There is no sense in me trying to rewrite something that is this well said. This is from my good friend, ennifer - Love, Suzi
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Walking Both Sides of the Gender Divide By Jennifer Nelson
What’s it like to walk on both sides of the gender spectrum sometimes as a man and sometimes as a woman? This is the kind of question that gets asked by those who are naive yet curious. My answer, as a transgendered woman, is; “I don’t know.” Though I have a male body, for as long as I can remember, I have thought of myself as female. I hide it well, even though I don’t relate well to guys doing guy things. My heart aches to have a doll collection. When I see a beautiful woman, my thoughts are; “how can I be more like her.” Men and women are truly different. In body, it’s obvious. In the mind, where you can’t see it, it’s no less profound. Looking across the gender spectrum, probably 99.9% of men are congruent with being men and 99.9% of women are congruent with being women. These men have absolutely no interest in putting on a dress and the women have no interest in being men. Their gender and sex are congruent.
This is at the heart of the misunderstanding the general public has about us as transgendered women. They have no comprehension of what it is like to walk in our shoes. (No pun intended.) They can't even imagine it. Many are even revulsed by the idea because it is so foreign to who they are. What woman would want to be a man? What man would want to be a woman? Yet here we are, women on the inside struggling to make the person we see in the mirror congruent with our inner selves. Being married and transgendered further complicates the situation. On the one hand our spouses have expectations of us as men and specifically as husbands. On the other hand we are transgendered. Denial, purges, prayer, nothing seems to change who we are inside.
I was once scolded by one of my wife’s friends who had heard that I sometimes wore women’s clothes. If she only knew. I had no interest in getting into a discussion with her but she did get me thinking about how could I ever explain my conundrum? How can this make sense to those who are congruent as males or females? Imagine, as a mind game, that a beautiful genetic woman is made to look like a man; short hair cut, no makeup, no jewelry, no earrings, takes testosterone, has no breasts, grows a beard or shaves every day wears male clothes lowers her voice and walks like a soldier. Next, she's told this is who she is for the rest of her life which means, among other things, that all her relationships will change. Other women will look upon her as a man; i.e., one of them, useful but not girl friend material. She will also now have to relate to men as one of them. Remember that through all of this, in her mind, she is still a woman. Every time she looks in the mirror, every time she puts on her clothed every time she comes in contact with another person, who she is and who she appears to be are in diametric opposition. This is truly a recipe for disaster. Welcome to being transgendered.
This is what I wrote Amanda Richards after she did a makeover and photo shoot on me in 2006: “I can't express how much I appreciated your artistry in doing my makeover. When I first saw myself in the mirror, I didn't recognize the woman smiling back at me. I saw a beautiful woman, young, modern, vibrant, classy, elegant and sophisticated looking like she had just stepped out of the pages of Elle Magazine. My smile for the rest of the day was real, I felt like I've never felt before. I was the woman in the mirror. I was the woman I had always dreamed I could be. Even that night when I looked in the mirror, I saw this same beautiful woman smiling back at me. Jim Bridges taught me a lot but you brought my face to a totally new level. Your color palette is so different from what I've been using that I'm going to have to get the complete MAC kit before I can even start to reproduce my new look. I have so much to learn but the wonderful result you showed me gives me the encouragement to get started. Amanda, you've turned the clock back 30 years! I want to look spectacular.
“Last year I watched a reality program called the Swan, where a group of women who considered themselves flawed, ugly and rejected were put through a rigor of diet, exercise, face lifts etc., never seeing themselves in a mirror until the final reveal. Dressed to the nines, they finally saw themselves for the first time as the beautiful women they had become. Watching the program I could feel their joy, elation and even disbelief as they saw themselves for the first time. Now, I truly know how they felt because I too was that woman. The photo shoot, seeing my new self in various outfits, is a wonderful remembrance of the day. I see myself in the green dot dress as elegant and sophisticated. With the corset pulled tight, my shape is so feminine. How I felt in the wedding gown is beyond words. I shall never be a bride, but wearing such an elegant and beautiful gown has always been a fantasy that has now been given life. Thinking back over the day and reviewing my pictures, I want to cry with joy. “The need for congruence as a woman is very strong.”
