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Jeri Leaf

"Had and absolutely fantabulous birthday!"

That Beat

November 4th, 2016 11:11 pm EDT

Hey all,


   Have you ever gone out to a club and sat in the parking lot a little nervous about going inside? You think things like.. 


Wow!  There are a lot of people here.  




I hope they do not make fun of me.  


Then you get yourself together and step out.  That moment is when you hear it.  That beat every club has.  It is kind of a thumping sound that generates through the walls of the club and outside to you.  From the second it hits your ears you start to change.  That worried look turns slowly into a smile.  Then the smile picks up a little attitude and you are ready to go.  You give your hair a little toss and start to walk towards the door.  By the time you get across the parking lot your mincing little walk transforms into that hard runway model stomp.  The beat gets louder with every step you take.  You notice that your body is moving with the rhythm.  Your heels ring out to the beat.  You put a little S.E.X. in those H.I.P.s and by the time you walk through the door you are ready for your close up.  Hello clubbers your Diva has arrived!


Have you ever done that?  


Yes? That is right sista!  You know what I am talking about 8)


No? Read on…


Steps to a great night at the club:


Rest Up.  Try and go out on nights that you are not tired from a long day if possible.  If you are tired it is so much harder to have a great time.  If you can, take a nap before you get ready to go out.


Go correct.  Take the time to look your absolute best.  If you want to go out at 10PM then be home from work by 6 and getting ready by 8 at the latest.  Nothing sets you up for a bad night out faster than feeling rushed and under pressure while you get ready.  Choose your outfit wisely and on trend for what you want to get out of your night.  If you dress like a slut then be prepared to be treated like one.  If you dress like a 1960 librarian you will be treated as such. Wear the good stuff.  The stuff you know you look stellar in.  Also beforehand make sure your car is clean on the outside and tidy on the inside.  If you are going to drink please do not drive after.  Last but never least... smell incredible.  Like warm cookies and right after a rain storm incredible.  Find a scent that is absolutely intoxicating and wear an appropriate amount.  Do not bath in it!


Arrive at the hot time.  If you go early when it is quiet you will be tired and a little frazzled by the time the club gets busy.  Also you do not want to already be there waiting for the crowd. You want the crowd waiting for you.  You want to turn heads and you stand a much better chance of that if you walk into a well populated room.


One time around before you stop moving.  The first thing I like to do when I hit a club is walk through the whole club and circle back around to the bar.  I smile at everyone that makes eye contact.  I great anyone that looks at me for more than a second like they are my best friend ever.  If someone touches me I respond with a touch in return.  I assume that everyone is a great person in that initial trip through the club. I do not stop and stand anywhere unless I am engaged in a greeting or meeting their friends.  Plenty of time to spend in each spot later.  Now is the time to make that first impression.  Even if this is your favorite club that you always go to you still treat it like a brand new club with exciting new hearts and minds within it.


Recruit your best ally.  After I take that first look at the club I head over to the bar to secure the most important partner in crime a heartbreaker ever had... My bartender.  If I do not know their name I learn it right then and there.  If I have never met them I introduce myself and I make sure to look them in the eyes when I get their name.  I order my drink and if they do not know it then I smile and politely describe it.  Never ever act surprised if they do not know your drink.  Acting surprised suggests that you think they are a poor bartender.  Even if they are the worst bartender in history they are still the best ever for tonight!  I thank them for making my drink and I tip them more than average.  Why?  Because twenty minutes later when a gorgeous new arrival (guy or girl whatever your preference) walks in and asks where the cool people are guess who gets pointed out.  Or if you are not looking to meet someone there are other distinct advantages.  For example if trouble starts near you guess who automatically has your back?  If some jerk grabs your ass guess who can you tell?  If you do not believe that the bartender is your best ally try pissing one off sometime and see how your night goes.


