URNotAlone

Coming out

May 9th, 2008 5:05 pm MDT

Ok, here I am 3 weeks into this and it's slowly becoming integrated into my old life. A week ago I made the step of telling a couple of friends that live out of state who are very open minded about this sort of thing. They were supportive and gave me a lot to think about. It was interesting to have them support me and make me nervous at the same time. "We're there for you in these trying times" who said the times are trying? I like the new me. But, the times, mentally speaking, did get a little rough later that week as I started doubting if this was really what I wanted. Then I thought, who would choose the life of an outsider from mainstream society if they didn't feel it was important to them? Would I do that? No, this is fun, liberating, exciting and, most important of all, ME! Next big step I took was earlier this week I started shaving off more of my body hair. Chest and legs mostly although I tried for as much of my back as I could reach, and I'm double jointed in my shoulders so I can reach alot. I'm still recovering from doing a rushed job on my legs and giving myself very bad razor burn. Biggest news for me was Wednsday. If I've chatted with you then you know my younger brother lives with me and that is why I cherished the times he was out so I could dress. Wed nights he goes over to a coworkers house to play video games with them and I took the opportunity this week to go to Phyllis' Fantasies where I bought some more clothes including a new girdle to tighten up my girlish figure and on a whim a Disney Princess style peach colored gown that is all flowing ribbons and lace that fit me perfectly. Unfortunately due to some troube with their credit card machine I was there later than I expected. I didn't get home until after 8pm and started changing, first I had to shave and get my makeup on and try on everything I bought again to make sure it fit, even though I tried it all on at the store. After I got my wig on and all sealed into the gown and just about to come down to my computer to take some pics on my webcam I hear the garage door open, my brother was home earlier than I thought! I suppose I could have made a dash to the bathroom with my guy pajamas and washed off the makeup while pretending to shower or something. Instead I asked him if I could tell him something if he promised not too laugh. He promised, and I came downstairs, his older brother, dressed up all peach colored in the most girly outfit you could possibly imagine. Long story short, he was fine with it as I knew he would be. We talked about things for the next few hours. How long I've felt this way, his experiences coming out to the family as gay years ago, why he never came out to me and let me find out on my own, his experiences with the TG community while he was immersed in the gay community years ago. It was nice to get the secret out as it was going to start getting hard to hide my shaved legs from him much longer anyway. Two more big steps ahead of me still though. 1) Go out in public dressed enfemme. I haven't yet, and though I want to I'm also very nervous about doing so. 2) Start dating again but revealing this early to any girls I go out with, as if I wasn't nervous enough on first dates.