Journal Entries for Ava
it's my birthday...
September 12th, 2009 10:09 pm MDT
and like last year, I am still lonely.. Still trying to make $$ to make life better..
Tomorrow I am going to Epcot Center for my birthday.. besides the $15 parking, and $6 bottle of waters that I will have to buy, it's free.. haha
I need to get out of state and find a good job again.. that pays $$$.. Florida pay is terrible.. Any suggestions?!?!!
muah!
Ava
i'm tired and sad
January 29th, 2009 7:48 pm MST
.. My cat Tony ran away.. :*(
.. My mom is being mean to me. She said I embarass her and she's going to have me locked up..
.. and to amplify everything, a speaker fell on my head.. irony.. haha
this was a funny email..
January 25th, 2009 2:03 pm MST
copied and pasted below...
Out of all the T-Women I seen you are the sexiest of them all. When I saw your profile I thought you where Just one beautiful Woman Than I add you to find out you where more than A woman You where an angel a true Goddess. A T-Goddess one that all men streit, gay it don't mater thay would all love to have one night to a life time with. And I am not saying this to get in your panties. But that would be nice.
a couple likes and dislikes of mine
January 22nd, 2009 10:33 pm MST
I hate most bars and clubs!! I enjoy certain ones I guess, but seldomly.
I love music. Lots of it. NIN, Sublime, 311, Goldfish, Jeff Buckley, A Perfect Circle, Bob Marley, Damian Gong Marley Jr, Gwen Stefani, Lady Gaga, Natalie Imbruglia, 10,000 Maniacs, Sarah McLachlan, Jimi Hendrix and lots and lots more..
I don't like steakhouses or fast food. I don't eat meat, there is nothing for me there..
I don't like assholes! grrr! Especially arrogant ones.
I don't like being taken for granted. I don't like people thinking they can use me for anything.
I like being free. I enjoy sunsets. I like the sound of the water on the beach.
I love life.. :)
I like modern design furniture, design, and clothing. I love vintage furniture. I like looking at modern architecture too.
I like history. I hate math. I like reading about case law, and how some laws contradict other laws. I like having expensive things. I like VW's and BMWs.
I think that I really hate my neighbor, more and more each day!
I like being different. I like intellectual conversation about politics and ethics..
I don't like stalkers. I like movies. I love to read. I love to feel educated and wise through life experiences. I like being me.
I don't like coke or pepsi, diet is okay though I guess.. I don't like beer. I like vodka and cranberry. I like pink. I dont like waking up too early.
cycling day.. # something..
January 17th, 2009 5:57 pm MST
Okay, so I'm done cycling! I'm not sure what the point of it was really.. A friend of mine said that it moves fat around and makes boobs bigger.. So I figured I'd try it out.. I didn't really get bitchy, but I did get sad for a while..
I noticed today that my boobs HURT LIKE HELL!! They're all puffy.. and uh, I guess my body might think I'm preggers!
Maybe I'll do it again next month, maybe I wont!
I'm going to go buy a food processor to make peanut butter with!
cycling- day 6? I can't hide.. nor do i really want to..
January 15th, 2009 12:41 am MST
I still feel fine.. No bitchiness, nothing! :)
I want to listen to some Damian Gong.. or Bob Marley.. I have tons of reggae MP3s I should listen to..
Anyway.. I hung out with my neighbor again tonight. My mom came over.. Both of her parents were there..
On her porch, she put her left foot on my right breast, and noted that I had a tree on my sweater, but said it was on my right breast. I haven't told her a thing.. but I guess I can't hide. I can't fool anyone.. I don't want to..
Inside her house she kept telling me, loudly, in front of her parents and my mom, that I shouldn't drink diet coke, because I can get breast cancer from it.
Awkward.. Yes. but I really don't want to hide anymore. I want to live the life I chose. No one really supports me.. and it's tough. Those who know make me feel bad, and I can't be around that anymore.
It's time for me to be me.. :)
cycling day #5
January 13th, 2009 11:06 pm MST
okay.. everyone claims that cycling makes you an emotional bitch because of the lack of estrogen.. but i'm not feeling it!!
