URNotAlone

book opinion needed

April 28th, 2008 10:47 am MDT

hey all the following is my novel i aint finished yet but i need opinions so please let me know         The Life of a Demon By Kayla Summer   Prologue     My name is Setsuko Seeheth, I am a vampire.  Not your average blood sucking killer, I am not your average mythological vampire. Not the kind that will burn to ashes in the rays of the sun. Not the kind that will suffer when looking at crucifixes, I am different, I am the real thing.  Some of you might ask. “If you are not like the ones in stories then what are you”?  Well I can tell you this. You say that vampires will burn to ashes when stabbed with a stake to the heart, well consider this, it doesn’t matter who or what you are, if you are stabbed in the heart with anything you are going to die. Also the sun does not kill us it simply weakens us. Also we have shadows and reflection. Furthermore, coffins are not necessary; some of us just prefer them. So you want to know what we are, well then, I will tell you everything I have to tell about my past life.  This is my story.         Chapter 1   My story begins about sixteen thousand years ago in the land of demons. My land is not of this world, nor is it of the heavens or of hell. Vampiria is a dimension right along side this one. Vampiria was a very peaceful kingdom back then ruled by my father, Fangeth Seeheth. My father was probably the greatest ruler in the history of Vampiria, he always believed in peace, unity and equality, for there were more than just vampires in Vampiria, there were Lichens (L I ken) (half vampires, half werewolf), and there are the White Wolves of Sanarito (San a ree toe), which is a pure breed demon found in the province of Sanarito. There are also the pyromancers of Fioa (F I oh a) which is a breed of human-like demons who are similar to vampires. They control fire and do not have fangs or wings. Then there were our greatest foes, the Shakra (sha kra) they were teleporters who could control the weather and were also extremely psychic. The Shakra live in the farthest northern point of Vampiria. But other then that we all lived in harmony, well all of us but the Shakra, who were very rarely seen. I also remember of the neighboring kingdom of Saraphina, ruled by a great vampire called Carlios Seehenah and his wife Saraphim. They also had a daughter whom I was very fond of. Her name was Setsuki. Setsuki at birth was named princess of Saraphina. As we grew up I grew fonder and fonder of Setsuki but as I got fonder of her, she got less fond of me; she never did like me much. As time went on, we went our separate ways for a few years. Then I saw her again about 3 years later and she had changed from the little girl I knew into a beautiful young woman. I could see in her eyes that she saw that I was different. But that’s when a day that I will never forget happened. The Shakra had started a war about a month earlier and had begun an attack on the capital city of Vampiria, Geotoneekaza (jee oh toh knee ka za) Carlios and his family were visiting, for Carlios was very good friends with my father. My father told me to escort King Carlios and his family back to Saraphina safely. I managed to get them home safe and sound. None of the Saraphinians were harmed or killed. I remember that it was my father who brought the end of the first great war of our time. This battle lasted for 4oo years and it was the Shakra who started it. During this time, many lives were lost; warriors, civilians, women and children.  Thousands died. But that was long ago and we were still trying to repair the damage caused by this back then. Nowadays I do not know what is going on because I have not been to Vampiria since I died but that will be explained later.  Now on with my story.  Where was I? Oh yes, I was just finished talking about the Great Battle. After the Great Battle I went on a search for my father and after a few days he was found alive but just barely.  You see he took the full force of a Shakra attack and it was unfortunately too much for him.  He lasted for only a week longer.  During that time he told me that I was to become king of Vampiria.  At the time, I was not ready because well, I could not bare the fact that my father was going to die. These were his dieing words. “Setsuko, my son. I am sorry for what has happened and that I cannot guide you any further, but you have become very strong, even stronger than me.  The throne to Vampiria is yours if you should decide to take it.  I know you will not disappoint me no matter what you decide, I am very proud of you Setsuko, I love you.” Then he just died right there in his bed. I decided then and there that I would not disappoint my father, for he did not die for nothing; he died trying to protect his kingdom and his family. I rose up and went outside where all of “my” people were waiting for the news of there king.  