Dateline Monday ( I think…lol) Report to the Surgeon General from the bat cave…;p :
WOO F***ing HOO!
Your Foo fighter (against the seriously mundane) is spent…and my legs actually feel weak today…lol
I seriously doubt that my fellow bat girl, (and team leader of the day (the inimitable Miss Crystal Frost) went to work…If she did, I’m pretty certain that the phone is in “we’ll get back to ya” mode…lol
What a truly heroic VIKING tale yesterday was, and you couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day to be at your finest, looking like a movie star & REPRESENT! …to the general inmate population out there!
Let’s just say that the TWO of us were on a “take no prisoners” ransack of the Left Village…HA!
Here’s what you missed (you can kick yourselves later for being dumb ass lazy!...;p)
It was a beautiful start to the race with Crystal & her assembled entourage of contestants lounging on the red carpet outside of the Cowgirl Hall Of Fame…looking like the cast of Sex In the City being regaled by the Press Gang & paparazzi crushed behind the velvet ropes…;))… ;D The sky was bright & clear, and the sun shone brightly… this was brunch with the ladies who meal, and it’s one of the last days of Indian Summer in NYC…just perfect!
I made my way across the street as the crowd parted like the red sea to join the cast of what would prove to be a production of epic proportions…lol
After an appropriate amount of time for the staff to prepare a central feasting table for us inside the totally cute Cowgirl themed jalapeneo popper…lol we were regaled with a superfine protein & carb fuel up while being treated like stars with super sized smiles & service, with seemingly every satellite table giggling at the comedy coming from our banter… ;D
The Bloody Mary's were en eye opener, or closer, depending on your resistance to hot stuff...lol
The Echidna was seriously bruised…lol
…then…. With all jets a go we launched headfirst into the sun, heading due north. A pedal cabbie was seriously smitten & offered us a free ride wherever we wanted to go…which we declined, as a spectacle such as ours needed be circumcised with much more pomp & circumstance…lol (although I was seriously considering the ramifications of what would come of a modern Judah Ben Hur chariot ride through the streets of the Old West…lol ART! is what we are, and such Dandy Warhol’s need to be seen up close to be truly appreciated for our individuality & quality of execution…lol…best appreciated by the serious connoisseur, culture jammers or blatantly inappropriate lesbians…lol The pedal pusher gave us cards though with his cell number saying “anytime, anyplace”…lolol hmm…;p
Our first stop would be Planet Cubbyhole, for a circle jerk under the twinkling mélange of holidaze rotating overhead, taking in the heady vapors of females in heat…lol and being offered complimentary clam chowder…(how appropriate!)…lol The Cubby’s apparently are wanting to give us brunch-ability with them soon too! Excellent!
Next, it was back out for a stroll through the cobblestone streets heading due East to Johnny’s, where the totally friendly low key atmosphere found us in rare form…I haven’t laughed so hard in ages…did I mention the pie? There was pie…lol it came along with us for the laughs somewhere along the way…in a box. There were cruel jokes, but no one got hurt…lol Tess, resplendent behind the bar was beautiful, and her top was quite revealing. It was a cool night and the door was open…lol…I think it moved…;p Crystal’s friend Melissa was really sweet. I explored the inside of her oral cavity looking for answers, but only found more questions the deeper I probed…lolol
We picked up a hitchhiker who didn’t care for darts, golf or curling, I was to find out…lol He was called Robert, and Crystal & I decided he must have been Chinese, as he ping-ponged with serpentarian aplomb between us…lol men are such dogs, you know, not being able to decide which shit smells better, but wanting to take it all in the ass run…lol
THEN!...(got your score cards out?) we continued the flight out of Egypt with the rainbow warrior in tow & headed East & took a hard right straight into Babylon…lol Making the scene at Boots & Saddles was easy, where the serious grinding of the evening now started, as we danced around a plethora of urgently pressing issues…lol, got our freak on…and with a toss of our curls, schwing! we left…always leave ‘em begging for more I say, right…lol Now it was time to cross the street, past the crowd singing show tunes at street level & down into the bowels of the Monster, for some over exposure under the disco ball’s shimmer & the call of the dance floor. ;D Crystal shook it like a white girl, Trish fell hard for a Latino pixie with a 6 pack, and I went into a tail spin with a hungry wolf…lol We were all having lots of fun, when Trish asked me to sing her a song of desire. I decided that she would be able to hear it much more clearly if I sang it directly into her mouth…lol This particular song is tricky… I make it up on the fly of course, but it wound up having several verses, a repeated chorus…and an encore…lol
At this point we lost the hitchhiker, who, had become like peau de soie,… a medium to heavy, drapeable fabric with a soft satin weave and dull finish….lol
There had been, by this point a serious amount of mead drained out of various tanks, and into ours…lol, and we decided to come up for air…and away we went….
