URNotAlone

(Originally written 6 months ago)

This entry is to explain my experience with taking hormones thus far. Since I’m a lazy fuck, here’s the nutshell version.

At first (October 2010) I started taking the hormones which centurianonline.com supplies. The company’s name is “Transformation,” or at least that’s what it looks like from the bottles. I was taking the “Natural Feminizer” and the “Ultra-Strength Estro-Glan,” 3 of each per day for about 3 weeks. I added “Tripple Strength Mammary” to the mix and so I was taking 4 of each per day. After all the money I put into them, nothing happened. Well, not nothing; my sex drive went really high, but no feminizing happened. There are people who swear by it, or at least that’s what I have been led to believe.

In the beginning of 2010 I finally started taking hormones. I have always been wary of taking them myself and regulating them myself, but at that point it was either to go through with it or go through with it. I couldn’t stand it anymore. At first I took 2mg of Estrofem and 50mg of Spirotone. This continued for two weeks. The next two weeks I upped the dosage to 4mg of Estrfem and 100mg of Spirotone. Then I was taking 6mg of Estrofem and 100mg of Spirotone for another few months. After about eight or nine months, I upped the dosage of Spirotone to 200mg. This is still my daily regimen.

I haven’t had the money to afford to go see a doctor, and I haven’t been able to get health insurance to cover it either. I was a full-time student and only worked at a shit job for one to two days a week which only afforded me food and what little else I could get. Since July of 2010 I have been out of a job and have had to panhandle and do other things for money. I have been trying to get a job since then, but, being a transsexual, discrimination is something I deal with daily. I never know when I will be getting some more money to pay bills or buy more hormones.

This is why I need help continuing my transition and why I couldn’t start it sooner. If anyone is willing to help me here and there, buying hormones, I would be VERY appreciative. I also dominate for tribute so anyone who wants to just let me know. Thanks.

I have done massive amounts of research online into ways I can enlarge my breasts naturally. There are millions of different herb combinations and products to try, but which one actually does what it says it will?

At first I took individual herbs in capsule form: Saw Palmetto, Wild Yam, Red Clover and Fenugreek. These were all from the Greenbush brand. I have also read that Black Cohosh and Fennel Seed helps, but I have not tried them. I took these herbs over six months and saw no improvement. I did however smell like maple syrup.

I took Ultra-Enhance over three months, and that didn't do much of anything. The ingredients were the same as the individual capsules I took. They don't give this info out on their website (at least when I bought them they didn't) but if they did I wouldn't have bought it.

Now I bought an extract after reading the reviews on Amazon. It's called fulfillment and is made by NatureInc. I bought two tincture bottles of it for a big fee. I have been taking it for about a week now. The only thing I have noticed is that my breasts are slightly fuller. Not bad for one week. I'm hoping it will increase my bust two cup sizes since almost everybody who reviewed it said that that's what it did for them.

I am also looking into an herb called Pueraria Mirifica. Apparently it does wonders on your breasts. The capsules I'm looking at getting are made by Nature's Answer.

I'm now on an extract kick. I mixed together Fenugreek, Saw Palmetto, Fennel Seed, Black Cohosh, Red Clover and Dong Quai Root, all made by Herb Pharm. I'm taking about 40 drops per day so we'll see what happens in a a few months.

Right now I am a 38B, but ideally I would like to be DD or E. Everybody tells me that surgery is the only option and I feel discouraged every time I hear it. I subscribe to the idea that there is a plant for everything on this Earth, all provided for us. We just need to find the right one for the job.

Does anybody else know of any natural ways to increase the size your breasts? Any info will be appreciated. I also would like to ask anyone willing to help me in my quest to please do; i would be VERY appreciative. I dominate for tribute so anyone who wants to just let me know. Thanks!

(This was originally written in 2009. I have updated it and reposted for anyone interested.)

Whenever people ask me about my transition, they all want to know what I’m looking for; what I want to achieve. This is supposed to clear that up.

I have spent about seven thousand dollars on laser hair removal on my face, neck, shoulders, back, chest, stomach, hands and feet. I have been doing this for four years. It has come a long way, but there’s still a lot to do. I would say I’m about two thirds of the way done with it. I have been taking hormones for over a year now. For details see my other writing titled (you guessed it) “Hormones.”