It was the hardest moment of my life. And I told them, “People of Vampiria, I have terrible news, King Fangeth has passed on to the next life. I, Setsuko, accept the throne of my father and will do my best not to let any of you down. I will be your new king if you choose to accept me”. Then I heard something I will never forget. “HAIL KING SETSUKO, KING OF VAMPIRIA”. My strength and my courage almost immediately returned. Then my fathers most trusted servant, Solta, came to me and lead me to my throne. And just before I sat he presented me with my sword, “The Sacred Vampiria Sword”, which could only be touched the king for its powers were too great for any other. I then gave an order to summon an ambassador of the Shakra for a meeting regarding a peace treaty. Two weeks later we received a letter from the Shakra high council telling me that an ambassador would be there in two days. Two days later he arrived.  Sultoona of the Shakra. We sat down in a private room just me and him. I told him that I would give him a sector of Vampiria for him and the rest of the Shakra in exchange for peace and security from all the Shakra for the rest of Vampiria. When he saw the section of land he was to receive, he gladly accepted. For it was not a small section, it was  one hundred square kilometers, which was more than enough space for all the Shakra plus two more groups with their exact population. After that, I was happy and all of Vampiria was once again at peace. King Carlos was devastated when I told him the news. I would have told him right after the war was over but by law the gates to Vampiria had to remain closed until we knew for certain that there was no longer a security threat. I was just thankful that Setsuki was alright.   Chapter 2   Vampiria lived at peace for about three hundred years. During which time I had the opportunity to get to know Setsuki very well, although she was still not too fond of me I knew that I was very much in love with her. We were friends though and I could see that she was getting fonder of me. So I granted the Saraphinians unlimited travel throughout Vampiria. We also had new laws put in place. For example all species of demon had equal rights and responsibilities. Also the Vampirian army had begun a very strong and brutal new training instead of the old easy going light training they used before. I wanted Vampiria to be ready for anything. I also made it so that the Vampirian army was a voluntary thing. Other than that, we were all in perfect harmony well all of us except the Shakra, whom we had not heard from since the signing of the peace treaty three hundred years earlier, it was like they did not even exist at all. Then, tragedy happened. The Shakra sent a full force attack on my kingdom. There was no sign of warning. They just sent wave after wave of attack squads with about one hundred strong in each. The army was not ready for they were still in the middle of their training plus they were getting new recruits everyday so there was no way they were ready but they did what any army would do. They went into battle. I was with them in front of everyone I was right smack in the middle of both armies. Setsuki and her nana were begging me not to fight, but I know what I had to do. I had to defend my people no matter what the cost, so I turned around and looked directly into Setsuki’s gorgeous eyes and said, “I love you Setsuki, I always have”. Then, just before I turned back, I saw a tear fall from her eye; I knew right then and there that she loved me too. I turned back and faced the Shakra, I was terrified.  Then I drew my sword and yelled out my attack, “SALOOMAY DESTORIA”. (Soul destroyer) it was an attack that did not damage the body in anyway; instead it destroyed my opponent’s soul instantly. My attack took out possibly ten squads and there were still so many left. I was guessing maybe five thousand or so left. But then, Solta came and told me the true number. “Fourteen thousand sire”. He said. I almost fainted, I was so scared right then. But then I put my fear in the back of my mind and said, “ALL FORCES ATTACK!” There was screaming of thousands of solders running, flying, and fighting. It was a slaughter. Then, after about five days or so, we almost had them defeated. Then it happened, the last thing I can remember. I was attacked full force head on. There was no stopping it, I was done. The only thing I can remember after that is being reborn sixteen thousand years later in the year 1989 ad. I did not know who I was, nor did I really know anything, for I was an infant, a newly born human boy. Or so everyone thought. End chapter two.           Chapter 3   Sixteen thousands years had passed, and I didn’t even know who I really was. I honestly thought I was a human boy by the name of Jamie Kay. I lived in Dawson Creek B.C. Canada. 