Journal Entries for Pascale :-)
GRS
November 30th, 2011 11:12 am MST
Hi every one I will be getting my GRS next June on the 25th. :). finaly after so many years and all the ups and downs of life I will be finaly anatomicaly corected.!
reading erotism
July 16th, 2010 7:34 am MDT
I have been reading some nice adult stories. I tought I would share the link with every one else! :)
update trasition
April 30th, 2010 10:19 am MDT
ok, now this one will be short. I have my firdst letter for the surgery, I will get my second one in juin. but I am kind of sad that I am getting that surgery and that I still did not have the ones I wanted to do before I get to this one. before going SRS I wanted to have FFS and breast augmentation. plus since I am out of money because I can't find work, my electrolisys is not finished , I still need to fucking shave avery day! and now I would be getting SRS. to me its doing it in revers order. :( but I have to get over it. I still see that guy in the mirror and that is what makes it hard for me to tell my self I am getting that SRS. I really wish things where different!
update work wise
April 30th, 2010 10:15 am MDT
well on the job hunting side, I have been looking and posting and aplying for work intensively since october 2009. and so far nothing, I had 1 positive comback, they had given me a start date and a contract, but where asking that I have a car to go to work since they where at about some 30 minute car drive using they highway. well I guess speaking on the phone about the car got them to understand that the 6'1" tall woman they where about to have working with them is a trans. I guess my voice on the phone gave me away. the company is 360 innovations and its been 3 months now and still they say that they can't have me start now becose they are to short on staff to give me the training as every one is out working on installing the software at customers offices.
i am looking now at putting up a complaint to the canadian human rights. I am still looking for work and seding out my resumay but I am starting to be discourage and seriusly thinking on giving up and just sit on my ass doing nothing! wasting my life since it would seam I employable. I still have a shot at getting the local employment office to get me in an program to get me back up to date on computer programming, up to speed with internet programming. It really does not help that I have not finish my BAC at the univercity. it looks like I have not been doing any programming since 2002, when actualy I stop going to the university in nov 2006. well any ways that it for now. I hope to come back with a more up beat update.
long overdu update famelly wise
April 30th, 2010 10:02 am MDT
hi. well its been a while since I have log in here! well so far I am still alone and living in a small appartment in montreal. My ex as now a new boyfirend (she dropted the fat guy) and htye just had a new baby start of april, a 5.7lbs girl that was given the name Camille. SHe moved on the south-shore of montreal a good distacne away. I can not follow here there and have the kids go to a near by scool next to her appartement, as she would like. And so becose of that she as been asking to have full costudy of the kids, leaving me just 1 week-end every otherweek. So I had to get my self a lawyer and he as been working on getting things back to my side, basicaly doing some legal stuff so that I porbaly would revers the position from what my ex wanted. personaly I prefer that we have 1 full week every other week, but since my ex moved at about a good 45 minute car drive from the scool she will not want to keep it this way and take the 1 week-end every other week. Job wise its been the shit! no job!
hair cut
June 1st, 2008 9:23 am MDT
2 weeks ago I a new hair style, and it works out great for me! Got many compliment and even a woman aproched me to ask If I wanted to work for her as an escort.. lol well I do take it as a compliment but would not work as an escort girl. But I am happy to have tryed some thing bit defferent for my hair style.
fat and fatter
June 1st, 2008 9:20 am MDT
Well It also as come to my attention lol that my ex is now going steady with some overwight guy. lol so I guess I have been her best looking boy/girl freind she had so far lol.
Insane in the mambrain insane in the brain.
June 1st, 2008 9:18 am MDT
HI. It as come to my attention that my ex is not on drugs, I really hope that she is not using while she as the kids whit her. If I get any int of this I will report her to children protection agency and ask for complete gard of my children.
TS pride day in Montreal.
