Journal Entries for Cathy Van Antwerpen
A little bio
February 13th, 2007 6:48 am MST
Cathy’ Bio
Let me introduce to myself a little bit: let´s first start with Cathy (and the girl before Cathy) The story is quite a classical one: I am a crossdresser/transvestite (I know there is some subtle difference between crossdresser and transvestite, but I can never recall who is who) as long as I remember, as many of the other girls. Memories going back as far as when I was 3-4 years old, parading in the silk underwear of my aunt and grandma. Not being approved by my parents… Interest weaning off around 10y and coming back at full strength around 12 to 13. Be able at that time to fit in my sisters cloths (but always in the closet). Being caught by my parents twice, and punished… Buying my first own fem items around 18 (underwear and thighs) and gradually increasing the wardrobe. Going through the “throw-away-everything- start-over-again” cycle several times. Around 21-22 I thought I was really a transsexual, and having a sex change operation was my ultimate dream at that time. Did However, I soon did find out that I did not qualify as a full transsexual, but kept a keen interest in sexchanges (did a lot of reading about it)…At 23, when I did start doing my PhD, I spend 3 months in a lab in London UK, and (finally) found out that I was not alone as a TV (strolling through the famous London sexshops and discovering several magazines covering the transvestite scene). What a shame internet was not open to the public at that time…..then getting more and more involved in dressing-up, but always in the closet, nobody knew, although my mom was sometimes very suspicious. Got married at 32 and did not have the guts to tell my girlfriend before we married. I thought I could put my femme side away for good. But I could not….. Getting dressed became more and more difficult, and the only good moments I could indulge in being Veroniek (my femme name at that time) was during business trip to congresses (once or twice a year, not nearly enough…). Wanting to go further and further in my development of my femme side every year. In 2000, I attended the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta (as I happened to be in the neighbourhood for my work), which was a fantastic experience at that time. More than 1500 other TV’s were attending the conference, being fully dressed 24/24 for three days, moving around the hotel and conference premises without being stared at, meeting other girls. It was then that I realised I needed more ….
However, my femme life really changed and Cathy emerged, when I met Jodie Lynn from the Boudoir (London, UK). It was late November 2001, when I had to spend a weekend in London to bridge two business meetings and I decided to go out clubbing (for the very first time) in the famous London clubs for TV’s after a make-over by a dressing service. Pure by chance, I made an appointment with Jodie from the Boudoir Dressing Service, as she made organised club tours on Saturday nights. This completely changed my femme life…. After the make-over, I saw for the first time in the mirror the girl I really wanted to be for all those previous years. I was amazed, stunned, confused…. We went out with two other girls that night, and it really was terrific. Not the clubbing per se (I never did that again, and am not intending to do it again), but to have finally the feeling to be a real girl. The “real” Cathy was born. And I was so hooked to the feeling, that I convinced my boss that I had to go London again on a few occasions (5 during the next 6 months). So Jodie and I went out to dinner in the evening in the middle of London, to nice little restaurants, I had a photo shoot (together with her father, a photographer), went shopping for a wig. I must say I was very nervous in the beginning, certainly every time we went into a restaurant or shop, where people could have a closer look, but all went well every time and I really felt fantastic. Then I changed work and London was out for some time, but I never forgot about the nice experiences. So after two years, I could go back to London (and obviously Jodie) and we went for afternoon tea in the Dorchester Hotel and on a later occasion the Landmark Hotel. In the meantime, Cathy also evolved a lot, and became more and more a real lady. In April 2005, Jodie and I went for a new wig shopping and had a nice lunch. The strange thing is that I feel very comfortable with Jodie at my side, walking on the street in broad daylight (always being a little nervous in the beginning, but this weans off very quickly), but once she drops me of at the hotel (I always try to go dressed to my hotel room), I am much less confident…. However, at home still completely in the closet….deeper than ever…
Who is the man behind or better in front of Cathy? I am a family man, got married at 32, have 3 sons. As already mentioned, I did not have the guts to tell my girlfriend about my dressing before our marriage. However she found some cloths after two years of marriage, and could not appreciate it very much. I did promise not to indulge again, however you know what it is, and a few years later, she found out again. She “promised” to divorce me if I would do it again, so I am more cautious than ever, but I can not resist …. It worries me that the desire to be Cathy becomes stronger and stronger over the years… But loving my wife and children very much, it is really troublesome…