305 95th avenue was my address. Yes, I remember now, I lived on the second house on my street. My neighbor’s names were Ethan, who happened to be my best friend, his mother, Gloria, and is father, Thor. Then there was Kelsay, who was my first crush. I thought she was an angel from heaven, seeing as I was a Christian back then. Anywho, I remember my first school, it was Park Hill Elementary. It was two blocks from my house. I remember all my friends, but I don’t remember all there names, though I remember some. Lets see, there was Sam Brown, Sam Scott, Jordan, Ashley Bull, who was my second crush, oh and another Jordan, also including Ethan and Kelsay, who were very good friends. I loved it in Dawson Creek, for most of my childhood. Although I was born in Powell River B.C., I was also adopted. I went to Park Hill until the end of grade four, that’s when I moved to Wetaskiwin A.B. for one year. After that, I missed my mom, so I moved back to live with her. She had moved to Powell River and when I got there, I was really happy. I lived on Chilco Avenue and the first friend I made there was a girl. A very special girl. One whom I grew up with in Vampiria. But at the time I did not know who she was I just knew her mortal human name.  Sarah Hill. Yes this girl was Setsuki Seehenah. But I did not know that at all. Hell, I didn’t even know who I was yet. Anywho I started grade six and I knew that Sarah wasn’t too fond of me but hell; I thought she was really cute and sweet, but I was always nervous around her because I liked her so much. We made new friends like Lorelei Reed who was, and is, a normal Human. I ended up going out with her for about three years, but honestly, there is nothing really to tell about that. Anywho there was also CJ Mikkelson, and Darren Hodgson (whom I do not happen to like at this time), there was also Max Kellar, who was alright, I guess, but was always trying to steal Lorelei from me just like Alex. Then there was Max’s Sister Sara Kellar, who I and CJ thought was pretty cute, even though she was short as hell, but what can I say, I like short girls. Anywho, those three years were probably the hardest of my mortal life, because I ended up becoming the biggest loser in the entire city of Powell River. Everybody knew me. But then again I was a loser, I was short, I was hyper as hell, annoying, dorkish, I talked like 100 words per second, if you know what I mean. I was always embarrassing or pissing off my friends, but no matter how much I annoyed them, they stuck by my side. I must say, they are the only people in my mortal life, next to Ethan and Kelsay, who I can actually call friends. Anywho, after the end of grade eight, I moved to Fort McMurray for a year and a half. There is nothing really to tell in that time period except for me losing my virginity and finding out that I am Bi-sexual, if you know what I mean, and me starting smoking. Anywho, after a year and a half in Fort McMurray I moved to St. Albert. Now that’s when I really started to screw up my life. I started smoking marijuana, I started taking ecstasy. Also I started drinking, stealing, and breaking the law in many other ways. But I never got caught. Because I was taught from a kid who had been doing that kind of stuff or years and he was two years younger than me. Yeah, I enjoyed it at the time, hell, who wouldn’t enjoy getting laid all the time, getting free stuff, and getting stoned and wasted everyday, hell it was the life. I met a lot of people there but they all ended up screwing me in the ass. Man, that really sucks, and that is why I am not including them in my story, because these people are not worth remembering. But some are, like Doug, a good friend that always tried to steer my life into the right direction. I greatly admire that kid even though every time he tried, he failed. Even though he failed, he would not give up, and I really admire that. But after about a year and a half in St. Albert, I got the crap kicked out of me, because a guy named Mitch told some guys that I threw his girlfriends purse into a fire. The purse consisted of; $300 and a cell phone. I tried to get them to leave me alone after that, but they wouldn’t. So I pressed charges. Then the police told me that it was not safe for me to live n St. Albert anymore, so I was forced to live in Powell River again. It was April 1st 2006 that I was first attacked. And it was May 9th 2006 that I arrived in Powell River. I had to finish my grade 11 school year at brooks secondary school. And guess who was there, Sarah Hill. It was in St. Albert that I realized who I was; I was Setsuko Seeheth of Vampiria, also my Vampirian powers started to return to me. I knew my destiny; it was my duty to protect the mortal realm until I could return to Vampiria. So here I was in Powell River and seeing Sarah for the first time in three years and that is when I knew that she was my beloved Setsuki whom I lost long ago. But I knew I could not tell her because she would either think I was crazy or she would tell me she had already figured that out, but either way, I could not take the chance. When I saw her face for the first time that day I said to myself. “Wow she is an angel.” I wanted to ask her out for a long time, but had once again decided to wait