URNotAlone

book opinion needed

April 28th, 2008 10:47 am MDT

hey all the following is my novel i aint finished yet but i need opinions so please let me know
 
 
 
 

The Life of a Demon
By Kayla Summer
 
Prologue
 
 
My
name is Setsuko Seeheth, I am a vampire.  Not your average blood sucking killer, I am not your average
mythological vampire. Not the kind that will burn to ashes in the rays of the
sun. Not the kind that will suffer when looking at crucifixes, I am different,
I am the real thing.  Some of you might
ask. “If you are not like the ones in stories then what are you”?  Well I can tell you this. You say that
vampires will burn to ashes when stabbed with a stake to the heart, well
consider this, it doesn’t matter who or what you are, if you are stabbed in the
heart with anything you are going to die. Also the sun does not kill us it
simply weakens us. Also we have shadows and reflection. Furthermore, coffins
are not necessary; some of us just prefer them. So you want to know what we are,
well then, I will tell you everything I have to tell about my past life.  This is my story.
 
 
 
 
Chapter 1
 
My
story begins about sixteen thousand years ago in the land of demons. My land is
not of this world, nor is it of the heavens or of hell. Vampiria is a dimension
right along side this one. Vampiria was a very peaceful kingdom back then ruled
by my father, Fangeth Seeheth. My father was probably the greatest ruler in the
history of Vampiria, he always believed in peace, unity and equality, for there
were more than just vampires in Vampiria, there were Lichens (L I ken) (half
vampires, half werewolf), and there are the White Wolves of Sanarito (San a ree
toe), which is a pure breed demon found in the province of Sanarito. There are
also the pyromancers of Fioa (F I oh a) which is a breed of human-like demons
who are similar to vampires. They control fire and do not have fangs or wings.
Then there were our greatest foes, the Shakra (sha kra) they were teleporters who
could control the weather and were also extremely psychic. The Shakra live in
the farthest northern point of Vampiria. But other then that we all lived in
harmony, well all of us but the Shakra, who were very rarely seen. I also
remember of the neighboring kingdom
of Saraphina, ruled by a
great vampire called Carlios Seehenah and his wife Saraphim. They also had a
daughter whom I was very fond of. Her name was Setsuki. Setsuki at birth was
named princess of Saraphina. As we grew up I grew fonder and fonder of Setsuki
but as I got fonder of her, she got less fond of me; she never did like me
much. As time went on, we went our separate ways for a few years. Then I saw
her again about 3 years later and she had changed from the little girl I knew
into a beautiful young woman. I could see in her eyes that she saw that I was
different. But that’s when a day that I will never forget happened. The Shakra
had started a war about a month earlier and had begun an attack on the capital
city of Vampiria,
Geotoneekaza (jee oh toh knee ka za) Carlios and his family were visiting, for
Carlios was very good friends with my father. My father told me to escort King
Carlios and his family back to Saraphina safely. I managed to get them home
safe and sound. None of the Saraphinians were harmed or killed. I remember that
it was my father who brought the end of the first great war of our time. This
battle lasted for 4oo years and it was the Shakra who started it. During this
time, many lives were lost; warriors, civilians, women and children.  Thousands died. But that was long ago and we
were still trying to repair the damage caused by this back then. Nowadays I do
not know what is going on because I have not been to Vampiria since I died but
that will be explained later.  Now on
with my story.  Where was I? Oh yes, I
was just finished talking about the Great Battle. After the Great Battle I went
on a search for my father and after a few days he was found alive but just
barely.  You see he took the full force
of a Shakra attack and it was unfortunately too much for him.  He lasted for only a week longer.  During that time he told me that I was to
become king of Vampiria.  At the time, I
was not ready because well, I could not bare the fact that my father was going
to die. These were his dieing words. “Setsuko, my son. I am sorry for what has
happened and that I cannot guide you any further, but you have become very
strong, even stronger than me.  The
throne to Vampiria is yours if you should decide to take it.  I know you will not disappoint me no matter
what you decide, I am very proud of you Setsuko, I love you.” Then he just died
right there in his bed. I decided then and there that I would not disappoint my
father, for he did not die for nothing; he died trying to protect his kingdom
and his family. I rose up and went outside where all of “my” people were
waiting for the news of there king.  It
was the hardest moment of my life. And I told them, “People of Vampiria, I have
terrible news, King Fangeth has passed on to the next life. I, Setsuko, accept
the throne of my father and will do my best not to let any of you down. I will
be your new king if you choose to accept me”. Then I heard something I will
never forget. “HAIL KING SETSUKO, KING OF VAMPIRIA”. My strength and my courage
almost immediately returned. Then my fathers most trusted servant, Solta, came
to me and lead me to my throne. And just before I sat he presented me with my
sword, “The Sacred Vampiria Sword”, which could only be touched the king for
its powers were too great for any other. I then gave an order to summon an
ambassador of the Shakra for a meeting regarding a peace treaty. Two weeks
later we received a letter from the Shakra high council telling me that an ambassador
would be there in two days. Two days later he arrived.  Sultoona of the Shakra. We sat down in a
private room just me and him. I told him that I would give him a sector of
Vampiria for him and the rest of the Shakra in exchange for peace and security
from all the Shakra for the rest of Vampiria. When he saw the section of land
he was to receive, he gladly accepted. For it was not a small section, it
was  one hundred square kilometers, which
was more than enough space for all the Shakra plus two more groups with their
exact population. After that, I was happy and all of Vampiria was once again at
peace. King Carlos was devastated when I told him the news. I would have told
him right after the war was over but by law the gates to Vampiria had to remain
closed until we knew for certain that there was no longer a security threat. I
was just thankful that Setsuki was alright.
 