April 29th, 2008 10:44 am MDT
Transsexual Pride Day Saturday, May 3, 2008 McGill University “Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.” (Henry Ford) Welcome all transsexuals, friends, colleagues, family members and all other supporters of our cause! On Saturday, May 3, 2008, we will be holding our fifth annual Transsexual Pride Day. The event will be held at 3480 McTavish (Shatner building). McTavish is between Peel and McGill College and the building is north of Sherbrooke Street. It is wheelchair accessible. Once you have entered the building, please follow the signs. Unless otherwise indicated, events are held in the ballroom on the third floor. There will be a free daycare service on the fourth floor. All presentations will be in French except for the one held at 3:15PM. Should the ATQ raise sufficient funds, simultaneous translation will be available for English to French and French to English. 9 :00 AM (Ballroom) Doors open, information booths available, refreshments available at low cost. 9:30 AM Opening Ceremony (Ballroom) Marie-Marcelle Godbout, founder of the ATQ, will welcome participants and after,Maxime Le May, facilitator for the day’s events and president of the ATQ. 9:45 AM Your psychologist and you (Ballroom) Françoise Susset, M. A., psychologist, Can the therapeutic relationship have uses and benefits beyond referral letters for medical procedures? This workshop will help clarify the process of psychological counselling and encourage you to see your psychologist as an ally during and after your physical transition. 11:00 AM Two-Spirit identity among Aboriginal peoples (Ballroom) Jacky Vallée (FTM), anthropologist, Many Native North American peoples had conceptions of gender that went beyond the binary “male-female” model that is so familiar to Westerners. There was room in these societies for Two-Spirit people, or those who were seen as having access to both male and female spirit and who often adopted an alternate gender identity. Based on oral and written accounts by Two-Spirit people and on anthropological studies, this presentation will offer an overview of Native gender conceptions and of the identities and roles available to Two-Spirit people. 11:45 AM Lunch (Ballroom) BBQ chicken and pizza. We will order as a group ($7 maximum per person). Information booths and archives available for consultation. 1:15 PM Community Update (Ballroom) Update on medical, legal and governmental procedures such as name changes, surgeries, government coverage, and so forth by representatives of trans community groups. 2:00 PM Girl Stuff (Ballroom) By Christiane Perrault of Mégamorphose A professional stylist who frequently works with the MTF transsexual community will offer a workshop-style presentation on various techniques such as: how to feminize one’s silhouette through clothing, how to avoid purchasing useless things, make-up tips and so forth. 2:00 PM FTM Masculinity : A Discussion (Lev Buckman room, 2nd floor) Alexandre, instructor and doctoral student, UQAM. Are transboys men like the others? On one hand, this question might seem shocking as it may imply an invalidation of transmen’s autoidentification as men. However, from a vantage point internal to the trans community, it is a question worth exploring. What is the basis of masculinity? Anatomical sex (penis, body hair)? Gender (behaviour and presentation)? Both ? Neither ? Do these men perceive their masculinity as innate or acquired ? What traditional masculine values and attitudes are desired or rejected by transboys? The aim of this workshop is to reflect on the contemporary masculinity of transsexual men. 3:15 PM Activism and Transsexuality in the Bahamas (Ballroom) Evonne Sawyer (MTF) As the first transsexual person to transition in the Bahamas, often considered to be one of the most homophobic Western nations, Evonne Sawyer will describe her transition and her involvement in the Rainbow Alliance of the Bahamas, a group that she co-founded. (ENGLISH) 4:15 PM Community involvement !?!? (Ballroom) Katherine-Gabrielle Delisle-Dupuis (MTF), UQAM student Getting people involved is crucial to such a small community as the transsexual community. In this presentation, you will learn how, why and where to get involved. 5:30 PM – End of daytime events. Organised by l’Association des Transsexuels et Transsexuelles du Québec (ATQ) 7:00 PM Gala, Drag king show et awarding of « prix honorifiques” Trans Pride will continue in the evening as of 7:00PM at Café Cléopâtre, 1230 St-Laurent. A drag king show with the Dukes of Drag (previously known as King Size) will begin at 8:30PM. A commemorative plaque and a trophy in honour of Christine Jorgensen and Lana St-Cyr respectively will be awarded to two trans people to recognise their involvement in the transsexual community. Tickets are only $5 and can be obtained by contacting the ATQ in advance, by visiting the ATQ booth on the day of Trans Pride or at the door. Quantities are limited to about 200. All proceeds will go to the ATQ. info et tikets: 514-254-9038 Danielle Fierté trans pride 2008
Thirty for a feaver.
