Journal Entries for Gina Fiorella
Evolution
November 30th, 2011 5:39 pm MST
I recently reviewed my personal journal enties that date back to my earliest memories. It is amazing how I have evolved. I noticed some re-occurring themes. Mainly I sneak, hide it from my wife, have clothing restrictions to cover my hairy body, struggle with beard cover and avoid the hot months. I am also amazed at the lack of negative issues. I read an entry from 2001. It was the first time I went out enfemme as a mature adult after a long hiatus. I was so awkward, unskilled, scared, sloppy. I dressed not appropriate for the venues. Now I am much more confident. I get compliments all the time on my skin, my makeup, how "natural" I look. People mistake me for "a girl in transition" or "on hormones" They can't believe that under the makeup and clothes is a regular guy. Regular with muscles, body hair (I mean Italian body hair) and a dark beard shadow. A guy that only dresses a few times a year. Its no longer a big deal to be out in public. It is comfortable for me to be femme. I am more relaxed. I enjoy life more. All this positive re-enforcement has caused me to ponder. What if I took it a step further? What if my wife approved? It would free me of my body hair. Then I would not have the wardrobe risrtrictions. What if I got the beard removed? Would I feel even more comfortable and femme then? I guess I would. But that frightens me. Is it really what I want? Or would I be happy with the current arrangement? What if I went on hormones after that? Could I possibly become a woman????I have so much to think about.
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Yes, you can possibly be all you want to be! It took courage on my part but I was glad I told my wife about Jacqueline after close to 25 years of marriage. Shaving my leg was such a feeling of freedom. And now I shave it all! I'd like to get rid of the beard but that's expensive and long and risky. I say, what have you got to lose? Your relationship? If you feel deeply attracted to your feminine side, you're going to have to make that step, for you. Do you deserve it? Think of the alternative, a life of anguish and missed opportunities. Don't wait until you're 60 to do this. It's never too late but the longer you wait, the less years you have for you.