…straight back again into the deep house 4/4 at Greenhouse….I love that space, the raw tune-age is fine, the crowd is terribly sexy, and the toilets come with breath mints…lolol We slid across the waxed dance floor under a canopy of foliage back lit & throbbing with a seemingly full room spectrum of wall to wall sound...it comes from everywhere, but you can’t see how…very cool, kinda like being inside a fuzzy navel or ear canal…radical & tubular!…;)) we danced till breathless, and I got mad props for knowing HOW to move my junk flash dance style in 4+ inch heels…Get your bad self down beatch! lol I wanted the Redheaded Emma Peel Doll in a skin tight black body stocking & boots…yummy… ;)) but she kept disappearing … was it live or was it girls on film?… must have been Memorex, but I can never really be sure…lol
Trish is a real trooper, she’s only just above the level of my business, which means it was easy for her to play with my garters…I told her the pleasure was all mine, but I’m not so sure about that…lolol By now I have no fricking clue what time it was, I think it had been called on account of hedonism… too much fun is just enough ya know…;)) The upstairs was in overdrive, and I had serious fear for the safety of my toes, as the room was like a beehive with a fire lit from below… so we decided to fly before getting our wings clipped. ;D
To the surprise of both Crystal & myself, Trish then jumped into a cab with three beautiful strangers, and headed to Amanda Lepore’s party at the Hiro Ballroom. Crystal assured me that she’d be fine as she always lands on her feet. I was a bit concerned as the poor kitten’s frame seemed seriously bent by now…lol She called us later and I THINK anyway, was back in the game & on the prowl in another part of the jungle…lol
We weren’t done yet, as it turned out…ummm…did I mention the word VIKING…lol Now we were headed back north, passing Caliente Cab Company. Crystal suggested that we should get a dozen girls with temporary water weight gain to go in there & flash mob the bathroom…lol I said I’ll drink to that!...lol (if you don’t get it, do some homework…lol)
Flying a bit farther a field found your trusty heroine’s on a strafing run through Duplex & Stonewall when it occurred to us that the Pie had been having such a good time singing “ I will Survive” at Boots & Saddles, that it had fallen behind with the swaggering Cocks & Hens (and Chickens…lol). SO, we decided to go rescue it, as Pies aren’t especially known for carrying loose cab fare…lol Upon entering, the Pie, which by now had done a costume change and had come fully out of it’s shell joined us for a short rendition of Naughty Marietta, and with a stage left, and a deliberately liberal sprinkling of air kisses, we shuffled off into the gaping mouth of the night, giggling like schoolgirls…lol
Where to go where to go!...NEXT!