February 28th, 2008 11:06 pm MST
I have been so hollow for so long and yet so full of nothing I could not thrust or hunger for any thing. I want this back; I want to be passionate again about my work, about who I love and about life. I want to hunger for live to be always hungry for my girlfriend, to have her know beyond the shadow of a doubt this I love her and admirer her for all she does, that I think she beautiful and sexy. I want to hunger to live fully, to be free of these shackles of self doubt and self Hatred. To be me and all me all that I can be. To be the best parent on earth, to excel at what I doe to not second guess all that I doe or undertake. This life as been so taxing on me, it as been as if I had been punished all my life for sins committed in a past life. I want that fever of living of burning of passion and desire, I want to stop felling like the living dead. I do not want to be grumpy bear any more.
its a sad world
December 12th, 2007 5:02 am MST
As of this october 2007 my girlfreind Left me, as some of you know we had 2 girls, one as 3 and trhe other 5 at the moment. I is sad as the onces who will pay the reall price, get really hert are not me and my ex but the children we have. She seams indeferant to it and mostly only cares about her self mostly. Its is a sad sad worl.
New beginings
June 18th, 2007 4:41 am MDT
Well been out on sick leave since nov 23rd and now givin the green light from my GP to go back to work, only to have my company close the office where I was working, setting me back to the unemployd insurance! As givin me a chance to start a new job, and it ends up for the moment thst one of my friends as a hosting and web desing company and will take me in as programer. :) I bought my self a JP8000 (roland synth) and it is prety cool all the sounds that comes out of that keyboard! but I still need to get a few peace of equipment like a sampler and a sequancer and such! then I will be ready once I finish learning to play a keyboard ( new to music) so ill have a nice hoby for a while. If you want to know the type of soumd/music i entend to do it is techno-industrial. starting to run low on money from the package my company gave my some 6 000$ net. but I will have some other momey comming soon from dissability insurance.
Cannot aford to be helty :(
November 17th, 2006 6:29 pm MST
Well on nov 9th my doctor got me off work for 2 weeks I was supposed to be back to work on the 24th. well guess what I am writing from work at this very moment. Why? because the helth plan from my company does not carry a short term dissability plan! just a long term that will kick in 120days later (afther your are put to rest). So I am Fucked because I cannot afford 4 month of not getting payed. So I had to get back to work today. Well at least 2 week of vacation does a great deal of good, but it is not enought. I need more if it where for me I would take a year off. I really need to get out of this hole (job). Latly I almost lost my GG because she have been feeling to me more of a roomate to me then my spouse. I have been keeping to my self not sharing the stuff that bordering me cause I did not want to add to her problems. But that only added more to her pain. :( Some times I which I could just fall in a coma for a short while like weeks or so. But that would not be good as coma will damaged the brain. Well any how I got some drugs from my doctor I hope it will help lessen the bad feelings and me me wanting to destry my self and my director. (mostly my director more then my self :p )
Untitled Post
October 28th, 2006 12:01 pm MDT
My GG yesterday called the place I have my electrolys done to tell them to cancel all my appointments. She did this because she feels we need the money for sieng a spychologist for couple therapy. She feels I am holding back and that not telling her how I feel. the problem his here that all I needed to say and that is much to say not much since most of the bad or good stuff is already out and that nothing changes much (put my picture next to monotony). all my problem we know what they are! I am TS and donlt like my job and because of my job I dont spend the time I would like with my children and her. end of story, beyond the occasional hangry customer and stuff I seen that was worth taliking about. She says that beyond the fact that I give plenty hugs and kisses, she feels as if she was not more then a roomate. Beyond telepathy, I don't know what she's looking for! some stuff I keep and it is not to share cause they are on resond frustration I have because that she is sick and depressive, but sharing this to her would only hurt her, and reason I don't is because also that this is wrong (kind of but natural) that they are thing I prefer to repalce with I love you honny then tell her off that she could get more active and get back on her feet faster then just staying at the house doing a bit of house work and sleep! and she sleeps alote! and this is not good, if you feel tired over the normal sleep period the only way youll get more energy is to spend some! Exercise for goodness sake! she as a bike but don't use it, she had a 2 place baby carrige but gave it to her syster forgetting it was a gift from my parent... I do have frustration but cannot cumunicate them cause it going to hurt her and being drpressive will just push her deeper into it. Some time just accept that some things you cant change and some stuff is not made to be told or shared.