Chapter 2
 
Vampiria
lived at peace for about three hundred years. During which time I had the
opportunity to get to know Setsuki very well, although she was still not too
fond of me I knew that I was very much in love with her. We were friends though
and I could see that she was getting fonder of me. So I granted the
Saraphinians unlimited travel throughout Vampiria. We also had new laws put in
place. For example all species of demon had equal rights and responsibilities.
Also the Vampirian army had begun a very strong and brutal new training instead
of the old easy going light training they used before. I wanted Vampiria to be
ready for anything. I also made it so that the Vampirian army was a voluntary
thing. Other than that, we were all in perfect harmony well all of us except
the Shakra, whom we had not heard from since the signing of the peace treaty
three hundred years earlier, it was like they did not even exist at all. Then,
tragedy happened. The Shakra sent a full force attack on my kingdom. There was
no sign of warning. They just sent wave after wave of attack squads with about
one hundred strong in each. The army was not ready for they were still in the
middle of their training plus they were getting new recruits everyday so there
was no way they were ready but they did what any army would do. They went into
battle. I was with them in front of everyone I was right smack in the middle of
both armies. Setsuki and her nana were begging me not to fight, but I know what
I had to do. I had to defend my people no matter what the cost, so I turned
around and looked directly into Setsuki’s gorgeous eyes and said, “I love you
Setsuki, I always have”. Then, just before I turned back, I saw a tear fall
from her eye; I knew right then and there that she loved me too. I turned back
and faced the Shakra, I was terrified.  Then
I drew my sword and yelled out my attack, “SALOOMAY DESTORIA”. (Soul destroyer)
it was an attack that did not damage the body in anyway; instead it destroyed
my opponent’s soul instantly. My attack took out possibly ten squads and there
were still so many left. I was guessing maybe five thousand or so left. But
then, Solta came and told me the true number. “Fourteen thousand sire”. He
said. I almost fainted, I was so scared right then. But then I put my fear in
the back of my mind and said, “ALL FORCES ATTACK!” There was screaming of
thousands of solders running, flying, and fighting. It was a slaughter. Then,
after about five days or so, we almost had them defeated. Then it happened, the
last thing I can remember. I was attacked full force head on. There was no stopping
it, I was done. The only thing I can remember after that is being reborn
sixteen thousand years later in the year 1989 ad. I did not know who I was, nor
did I really know anything, for I was an infant, a newly born human boy. Or so
everyone thought. End
chapter two.
 