because I was scared. But it was July 29th 2006, that I did. It was at the Sea Fair fireworks, that I worked up the courage to ask her out and I was very shocked to hear her say, “Sure”. For a couple of months we dated and we eventually fell in love. So one Friday night in September, I asked her to marry me. I almost fainted when she happily and in tears said, “Yes”. Ever since then I have never been happier but I am still looking for a way to get back to Vampiria and yes I have told her who she is, and it turned out that she had no idea but there were small clues in her life that she was confused about. But she understands now. So what’s next in my story now that it is practically the present now? Well I guess you will have to wait. But don’t worry I’m not done yet, my story has just only begun. End chapter 3.       Chapter 4   For seventeen years I have lived in this mortal body, in this mortal dimension. And finally after this very long life I have lived so far, I have found only one vampire. The others I have found are; David Barney who was a Lichen, then, there was Lance who was unaware that he was indeed a Pyromancer of Fioa, then, there was also Marley who was a Sanarito White Wolf. I have found no others but the ones I have found have helped me tremendously on my quest to return to Vampiria. David had already discovered his powers and knew how to use them, Lance however, did not know of his inner demon, so I helped him to discover it, after which I trained him to use his powers to control fire. He is now a very skilled Pyro, but is still in need of more training. Marley had discovered his powers long before I even had the faintest idea that I was a vampire, he is very strong and trained me very well. And as for Setsuki, I am still trying to help her discover the powers that lay dormant inside her. She is very strong I can sense her presence from over 1 Km away even now I can sense exactly where she is. She is approximately 17 meters directly in front of me. No I cannot see her because she is in an entirely different room, there are no windows. Setsuki is the only demon I have been able to find that is pretty much the same strength as me. After all she was and is to this day, Princess of Saraphina. Just like I am to this day King of Vampiria, at lease I will be as soon as I marry Setsuki. When that day comes both Saraphina and Vampiria will become one kingdom. I am very glad that this is not an arranged marriage; we fell in love naturally and are going to marry for love. After all I did put an end to arranged marriages in Vampiria, for I thought they were not right, people should not be forced to marry someone they do love. So I gave the order to put and new law in place stating that all Vampirian citizens are now able to marry anyone of there choice. Furthermore, I also put a law in place stating that gay marriage is now legal throughout the entire kingdom. It was not illegal before, it was just never thought of. I can’t wait for the day that me and Setsuki are wed, for I know that Vampiria and Saraphina will be very good places to live. And I also know that Setsuki and I will not only be extremely happy, but we are and will be always inseparable. End chapter 4. Chapter 5     The powers of each and every demon are different no matter what species you are. Even if you are of the same species your power is different. It is like fingerprints, nobody has the exact same powers. Take me for example, my powers are very strong and also some of the spells I can cast cannot be cast by any other demon (to my knowledge anyway). However most spells are learned through teaching, like the soul destroyer for example. I was taught that from my father when I was very young. The reason he taught me at such a young age was because he believed in treating everyday as if it were his last, because nobody knows when there time is up so he wanted to get all the important things done before his life ended. I must say he succeeded. Anywho back to what I was saying about individual powers. Some spells are unlearnable. Some demons are just born with the knowledge and discover it when there body tells them it is time for them to know that certain spell or power. This can be a very good advantage to many demons depending on what individual powers they happen to have. After all everything has a weakness. But then again sometimes individual powers can be a pain, because, sometimes ones individual powers might not be enough. So they will use powers inherited by there own species. This is the most common kind of power used because they are more familiar with these powers because these are the powers that have been used for generations. Typical powers of the vampires are Flying, Lunar Shields, Black Fire attacks, Soul Destroyer, Moon attacks, and planetary attacks. Flying is an ability we are not born with, we are not born with wings, we grow them around the age of five or six. Then we must be taught how to fly but most of us just learn on our own, vampires