Read the second article in the first newsletter and the second and third articles in newsletter that follows. I left the newsletters in so you had a better idea on where then came from - Suzi
ACCESS TO ENERGY A Pro-Science, Pro-Technology, Pro-Free Enterprise Monthly Newsletter NOVEMBER 2007 (Vol. 35 no. 4), Box 1250, Cave Junction, Oregon 97523 Copyright 2007 by Access to Energy Adaptation Empirical evidence supporting the hypothesis of biological "evolution" is meager at best This hypothesized phenomenon is experi-mentally unobservable and. therefore, not validated. Many of the outstanding scientists I have known - from atheists to Christians -quietly subscribe to some form of "intelligent design." "Quietly" is the operative word here because American academia has become increasingly uninhabitable for those who do not appear to conform to current politically correct trends.
"Adaptation." however, is easily observable and constantly in evidence. Each living species contains very great variation within its genes - biological variability between individuals of the same species. This allows species to adapt to changing'conditions.
A remarkable example of this is found in bacteria that require the essential amino acid tryptophan in their diets. If tryptophan is eliminated from their diet, the entire colony of bacteria quickly gains the ability to make it. If tryptophan is returned to the growth medium, then the bacteria colony loses the ability to make it.
Without dietary tryptophan or the ability to make tryptophan, the colony would die. If tryptophan is supplied, however, there is a competitive advantage in not using resources to make tryptophan. In each case, a few bacteria with the opposite talent remain in the colony. If their particular ability becomes advantageous, their progeny quickly dominate the colony.
Evolutionists like to describe such phenomena as micro-evolution - the colony evolving back and forth driven by survival of the fittest. Survival is driving this process, but it has nothing to do with evolution. Biological variation - or "diversity," to use a popular politically correct word - is present in all living species. This assures that the species survive under widely varied conditions. This diversity can take the form of individuals of different abilities or of biochemical systems that measure the environment and change individual biochemistry to adapt to conditions as needed
The United States Constitutional Republic was constructed in such a way as to take advantage of a similar phenomenon. With many separate semi-autonomous states, errors made by one state government were unlikely to be made simultaneously by the others. People and resources- flowed back- and forth between these largely independent states in accordance with the wisdom of their policies.
For example, if one state debased its currency and another maintained honest money, market competition would have soon ended the debasement. With, however, the vast growth of centralized power in Washington, this advantage has been substantially lost. An error in Washington affects the whole.
Still, the process of adaptation is nevertheless at work. Through excessive governmental taxation, regulation, and litigation, the United States has been rendered a poor environment for energy and manufacturing industries. So, these activities have flowed to other nations that have not been as unwise. In this way the community of nations - the political species - has gained survival capabilities through adaptive survival of the fittest. The human race has an abundance of energy and manufacturing even though it is increasingly no longer located in the United States. Survival of the fittest is therefore diminishing American prosperity and power.
Now, however, international elitists want to impose tyrannical control over the entire community of nations. The human-caused global warming propaganda drive is an effort to transfer power to tax and ration energy into an international body that will thereby control the energy and technology of all nations. Aside from its immoral and unethical aspects, this diminution of the independence of nation states contains great peril for the human race.
While Al Gore and retainers regale the public with fear of global warming, NASA scientist David Hathaway is predicting the opposite. John Casey, Director of the NASA Space Science Research Center, has confirmed that their research indicates an impending return to Earth temperatures as low or lower than prevailed during the Little Ice Age that occurred about 200 to 300 years ago. See http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2006/10may_longrange.htm and also www.spaceandscience.net.
These NASA studies indicate that the solar cycle beginning between 2015 and 2020 may have unusually low activity - similar to that which contributed to the Little Ice Age. Accurate predictions of future weather are not yet possible. The actual temperature could rise or fall - no one knows this future.
If, however, a member of the current crop of political opportunists running for U. S. President is elected - rather than Ron Paul, the energy deficit in the United States will seriously worsen. All of these people have endorsed the human-caused global warming. United Nations agenda. So, if NASA is right, Americans are going to be very cold and miserable beginning about 10 years from now. While we could easily cool the Earth with the Penner-Teller procedures, we have no means with which to warm it.
Should the fears of misinformed and over-governed Americans be allowed to drag Asia and Africa into the same disaster? If energy production is unregulated - controlled by free enterprise or at least by separate nation states, then some of the world's people will not be energy poor if colder weather comes.