 
 
 
 
Chapter 3
 
Sixteen
thousands years had passed, and I didn’t even know who I really was. I honestly
thought I was a human boy by the name of Jamie Kay. I lived in Dawson
Creek B.C. Canada.
305 95th avenue
was my address. Yes, I remember now, I lived on the second house on my street.
My neighbor’s names were Ethan, who happened to be my best friend, his mother,
Gloria, and is father, Thor. Then there was Kelsay, who was my first crush. I
thought she was an angel from heaven, seeing as I was a Christian back then.
Anywho, I remember my first school, it was Park Hill Elementary. It was two
blocks from my house. I remember all my friends, but I don’t remember all there
names, though I remember some. Lets see, there was Sam Brown, Sam Scott,
Jordan, Ashley Bull, who was my second crush, oh and another Jordan, also
including Ethan and Kelsay, who were very good friends. I loved it in Dawson Creek, for most of
my childhood. Although I was born in Powell River B.C., I was also adopted. I
went to Park Hill until the end of grade four, that’s when I moved to
Wetaskiwin A.B. for one year. After that, I missed my mom, so I moved back to
live with her. She had moved to Powell
River and when I got
there, I was really happy. I lived on Chilco
Avenue and the first friend I made there was a
girl. A very special girl. One whom I grew up with in Vampiria. But at the time
I did not know who she was I just knew her mortal human name.  Sarah Hill. Yes this girl was Setsuki
Seehenah. But I did not know that at all. Hell, I didn’t even know who I was
yet. Anywho I started grade six and I knew that Sarah wasn’t too fond of me but
hell; I thought she was really cute and sweet, but I was always nervous around
her because I liked her so much. We made new friends like Lorelei Reed who was,
and is, a normal Human. I ended up going out with her for about three years,
but honestly, there is nothing really to tell about that. Anywho there was also
CJ Mikkelson, and Darren Hodgson (whom I do not happen to like at this time),
there was also Max Kellar, who was alright, I guess, but was always trying to
steal Lorelei from me just like Alex. Then there was Max’s Sister Sara Kellar,
who I and CJ thought was pretty cute, even though she was short as hell, but
what can I say, I like short girls. Anywho, those three years were probably the
hardest of my mortal life, because I ended up becoming the biggest loser in the
entire city of Powell
River. Everybody knew me.
But then again I was a loser, I was short, I was hyper as hell, annoying,
dorkish, I talked like 100 words per second, if you know what I mean. I was
always embarrassing or pissing off my friends, but no matter how much I annoyed
them, they stuck by my side. I must say, they are the only people in my mortal
life, next to Ethan and Kelsay, who I can actually call friends. Anywho, after
the end of grade eight, I moved to Fort
McMurray for a year and a half. There is nothing
really to tell in that time period except for me losing my virginity and
finding out that I am Bi-sexual, if you know what I mean, and me starting
smoking. Anywho, after a year and a half in Fort McMurray
I moved to St. Albert.
Now that’s when I really started to screw up my life. I started smoking
marijuana, I started taking ecstasy. Also I started drinking, stealing, and
breaking the law in many other ways. But I never got caught. Because I was
taught from a kid who had been doing that kind of stuff or years and he was two
years younger than me. Yeah, I enjoyed it at the time, hell, who wouldn’t enjoy
getting laid all the time, getting free stuff, and getting stoned and wasted
everyday, hell it was the life. I met a lot of people there but they all ended
up screwing me in the ass. Man, that really sucks, and that is why I am not
including them in my story, because these people are not worth remembering. But
some are, like Doug, a good friend that always tried to steer my life into the
right direction. I greatly admire that kid even though every time he tried, he
failed. Even though he failed, he would not give up, and I really admire that.
But after about a year and a half in St.
Albert, I got the crap kicked out of me, because a guy
named Mitch told some guys that I threw his girlfriends purse into a fire. The
purse consisted of; $300 and a cell phone. I tried to get them to leave me
alone after that, but they wouldn’t. So I pressed charges. Then the police told
me that it was not safe for me to live n St. Albert
anymore, so I was forced to live in Powell
River again. It was April 1st 2006
that I was first attacked. And it was May 9th 2006 that I arrived in Powell River.
I had to finish my grade 11 school year at brooks secondary school. And guess
who was there, Sarah Hill. It was in St.
Albert that I realized who I was; I was Setsuko
Seeheth of Vampiria, also my Vampirian powers started to return to me. I knew
my destiny; it was my duty to protect the mortal realm until I could return to
Vampiria. So here I was in Powell
River and seeing Sarah
for the first time in three years and that is when I knew that she was my
beloved Setsuki whom I lost long ago. But I knew I could not tell her because
she would either think I was crazy or she would tell me she had already figured
that out, but either way, I could not take the chance. When I saw her face for
the first time that day I said to myself. “Wow she is an angel.” I wanted to
ask her out for a long time, but had once again decided to wait because I was
scared. But it was July 29th 2006, that I did. It was at the Sea Fair fireworks, that I worked
up the courage to ask her out and I was very shocked to hear her say, “Sure”.
For a couple of months we dated and we eventually fell in love. So one Friday
night in September, I asked her to marry me. I almost fainted when she happily
and in tears said, “Yes”. Ever since then I have never been happier but I am
still looking for a way to get back to Vampiria and yes I have told her who she
is, and it turned out that she had no idea but there were small clues in her
life that she was confused about. But she understands now. So what’s next in my
story now that it is practically the present now? Well I guess you will have to
wait. But don’t worry I’m not done yet, my story has just only begun. End chapter 3.
 