The most honest thing I can say about my transition is that I do want big boobs. This is not some misogynistic or shallow desire, or some psychologically driven conditioning to buy into fascist beauty standards. I have a deep appreciation for large breasts. It goes far beyond the simple lusting-after-looking routine. When I see these women listed below, and others, I don’t just see a “chick with huge knockers,” I see a beautiful woman blessed with an amazing body.

Many women who have the pleasure of inhabiting these bodies view them with contempt and believe themselves to be cursed. They walk the streets as men stare at them and wish their tits weren’t so big and “out there.” Most complain about back pain because of them and count the days when they can get a reduction. Fortunately for me this is true (I would like to find a donor), but if they only saw what I and many others see!

When I look at their pictures or watch their videos, I don’t masturbate to them, if at all get aroused. They are indeed arousing depictions, but I stare at them so intently because I envy them. I stare in amazement at their beauty, hoping one day that it will be me. Really the only way I can get aroused by these images is to imagine myself as one of them, even acting out sexual acts as that woman. The longer I stare, the more envious and jealous I become. If I stare at them too long, I get depressed because that dream seems so far away it’s unobtainable.

It’s not all about the breasts though, it’s the entire package. I want marshmallow flesh; soft, smooth and jiggly. I want the birthing hips, the round ass, the thick thighs, the tubular arms. I want my entire body to be smooth and soft as a pillow. When I walk I want my breasts to jiggle and bounce; I want everyone to know how soft I am just by looking! Here are some examples of the kind of body I aspire to get. Every one of these womens’ breasts is 100% natural:

• Rachel Aldana 34L
• Dors Feline 34K
• Nadine Jansen 38F
• Faith Nelson 32G
• Bea Flora 34FF
• Chloe Vevrier 36GG
• Nicole Peters 34J
• Sharday 36DDD
• Kelly Kay 42F

etc. (visit myboobsite.com for more) This is by no means a complete list, just the best I could think of. There is also some manga titled “Spunky Knight” that’s well worth checking out. Even though the main character is fictional, she’s also a great example of what I’m going for. There is nothing sexier than a full-figured woman, and I long to join their ranks!

The examples I list above are all girls in their 20’s. I only have 2 years left till I’m 30, so it’s not like I will be able to enjoy my body in my 20’s. So you might be wondering if I realize I will be an old lady? Yes I know that, but older ladies can be hot too. There’s two polish women in their 40’s I know of, one goes by the name Exanti and has an F-cup, and the other is Milena Velba; she has a 42J cup size. They are both moms, and both are gorgeous. They are proof that women can be sexy at any age. There are lots of actresses who are getting up there in age who are very sexy also such as Mira Sorvino, Marisa Tomei, Mary Steenburgen, Laura Linney, and Jennifer Jason Leigh just to name a few. So the age thing doesn’t bother me.

As wonderful as a body can be, true beauty is found in a womans’ face. There have been many people (mostly men) complimenting me on how I look. When I tell them I need Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS), they’re in disbelief. I know I look feminine in my photos, but that’s the result of taking a hell of a lot of them. I chose the best of them to put up, which constitute for about 10%, liberally. Photography, in most cases, shows what the photographer wants people to see, and are not necessarily how things really are. This is especially true when there’s a product being sold. In this case, I am the ‘product’ so I need to make sure I’m presented as best I can. And in case you were wondering, I have not altered how I look in any image, it’s all about composition. Notice how they’re almost all on a downward angle. It’s no secret this is why all fat girls do this. It hides their fat and makes them look better!

As far as my face goes, I want mine similar to:

• Elisha Cuthbert
• Tiffani Thiessen
• Mira Sorvino

It’s not their faces in particular that I’m drawn to; it’s the structure of their faces. I study female anatomy, including facial anatomy, and have been for about ten years. I don’t know the names of the muscles or anything like that, but I am familiar with the placement of the facial muscles and the structure of the face in general. I do know what I like in a face and what I don’t, what appeals to me dictates what I want in my own.

Now, I must point out to you that of course becoming a woman is not all about how I look. I realize that. But what you must understand is that I am comfortable with who I am already. I have come to enjoy who I am on the inside, what I like and dislike and what sort of person I am. I have no issues with my personality, and I certainly don’t need a doctor or anyone else for that matter to tell me I’m female inside. I am very intimate with my anima. I’m not looking to change any of that. Therefore, why should I try to hide the fact that my transition is all about appearances? A significant part of human nature is materialism. It’s only beneficial to succumb to it and indulge in it rather than the self-destructive denial and restraint.