URNotAlone

Rolling Thunder Invocation

March 26th, 2012 11:32 am MDT

Rolling Thunder (Shoshone Invocation)

Lyrics: Rolling Thunder
Music: [Hart]

A spoken introduction to Mickey Hart's first solo LP, with minimal instrumental accompaniment.

To the east, where the sun rise
To the north, where the cold comes from
To the south, where the light comes from
To the west, where the sun sets
To the father sun, to the mother earth

Mickey Hart Recordings
	Date	Album	Recorded By
	studio 1972	Rolling Thunder	Mickey Hart

In his book "Drumming At The Edge Of Magic," Mickey Hart says this about Rolling Thunder:

His Western name was John Pope and his Western job was working as a brakeman for the railroad. His Indian name was Rolling Thunder and his Indian job was medecine man.

Rolling Thunder entered the scene during that brief intermixing of counterculture and Native American culture that had taken place in the early days of the Haight-Ashbury, becoming ontertwined with members of the Grateful Dead extended family, many of whom called upon his services when they were sick. The ranch became his base whenever he was in the Bay Area; he did his curing there, replenishing his medicinal herbs, from the overgrown herb garden.

When Rolling Thunder was in residence, one of his sons would rise at dawn and wake the place with a barking cry.

Hooowwwooooohhh.

A fire would be built on the little hill near the Barn, and everyone would gather there before breakfast. We would sing songs, accompanied on the drum by one of Rolling Thunder's entourage - he usually traveled with five or six young Indians, sons and apprenctices - who drummed a steady, hypnotic rhythm. Rolling Thunder would then call on the four winds to carry our morning prayers up with the smoke, then he would hand everyone the tobacco, which wouldbe tossed into the fire.

Saturday Thoughts, Loose

March 24th, 2012 12:21 pm MDT

Quiet day, sunshine, nice, no rush or drag to head to work. Subtle smile; relaxing joy. What's it say about my mood to have Elton John's "Your Song" playing in my head? "It's a little bit funny, these things i do...."

Morning crossword with coffee, had help from wonderful Facebook friend. She is young beauty, nameless here, and always fetches a smile from me. I am old person, and when young person gets me to smile, I wish to help them, bless them, advise them. My years of experience, filled with minor victories and massive regrets, must contain tidbits here and there of potential wisdom and value, wouldn't ya think?

Today, best I could come up with: drink water for a hangover. Water is wonderful! Keeps your boat up, and your hair down. Cool, clear water, water...

There must be deeper advice, a gnawing guilt told me, so I youtubed the John song. The vid was from 1971. Long time ago, already, but I remember the time clearly. I liked Elton John's music, it was played a lot, and I listened a lot. As he became public figure, and became more openly gay, I shied away from admiring him too much. I was in the midwest, after all, and I didn't want to shame my family, or be shamed amongst friends, or even passing strangers. I was coward, in other words. I looked something like David Bowie at the time, and could have fully embrased liberation in his style and image, but I backed away when people pointed at the TV and said, with accusing tone "he's gay!" I thought he was cute, and I felt just so cute myself. But Bowie was bold and out there, and I was a snivelling coward.

So, my advice to pretty, smart, young, TG...I don't have any advice, not right now, not on this issue. You're so much wiser than me already. I cannot advise you, but only admire you.

What I can give you is prayer, for your safety and well-being. I can give you my quiet encouragement and acceptance. And, I hope, I can give you back a smile.

[3 comments]

Line form poem

March 22nd, 2012 1:14 am MDT

The world stands out on either side
No wider than the heart is wide;
Above the world is stretched the sky, --
No higher than the soul is high.
The heart can push the sea and land
Farther away on either hand;
The soul can split the sky in two,
And let the face of God shine through.
But East and West will pinch the heart
That can not keep them pushed apart;
And he whose soul is flat -- the sky
Will cave in on him by and by.

http://imaginepeacetower.com/

What do you do?

February 6th, 2012 1:19 am MST

What do you do, when you recognize that the details of your life aren't all that bad, but you're unhappy anyway?

What do you do when you just plain can't see any good way to change?

What do you do when you look at each coming week with dread?

What do you do when hope is far outweighed by hopelessness?

What do you do when any dream that you've ever had seems impossible to realize?

What do you do?