 
 
Chapter 4
 
For
seventeen years I have lived in this mortal body, in this mortal dimension. And
finally after this very long life I have lived so far, I have found only one
vampire. The others I have found are; David Barney who was a Lichen, then,
there was Lance who was unaware that he was indeed a Pyromancer of Fioa, then,
there was also Marley who was a Sanarito White Wolf. I have found no others but
the ones I have found have helped me tremendously on my quest to return to
Vampiria. David had already discovered his powers and knew how to use them,
Lance however, did not know of his inner demon, so I helped him to discover it,
after which I trained him to use his powers to control fire. He is now a very
skilled Pyro, but is still in need of more training. Marley had discovered his
powers long before I even had the faintest idea that I was a vampire, he is
very strong and trained me very well. And as for Setsuki, I am still trying to
help her discover the powers that lay dormant inside her. She is very strong I
can sense her presence from over 1 Km away even now I can sense exactly where
she is. She is approximately 17 meters directly in front of me. No I cannot see
her because she is in an entirely different room, there are no windows. Setsuki
is the only demon I have been able to find that is pretty much the same
strength as me. After all she was and is to this day, Princess of Saraphina.
Just like I am to this day King of Vampiria, at lease I will be as soon as I
marry Setsuki. When that day comes both Saraphina and Vampiria will become one
kingdom. I am very glad that this is not an arranged marriage; we fell in love
naturally and are going to marry for love. After all I did put an end to
arranged marriages in Vampiria, for I thought they were not right, people
should not be forced to marry someone they do love. So I gave the order to put
and new law in place stating that all Vampirian citizens are now able to marry
anyone of there choice. Furthermore, I also put a law in place stating that gay
marriage is now legal throughout the entire kingdom. It was not illegal before,
it was just never thought of. I can’t wait for the day that me and Setsuki are
wed, for I know that Vampiria and Saraphina will be very good places to live.
And I also know that Setsuki and I will not only be extremely happy, but we are
and will be always inseparable. End chapter 4.
Chapter 5
 
