this while wearing my new panties with the support of a loving wonderful woman. I am sure there will be much more to post in the coming year….. Thanks for reading this very long-winded post; I hope that all of you have a wonderful holiday and a fantastic new year.[3 comments]
Finding time to bring Kaitlyn back out into the world.
Kaitlyn Alexis December 3rd, 2007 1:09 pm MSTI have been doing a lot of thinking, and reflecting lately. Where do I stand today? Long ago, I accepted myself for who I am. I am a T-girl. I am OK with that. I get to spend time a Kaitlyn so very rarely these days. What is a T-girl to do? I want to get back out in the world as Kaitlyn, but at times it seams there are so many obstacles to remove. I have always tried to put my commitments to my family and my job before my need to express and experience my feminine side. Unfortunately, those commitments leave me with precious little free time. As a result I find that I feel I am neglecting my feminine side.Lately, the need to get Kaitlyn back out has been growing. This has given me pause to reflect on my situation. Three years ago, I relocated from upstate NY to North East PA to take advantage of a job opportunity. From a career perspective, it was a very good move. I thought at the time, that it would be a great move for Kaitlyn as well. With NYC and Philadelphia in such close proximity to my home, i thought that Kaitlyn would have a wonderful new opportunities to get out in the world. As it turns out there is a very active TG population much closer then those major cities. I was in luck! Or so I thought.
As it turns out, that new job keeps me extremely busy. With the exception of two wonderful visits to Amanda Richard's True Colors Studio for makeovers and photo shoots, I have not been out in the world. In fact, it rare that I get online to chat much any more. So as a result I have been having a very difficult time developing friendships with any of the Local T-girls. This is not because there are not any friendly T-girls around, its not because there haven't been invites to go out to the clubs or the support groups, its not because there isn't anything happening in my area, on the contrary there is a ton. When it comes right down to it, its because of me.
I think one of the reasons that I got out in the world when I lived in upstate NY, is that I met a few friends online and came to trust them enough to venture out in public with them. Dana and Randi, you will never know how much your friendship and encouragement has ment to me. That trust that developed online, was in large part due to the fact that I had the time to spend online getting to know these girls. My problem now is how does a girl with such limited time establish such a friendship? How do I make the time that Kaitlyn needs, and maintain balance with the rest of my life?
[3 comments]
Hello Friends! News from Jenna
Jenna Rae September 11th, 2007 9:17 pm MDTWelcome to the world of Jenna! I will be sharing this weeks News!!
Breaking News!! Geraldo refers to using slander such as these people are all into public restroom gay sex!!
As funny as this story is to me, I think its ignorant and vile to say such things about groups of people when we are all ready trying to win the minds of those who dont understand people like us!!
I dont listen nor care about Geraldo, but he is on Fox and that word gets around! Do you want that word spoken and put into the minds of our nation? I dont!
(See the video in link below)
http://videos.urnotalone.com/LeahMooneyes
Secondly.... The David Icke, how are we controled part 1
Listen to what he says, and how we as people keep ourselfs in check! We police ourselfs.. Thats what I love about URnotalone! We are free here! And just becasue Im a Tgirl who has done some sexual work in the past, you dont judge me by those actions!!!
IM still a person, And I still have my rights, and a voice to speak out and help those who dont udnerstand learn more about this thing called life!!
IF you are saying David Icke,, No way he is a nut job... Well Im not sitting here telling you to listen to every word and belive everything he says.. IM just saying, take what you need, and leave the rest:)
Check my videos page for the Videos I am talking about:)
Soon I will be making new videos of me live... So If I get a good turn out here, and poeple would like to hear more about what I have to say, then I will start producing some videos for my fans:) And those who wish to know more about the truths of this world, and what we are in For!! Its worth fighting for, and worth speaking our minds! And not letting people tell us how to live our lives!
Love,
Jenna Rae
http://videos.urnotalone.com/LeahMooneyes
[1 comment]
My thoughts. a look into my soul:)
Jenna Rae September 7th, 2007 2:43 pm MDTAll matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
Many of you will not understand, some of you will.. Those that know the above will know.. I am a being of light, waking up to the world in which inprisons me within this computer shell.
