Journal Entries for Veronikka Jacqueline Edmunds
When Past and Future collide.
December 2nd, 2011 3:26 pm MST
I was doing some cleaning, going through boxes of old stuff, put up years ago to get out of the way. Whilst in the middle of this I got a call from the endocrinologist's office that there was a cancellation and an appointment slot opened up. As it now stands, I need not wait 4 more months, but only about 4 days. That's my future. The past is even more murky. In the boxes I was going through, I found the old magazines my Dad had given me when I was younger. I think he saw that I wasn't the typical macho boy, and pehaps he thought this would straighten me out (nevermind that I haven't ever been attracted to men). But then the other shoe - the ironic one- dropped. One of the issues of this "gentleman's magazine" happened to have an interview and photos of a very (especially at that time) contoversial model by the name of Caroline Cossey.
Hurry Up and Wait
November 21st, 2011 6:21 pm MST
Lately I've been kicking the closet door open. Struggling to free myself from its, although safe yet unsatifying, grasp. I clawed forward and told people (that mattered) that I met along the way of what it, and by extension who I, was like in there. Finally leading up to a culminating event - a new primary care doctor.
Since my previous one had retired, I figured what better way to start than to start fresh - and open and honest. I told her of who I am and what my intentions are. She didn't have a problem with me, but didn't want to prescribe herself, and so she recommended the endo that her other trans patient uses. I called the office of the endo to schedule an appointment, but they require that a referal from the primary care doctor be made - just to set up the first appointment. Upon notifying my new PCP's office of this, they worked on scheduling. I got the call this morning as to when my next step towards womanhood will take place.
From now, it will be just 5. Short. Months. Yep, months.
When you figure out where you want/need your life to head - after 20 or so odd years - you want that to start immediately. So hurry up - and wait.
Validation is for parking
September 3rd, 2011 9:16 am MDT
So, there I was the other day, talking to a cousin (who happens to be gay, and that I'm out to) about how my mother (his god-mother) doesn't accept me. I'm still uncertain at this point if it's that she doesn't understand, or worse, that she doesn't WANT to understand.
But, anyway. During our conversation, he mentioned that I've not been to a psychologist to talk about it - so "SOC" of him. My response: Did he have to go see a psychologist when he came out? No, he didn't. He didn't have to convince some Dr. Phil wanna-be that he is in fact gay before the doc gave him a certificate to allow my cousin to go out to the gay bars. So why do Trans-people have to do so. What happens if we don't meet this person's ideals of who a trans-person is? What happens when this person says to us: "sorry, you're not really trans. No medical intervention for you."? What then? Why do we have to have 3rd-party validation to our existence? Why is it that when a gay person announces their sexuality, it's immediately accepted as gospel, but when a trans-person comes out, it's derided unless accompanied by a certification from a psychologist?
So many "why"s. No real answers. Only real heartbreak. Only real tears.