 
The
powers of each and every demon are different no matter what species you are.
Even if you are of the same species your power is different. It is like
fingerprints, nobody has the exact same powers. Take me for example, my powers
are very strong and also some of the spells I can cast cannot be cast by any
other demon (to my knowledge anyway). However most spells are learned through
teaching, like the soul destroyer for example. I was taught that from my father
when I was very young. The reason he taught me at such a young age was because
he believed in treating everyday as if it were his last, because nobody knows
when there time is up so he wanted to get all the important things done before
his life ended. I must say he succeeded. Anywho back to what I was saying about
individual powers. Some spells are unlearnable. Some demons are just born with
the knowledge and discover it when there body tells them it is time for them to
know that certain spell or power. This can be a very good advantage to many
demons depending on what individual powers they happen to have. After all
everything has a weakness. But then again sometimes individual powers can be a
pain, because, sometimes ones individual powers might not be enough. So they
will use powers inherited by there own species. This is the most common kind of
power used because they are more familiar with these powers because these are
the powers that have been used for generations. Typical powers of the vampires
are Flying, Lunar Shields, Black Fire attacks, Soul Destroyer, Moon attacks,
and planetary attacks. Flying is an ability we are not born with, we are not
born with wings, we grow them around the age of five or six. Then we must be
taught how to fly but most of us just learn on our own, vampires are known to
be kind of stubborn. Then there are Lunar Shields. Lunar Shields are a shield
made up of lunar rays, these rays are then rapped around us protecting us from
the suns rays which in effect stop the sun from weakening us. These are used in
situations when the sun is very hot one day or on a day where we need full
strength. Then there are our most powerful attacks next to the Soul Destroyer,
our Black Fire attacks. Our demonic aura is Black Fire. So what we do is we
summon some of the Black Fire and we can use it for many things, Spells,
Shields, we can even throw it in Fire Balls or we can shoot it in a sort of
beam. Then there is the Soul Destroyer which I explained in chapter 2, is an
attack that does not damage the body in anyway, shape or form. It simply
destroys the soul, there is no counter attack for it and there is no defense.
Moon attacks are very difficult to learn for they are very rare abilities but I
will explain some of them to the best of my ability. Moon attacks are attacks
that require the Moons energy, for example, moon light. Then we focus the
energy we have gathered and then we unleash it in a shockwave like form. It
basically destroys anything in its path that is weaker then the amount of
energy we have gathered. Then there are our Planetary attacks, these are attacks
that are different for every planet. You see every Vampire, depending on when
he or she was born, is spiritually attached to one particular planet; there are
rare cases when one is attached to two planets. These are the planets, whom
they correspond with and there life energy. Yes it is like a horoscope thing.
Sun-Leo-Self, Moon-Cancer-Intuition, Mercury-Gemini and Virgo-Communication,
Venus-Taurus and Libra-Love, Mars-Aries-Energy, Jupiter-Sagittarius-Opportunity,
Saturn-Capricorn-Limits, Uranus-Aquarius-Change, Neptune-Pisces-Imagination,
Pluto-Scorpio-Transformation. I am Gemini, my planet is Mercury and my life
energy is Communication. Setsuki is Capricorn, her planet is Saturn, and her
life energy is Limits. Even mortals have some sort of powers it is just one
hell of a lot harder for them to discover them, let alone use them. No one
knows why humans and other mortals cannot use there powers as well as we demons
can but I am sure we will find out one day. The powers of demons as different
for every demon. Inside everyone is a power just waiting to be released but how
you release it is up to you. Just if you read this and then discover your
power. Do me a favor. It is very small. “Don’t Do Anything Stupid”. End chapter 5
 
 
Chapter 6
 
 
Everything
has a strength and a weakness. Take me for example. I am a vampire so my
weakness is the sun. And my strengths are darkness and the moon. These are a
vampire’s main strengths and weaknesses, as for say a werewolf, their weakness
is fire, and their strength is the moon. And the Pyromancers. Their weakness is
water and their strength is fire. The White Wolves of Sanarito are very unique.
There weakness is actually not an element. It is in fact death, while their
strength is life. Now the Shakra have a weakness that seems very simple, but it
is in fact very hard to use against them, the weakness of the Shakra is wind.
Because they can control weather it is very hard to use against them but when
you focus wind all around them they cannot move at all. However their strength
is psychic energy. That is why they are almost impossible to beat when they
attack in groups. Because when they attack in groups they focus all of their
psychic energy to all of their comrades adding their own strength to everyone else’s.
Basically it is the strength of everyone in their attack squad in every solder.
So now that you know our weaknesses what are you going to do? Destroy us? Hunt
us down? What? Well guess what mortals. We have been hiding ourselves for
hundreds of years and we are tired of it. That is why I am revealing us because
nobody else will. So go ahead try to hunt us down, try to kill us all. It will
be the last thing you ever do. Don’t forget, we are demons, immortals that
cannot die by the hand of a mortal human easily. You will die before you can
lay a finger on us. We move like the wind. We are the wind. We are vampires. End chapter 6.
 
