Nicole Wilde
"is feeling optimistic"
Journal Entries for Nicole Wilde
Confidence badly damaged but re-inforced at eleventh hour
May 20th, 2008 9:28 pm MDT
Had some pretty bad knocks to my confidence during the past week. It's something that I have to remind myself about constantly that it's not enough to keep telling yourself that there's nothing wrong with you, but you have to be pretty thick skinned about what people around you say too. Well, that's not to say that I live in a world full of rose gardens and fluffy clouds where I never hear a nasty comment, but let's be honest, when I am out and about I find that someone has to be right in my face with anything unpleasant before it will even register. Sidelong glances and sneers aren't really that common but I have totally tuned them out anyway. Most of the time, I get smiles and happy faces anyway, and my confidence in human nature is stronger than ever these days because of it. But what I'm talking about is the bombshell that sneaks in under the radar. It is a comment by someone who at least claims to be an unconditional supporter, which comes streaking out of a clear blue summer sky like a scud missile and sends you reeling. Kind of like the way your very liberal, open minded parents who didn't bat an eyelid about all this and dismissed any issue regarding how you may present yourself in public then subsequently say: "just don't do it while we're visiting" or "we'd just like to spend some time with our son" or "you need to think about who you are hurting" or "are you sure it's a good idea to go to your friends wedding like this". Well, I know the answer is not at the bottom of a vodka bottle, but that's only because I had a bloody good look for it there recently. Actually I know exactly where the answer is and I went to the bottle out of habit and self pity. The answer is at urnotalone, in the experiences of others, in conversations with real friends, who continue to spend time with you because they like you and value your friendship, and in yourself, in being honest about why you need to do this, and in putting one foot in front of the other, and never looking back. Jon Bon Jovi was wrong - you can never go home, but then if you are smart you bring home with you I guess. And thanks Daria for your kind words which were just enough to make me realize how lucky I am.
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Re: Confidence badly damaged but re-inforced at eleventh hour Emma Sloan May 21st, 2008 6:33 pm MDT Hi Girl, I so much know the feeling you have described. After all these years I can pretty much ignore the fools on the street, but it's those I've opened up to that hurt the most. Just be aware it's not limited to parents and/or family,..(I didn't expect any support from them) Still, when it comes from those you thought were friends that is when it hurts the most. And to me, even worse was when the attack came from another Tgirl who I thought was a friend,, whoa that was a shocker. Fortunately the words of a very dear person usually help me past those times. My grandmother (who knew about me from the time I was born) had a saying,.. My mother used to really hate the way her mother dressed, a country woman in clunky shoes, fades skirts, two sweaters, thick hose, and a hairnet,... My mother would bitch about what other people would think,. but what my grandmother told her was "If they don't like the way I look, then they can look the other way". Anyway, when I was sent to live with my grandmother to keep me away from bad influences I was a bit concerned. But my grandmother was wonderful, she even made me some dresses since my parents had tossed all my nice things. When the boys on the lane made comments, she told me,.. "Don't worry sweetie, if they don't like the way you look, they can look the other way".
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