[5 comments]

Imagine Peace Tower

October 8th, 2011 10:16 pm MDT

IMAGINE PEACE TOWER will be relit by Yoko Ono on October 9th 2011 in memory of John Lennon.
Join us here at 8pm Reykjavik time, 9pm London, 4pm NY, 1pm LA, 5am Tokyo (see your local time here)
It will be lit until Dec 8, then Dec 21-28, Dec 31, 2011 and then March 21-28, 2012.

This is a very cool thing! I hope you check it out!

Turn Abouts

September 29th, 2011 10:26 am MDT

Early morning, silent house. Sun shining on memories that don't quite make it through the glass. Night time, crickets chirping into vast, empty sky; So little down here, so tiny, so small.

We've all lost someone. People move on like buses, like souls on wheels. Our banged up hearts get fixed like dents from a bumper; shiny new face ready for next ride, next fling, though sting from the hurt still there.

Let me hear music! Let me dance! Let my tears turn to glimmer!

The Black Dog

September 26th, 2011 12:48 pm MDT

Depression is oft referred to as "the black dog." And there are strategies offered for taming that animal. I went over a list of pointers, steps, to bring yourself up from depression, and thought about where I’m at with each step. You might learn something about your own depression from reading this, or you might learn something about me. Whether it’s worth your time, who knows? Whether it’s worth my time, I’d say probably.

1. Get outside. I’m pretty good at this one, actually. I love to get out, on foot, in car, by bicycle, whatever the means, or weather, or time. I love getting out, and almost always feel better when I do. Granted, I have skin issues, and the sun isn’t my best friend. And it’s been deathly hot here in Texas this summer. So, daytime isn’t exactly my best time to be out. Mostly, during the day, I’m only out to drive to the store, or to work. I see traffic and stuff, see the people on the streets, see other shoppers, and the clerks at the registers. That’s about it, but it does help me feel better.

2. Aerobic Exercise. I could do better at this, but I do okay. My walks are quite brisk, and I do some stretching. I try to animate my walking, swinging my arms, and being conscious of posture and movement with my steps. I keep up a pace near 4 mph, at about an hour a day. Without question, the walking picks me up, mentally, physically, spiritually. It’s probably the single best thing I do for myself. Still, with my desk job, and my time at home on the computer, I feel I’m not getting enough physical activity. I feel it in my legs, and I see it in that band of fat around my waist that I do eternal battle with, but never completely conquer. I need to add something physical to my routine. Any suggestions?

3. Omega-3 fatty acids. This one seems to show up on every list of therapies for depression. I used to be big on supplements, then I had medical issue with clotting. Now I’ve redone my pill menu, basing it largely on the the blood coagulating effect of the various substances. I had to get everything approved by my hematologist. Here’s what I take daily: Warfarin (rat poison commonly prescribed as blood-thinner), vitamins C and E, a multi-vitamin, a probiotic complex and an enzyme complex (to help with stomach and digestive issues), lecithin, fish oil. I get my Omega-3 from the fish oil, I do believe. I’m pretty sure I’m good here, on this part of depression therapy.

4. Sleep. I sleep about 6 hours a day. I work evenings, and feel best personally on an evening schedule. I’m typically up to around 4am, and sleep till around 10am. It varies a bit, but in general, if I sleep less, I’m tired, if I sleep more, I’m groggy, stiff, and tend toward head aches.

5. Socialize. Here’s where I’m really hurting. I don’t have a life, a social life. I’m isolated and lonely. I go to work; come home. I go to stores, go for walks, ride around, always by myself. I don’t belong to any groups; I don’t go to clubs; I’m seldom invited anywhere. I’m socially dead. I could go on and on about the reasons for this. Starting, maybe, with issues as a child that kept me out of class, and left me with a private tutor, thus missing out on important interaction at a very critical point in life. The same issues kept me out of activities like sports, and camp-outs, and sleep-overs. I was left out, and alone, for god knows reasons, and it was not in my nature to be alone, or left out. I am a social creature, and I am a people person, but I’ve not been able to live as such.

Interesting that, as it turns out, I am, and always was, very healthy, and the issues were more the result of bad diagnosis than of anything else. Doctors always pretend to know more than they do. We’re not that far from the age of blood-letting. I was a victim of bad medicine, and I have to wonder about the treatment I’m getting now.