Times are hard,
October 27th, 2006 2:56 pm MDT
My GG as been sick for about 2 years now and it is getting worst over time. She's depressive. and she dos have a shrink that she goes to and take some medecin for this and as actualy been switch a few times. But still she is not getting better, and the longer depression last the more it will sink in permanently, it is hard to recover from long therm depression, come a point where the best you will be in is a lasting melancoly! Not really depresed but kind of alway a bit sad. This week because of a bit of arguments and communication that did not go the way she wanted, she left the house and took a walk on the highway with suacidal tought! it was less then 5 minutes that she got picked by the road police, and took to where she was kind of going, the hospital. and was in the psychiatric observation block and where they put people that have been attempting to kill them self or faild to do so. she got out today, not sure if it is for the best but it is are eldest birth day this weekend she just got 4. And I am not sure I will want to stay with her if she does not open her eyes to her bad attitude she as with us. I may have to ask her to leave and that we sale the house. I really dont wan to go to this but.. can not let her emotionaly harm us (me and the children) if she is not will to openup. But she spoke about seeing her psychologist for couple consulting (the both of us) maybe this way I can output the info and have her shrink tranlate to some thing she is will to understand. I hope she gets back on her feet and do as she as been thinking of doing for last 10 year, get a degree in sextherapy/sexologist.
helping getting blasted for it!
October 14th, 2006 6:34 pm MDT
Hi, this week got balsted for helping the community. I posting info about electro and I just in some attempt and sorry for it MS word kind of ganged the meaning of 1 bloddy santance from my personal feelings to Blend electrolys and boom I get blasted and told I am twisting words and stuff! Some people they just flip out for squat. if they took the time to read carefully not jumping to conclusion and taking in account that english may not be my best wrtien laguage! hell I write better in C++ or java! One thing Sure I will not use stupid MS word and any one reading me pleas understand I am from a french canadian background and that to boot I have a litle bit of dislectia. So when I look at words or pgrase I kind of guess then more then actualy read all the letters,, and if it is some thing I wrote it is in my brain for a while and what ever i wrote I will just understand and see what is in my head not the actual text. And a gain sorry for having an opinion and to share it with people.
