Journal Entries for Rachael Kay Kilgore
Untitled Post
November 23rd, 2010 9:19 am MST
I know I have seen message threads on one group or another that I am a member of, discussing T friendly stores. I had a great experience yesterday at an Avenue store in Houston. I went to the store in drab around 5:30PM during the rush hour. When I entered the store I saw no other customers, but two sales clerks welcomed me to the store and one asked what she could show me. I was a little overwhelmed and did not know where to start. The sales lady started making suggestions and when she got to shoes (my weakness) I agreed to go look. Now Avenue is one of the few stores tht carry my size in 3" to 4" heels so I definitely wanted to see what they had. When we got to the area with the shoes the clerk asked what size my wife or girlfriend wore and I said (this was a big leap for me) "they would be for me". The clerk then said she was sorry but they only carry shoes for women. I said "I know these would be for me". The lady seemed to take a minute to process that then recovered and asked me what size I wore.
I didn't find anything that I liked in my size so I moved on to other items. For the first time in a women's store I was not made in the least to feel uncomfortable. I did find two watches that fit me and looked good too. They both had extra links in them that could be removed to allow them to fit better. I also bought a cute little sequined clutch with a wrist strap for $8.00 on sale and necklace. When I checked out a different sales lady handled that tranaction and asked if I found everything I was looking for and so on, then asked if I would like to be on their mailing list for cupons and sales notices. As I was leaving all three clerks in the store invited me to come back again and shop with them.
This particular store is in a strip mall in an upper middle class, relatively conservative neighborhood not in an area generally known as being overly T friendly. I was really impressed and told the ladies I definitely would be back.
What Do Women Look Like?
October 17th, 2010 6:43 am MDT
Girls,
The question seems idiotic, but please hear me out. When I first started going out, I had an exaggerated vision of what I thought I had to look like to pass as a woman. I am 6 feet tall and in heels even taller. I have an athletic build with a large chest. I thought I would never look like a girl. However, being an amateur photographer I also take time to notice what I actually see. I would guess that police officers are better at this than most of us because they have been trained to be observant. We all operate on a minimal level when out in public, it is too time consuming to concentrate completely on what we see. We are generally more focused on where we are going and how to get there. Take some time when you are sitting in traffic, or at lunch or while shopping and truly look at all the women you see, not just the particularly fashionable or pretty ones. If you take the time, you will find that there are women of all shapes and sizes. They are not all drop dead gorgeous or Ugly Betties either. They are all possibilities between the two poles. I started looking at the women in my everyday life and found that I may not be the best form for a woman, but there are many women who have worse figures than I do. In fact considering how some of them dress and do their makeup, I am altogether not as bad off as I had thought. I also have dieted to gain a slimmer figure.
Please don’t take this as an attack on women, bless them, they have a difficult life just as men do. We all slip into a routine in our dressing and not everyday do we feel like putting on all the glamour we can. I just wanted to point out that if you will take the time to study women in everyday situations you will find that we actually do fit in better than one would expect given our challenges. So get dressed and get out! There is a great world out there.
Photography Tips
September 24th, 2010 8:23 pm MDT
I’d like to say a few words about one of our favorite pastimes, no the other one, photography. There are some things that I’d like you all to think about before you snap your photos. Think about the height of the camera lens before you start shooting. It is better for almost everyone for the camera to be at least even with your nose and for a lot of people results are better if the camera is slightly higher than the subject. If you are looking up your chin is better defined and your neck appears thinner. For some this may not be a consideration, but for me it makes a lot of difference. Also a lot of pictures are taken near doors. This is generally because the space is clear and you can get a full length view from there. The problem is that many of us girls are on the tall side. When you background is a door, it gives something for the viewer to gauge your height with. Also depending on the distance between the subject and the door and the subject and the camera, a distorted image can result. The farther from the door the subject is the more distortion. This is caused by the camera angle. With the average tripod the camera will be shooting up at you making you appear taller in juxtaposition with the door. Consider standing closer to the door, but more importantly find a way to add height to your tripod so that you can use the opposite effect and make yourself look slightly shorter. Do be very careful not to allow the tripod to get out of balance and fall, you don’t want to have to buy a new camera after all. Photographers use a sand bag to weigh the tripod down a little so they don’t have that problem. You can do the same with one or two gallon sized baggies filled with sand or something similar like 5 pounds of sugar.
One last tip, if you use a flash mounted on your camera, use a white piece of thin cloth over the flash to diffuse the light. This will eliminate the harsh shodows caused by the flash. Try to find a thin piece of cloth with a thin weave like nylon ( I wonder where ever would you find something like that?) because you don’t want to lessen the light very much.
OK Girls, Auntie Rachael is going to shut her big mouth now. I hope you take some exquisite pictures of your beautiful selves to share or keep for you and your friends!
My Old Profile Description
August 1st, 2010 7:01 am MDT
All I have removed this from my profile, but have posted it here for reference......