Take a beauty break.  After I have accomplished my first impression I hit the little girls room for a touch up.  When I go back out there I will be talking to people for longer periods of time and I want to look at least as good for a longer engagement than I did during that first glance.  Keep the essentials on you and leave the rest at home or in the car.  I carry my ID, some cash, one credit card, my smartphone, lipstick, mascara, a dark liner pencil and a little bottle of concealer.  Travel light.


Get down to business.  When I go out into the club again I go find something to do.  I do not go dance right away.  I either find a group conversation to join or I start one.  I have a weakness for pool tables so if one is there I get in on a game as soon as possible.  Pool is a remarkable invention.  Everyone likes to play pool.  You do not have to be awesome at it to have fun.  That being said take the time to become awesome at pool.  Also remember that if you usually play as a male that pool is different in super tall heels. You still have to think about your shots and do all the things that a smart player does.  You also have to make sure you look sexy playing! The reason for honing this skill is simple.  People like a winner.  It sucks but it is true.  Also if you are really good the wrong kind of guy will not come play with you.  The haters are too scared that you will beat them so they avoid playing you.  The right type of man or woman will not hesitate to play pool with you.  If they need a little help making their shots you get the chance to get closer.  Trust me if they are into you you will know after pool.


Fearless Conversations.  If pool is not your thing then conversation is your best alternative.  Do not be shy and do not be scared.  If you see someone you genuinely find attractive then go right up to them and say hello.  If you already greeted them when you first came in then so much the better! Engage them in conversation.  Give them a minute to offer to buy you a drink before you offer them one.  The goal is to turn the tables and be the one that they are trying to pick up.  Talk about anything that comes up.  No matter what happens do not lie about anything to any degree for any reason.  If they ask a loaded question find a way to be honest but kind at the same time. "Do I look fat in this?"  No you do not.  Look them in the eyes.  If you look away then make sure it is at the bar, your drink, the table or at your hands.  The only exception is if someone you know comes up.  Take the time to greet and acknowledge them.  Immediately introduce your new acquaintance.  Spend as long with that person as you want.  If you really click then it is way more valuable to spend the evening with them than partying. Also this is the time for all that dancing that you did not do earlier.


Stay Mobile.  If your goal is to have fun clubbing solo then break away from any conversation within a half hour of starting it.  If you really like them and want to talk again just give them your number and ask them to text you theirs.  If they do so then you know it is worth your time to go forward.  If they do not then shake it off and move on.  Remember you want to be chased not do the chasing.


You own the night.  During all this remember what a night out at the club is all about… YOU!  This is your time to shine.  To be free and to release all that stress.  Have fun and be happy.  Be as kind as possible to everyone you meet.  Find some way to make them feel great about themselves and their night out.  Fun is contagious!  Confidence comes from within and you do not need to do anything special to have it.  Just take it and radiate it.  You are the most amazing and beautiful creature ever to walk the club floor and inside that moment you are queen!  Enjoy the wonderful being you are and give your confidence to others. 


Selfie it up.  For goddess sake take a trillion pictures!  Snap away.  You can always go back through them later and delete ones that you do not like.  Nothing sucks more than having an incredible night out and wishing so much that you had pictures later.  If you have fun with another person get pictures with them.  Ask someone in the group to take it if you can and suggest they shoot a bunch so you have options later.  Pictures are great reminders of a night out and an opportunity to share the cool stories with others.


Close out strong.  If you made a friend and your goal was to go home with someone or take someone home with you leave early enough that you still have a ton of energy for the bedroom gymnastics.  If you are not into that then try and head out before last call.  You want to be driving or riding if you were drinking before the majority of the crowd is.  Especially since a bunch of them have been drinking and are going to drive unfortunately.  You have to make it home safe and sound for the night to be a success after all.


I hope all of you who enjoy going out get a chance to experience a great night out whenever you can.  Have a blast and be safe!



Ciao - Jeri


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  • Anielle P Cherte
    Re: That Beat Anielle P Cherte November 5th, 2016 9:43 am EDT

    Great piece, Jeri!  You could start an advice column, maybe develop that into an etiquitte book. Talk to Pam, if you are interested; she is always open to new features for the site. 


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