are known to be kind of stubborn. Then there are Lunar Shields. Lunar Shields are a shield made up of lunar rays, these rays are then rapped around us protecting us from the suns rays which in effect stop the sun from weakening us. These are used in situations when the sun is very hot one day or on a day where we need full strength. Then there are our most powerful attacks next to the Soul Destroyer, our Black Fire attacks. Our demonic aura is Black Fire. So what we do is we summon some of the Black Fire and we can use it for many things, Spells, Shields, we can even throw it in Fire Balls or we can shoot it in a sort of beam. Then there is the Soul Destroyer which I explained in chapter 2, is an attack that does not damage the body in anyway, shape or form. It simply destroys the soul, there is no counter attack for it and there is no defense. Moon attacks are very difficult to learn for they are very rare abilities but I will explain some of them to the best of my ability. Moon attacks are attacks that require the Moons energy, for example, moon light. Then we focus the energy we have gathered and then we unleash it in a shockwave like form. It basically destroys anything in its path that is weaker then the amount of energy we have gathered. Then there are our Planetary attacks, these are attacks that are different for every planet. You see every Vampire, depending on when he or she was born, is spiritually attached to one particular planet; there are rare cases when one is attached to two planets. These are the planets, whom they correspond with and there life energy. Yes it is like a horoscope thing. Sun-Leo-Self, Moon-Cancer-Intuition, Mercury-Gemini and Virgo-Communication, Venus-Taurus and Libra-Love, Mars-Aries-Energy, Jupiter-Sagittarius-Opportunity, Saturn-Capricorn-Limits, Uranus-Aquarius-Change, Neptune-Pisces-Imagination, Pluto-Scorpio-Transformation. I am Gemini, my planet is Mercury and my life energy is Communication. Setsuki is Capricorn, her planet is Saturn, and her life energy is Limits. Even mortals have some sort of powers it is just one hell of a lot harder for them to discover them, let alone use them. No one knows why humans and other mortals cannot use there powers as well as we demons can but I am sure we will find out one day. The powers of demons as different for every demon. Inside everyone is a power just waiting to be released but how you release it is up to you. Just if you read this and then discover your power. Do me a favor. It is very small. “Don’t Do Anything Stupid”. End chapter 5     Chapter 6     Everything has a strength and a weakness. Take me for example. I am a vampire so my weakness is the sun. And my strengths are darkness and the moon. These are a vampire’s main strengths and weaknesses, as for say a werewolf, their weakness is fire, and their strength is the moon. And the Pyromancers. Their weakness is water and their strength is fire. The White Wolves of Sanarito are very unique. There weakness is actually not an element. It is in fact death, while their strength is life. Now the Shakra have a weakness that seems very simple, but it is in fact very hard to use against them, the weakness of the Shakra is wind. Because they can control weather it is very hard to use against them but when you focus wind all around them they cannot move at all. However their strength is psychic energy. That is why they are almost impossible to beat when they attack in groups. Because when they attack in groups they focus all of their psychic energy to all of their comrades adding their own strength to everyone else’s. Basically it is the strength of everyone in their attack squad in every solder. So now that you know our weaknesses what are you going to do? Destroy us? Hunt us down? What? Well guess what mortals. We have been hiding ourselves for hundreds of years and we are tired of it. That is why I am revealing us because nobody else will. So go ahead try to hunt us down, try to kill us all. It will be the last thing you ever do. Don’t forget, we are demons, immortals that cannot die by the hand of a mortal human easily. You will die before you can lay a finger on us. We move like the wind. We are the wind. We are vampires. End chapter 6.     Chapter 7   We demons have been hiding ourselves from you mortals for the last five thousand years. Why have we been doing this? Because we are scared. We know what you mortals are capable of. You use weapons of mass destruction, we did not want to interfere with the mortal world because we are scared that it might start what you would call WWIII but in our case it would be our first interdimensional war. We could not risk that. I am now revealing us in a peaceful manner so that humans will not be afraid of us. I want both humans and demons to live together in harmony. I do not want war. Not again. I have seen what it can do first hand, twice. And in the first my father died, and in the second, I died. Now here I am again. In the mortal world. Trapped with currently