URNotAlone

Becoming wiser / Entry for June 24, 2008

June 24th, 2008 4:39 pm MDT

Becoming wiser / Entry for June 24, 2008 So funny enough i have be come more wiser at my age. Then again i am getting closer to 29 and then 30 is not to far away. My family as in both my parents and my self are getting pretty sick and tired of my brother who is 32 soon to be 33. Were tired of all his lies and the crap that keeps coming out of his mouth. When my Mom was in for her second knee operation as well as her first one did my brother show up to visit her there at all. NO. Hes very selfish and only thinks of him self. I can funny enough admit when im wrong and that i have been needy in the past and so forth. But for him never. I wrote him an email last night. And as my parents both have said it was very well writin. However when he wrote back it was all nasty. He never got the point of what i said. We are drifting apart and i think its for the better for right now. Were at too different parts in out lives and for right now its for the better. I just wish he would wake up out of his bubble. But that may never happen. I feel like iv become such a different person over the last little wile and its such a great thing. My Bestfriend is moving back to Ottawa in july sometime. I had asked him to promis me 1 thing. That when we go to a club if it can be not a gay club. Im tired of having 1 gay person tell me im a man every time i step into a gay club. Its not all the time but 85% of the time i hear something and its just not making me comfortable. They really need to be more open minded or at the very least read a book. I don't have any problems at straight bars. And for once id like it if my gay friends could do me that little thing by going with me to one. My 2 gay friends there a couple i told them last time we got together. Next time we hang out we have to go to a straight bar or club. Its a 2 way street. Im confident in my self and i know i'll be more accepted. I live a really straight life but hanging out with gay friends it only makes sense if they can go where i want to go as well. I don't want to go to a straight club to pick up. I want to go for the music the atmosphere and to have a good time. Also i have removed so many people off my msn and facebook that i feel lighter. I can't explane it but i feel i guess in one word AMAZING. Its such a nice feeling to know that all the shit and crap i have gone through in my life it has made me who i am today. As well i have basicly givin up sex. I don't want anyone to touch me down there touch it and die lol. I want a meaningful relationship with someone i want to be with. Im not letting my self go to just anyone anymore. Now that i respect my body and who i am i just can't lower my self into what i used to do. Not that sex is bad its just not for me at this point in my life. I will wait till i meet someone great. And they will have to work for it in the sense im not giving up me and till i know there the right person. As for now im living my life to the fullest and very happy where my life is going. Live life to the fullest. Charish your body your soul and your sprit. Lana