The not so obvious choice to me anyway, was the Hanger. Along the way I noted that practically every shop had in some form included the execution of tattoos in their business model… tattoos & heavy lifting, tattoos & French Polishing, tattoos & antique sushi bowling, tattoos & sea foam bubble tea for you & a matching mole, half off on Tuesdays! Tattoos AND body art…I suppose that’s like the Big Mac…. Double your signage & brand recognition with excessive fat…lol…comes with a fork with seating for 6 at the table of the elements, with no reservations required!…lol I thought we should get matching Gummi’s glued screwed or tattooed where the sun don’t shine…lol… so much virgin canvas & so little time! Tsk!...lol The Hanger was really loud, with big muscular tribal beats that make you want to throttle your knuffle bunny’s best assets or at least, the most open targets…lol…Let’s just say it was DEFINITELY NOT ladies nite…lol but who cares, we were out to shake things up & get our goddess worship on anyway…lol I’m ready for my scene now Mr. DeMille…lol Crystal knew a guy in there who begged for us to stay, meanwhile, she gave me a look that said “hockey puck”…lol later explaining that this one follows her around like a puppy…lol I didn’t think a jury could possibly convict…lol Crystal’s certainly got that Big Fish Story appeal…lol I did mention dogs earlier didn’t I?...lol Well, enough of the Locker Room so she, me, and the Pie Rushed out the door flaming…lol Paris isn’t the only thing burning…lol We left burnout patches in the street as we careened a hard right down Bedford…lol
Which way did they go which way did they go! Run rabbit’s run!
Well, I have been trying for months to find out what’s going on with Chumley’s, as the phone’s ringing, but no one’s home…Chumley’s is the Doyenne of NYC Speakeasy’s, having successfully been playing Hide & Seek now for almost a century. It’s like a pair of favorite slippers. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe…;D If you don’t know where it is, you probably won’t find it, there’s no sign, no lamp post & the door is forgettable…lol Once inside the door, you are transported into what is most certainly a Dickensian Era British pub. The dark wooded walls are covered with the manuscripts of Lost generation & Beat Generation writers & poets., men of letters, some chicks too…lol …people like EE Cummings , William Faulkner, John Steinbeck, Ring Lardner & Edna St. Vincent Millay… There is also a ghost in there as well, usually, apparently, over by the bar. The floor is covered in sawdust, and there is a huge working fireplace. There are a trio of Hounds of the Baskervilles, ancient beasts that I think came with the property…lol They usually lie in front to the fireplace like stuffed sacks of peanuts roasting slowly in the dry heat…lol The bar has hand pulled ales with curious names of Firemen who fell in the way back, dirty Vicars & other social anomalies & activists. The walls & benches are carved with the names of lovers & spirits past… There’s a juke box with a permanent collection of 78’s…songs from the distant haze, but you can’t expect to hear what you attempt to play. The ghost get’s to work, and the box has a mind on playing what you SHOULD hear…lol and it’s all good…;)) My favorite meal is a lobster tail, with corn on the cob, salad & a biscuit…all for 12 bucks! You just can’t beat that! Anyway, away we went, and looked with intent, but it’s disappeared, vanished! I could cry a river into my beer if I could just get one!...lol Things that old don’t die, or fade away. I asked a migrant beaner in the corner restaurant. He looked at me balefully, and said “It’s gone”. FAK! I’ve been going there for 30 years, and I have to hear it from someone who fell off the turnip truck yesterday morning… it’s just not fair! I’ve done a google search, and found out the truth, and there is hope alive! ;D
ANYWAY, that wasn’t gonna’ work, so us girls held hands with the Pie & skipped town, err, rather around the corner DOWN town…lol We had almost come full circle from where we started, but couldn’t see the finish line just yet…lol Henrietta Hudson’s looked promising. We were back in our element, with the girls…ok, I’m speaking for myself here…lol Our little mini marathon had at this point seen us girls in heels for at least 15 hours, and me the night before as well…I was smart enough to bring a bag big enough to keep a pair of flats in, but Crystal’s combat boots were now barking…lol and we both wanted to sit down somewhere that wasn’t all whistles & gongs…the belles in HH’s sounded like a good landing strip… and so we were let inside the halls of the sisterhood… ;D Unfortunately, there was no seating available, so now we decided to keep the marathon going…lol Crystal suggested that we entertain the sailors in the “straight” bar