Without an immediate revival of the American hydrocarbon and nuclear energy industries - made possible by government withdrawal of the oppressive taxes, regulations, and litigation that currently prevent this, Americans will be very short of energy 10 years from now. Energy for heat and for mitigating technology is the only human response available to lower temperatures.
It has always been thus. The man who hikes into the winter mountains without warm clothing may freeze to death. He has, however, no moral right to demand that everyone else also leave their cold weather gear behind. Freedom to be different is an inherent human right. Freedom also confers important adaptive survival characteristics for the entire human race.
CURING THE INCURABLE Thomas E. Levy's book, Curing the Incurable, Livon Books, 2002, is largely a review of the work of Frederick R. Klenner, M.D., and other related discoveries. Dr. Klenner began medical practice in 1940. He soon became interested in research carried out in the 1930s, which showed that vitamin C could kill viruses "in vitro," outside of living things.
Frederick Klenner discovered two things. First, vitamin C can be given to humans in enormous oral and intravenous doses over short to medium time intervals without serious harm - long-term very high doses may be an exception. Second, very high doses of vitamin C, especially given intravenously, are remarkably effective in curing serious viral and bacterial infections, and even poisonous snake bite. Klenner reported that he cured 60 out of 60 polio patients during the polio epidemic of 1948 with vitamin C.
Klenner's work found its way into the alternative medicine industry in the 1950s and 1960's. Nutrition gurus such as Adele Davis and Carlton Fredricks advertised Klenner's findings to their followers. This led to the ingestion of supplementary doses of vitamin C by many Americans.
When Irwin Stone - on the basis of Klenner's work - first convinced Linus Pauling in 1967 to personally take 3 grams of vitamin C per day, Linus began to read the literature on vitamin C and to write summary articles and books about it. Klenner was delighted, thinking that Pauling's entrance into the field would lead to much greater recognition of his own, pioneering work. In this, Klenner was to be disappointed.
Pauling was willing to work closely with people whose work did not predate his own, but Klenner had 25 years of precedence in the field - which would overshadow Pauling. He referenced Klenner, but had very little interest in working with him.
This historical and personal interplay was unfortunate because Klenner's most important discoveries received too little attention, and Pauling's claims that "75% of all cancer can be prevented or cured by vitamin C alone" distorted the field away from some of the true merits of vitamin C.
Initially in the 1970s, I had little interest in Klenner's work. Working closely with Pauling, I tended to be influenced by his interests. Then, students working in my laboratory at UCSD discovered that vitamin C, in the presence of air, quickly destroys peptide and protein molecules. As a result, I asked Stanford graduate student Steve Richeimer to investigate the mechanism of this process.
Richeimer found that aerobic oxidation of vitamin C leads to free radicals and peroxides, which destroy peptides and proteins. We also found earlier published work showing a similar result, wherein vitamin C plus oxygen destroyed the integrity of DNA molecules. Later studies showed that these reactions also occur "in vivo," in living things. These findings were personally unfortunate for Richeimer, whose work was quickly terminated by Pauling in actions that seriously damaged his career.
In any case, Richeimer and I published a short paper suggesting that the oxidation products of vitamin C may have a significant positive value in biological systems - and Fredrick Klenner's work began to interest me more.
Klenner used doses of vitamin C very far beyond those found in ordinary biological systems. Moreover, his results were startling. Poisonous snake bite? Snake venoms are peptides. Peptides are chemically destroyed by the oxidation products of vitamin C. Viruses? Viruses are simple packages of DNA and protein, both of which are chemically destroyed by these same oxidation products. Bacteria could be similarly affected. Human cells and molecules would, of course, also be affected, but these are easily replaced within human tissues.
Did we now understand the mechanism of action that led to Klenner's results? Possibly, but by no means certainly. It is often the case, especially in fields as complex as biochemistry, that a hypothesis leads to experiments and procedures that turn out to be useful -even though the hypothesis turns out to be wrong.
It is also the case that outstanding empirical medical results are frequently ignored because they are not understood within the framework of ordinary medical training and orthodoxy.
Klenner's empirical results, however, stand on their own. They need not be understood to be of value. They have the potential to save many, many lives.