no way to return to my homeland. Before the second Vampirian war. I locked the gates to Vampiria so that there was no risk of demons escaping to the human world but at the same time we could not risk humans entering our world. They would not survive. For humans cannot breath our air it is toxic to humans, it is oxygen but it also contains two elements unknown to humans because they can only be found in Vampiria and other Demonic dimensions. They are known as Bladium and Vampirite both necessary to our survival. There is a small amount in this mortal dimension, just enough to ensure our survival in this dimension and also not enough for humans to detect. If these two elements did not exist in this dimension then I guarantee that more one third of the world’s population would die out. Yes more than one third of the world’s population is demons. Most are in the army putting their demonic abilities and powers to use. I am not talking just the American and Canadian armies but armies all over the world. But I can tell you this. No vampire is a terrorist, for in Vampiria all vampires were very peaceful and all were anti-terrorists. We were the ones trying to end it all. We are on the good side. Vampires are not evil. Just because our powers are of darkness doesn’t mean we are evil. It is our strength. Everybody is different. We are vampires. We are not evil. Now enough with that topic now on to one of our most important things that we used back when I was the Vampirian King sixteen thousand years ago. Interdimensional travel. This method of travel is the only known method of travel between dimensions. The gates to Vampiria are now closed because I closed them before I died. I figured that it would be best for all. The last I heard Vampiria was doing quite well. Right now I have no idea on how to return to Vampiria because my memory has not fully returned I cannot remember the incantation I used to seal the dimensional gates. I have had contact by a few vampires who are still trapped in this realm. However they too do not know the spell. So for now my life is here, in this unmagical, mortal world. But I will return…someday.   Chapter 8   Many of you have heard of Heaven and Hell. Well many of you think it is just a place you go to after you die. Well you are right about that but you are wrong about it being a majestic world not of this universe or dimensions. It is another dimension between the mortal dimension, Heaven is to the north and Hell is to the south. Heaven is actually a name the mortals came up with. Heavens true name is actually Hevanos meaning Purity. And Hell is actually called Voosanite, meaning Darkness. These dimensions are not ordinary; no living soul can enter these dimensions of death. Also you must be accepted into them, for if they do not see you worthy of entrance you become a ghost of the mortal dimension until you are worthy. Or some just need to do some things before crossing over for example, maybe they forgot to do something before they died or they need to watch over someone. All ghosts on Earth are here for this reason. Those orbs of light you sometimes see are simply souls wandering around. There is nothing to fear of them unless they want to hurt you. Take it from me I wandered around for a bit. Three hundred years to be accurate. Anywho enough about me wandering around for three hundred years I ain’t going to get into detail because well lets just say I don’t want to ruin the fun of what you really think happened in the medieval era (LOL). Man that was a wild era. Oh well at least I picked up some more weapon skills then. Anywho what else should I tell. Hmm let me think here…. Aww man there is so much to tell, just wording it all and figuring out what to tell next is hard as hell. I know, I will tell you of something that happened just recently. I was back in my old city visiting when I saw David, I forget if I mentioned him yet or not. But anywho he is the Lichen King and also a very good friend of mine. When I saw him he told me of something that I thought would never happen. I didn’t want to tell any of you about this because it might have scared you but what the hell you all need to know. He told me that he had created an alliance with the Shadow demons from the dimension of Maktar. Now the shadow demons are probably the most powerful demons next to us and the Shakra. These demons are not visible to the naked eye unless they reveal themselves into a form that is recognizable. This is because their true form is a shadow. Now this shadow is not ordinary. It can be anywhere even if it is not on something. It can be in thin air. They move by shadow and they attack with shadows. And because they are shadow they are impossible to attack physically. Only psychic powers can affect them. But now that we have an alliance with them we no longer have to worry about them. End chapter 8.       thanx for the read hope u enjoys it, oh yes this book is copyrighted

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