across the street, but warned that it could be a bad move… I looked at my shoes. I like may shoes. I looked at the Shamrocks in the window. I looked at Crystal. I looked at her throbbing boots. We had the Pie’s well being to think of, so we walked on by…lol Now, we were back at the Cowgirl where we started, but ya know, every good effort takes 110 percent, and the RL Lounge (nee Rubyfruit) was at the far end of the block…we can do this!!!...lol The RL is a place where a girl can get something good & stiff from another girl, at a fair price!...lol The upstairs has been beautifully renovated. It’s clean & cheerful with good lighting & it’s choc’ full of cute women… just my kind of place! Even the butch bunnies are hunni’s…lol There are stylish salon pedestal stools which make you just want a makeover!...lol We got comfy, and then we got engaged…lol no silly, I love Crystal, but I had my little eyes on Diana. She had a killer dancer’s bod, spike heeled boots & a wicked grin… I kept singing in my head “… but you can leave your hat on…lol” She wiggled over to us, and pulled up to the bumper… fun fun FUN! Well, let me tell you…back off she’s mine!...lol Well, maybe ours… but seeing as Crystal is waiting for Selma Hayak, I think I’ll be building a bridge between my island & her brick house starting this week! What a fine ass pect of the Midnight hour!...lol whew! We exchanged cards, and I needed to scratch an itch…it was on her, of course…lol and well, Bob’s your uncle, as the Bishop said to the Actress…lol Well, as happens when two fine T Gals walk into any room, shit happens…lol and Diana HAD to leave with her friend who pretty much dragged her down the stairs…lol Sympathy for the Devil, and all that…lol We will meet again soon , me thinx… ;D Anyway, with one girl down, and more to go, I found a comfy place at the bar next to yet another lovely La Femme Nikita… and decided to get busy…lol I can actually pin point the exact moment when the fire lit in her eyes, when I explained that my brain actually worked exactly like hers, and that I had no genuine interest in boys at all, and that I guess that would make me lesbian too! Granted, it’s possibly Vampyros Lesbos that we’re talking about here, but hey, I can’t help it, I was just born to really suck at some things in life…lolol Crystal as well was having her own petting party, and we were definitely a hit… so much so, that the girl that I was chatting with’s girlfriend dragged her off down the stairs & out as well!...lol Doh! She wanted to stay, and I could have caused the earth to move, but I thought better for her & said that she should leave with her friend… ;D Ok, time to add a bit of new lipstick before trying for the hat trick…lol SO! I va va voomed my way over to the powder room. Once inside, I marveled at the most excellent design of the large well planned space. There was a niche at the far end lit softly with ambient lighting with a vase of Bird’s Of Paradise, which perfumed the air. The walls & floor were of a hewn bluestone, giving the space the feel of a Zen Garden…The Queen Mary..(There just can’t be a John in there, was a sleek curvilinear design which would echo the anatomy of she who would be born from above…;)) The sink, with it’s pedestal of stone and ovular bowl-like stainless steel nest resting on top with a single pistil-like faucet were in harmony with the somewhat oblique trapezoidal shape of the room. It’s not a box…lol As I sat there with my panties between my ankles, the sound of my own fluidity echoed like a stream flowing through a temple in a hidden cave, somewhat like a womb, actually…. Quite reflective all this, for just taking a pee…lol I lifted myself up, and well, you know, tucked in my panties…lol then washed my hands…. Upon turning around, I saw no towels, and no basket… this, made perfect sense for such a Shinto space. The Fung Sui would be utterly ruined if you could possibly mess it up with random intrusions like misfired rimshots on the floor…lol I then spied the hand dryer, which again, made perfect sense… I glided over, ran my hands beneath it & was immediately blasted by hyper-sonics crashing off the walls, creating standing waves that made harmonic dead spots, as the super heated turbo forced air thundered out of the short, cone shaped expeller. Finally, after what seemed far too long after my hands were already dry, it stopped. I fell back, collected the pieces of my shattered psyche, adjusted my garters & combed my hair. THAT, I’m quite sure, was designed by a man…lol
There are 3 things I found interesting at the RL, besides the company, that is…