I strongly recommend that each reader of Access to Energy obtain a copy of Curing the Incurable by Thomas Levy - even if you just put the book on a shelf without reading it. Then, if you or someone for whom you are responsible is afflicted with a dangerous viral or bacterial infection - such as the infections that often kill elderly people, take the book from your shelf and read it. Klenner's procedures, especially those involving very high intravenous administration of vitamin C, might very well save a life. In any case, Klenner's discoveries provide an additional reason for hope.
Read the second and third articles ACCESS TO ENERGY A Pro-Science, Pro-Technology, Pro-Free Enterprise Monthly Newsletter MARCH 2008 (Vol. 35 no. 8) Box 1250, Cave Junction, Oregon 97523 Copyright 2008 by Access to Energy
Clathrate Hydrates Contrary to many popular accounts, there is absolutely no shortage of hydrocarbon resources in the United States. Besides large amounts of undrilled oil, the U.S. has enormous reserves of natural gas and essentially unlimited quantities of coal - 25% of the world supply. Oil shale is also abundant. Moreover, these resources can be converted into one another with ease.
For example, the liquefaction of American coal into oil could produce more oil per year than Saudi Arabia - for at least 200 years. Coal liquefaction, used by Germany to fuel its military during World War 11 and now used in South Africa, might be best done today with nuclear power. In any case, this is relatively simple to do with well-developed technology. Similarly, natural gas can be converted to oil, as is now being done on an industrial scale in the Middle East.
The shortage of hydrocarbon energy in the U.S. today - leading to high prices and a debilitating trade deficit - has been entirely caused by the paper-shuffling mob in Washington. Politicians have created a nightmare of taxation, regulation, and litigation that has prevented sufficient free-enterprise development of American hydrocarbon resources. If freedom were returned to our industrial environment, inexpensive and abundant domestic hydrocarbon energy would be available to Americans for several centuries.
Moreover, that "several centuries" is actually "several millennia" when methane clathrate hydrates are considered. In the authoritative book, Clathrate Hydrates of Natural Gases - Third Edition by E. Dendy Sloan and Carolyn A Koh, CRC Press, 2008, a review of estimates of U.S. and world methane clathrate hydrates is provided.
The current total annual energy consumption of the United States in methane, CH4, equivalents is estimated to be about 1 x 1012 cubic meters, m3, at standard temperature and pressure. The best current estimate of U.S. reserves of methane in clathrate hydrates - 1% in permafrost and 99% in the coastal oceans - is 9 x 1015 m3. This is enough methane to power the United States at its present energy use for 9,000 years. The 95% confidence limits of this estimate lie be-tween 3,000 and 19,000 years.
So, with already-developed technology, the U.S. can be self-sufficient in hydrocarbons for several centuries. By developing methane recovery methods for use with clathrates, this can be extended to several thousand years. Commercial methods for recovery of methane from clathrate deposits are already significantly along the way to practicality - both in the U.S. and in India and China..
Moreover, it is clear already that - if technological freedom is restored and maintained in the U.S. - conversion of most energy production to nuclear processes should occur during the 21st Century. Nuclear fuel resources are sufficient for tens of thousands of years.
At or beyond defined temperature and pressure, water freezes into ice - the usual form with which we are familiar. If, however, easily polarizable molecules of appropriate sizes are dissolved in the water, a different ice forms. This "clathrate" ice contains special cavities into which are fitted the solute molecules. Bonding of the solute molecules to the water increases the stability of the ice, so that it melts at a higher temperature than ordinary ice. Dissolved ionic substances such as ordinary salt interfere with ice formation. Also the shapes of the solute molecules affect stabilization, so there is much theoretical and empirical science associated with this subject.
As methane from biological and geological sources percolates into cold permafrost and oceanic regions, very large deposits of methane clathrate ices are formed.
The clathrate ices were discovered in the early 19th Century by Davy and Faraday and were fairly well understood before the beginning of the 20th Century. As natural gas transmission lines were built in the early 20th Century, it was found that formation of clathrate ices frequently caused plugging in these pipes, so clathrate chemistry became a standard component of pipeline engineering.