My body, I have found I could change the way light reflects upon my mind, hence making the Illision you see before you..
Sometimes its to complex to try to explain things here.. Your eyes look at my picture, and your mind is telling you what you see.
Yet is it real? Am I that girl in that picture before you?
That beautiful girl in which you would dream about at night..
Or is there something more to me, underneath, something you do not see. I am a female Illisionist!
More so than just an Illisionist, I have found that my place in this world is to open the minds of more and more people!
Yet is it very hard to adjust your mind to these settings, it will take time to set in. Up until a few weeks ago I was still programed and forgetting all I use to know..
The memories that come flooding back to my mind, like a damn that opens up for the first time.
People fear me, people love me. Yet they always have questions.
I dont mind answering the questions, as I have many myself at this point in my life..
I would hope to bring aceptance into this world, to show you that we are all being of light! And we can be free if you will it to be!
We only use 10% of our minds, Ive managed to use 11% and change my physical form, with no surgeries...
I am me! I am free!
Yet in this world, we find eachother keeping ourselfs in check..
What would my family think? What about the boys down at the pub?
I do not care anymore, as I have transended this place, and my journey is now fully beginning to start to become clear!!
Many of you know me, as just this girl in the picture.. There is much more to life than we see with our eyes.. So much more to know about out there!!!
I am not from here, yet I chose to come here.. IM starting to find out more and more everyday!!
It took alot for me to not only preform and do what I do.. But to speak from my heart and tell you! This life is not what it seems, we are not being told the truths about this world, we are not alone, and never have been!!
You can see me if I choose to show myself, but what you will see when you do see me is only window dressing, you cannot see me as I really am--- Our minds are programed as such, its just the way it is here.. Sorry if I lost you..
[2 comments]
Labor Day Weekend
Brenda Sue Faulkner August 30th, 2007 10:00 am MDTTo each of you celebrating Labor Day, just a brief note wishing you a safe and happy holiday weekend. Enjoy! ~Brenda~[3 comments]
Best Summer Ever
Brenda Sue Faulkner August 25th, 2007 5:30 pm MDTHi Everyone, For a long tiime before joining URNA in November 2006, I was a sideline spectator, looking at the profiles, the comments, the friend lists, etc., and thinking just how much I need to be a part of this community... and I was right! In the ten months since I've been an active part of this, I have met so many wonderful people here ... I'm at a loss to express just how happy I am to share my friendship with all of you! This summer has been and continues to be the most special and memorable ever! I'm free to be me, I have my ex-wife's emotional support, I've spent a fun vacation with my best girlfriends ... all of whom I met here, and so many of you have posted the nicest complimemts on my profile page. ... And I love to return those compliments and offer my love and support! Love, Brenda[2 comments]
New Album & New England Trip
Brenda Sue Faulkner August 2nd, 2007 9:39 pm MDTWow, was last week great! I visited my friends Karen, Jackie, Sherry & Annette (See Karen Reeves' Journal). Jackie and I had Jamie Austin makeovers on Thursday, and Karen joined us for some photos as well! I've posted some of my photos as my main pic and in my new album, from the samples I've received. More will follow, when I receive all of the photos taken.
Jamie Austin, you are truly amazing .... thank you so much!
*Love to all on URNA*
~Brenda~
[1 comment]
Pierced Ears.
Kaitlyn Alexis July 6th, 2007 5:17 am MDTHi everyone, I am hoping that some of you might be able to help me with a small problem. I am lucky to have both ears pierced. That allows me to wear all kind of wonderful earrings. My problem is that one of my piercings has closed up on the back side of my ear. Is there an easy/best way to reopen that hole? Thanks to anyone who can offer a suggestion.[4 comments]
Now that I am back, how do I avoid burning out again?