I feel perfect.. my stomach burns, i'm assuming from the progesterone.. i doubled the dosage today.. it burns bad!! but i dont feel bitchy, sad or depressed.. I'm still happy, luminous and rather perfect...
my neighbor and i went to walmart tonight.. haha (I HATE WALMART!! and totally think that everyone should boycott it!!) we tried on shoes.. She wanted me to buy a pair of boots with fur around the top.. I didn't.. We both wear the same size stuff.. it's kind of odd.. shoes, pants, everything.. her boobs are larger though..
she sleeps with everyone, which is bad.. i feel bad for her.. and i wouldn't ever do what she does.. kinda sad.. she was lonely and at a bar, so she went home with some guy that didn't speak english and they had sex.. sorda random.. and dangerous..
I care too much to sleep with just any guy. He has to matter to me, and I have to matter to him. There has to be some type of relationship in place too.. I guess I'm just old fashioned that way..
cyling day #4!
January 13th, 2009 1:31 am MST
i think it's day #4.. I dunno..
Anyway.. I'm pretty good. I haven't felt a hormone crash that I've been expecting yet.. All my friends told me that I would crash.. I feel really good though.. :)
I'm actually super happy.. still!! I realize that I am a young woman now, on the outside.. I have always felt like a woman.. but I accept myself.. I look the part. I'm ready to live as female..
I have many good wife qualities too.. Besides cleaning, cooking, back massages, and oil changes! haha, oil changes, yeah right..
I'm super happy.. :)
I feel really good.. I can't explain this..
There was one time I really wasn't happy.. I'm so glad I'm the complete polar opposite of that now... :)
fake animal prints..
January 12th, 2009 10:41 am MST
I hate fake animal prints!! I think that they look trashy.. I hate when people wear real animal fur too.. It's mean to animals.. :(
I just wanted to get that off of my chest before I have to run out again..
:)
cycling day 3.. :)
January 11th, 2009 3:48 pm MST
I'm happy.. I feel fine.. I bought a bread maker.. I'm baking bread again!! I love it.. My neighbor said I'd be a great housewife.. lol..
So everything is good.. no mood swings yet today.. I don't feel ugly.. I feel mellow, calm, cool..
BUT.. I want to bitch out a few people! My friend, let's call her Christina (that's her real name).. She's a vegetarian.. NOT! She told me how she's all veggie this and that.. I went to her house, she's eating CHICKEN! She says chicken and fish are okay for vegetarians to eat.. IT'S A LIE!!!!!! ARRRRGGGHH!!!
Chicken and fish are meat, they are not vegetables!! I know that you're from Canada, I don't think things are that different there.. but if you read this, YOU'RE NOT VEGETARIAN!!! lol.. I told her the same thing in person already.. :)
cycling day #2!
January 10th, 2009 11:44 pm MST
I started out feeling really great.. Like I felt like I still lit up rooms, was super happy, just overall, luminous..
Then I came back from working a couple hours.. Sat and tried to fix my brother's crappy laptop.. grrr
Then I started to feel progressively crappy. I almost want to cry. I feel ugly. I feel bad. I think maybe I should stop cycling.. haha.. I feel like I need to be kinda sick too, and I'm actually kinda hot. ehh...
More tomorrow.. I tried to upload new photos here, but it wont let me.. :(
whatever! I'll try again tomorrow!!
:)
hormone crashes and cycling!
January 9th, 2009 4:47 pm MST
I never got to experience a hormone crash until I started using injectable estrogen. What fun that was..
I'm taking a huge dose of estrogen now. Perhaps, too much. I must say, that I am always happy now though!! A friend told me that my estrogen receptors could get clogged, and estrogen wont have as much effect on me if that happens... This doesn't sound good..
Anyway, after forming my own opinion and doing some basic research.. I've decided to cycle my hormones to mimic a natural female cycle. This should be fun. NOT!
I will probably become a really big emotional crying bitch. I'm sorry to all my friends in advance. This will probably get worse by tomorrow.. and so on and so fourth.. Until 7 days have passed.. This can also cause lactation and morning sickness.. ewwww.. I can't wait..
thanks for the messages
February 2nd, 2008 3:24 am MST
I'd like to thank everyone for the messages I've gotten lately. Everyone tells me I'm really pretty.. I'm pretty insecure about my looks though... :(I think I look ugly... It's hard not to being around a room-mate like I used to have. She was really mean.. She said I'd need thousands of dollars of surgery or I'll always look like a man. She looked like a man.. and she was genetically female. I'm not sure why she was so mean. It hurt me a lot though...