An interesting classroom demonstration can be constructed - featuring a piece of methane clathrate ice that burns like a candle. Since living things are largely composed of water, clathrate structures are also important in biochemistry. Already at Caltech in the 1960s, clathrate structures in biochemical systems were under study. See, for example, Robinson, A.B., Manly, K.F., Anthony, M.P., Catchpool, J.F., and Pauling, L., Anesthesis of Artemia Larvae: Method for Quantitative Study, Science 149 (1965) 1255.
The Miller-Pauling hypothesis of general anesthesia holds that general anesthetics function by organizing the water in living things into clathrate structures. All living things from swimming one-celled algae to human beings can be anesthetized by general anesthetics such as xenon, which fits clathrate cavities well and is an excellent anesthetic, or methane, which fits less well so is a poorer anesthetic.
The extra stabilization provided to clathrate ices and clathrate solvent structures arises from van der Waals dispersion forces between the included compounds and water. These forces are proportional to the polarizability of the included compound and also to the geometrical fit of that compound in the clathrate cavities.
The structure of water around protein molecules and other biological structures probably involves extensive clathrate structures, which play an essential part in biochemical processes. This field of specialization has, however, never been of much interest to the paper-shufflers who control tax-funded research grants - to which most academic scientists are addicted. So, research on biochemical clathrates has progressed very slowly.
Your body is filled with beautiful clathrate-like water structures similar to those which, as fully-formed ice, contain vast deposits of permafrost and oceanic methane.
Clathrate methane will likely not be used enough to appreciably diminish the supply - especially since we should change to abun-dant, inexpensive nuclear power in the near future. Its presence, however, is one more reason to ignore the misguided priests of "peak oil." The real issue is "peak hydrocarbons." This peak is at least thousands of years in the future - probably never.
FEEDING CANCER "Vitamin C Megadoses Hamper Cancer Treatments in Mice" by Randy Dotinga in The Washington Post, October 1, 2008, reports research published by Mark L. Heaney of the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York City and his colleagues in which they found that vitamin C interferes with cancer chemo- therapy in mice. The mice were given the human equivalent of 2 grams of vitamin C per day. This reduced the effectiveness of chemotherapy by between 30% and 70%.
Medical "science" progresses very slowly. Part of the reason for this is that it is dominated by people trained in the application of current medical procedures to individual patients.
To be sure, hundreds of thousands of men and women trained in current medical procedures are necessary. Their skills and educations as MDs are extensive and essential, so they well deserve to be highly respected and generously rewarded.
People who are best able to discover and develop new knowledge require, however, markedly different talents and educations.
A research physical scientist carries, in his brain, a model of the systems in which he specializes. Each and every relevant experimental discovery must be consistent with his model. If an inconsistency arises, the model must change to accommodate it. Everything must conform to experimental reality.
In physics, if an experimental observation is made and is found to be rigorously repeatable, then it is considered a fact of nature. Physical theory must accommodate it. It cannot be ignored.
In medical research, however, most work is not rigorous in this way. If an observation is unusual or not in accord with currently accepted dogma, it is often rejected - for that reason alone.
In 1978, my coworkers and I made the discoveries summarized in Figure 1. See, Robinson, A.B, Hunsberger, A., and Westall, F.C., Mechanisms of Ageing and Development 76 (1994) 201-214. The graph shows the number of squamous cell carcinoma lesions in mice as a function of vitamin C intake. Cancer - pathologically identical to that found in humans - was induced in these mice by means of UV light, just as it is induced in humans. Humans eat about one kilogram of food per day, so the human equivalent dose is numerically the same as grams per kilogram in the mouse food.
The number of lesions at one point in the experiment shown in Figure 1, as delineated in greater detail in our research publication, measures the rate of growth of the cancer.
The cancer growth rate was found to be about 100% higher in 100 mice receiving the human equivalent of 3 grams of vitamin C per day, as compared with mice that did not receive a supplement. At, however, true megadoses of 50 grams per day or higher, vitamin C reduces the cancer growth rate. A diet of raw fruits and vegetables also markedly reduces it. The dietary reduction has an advantage, since doses of vitamin C of 200 grams or greater are fatal to some of the mice. It is better not to be so close to a lethal limit - but, for seriously ill patients, this is justified.
The reported Sloan-Kettering work is almost certainly just a repeat of our finding that the human equivalent of 3 grams of vitamin C per day increases the growth rate of cancer. They used a 2 gram human equivalent and found that the cancer grew faster than expected during their chemotherapy.