1) I decided to have a quick peek into the men’s head…lol It was nothing like the women’s, Firstly, it was about half as big…lol the walls didn’t have the same treatment as in the ladies, quite Spartan by comparison. The sink was the same, but the head was most definitely a John…and the place was brightly lit. This, I assume, was an un-verbalized sign saying look before you get your pee shooter out…lol and oh, it was a box, quite boringly predictably rectangular…
2) Of all the places that we went in that catered to the occasional sporting life, the RL was the only place that didn’t put the Tube De Boob behind or above the bar, but rather placed it in a discretionary position in the room which favored social interaction over mindless hypnosis…lol
3) Of all the bars we were in, every one which catered to the more hirsute patrons had their boxes switched on to football. The RL had on the final ALC championship baseball game. Being a Yankee town, and that night being the last crucial game of the series, combined with the fact that baseball is played as much in the head as on the field, it made again, a lot of sense…lol after all, as we know…Diamonds are a girls best friend…lol
By now it was really getting late, and Crystal needed to get home in time to call in sick…lol so, we gathered our things, said our goodbyes to all of the lovelies, and again, hit the pavement…. Tap tap tap, click click click…and now we’re hugging each other at 7th Avenue. I hail a cab, and she’s away to the train with the Pie, (pumpkin, that’s one well traveled vegetable!)…Goddess speed sister, I hope you got home in a jiff… ;D
SO, what can we gain from this run on stream of consciousness? Get a good night’s sleep Saturday night, empty your bank account, expect the unexpected and have a working medical plan in place …lol
My legs have felt like rubber and weak still some 24 hours later, and my ribs still hurt a little from laughing so hard… but these are pains that I’d welcome anytime… ;))
It’s that time of year again, and amateur night is just around the corner… trust me, If you talk the talk, you need to come out & walk the walk with C & B Music Factory when the risk Vs. reward factor is a toss up…lol… we make what you want to do right now…lol
Brunch with the ladies who DO lunch is now a part of the weekly social, so come out with us in NYC & have a gas yas yas… ;))
Love ya Crystal, let’s turn this pig over & roast the other side soon!
From the critically acclaimed blog writer Ana Cristina Garcia and after a very long hiatus, here her new blog entry that will make you fall asleep in boredom.Here are some of the media’s reactions to this literary accident:
“Same old, same old”The Cross-dresser Times
“Not the same story again” Drag Magazine
“If I read one more story like this from her I will commit suicide”The TG Herald
But why take their word for it when you can verify yourself?Take the plunge…
An Unscheduled Visit to the Therapist
The last time I had been out to the therapist was on December of 2008 and since then I had only been out one more time, last week, with my sister-in-law.That outing was cut short and did not get to do all we had planned.Therefore, I was left a bit anxious to be out again and luckily I got to go out, on my own, just a few days later (Monday, October 19).Following are the accounts of this unexpected but satisfying time out and about as Cristy.
On Sundays temperature dropped down dramatically (for tropical standards) and I decided that if it continued on Monday I would dress and try to go out.The reason I would prefer a cold day is that I can wear clothes that cover up my legs and chest without having to shave.I had dreamed about going out in one of the warm mini-dresses that I had worn, with tights and high heels, for a photo session last January.I was undecided between the gray and the brown sweater-mini-dresses seen on the links below (from January):
My wife was out of town so I could not ask for her opinion so I emailed a couple of photos in each outfit to my sister-in-law and she recommended the brown.I was all made up and ready to put on the dress when I got her response and took her advice.I wore it exactly as I did in January except that I wore a brown top underneath to cover the white corset since the dress has a see-through knit in the middle, as you can see in the photo above.I also wore a different watch and styled my hair a bit different, without the bangs.One thing that made a big difference in my appearance was a piece of advice I got from my s-i-l regarding how to put on makeup base by pressing the sponge against the face rather than rubbing it.I totally recommend that, as the coverage is more even and the pores are less evident.I could not help to think that the first time we went out with her it was me giving makeup advice to her and now, after paying more attention to her appearance (which she says was motivated by seeing how her brother-in-law could make himself into a convincing woman).I guess that there is always something to learn, even for a veteran.