Still, all that aside, I’ve got real issues, the gender issues that make me a member of URNL. And I’ve not done well at coping with gender issues. I don’t understand it all, obviously, and I have trouble knowing what steps to take. I chat here a lot, mostly, and that’s the essence of my social life.

Obviously, I need to come to terms. I need to get out. I need activities. I need change. Time to cry a while; see ya!

Crazy

September 24th, 2011 1:35 pm MDT

How many of you are crazy? Raise your hand...not THAT hand, eew! Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm carzy, to some extent. Pretty sure is about as sure as I ever get -- what's beyond that, positively sure? I have little control over my life. Therapist told me once I have "external locus of control," which means exactly what I just said, I feel I have very little control over my life. Happy, successful people have, or develop, "internal locus of control." I should work on that, but how, when I realize that I'm at least a bit crazy, and thus likely to make crazy life decisions? Talk about being stuck? Wow!

Driving Through Austin

September 21st, 2011 1:03 am MDT

I drive through the heart of Austin every day. Everybody's heard of Austin; if they've been here, they talk about what a great town it is, and if they haven't been here, they say how much they want to check it out. It's mostly the music scene, and the sort of left-of-normal culture, with all the clubs and hang-outs. It's cool.

There's one street, Congress, which runs, I guess, right down the middle of town. Congress if full of boutiques and curios selling near counter-culture fashions and wares, coffee shops, cafes selling pizza and tacos, burgers and like fare, with awnings over outdoor seating areas. A trailer park cafe area. Clubs - clubs all over Austin. Everyday I drive down Congress, or up Congress, up the hill from downtown, where looking back it's almost got the feel of San Fran. Lots of people out. Young people, cool young people having a great time. And I drive by and see it all, on my way to work.

I'd love to have place like that to hang, to be part of. I love the scene and all the activity, but I'm a lot older than the great bulk of people there, and of a totally different sort. Young people aren't nearly so open and accepting as you'd think. S

It occured to me just today that there must be a street somewhere in some cool city that has what Congress in Austin has, but more suited to my tastes, my age group, my lifestyle. Maybe, you know, in San Francisco, LA, New York? Austin's a nice place, but maybe there's a better place, a place where I can be more a part of the cool scene. I guess I've got to be thinking about that.

September 20th, 2011 1:14 am MDT

Suppose you put an ad out there in the cosmic classifieds, and then a ride comes, what are you going to do? Send the cab away?

That Ride

September 20th, 2011 1:11 am MDT

When your ride comes, that special ride, what do you need to go back for? what does any of that matter?

Can't remember

September 20th, 2011 12:51 am MDT

I had an idea about something, but now I can't remember. I was singing old songs, the clue is in that emotion. I think I was standing out somewhere; the street by your house, the street by mine. There were white cars ready to take us. I resisted getting in, but it was there for me; what could I do? The future's a better place, the driver said. I waved goodbye to all that way. I knew I'd miss it; I miss everything. The past has value, and everything of value is missed, sooner or later. Way off in the distance, you miss it still, but with perspective. "Don't look back, don't turn around," the singer guitar player warned. Or was he pleading?

I had an idea about something, but it's not any clearer now.

same sex

September 14th, 2011 12:15 am MDT

"Why are you so one-tracked, focused on wild sex?'

Well, it's like the man said:

"You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'"

- Robin Williams

He's been there, so have I.

feel good guilt

September 13th, 2011 11:38 pm MDT

"When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. And that is my religion."
– Abraham Lincoln

Old About Me profile

September 12th, 2011 11:56 pm MDT

I didn't always make use of the journal space here. Instead, I blurted things into my profile. I got some laughs out of it, some decent comments, but I wasn't smart enough to realize the About Me space is limited, and I was losing old stuff out to sea as I added new. I wrote a poem once, and put it in my profile, and later someone asked me about it, and I looked, and only one line was left. So, I realize, now, the About Me is supposed to be a personal description, complete with selling points and all, and the rest of my jumbled thoughts need to be here in the journal. So, out with the old; in with the new!

About Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKv5uvoadQo

Ever wonder what that 3M guy was doing when he invented sticky notes?

I've figured out what the Republicans need to do with the debt ceiling: put mirrors on it, so they can see what they're doing to us!