Untitled Post
October 11th, 2006 2:00 pm MDT
Taken from http://www.missfiorella.com/t-girl2.htm You will know when your bell goes off. It is an alarm, it is definite, and it is for real. There are no maybes, there is no doubt, and it is traumatic. It is an epiphany, a reality, a shock and nothing short of a nervous breakdown. And it only happens once. You don’t “sort of” throw away an entire life and all you know, trust, and love… It is a necessity! Your bell goes off or it does not—period. ___________________________________________________________________________________ the text above is so true, when the “bell” goes off you know it is a rare moment of epiphany. The problem is that the “bell” does not shut up. It keeps on rigging pounding its signal in my head. It is traumatic and it will not go away it is constant. I tried to not ear it, I tried to be a boy, I was more male then the average male (in my definition of total masculinity) I was the more thought the slinkiest kid in school! I take the talked and walked the walk. But still the bell was rigging and still is; it will not let me be as I was supposed to be as it was my birthright XY to be. I had 1 full year of almost not having a gender and not earring that bell (almost) but gender numbness induce by a 100mg of Androcure, is not acceptable or any way to exist. I really which it was possible to get the bell to shut off, but so far after 20 years I did not find any way, Yes I am now accepting my fate and who I am and now understand why it is that it went off and what I need to do. But give me a magic wand and that I can only use it on my self: I will which that it set me whole and complete and that I be me not ½ of me, may it be a girl or a boy, but that I am physically who I am really, both in body and mind. The simpler way would be to have the brain fixed, but it is not possible.
Some update..
September 28th, 2006 11:30 am MDT
Hello, I have been a bit busy lately with the F&#@$d up schedule we now get and that I had to stop playing my world of warcraft game since I have taken 2 University cours since I am starting a Bachelor in CPU-science (this year I am leaning the useless Prolog and Askell) and the most useful Database system course... so that make it 2X(3hrs class + 3hrs labs) = 4 nights at school: Monday to Thursday from 6pm to 9pm. I get home at 11pm. Ouch! Since I also work full time. But a girl needs to do what she needs to do, to get a better job then lowly Technical-support. Beyond this Melanie and me are pushing are effort to open some non-profit-org that will be like a value-village of used computer systems. Melanie as been put on medical leave for depression, I hope she will get back on her feet soon, but it will take as long as it needs so that when she goes back to work she will not yet again get depressed. The children are fine, and happy that goods! Bad stuff also my mommy started to get on Melanie’s nerves and his not helping, so we avoid my parents, it is a bit sad but my mum she’s a hard head conformist. The other last month Melanie went shopping for cloth for the kids with my mother, and contrary to the usual let the kids pick out the clothing, she diced to buy one dress that my little Arianne really did not want. So she got in an argument about dressing up and told my mother that I was a good model since I can think for my self. Then my mother said that I was her failure at dressing properly. Yes and I am able to dress for my self and not for others, and I am may not dress in pretty dresses or nice suite (since I dislike suite and dresses don’t fit well on me yet), I am not wearing jeans all the time so I don’t see what her problem his! What ever! My mother his not able to say that some one else is right and that she’s wrong! She is so freaking pig headed! so as always I will survive till the end of times.
missing my motorcycle
September 10th, 2006 8:43 am MDT
I used to have a byke and I sold it to be able to buy a house. But with 2 kids and the house the budget is tight and I Which I could by a Motorcycle again, but that will take some time.
Past and presant
July 8th, 2006 11:43 am MDT
Have you ever felt being much older then what you are in life? I do feel this way, its odd feeling. It is like my current self and current life is a mere page in some book. Each life is a page in some big book, and that I have many pages already field in with stuff. It is like we are not supposed to feel how many pages or know about the other pages, but I do! As if any psychological mumbo jumbo is related the current page any aspect of my psychological construct is related to this current page, but beneath that there is that other layer that is connected in time to other pages/”construct” is the active or living part is sitting on what I am build on from or was in the past. If in the pages before it got you in one direction you will need to make an effort to get in any other one that that one. This is how it feels, it is strange to exist, it is strange to know we exist and we are a complex program called conscious personality and that its OS is a subconscious 2.0.4 and that in some occasion the OS is multitask capable and runs more then one personality program at a time (called multiple personality syndrome, in psychology). I you ever felt being so much older then you are? I am not Christian and I do not hold any loyalty or connection with any other religion, still I feel I am immortal beyond my body, God or no God! Some times I feel I can almost reconnect with the past, that I can almost feel beyond the veil of reality, but it still out of reach by a hair.