This is how I looked after returning from my long-awaited little adventure into the real world:
Notice the different hairstyle and wristwatch.Other than that it is all the same as in January.
Once all was in place I put plenty of Ralph perfume on me and I was ready to head out at around 5 p.m.My plans were to drive to the mall and wonder about for a while but then it occurred to me that I could stop by the therapist’s office and say hello to the secretary with the excuse that I had lost my cell phone and their number with it.Remember that to her, I do not live in town and come every so often to visit family and when that happens I try to schedule and appointment.
As is usually the case when I go out, I always have someone on call in case I run into trouble.That person is usually my wife but since she was out of town, I called my sister-in-law and she was up to it.
I got there and took a final check on my makeup and hair before getting off the car.Once I was ready I got off the car, walked to the doctors office and rang the bell.It was about 5:10 and I knew the doctor would be seeing his last patient of the day.To my surprise, the door was opened not by the secretary but by a female psychologist that works there too.I said hello and noticed that the secretary was on the phone as we smiled at each other.She seemed pleased to see me and after hanging the phone up we greeted with the traditional kiss on the cheek.
I sat down and she said that it had been a long time.I replied that I had lost their telephone number and therefore had not been able to set appointments on previous visits to town.She then gave me a card with the numbers and I put it in my purse as I commented that maybe I would call before I returned home (in Miami) to set an appointment.She said that the last patient of the day had canceled and that the doctor could see me right then.I replied that it would be fantastic but I did not have any cash on me to pay for the session.She said that she would go upstairs and ask the doctor if I could pay later and he said that he would see me in five minutes.As you can imagine, this is not what I had planned but I thought it would give me the chance to interact a bit more as Cristy only this time with someone who knew who I really was.The secretary offered me something to drink and I declined her offer arguing that I had just met for coffee with some girlfriends.She then asked if I had cut my hair and I replied that I had only styled it differently.As a matter of fact, since it is a wig, I guess that I have always had it the exact same length up to a micron.We chatted about this and that and then the doctor called for me so I got up and went up the stairs.He came out to greet me and said that it was a pleasant an unexpected surprise.
Conversation with the doctor was very casual an informal, this time.We talked about what I was wearing and I told him that I was a bit self-conscious given that I was wearing a mini-dress but he said that I looked very good in it and that my legs looked ok in tights and a little thin if anything.He also mentioned that the only thing that looked a bit suspicious were my hands but that for a tall woman that would border on the big side.Keep in mind that for our culture, at 5’ 6” without heels, I am a tall girl.If you add, at least 4” heels then I am much taller than the average female here and even those who are as tall or taller then I, are a lot thinner, most of the time.All in all, I am lucky to still able to pass for a taller than usual woman.
We talked about many topics including his family, specially his grandchildren.I felt right in character all the time and the only odd thing was a call that my male side had to made to the secretary to cancel the appointment “he” had for Wednesday.I could not afford two appointments so close to each other and since the issues of my male side are under control there was not much need for that.For those who are not aware from previous postings, Cristy does not go to therapy to be treated on cross-dressing or anything else.It is just a mere excuse that her male side cooked up along with the doctor so that she could have a safe environment in which to interact and where everybody else thinks of her as a genetic female (or so it seems so far after 13 visits over a 3 year period).