I"To change one's life: 1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions."
â�� William James

il fait bon vivre, pour certaines personnes

Ever notice how sometimes you run into a person you shouldn't have messed with? Ever notice sometimes that person is you?

one thing I don't get: you go back 10 years, and the country was in pretty good shape, then people started electing right wing people, and the country has gone to shit. but nobody can put that together; they think they need to elect even more right wing people, as if that could ever help
Updates? Well, let's see...the weather is nice, beautiful Spring days and nights. I tried on swim suit - navy blue dotted 2-piece, and see some mid rift I totally have to get rid of! I'm by nature very thin, but I had a condition that required medication and less activity, so I'm showing the results. I'm full of new resolve, then, to get my shape back! I can do it!

Here's the way I see it: 95 percent of the nation's wealth is held by 5 percent of the population, so, 95 percent of the tax should be paid the that same 5 percent...that would be completely logical and fair, and as close to a flat tax as you can get.

I was okay with being insane, till I heard there is no cure for it; now I"m depressed.

You're heard of the unfinished novel? I'm working on the unstarted one. I see it as a cerebral minimalist statement on nothingness.

what you say is like drawings in the sand, words on the beach.
which waves come in and wash away
and Fish read somewhere in t

Untitled Post

September 12th, 2011 11:47 am MDT

I was watching the History Channel, and they had my profile on Ancient Marvels.

Evening Comes

September 8th, 2011 11:56 pm MDT

I have a few things to say, in private -- that's what evenings are for! Evenings are for other things, too, but first the words come, from us, between us, of us. I have something to whisper in your ear, heart to heart, soul to soul. Before we touched, we touched, you know, and now we're here.

I have a few things to say to you, to you alone. And now we are alone. Touch, heart, soul, ear...now we're here!

Untitled Post

September 7th, 2011 12:25 pm MDT

When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now, will you stil need me?

I am older, fact of life, have lost some hair. In fanciful world, I imagine myself younger, prettier, full-maned.

Okay, let me point out a few things: I am 58, not far from 59. I'm very tall - 6'4 almost! I'm pretty thin, but 180 doesn't really sound all that girly light. I have nice hair, but it's embarrassingly thin on top now. I am married. I am stuck. A few years ago, I started seeing a therapist. He recommended HT, and my doctor prescribed them (reluctantly). I was growing breasts, experiencing other changes, considering transitioning. I talked things over with my wife, but, truthfully, it was hard for me to be open, and I just kinda shut up about it.

Then a had some clots, blood clots, in my legs, my pelvis, my lung. No more hormones. I looked at death as an all too possible sudden event. I stopped everything. I prayed. My wife felt like she had me back, maybe. I had a new edge to depression.

The odds of dying are extremely high the first month after a pulmonary embolism - blood clot that moves into a lung. That was an extremely painful condition. It was like having broken ribs in my chest. I had to brace for every forced breath. The doctor said it was a small clot, and not life-threatening, but he hadn't felt it from my side. So I went on blood thinners, and I'll be on blood thinners rest of my life. It's beena year and 10 months; my odds of living are nearly normal, except that a fall or bump could cause severe internal bleeding. If some drunk dummy at a bar whacks me in the head, he'll likely be up on murder charges. But, other than that, life goes on, and I could still end up being an old...person.

Everyone has to make their own decision about coming out, and transitioning. It's an extremely hard and personal decision. Nobody should be pressuring anybody. And everybody is to be honored and respected in whatever choice they make.

After all I've been through, I'm stil no where. Good luck to you all!

Everything, and Nothing

September 7th, 2011 12:04 am MDT

Everything and nothing; that's the way I feel. In my gut, it's everything, heavy and hard, full of importance. In my life it's northing, nearly nothing. My head and my heart agree with my gut. Probably this makes little sense, and sounds silly, but I'm not putting it out here to expression of logic. I'm just putting it out here to get it out of my gut. I think everyone knows what it's like to live in a life of change that never seems to be any different, or to move on. What it's like to be stuck, in time and in space, in animated slo mo. We trust that the future hold new and better versions our tired and worn experience. I'm not writing anything here, I know that, but keys have to be played if you wanna create music.

My fifty words of he day (actually, who's counting)?