Journal Entries for Heather Stanley
My First Entry
January 2nd, 2009 2:11 pm MST
My first journal entry. Well girls the last two years have been what can only be described as a rollercoaster of a journey. I told my wife that I wanted to be the woman I know I am but when it came to the crunch I couldn't go through with it because I love her too much. Every day I think about the decision I've made and everyday my heart tells me I should go for it. When I'm dressed and out and about I feel so so comfortable I know it's right, then when get home I feel dead guilty. Is this what I should be going through? I can see at sometime time in the future I'll have to make my mind up once and for all but it's ever so hard.
Joining "Your Not Alone" hopefully will allow me to make new freinds. I'm enjoy talking about girlie things, men, well you know the sort of stuff. If any boys read this I'm not looking for sex only friendships at the moment. So that's it for my first entry. Lets hope 2009 will be agreat year
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Heather,
Happy birthday. Hope all is well.
I too have put my transition on the back burner because of my love for my wife. For now I have found a balance. I try to live my life true to myself whether presenting as a woman or a man. My peace comes from my faith, as well as the knowledge that I am progressing toward a goal.
If my assessment is correct, my wife's hesitation to support me comes from her lack of self esteem and self confidence. I am doing my best to help her build up her own self confidence. My goal will be fullfilled when she gets confident enough to be able to leave me. I don't think she will leave, and I certainly do not want her to leave. But when she does get to that point, she may be able to support me in my transition. And even if not, how much stronger and more meaningful will our love for each otherbe? I can't lose.
- Hugs