We published this result 14 years ago. In physical science, discoveries are not ordinarily forgotten for 14 years and then rediscov-ered. The Journal in which we published was Mechanisms of Ageing and Development - an old and very respected publication. Better, however, would have been the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, PNAS. Our paper was actually reviewed and submitted to PNAS by Martin Kamen, R. B. Merrifield, and B. Strehler. By the ordinary rules, that submission and recommendation should have meant automatic publication.
PNAS has, however, a special procedure in which any paper with potential medical implications must also pass a designated board of MDs. These MDs rejected the paper - nutrition and cancer not being a mainstream part of current ordinary medicine.
Our publication reported that the rate of growth of squamous cell carcinoma in mice can be varied over a 20-fold range by means of diet alone! Ho-hum. Medicine might become interested if the same thing is rediscovered several times over a period of 50 years.
In an age of ascendency of science and engineering, fields of specialization that depend upon this progress can advance very rapidly -but only if the people in these fields accept this advance. It is not this way in medicine. This is the reason I write medical "science" - with quotation marks. Sometimes it is a science and sometimes it isn't. When it isn't, unnecessary human suffering and death is the result.
HEALTH PROFILING In the review article "Revolutionizing 21st Century Medicine with Consumer-based Diagnostics and the Internet," J. American Physicians and Surgeons 12, 1, Spring 2007, which was sent to all Access to Energy subscribers, we discussed the advantages of application of modern technology to the quantitative measurement of human health. This work involves extracting quantitative information from human tissues and fluids and computationally analyzing it. This review article gives 21 references to the scientific literature that chronicle our work in this field.
Useful information can be extracted from whole body scans, biopsies, compilations of symptoms, blood analysis, urine analysis, and other sources. All of these are used in one form or another by "modern" medicine - but most of their techniques are technologically far out of date. Constrained by the medical monopoly and stifling government control of most health research, diagnostic medicine has fallen many decades behind technological advance.
This is going to change - although, unless the government-caused de-industrialization and de-capitalization of the United States is reversed, these advances will more likely be made in other countries.
As analytical apparatus is miniaturized and reduced in price, and as research using this apparatus advances, some people living now may well see a time when the air in the rooms in which they live is continuously monitored - with the information obtained used to extend their lives by many years and to markedly reduce their suffering due to ill health. The technology to do this exists now, but it is expensive, and it has not been applied to this problem.
In the nearer term and with the capital still available to Americans, the best substitute is regular urine analysis - by methods that are not now and are not likely in the future to be available from the American medical monopoly, without outside intervention.
Our work on this problem has inched forward to the point that we expect to be ready - by early 2009 - to test new techniques of urine analysis that we have developed.
Usually such tests involve sample sets that are impractical for widespread use. The samples are gathered in specialized ways from unusual groups of people. The end products of the laboratory work are research papers - published in the research literature, but rarely utilized in a practical way. We prefer to avoid this trap.
So, we have decided to ask the readers of Access to Energy to participate. Participation will require that the individual send to us - at regular 3-month intervals - a few drops of his urine. We will provide small vials and shipping containers for this purpose.
In addition to the urine samples, we will need to know the individual's sex and age and to know about specific serious illnesses that he has experienced in the past and illnesses that he experiences during his participation in the experiments. This will involve a health questionnaire similar to that ordinarily filled out in a doctor's office.
Everything - the questionnaire and the analyses - will, of course, be kept rigorously confidential.
In return, the participant can expect nothing other than the satisfaction of having helped with this research. We do not suggest that we will find information in his samples that will benefit him.
We are still refining our analytical and computational procedures. A few months from now, we will send out sample containers.
If you or someone you know would like to participate in this study, please send a note to the Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine, 2251 Dick George Road, Cave Junction, OR 97523. You will not hear from us immediately. Eventually, however, each per-son who volunteers will receive a sampling kit along with the necessary Questionnaire.
I'm not into conspiracy theories but I do believe that lots of stuff happens because of $. Follow the money on this one and then tell me what you think?
This is long but if you have diffuse symptoms (chronic
illnesses such as cancer, diabetes, lupus, multiple sclerosis and Alzheimer's
disease-illnesses) or know someone who does, it is worth the time. Likewise, if
you ever have a desire for a diet drink it is a must see - Suzi