When discussing how would we handle payment for the session he said that my male side could bring it or that Cristy could send payment with someone else but that would be difficult.It occurred to me that if I had a chance to dress the following Thursday (my dressing window would end on Friday) Cristy would drop by to pay herself.I am hoping for this last option, as you can imagine.
Before the session came to an end, I told the doctor that I had plans to go to the mall and that I needed him to check if there was anything suspicious.Again, all of the times I have been to the mall on my own I have worn pants and not dresses and this dress was short.He did not see anything out of order, I greeted him goodbye and came down the stairs.As I came down the secretary was still there but was on the phone again.I just waved her goodbye and as she put the phone aside to say bye I told her that I might stop by on Thursday to pay for the session.There was a guy in the waiting room and I just smiled, greeted him and went out the door.
I walked to my car and started driving to the mall. I arrived at the mall at around 6:30 and it was already dark. The mall was more crowded than I expected, and I had trouble finding a parking place.I finally found one and walked towards the escalators.My first stop was at a drugstore to get me some throat pills.A guy who treated me like any other customer tended me.He always used the female form and did not give any unusual or strange looks.After paying I put the pills and change in my bag and went on my usual shoe store “pilgrimage”.It is amazing how once you have attained self-confidence; the stomach butterflies are a thing of the past.I do miss them but enjoy my outings more now that it is second nature.
I went in almost all the shoe stores in the mall and in all of them interacted with the clerks, who were usually female.Again, there were no signs of anyone noticing I was not a woman.Even though it was cold outside it was warm inside the mall and I got thirsty.I walked to the food court to get me something to drink at a Burger King.This time it was a man who tended me and all went smoothly.While I was at the cashier a lady stood next to me and we smiled at each other.She then said “Wow, you really look elegant”I thanked her and told her that I had dressed like that because it was cold but it was too hot inside and that why I was getting something to drink.Once I got my soda I said goodbye to the lady and looked for a table to sit.I sat for about 5 minutes while I finished my soda and then got up, dropped the cup in the trash and walked towards the lady’s room.
When I got in the lady’s room there were two other women grooming themselves up.I stood next to the long mirror and placed my bag on the vanity top to get my makeup out.You have no idea how I felt when I saw my reflection and I was these two other ladies and I was one of them.I was just another girl touching her makeup up before heading back home.The reflection in the mirror was that of a confident woman and one that was at ease with her appearance.I thought to myself, I look every bit as feminine as any of those other ladies.I touched up my lips, as I did not need powder or eyeliner and headed out feeling more confident and womanly than never before.
Before leaving I went to a couple more shoe stores and then went to a kiosk to pay for parking.Again I was kindly tended by a guy and walked to my car.I then drove back home with my confidence all charged up.I so needed this because it had been too long since I had been out in the wild at my own pace.One more confidence booster was that I was wearing more flashy clothes and even then I did not receive any suspicious looks from anyone that I noticed.
Being out in the real world is the ultimate experience for a cross-dresser and once you taste the sweet nectar you just can’t live without it.Dressing for staying in the confines of four walls is no longer as thrilling as it used to be.I’d rather wait for a long period to dress and go out than dress often and remain caged.
I am really looking forward to this Thursday and the idea of going to the therapist office to pay for my session last Monday.If you were able to get this far, I commend you for your perseverance and promise not to torture you with something like this again :-)
My friend Jackie and I went on summer holiday to northern New York State, Ohio, Indiana, Pennsylvania, and Illinois. We got out of New England just before the floods in Connecticut (7 inches of rain fell in just 4 hours!). I got water in the basement of my house for the first time since I have owned it. Thank God I had friends in the area to check up on the home (they had to wet vac the basement however). It was not much rainwater inside but even an inch can cause a huge problem when it sits around for a few weeks. My neighbors down the hill were not so lucky and had huge problems. There was massive flooding in the town where I live!
We went to Fort Stanwix in Rome, NY and then on to Seneca Falls. There was a lovely canal which Jackie and I spent some time sitting along and having a drink (2nd photo #1). It is ironic that we had picture perfect weather the whole time we were gone. There were sunny, cool days and cool nights.