I am a lifelong crossdresser. The first time I dressed myself completely was at the age of 7. I remember every detail of my older sisters clothes that I had on. Ivory colored ruffled nylon panties, a nylon slip to match, a pair of little miss hose gartered to a ruffled girdle for the underwear. A gray plaid wrap around wool skirt with gold fringe at the bottom and the wrap line, an ivory silk blouse with lace on the peter-pan color and cuffs, a pair of short heeled black patent Mary Janes and a pair of ivory nylon tea length gloves.
Ever since then I have dressed when I could, but I have never really wished to go much deeper than that. I am married to a wonderful woman who supports my dressing, goes out with me to crossdressing events and buys me wonderfully girly gifts! We have been married for 34 years. We have two grown children and two grandchildren who do not know about Rachael.
I look forward to meeting friends to chat with, but I am really not interested in meeting for romantic encounters. I have nothing against others who do, it is just not my aim here.
A Wonderful Age
March 4th, 2010 10:05 am MST
It is a wonderful age we live in. When I grew up in the 50’s and 60’s cross dressing was viewed as a mental aberration. It is slowly coming into the mainstream and maybe within my life time it will no longer be viewed by the medical community as a mental illness. I feel that the general public is ahead of the curve on this. There is a small group of people with a conservative bent that demand that everyone fit into their narrow view of acceptable behavior, but most people take a live and let live attitude.
I say all this while I working from home a little overdressed for a day at the mall, in full Rachael regalia. I have on nylon satin fuchsia panties with lace, suntan panty hose, jeans, 4” tan suede peep-toe slingbacks with a brown satin ribbon for shoe laces, and bright red lace bra to go with a bright red satin and lace camisole. I could never go to the office dressed like this, but neither could any of the women that work there. My company actually has a non-discrimination policy that includes transgendered people. So if I was out of the closet, I could still wok there, but I’m sure they would insure I was never in a customer facing position, especially for someone at my level. Yes all in all many things have changed within my life span. It may not seem like it for a lot of you, but remember it takes a paradigm shift to change societal mores.
Yikes! I weigh how much?
January 12th, 2010 7:46 pm MST
Ouch! I got on the scales for the first time in months and found out that I have gained 15 pounds! I mean I knew my pants were fitting a little snug, but 15 pounds.....holy cow. I was thinking that my boobs were filling out nicely, but I guess my belly was getting there too. Oh well, back to the exercise routine....with a vengence! I have never been a slim person, but I am getting close to the most I have ever weighed. I am within 14 pounds of that now. I went on the low carb diet about 10 years ago and lost 42lbs. I guess I will have to try a modified version of that because it works for me. It is the only diet I was ever really successful at. Wish me luck!
Photos Do Lie - Part 3
November 8th, 2009 8:56 am MST
I am happy to report that the problem with the photos turned out to be something wrong with the computer monitor settings which had been changed due to a video card failure on my PC. My camera didn't suddenly develop problems like I had suspected. I re-calibrated the resolution on my display and now everything is working very well again.
Photos Do Lie - Part 2
October 28th, 2009 1:16 pm MDT
I have found that the recent pictures I had mentioned in my previous journal entry were distorted. I had gained weight, but that was not the only issue with the photos. I had turned the camera on it’s side to get a better use of the space in the frame so I would not have to trim so much and affect the size of the final picture. To do that the picture had to be rotated 90 degrees. However, when I did a stare and compare with the original and the rotated image I found that there was a noticeable distortion in the rotated image. I appear much heavier and squattier in the rotated picture than in the original. I tried three other photo processing software programs with the same result. I even measured the heads of the same picture in the original and rotated versions and found a difference in the sizes, even though the pictures had the same 100% size resolution. Needless to say I am happy that I really don’t look as bad as the rotated images had me thinking I did, but I am a little disappointed in my camera because of the distortion. I am assuming it is the camera if the other software programs delivered the same result. Anyway I thought I would pass that along in case you might find the same problem with your pictures. I am very conscientious about how much I actually alter my images. I do blur the images a little to compensate for the enormous of detail you find in the average digital images these days. I have an 8 megapixel camera. That exposes a lot of faults that my old 35MM SLR would not have and those are really too harsh for portrait photography.
Pictures Do Lie.....but only after Photo Shop
October 26th, 2009 7:52 am MDT
I got dressed for the first time in 6 months this past weekend. I took several pictures in my makeshift studio. I did not have all my lights set up correctly so the full length pictures did not turn out as well as I hoped. There are shadows where there should not be. I am trying to correct that on my PC with my Corel Paint Shop Pro. The pictures also tell me that the 15 pounds I lost last year have come back with friends! I could alter them so the pounds melt off magically, but that isn’t right, so I don’t know if any of these will get posted. All things considered (including my vanity) I did look good except very fat. What’s a girl to do?