 
Chapter 7
 
We
demons have been hiding ourselves from you mortals for the last five thousand
years. Why have we been doing this? Because we are scared. We know what you
mortals are capable of. You use weapons of mass destruction, we did not want to
interfere with the mortal world because we are scared that it might start what
you would call WWIII but in our case it would be our first interdimensional
war. We could not risk that. I am now revealing us in a peaceful manner so that
humans will not be afraid of us. I want both humans and demons to live together
in harmony. I do not want war. Not again. I have seen what it can do first
hand, twice. And in the first my father died, and in the second, I died. Now
here I am again. In the mortal world. Trapped with currently no way to return
to my homeland. Before the second Vampirian war. I locked the gates to Vampiria
so that there was no risk of demons escaping to the human world but at the same
time we could not risk humans entering our world. They would not survive. For
humans cannot breath our air it is toxic to humans, it is oxygen but it also
contains two elements unknown to humans because they can only be found in
Vampiria and other Demonic dimensions. They are known as Bladium and Vampirite
both necessary to our survival. There is a small amount in this mortal
dimension, just enough to ensure our survival in this dimension and also not
enough for humans to detect. If these two elements did not exist in this
dimension then I guarantee that more one third of the world’s population would
die out. Yes more than one third of the world’s population is demons. Most are
in the army putting their demonic abilities and powers to use. I am not talking
just the American and Canadian armies but armies all over the world. But I can
tell you this. No vampire is a terrorist, for in Vampiria all vampires were
very peaceful and all were anti-terrorists. We were the ones trying to end it
all. We are on the good side. Vampires are not evil. Just because our powers
are of darkness doesn’t mean we are evil. It is our strength. Everybody is
different. We are vampires. We are not evil. Now enough with that topic now on
to one of our most important things that we used back when I was the Vampirian
King sixteen thousand years ago. Interdimensional travel. This method of travel
is the only known method of travel between dimensions. The gates to Vampiria
are now closed because I closed them before I died. I figured that it would be
best for all. The last I heard Vampiria was doing quite well. Right now I have
no idea on how to return to Vampiria because my memory has not fully returned I
cannot remember the incantation I used to seal the dimensional gates. I have
had contact by a few vampires who are still trapped in this realm. However they
too do not know the spell. So for now my life is here, in this unmagical, mortal
world. But I will return…someday.
 
Chapter 8
 
Many
of you have heard of Heaven and Hell. Well many of you think it is just a place
you go to after you die. Well you are right about that but you are wrong about
it being a majestic world not of this universe or dimensions. It is another
dimension between the mortal dimension, Heaven is to the north and Hell is to
the south. Heaven is actually a name the mortals came up with. Heavens true
name is actually Hevanos meaning Purity. And Hell is actually called Voosanite,
meaning Darkness. These dimensions are not ordinary; no living soul can enter
these dimensions of death. Also you must be accepted into them, for if they do
not see you worthy of entrance you become a ghost of the mortal dimension until
you are worthy. Or some just need to do some things before crossing over for
example, maybe they forgot to do something before they died or they need to
watch over someone. All ghosts on Earth are here for this reason. Those orbs of
light you sometimes see are simply souls wandering around. There is nothing to
fear of them unless they want to hurt you. Take it from me I wandered around
for a bit. Three hundred years to be accurate. Anywho enough about me wandering
around for three hundred years I ain’t going to get into detail because well
lets just say I don’t want to ruin the fun of what you really think happened in
the medieval era (LOL). Man that was a wild era. Oh well at least I picked up
some more weapon skills then. Anywho what else should I tell. Hmm let me think
here…. Aww man there is so much to tell, just wording it all and figuring out
what to tell next is hard as hell. I know, I will tell you of something that
happened just recently. I was back in my old city visiting when I saw David, I
forget if I mentioned him yet or not. But anywho he is the Lichen King and also
a very good friend of mine. When I saw him he told me of something that I
thought would never happen. I didn’t want to tell any of you about this because
it might have scared you but what the hell you all need to know. He told me
that he had created an alliance with the Shadow demons from the dimension of
Maktar. Now the shadow demons are probably the most powerful demons next to us
and the Shakra. These demons are not visible to the naked eye unless they
reveal themselves into a form that is recognizable. This is because their true
form is a shadow. Now this shadow is not ordinary. It can be anywhere even if
it is not on something. It can be in thin air. They move by shadow and they
attack with shadows. And because they are shadow they are impossible to attack
physically. Only psychic powers can affect them. But now that we have an
alliance with them we no longer have to worry about them. End chapter 8.
 
 
 
thanx for the read hope u enjoys it, oh yes this book is copyrighted