Kaitlyn Alexis June 9th, 2007 11:34 am MDTLast night was the first time in over 6 months that I spent anytime as Kaitlyn. As I mentioned in some of my earlier journal posts, I was burnt out on dressing and felt like persuing other things. Well, last night was great. I felt so wonderful, so calm, so happy, so right (I could go on with this, but I think it best to stop with the so whatevers.) I had a chance to spend quite a bit of time and really enjoy myself. I got to chat and cam with a bunch of old friends (and some new ones too) and take some photos too (there's a surprise). All in all, it was a perfect way to spend an evening. I feel so much better for having done so.
So here is the question that I am currently facing: I have the time and oportunity to spend some more time as Kaitlyn tonight. I even have the chance to get out to a local meeting and get to know some of the local girls. A part of me really would like to do this, but there is another voice in my head pulling me in the other direction. That little voice is saying that I should look for balance, I enjoyed some femme time last night, now I should enjoy some of the other things that I really like to, and want to do. I am tempted to, and leaning towards doing something else with my time tonight, in the hopes that I avoid over doing the Kaitlyn thing, and as a result avoid the burn out.
What do you all think? How do you avoid burnout?
Well, that's it for now.
Hugs
Kaitlyn
PS - here is a pic from last night
[4 comments]
Thought For The Week
Brenda Sue Faulkner June 9th, 2007 9:13 am MDTIf financial rewards were given for love and support, each of my friends and I would be a billionaire. In my heart and soul, I love all of you, so deeply, each and every day!
Hugs & Kisses,
Brenda Sue
[Comment on this post]
Be All 2008
Brenda Sue Faulkner June 8th, 2007 10:34 am MDTHere's some early info: Be All 2008 will held May 27 - June 1, 2008 and the new hotel will be the Hyatt Regency Woodfield in Schaumburg, Illinois. For those not familiar with the area, this is a great location across from Woodfield Mall, our largest regional mall, and with tons of surrounding retail, restaurants and clubs.
Hugs To All,
Brenda
[Comment on this post]
Is This A Coincidence?
Brenda Sue Faulkner May 29th, 2007 3:49 pm MDTOr are the stars and planets finally in alignment for me? I used to play drums, but have always wanted to learn to play guitar, so I started shopping for a guitar this weekend. Now, here's the coincidence or irony or whatever. >> I asked someone I've known for several years but who has never seen me as Brenda or even suspected me to be TG, if he knows any guitar teachers. His response was: Oh, yeah, .....'s husband teaches guitar and he's a great guitarist....oh, but he plays in a transgendered rock band so I don't know if you can handle that. A couple of minutes later, when he was out of earshot, my wife just says: "There you go, the perfect guitar teacher for you, hon".
[Comment on this post]
Memorial Day Video Link (Again
Brenda Sue Faulkner May 27th, 2007 3:18 pm MDTOne more try at the video link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ervaMPt4Ha0
[Comment on this post]
Something To Think About, Not Just On Memorial Day
Brenda Sue Faulkner May 27th, 2007 3:14 pm MDTThey have been talking on the radio here about this YouTube video, created by a fifteen year old girl. Take five minutes of your time and watch it. If the link doesn't work, copy & paste it to your browser.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ervaMPt4Ha0
[3 comments]
She's back!
Kaitlyn Alexis May 22nd, 2007 4:56 am MDTHi everyone,As many of you know, it has been a while since I have been "active". Nearly 6 months since the last time I dressed. To put it bluntly I was burnt out on dressing so much. I also had other things that I would rather be doing in my very limited free time. I started to feel the desire to spend time as Kaitlyn building a few weeks ago. I wasn't sure if it was a passing desire, or a back to "normal" desire to be Kaitlyn on a regular basis. Well seams that it was not a passing desire. So I am glad to say that Kaitlyn is back! Now all I have to do is find the time, and this is a very busy summer for me. Never the less, I am back! I will be posting some old sets of unreleased photos from last year as time allows, and of course taking some new ones soon. I am hoping to schedule another makeover at some point this summer and intend to start planning on attending a T-event soon. Thanks to all of my friends who sent me messages of support and concern. I am fine. I have been through this before. I was smart enough to know that I go through these phases, and thank God I did not purge. I look forward to catching up on emails, and chatting with so many of you on yahoo soon. Until then.....
Hugs
Kaitlyn
[3 comments]