Pigeon Holes
October 12th, 2009 9:33 am MDT
Why are some of us trying to make hard and fast rules about who is and who shouldn’t be included in a particular sub-category of transgenderism? It seems they feel the right to judge others because of their level, or lack there of,of commitment. I feel like we get enough of that from the outside. We really don’t need it in here where we should all be tolerant of our individual differences. I feel it would be quite alright to include someone in our group even if they just chose to wear only lipstick on occasion. Sure, they could be more committal to the whole experience, but I don’t know what their individual circumstances are. They may have valid reasons for how they express their gender variation. All I care about is that they don’t disparage another sister or brother for how they express themselves.
Our National Holiday!
October 3rd, 2009 9:07 am MDT
I put October 31st as my birthday on my profile, because I have always considered it to be a great holiday, where you can be what you want to be on the outside which may or may not reflect what you are on the inside. My real birthday is a few weeks later, but that can be celebrated in drab and shared with the family. As most crossdressers will agree this is the one time of the year where your outside can conform to your inner notion of what you are with few repercussions. Some people might suspect that this is not your first time dressed this way, but you can tone down the effect and most could not care one way or the other. So, all that said, may you all enjoy OUR holiday and GET DRESSED! I plan on going out to a party the weekend before and then again on Hollow’een. This is the beginning of the fall and winter where I can keep my legs, chest and back free of disgusting body hair……yippee! I wish all of you the best ever Holiday this year!!
My First Recollection
August 22nd, 2009 7:11 am MDT
Looking back on when I first remember identifying as a girl was at the age of 4. My mother who I idolized for her beauty was putting on her make-up for an evening out. My older sister and I were in my parents bedroom watching. It was a small cramped two bedroom apartment so we had to be really close. We were evidently bothering her with our rapt attention to what she was doing. She quit working on her face and turned to us. She asked my sister if she would leave if she made up her face for her. My sister readily agreed. Mom took a few minutes to put on lip liner, lipstick, mascara and use a Kohl pencil to fill in her eyebrows, all to great affect. Sis was very pleased and took off to go to the living room to show Dad. Now up to this point in my life everything my sister got I got. Good or bad. If she got new clothes, I got some. If she got a choice of cereal I got a choice. If she got in trouble and was punished, I was generally guilty of the same thing and I got punished. So I was standing there in the bedroom next to Mom at her vanity waiting for my face to be made up. Mom took notice of this and asked….”Do you want me to put make-up on you too?”. I, of course, gave her an enthusiastic…”Yes!!”. She agreed and started to work on my face. It took a few minutes, then she asked me if I would like to see what she had done. I agreed so she moved aside so I could see myself in the mirror. I was dumbstruck! There looking back at me was………..just me with a pencil thin mustache and heavy eyebrows. It was horrible! I didn’t look pretty like I expected, I looked like a…..a…..MAN! I guess it had never occurred to me before that point that I would not be like my sister and mother when I grew up. I ran into the other bedroom crying and trying to wipe the horrid stuff off of my face! I remember getting a few slaps to the face and a good scolding from my mother for the tantrum. She was the disciplinarian of the family. I knew from that point not to ever let my girly feeling show again if I could help it.
Kid is back home
August 14th, 2009 8:46 am MDT
My youngest daughter has moved back into our house. This is causing me no end of consternation in regards to my dressing. It has severly curtailed my activities. I had become accustomed to dressing at anytime I wanted and I was able to visit URNA without having to look over my shoulder. It was neccessary for her as she had lost her job and had her condo repossesed, but as I said it has caused me some major grief.
So if you don't see me on line as much as usual you will know why. This also means I won't be getting out as much as before, which was severly limited anyhow. My wife and I had made plans to go to the Eureka Getaway reunion this year, but that now appears to be dead also. DAMN. Poor me, huh?
Untitled Post
June 30th, 2009 7:53 am MDT
I think I have found another wig style that really works for me. I have two now. I really need something to counter-weight my jaw line and neck. As we all have learned a good wig style can do so much to enhance our appearance and a bad one can be a neon outing sign!
Get dressed as often as you can and keep your life balanced. Remember tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us.
New World at Home
March 9th, 2009 9:21 am MDT
I have been working mostly from home for about a year now. I am able to dress completely sometimes, but most days I am at least partially dressed. This has been very beneficial to me. I feel much more natural and at ease with my femme self. In the past I have felt like a linebacker in a tutu. Now I have found it more easy to accept the flaws I see in my presentation and I am able to cut myself some slack. I have also gained a better fashion sense.
Of course this is all facilitated by my loving wife. She puts up with having to answer the door when someone unexpected shows up.
Get dressed as often as feasible! It helps a me a great deal!
Just being me
April 9th, 2008 3:36 pm MDT
I was out in our back yard this past week. We have a small lot with a 6 foot privacy fense all around. I was walking around barefooted, puttering with the plants but I kept looking at my bright red toenails and feeling really contented. It is such a little thing, but it means so much to us gurls.