We made it to Buffalo and Teddy Roosevelt Inaugural Nat. Historic Site (2nd photo #2). This is where Teddy became President after President McKinley was assassinated. President Karen Reeves (what a scary thought!!!) had her picture taken behind the President's desk (2nd photo #3). Notice how I take charge!
The two of us then headed into Ohio to Cuyahoga Valley National Park. A National Park in Northern Ohio? It's not exactly Yellowstone or Yosemite for sure! Jackie took a pic of me (2nd photo #4) on the boardwalk by Brandywine Falls. It was very nice there.
We then headed west to the town of Put-In-Bay, which sits on an island in the middle of Lake Erie reachable only by ferry boat. It was a spectacular day. The boat trip out was nice and the views from the tower in Perry's Victory and International Peace Memorial were breath taking (2nd photo #5). There were too many tourists and I almost took some out with my car. I'm not sure if it was accidental or not!
Nest stop was the Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore. Jackie and I waded into the waters of Lake Michigan (2nd photo #6). The Great Lakes are like the Atlantic Ocean but without the salty smell or feel of saltwater on your bod. We wish we had more time to spend here but we had to make some miles on this day.
We then made it to our hotel in Glenview, Illinois. My friend Jackie T. got ready to have her FFS performed on her by Dr. Mark Zukowski. She was, of course, quite nervous, but she faced the situation with great calm and determination. That's Jackie! You go girl J !!!
On Sunday, June 28th , a couple of days before her surgery, Jackie and I participated in the Chicago GLBT Pride Parade (See the Main Photo). We were on a float sponsored by Dr. Z along with a live rock band. I thought the crowds would be a few thousand. They estimated that the crowds along the route might have reached a million people! As we waved and danced we saw people lined up 20, 30, even 40 deep along the route. There were even people hanging out of apartment windows and on balconies. It was a little overwhelming for a girl from the coast of Maine but it was great fun. What an adrenaline rush! Thanks Dr. Z for the invite and for dinner!
In the next photo (2nd photo #7) I am admiring some interesting sculpture.
The nicest part of this parade was that these huge throngs of diverse people, from every background that you can imagine, were all smiles, respectful, and having a fantastic time. Smiles were the order of the day.
Jackie came through the surgery with flying colors. The next few days did not allow for much sleep for her and for me.I was her care giver and I set a new record of staying awake in hours playing nurse & maid. (I hope she does not sue me for malpractice!!! YIKES!!!). I figure I was awake for two days straight.
Jackie was doing well enough after just four days that we went out to see the fireworks on July 4th in Glenview at the golf course. It was kind of weird to be allowed to sit on the greens with chairs and blankets when normally you would be chased away. The show was great.
The next day I went back to the golf course to take some day time photos of the gold course. Two guys offered to be "male models" for my pics. I didn't know that golfing made guys soooooo HORNY!!!!
We also were lucky enough to be able to visit Brenda Sue in her new condo on the north shore. Jackie was not up for doing much but a few hours out was good for her. Brenda's pad was beautiful. She lives in a nice area along Lake Michigan It is very rural. Hey Annette! This area that you are from is NICE!!!
My only complaint is that Brenda cooked us hamburgers that must have been two pounds each. They were delicious but after all this time I AM STILL FULL! Thanks Brenda, Anne, and Colin!
It was finally time to head back east. We spent an extra day in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania coming back since this return trip was hard on Jackie who was still recuperating from her surgery. By the way she is looking even more beautiful with every passing day! Drop her a line!
The last new pic of me on my page (2nd photo #8) was taken by Jackie at Pocono Downs NASCAR Raceway. This place is massive! We love NASCAR!
We arrived home safe and sound. It was time to crash!
Hi there URNA friends. As I stated on my "Status/Banner" message on my main page here, I just recently sent the message below, to all on my Yahoo mail contact list, and also to some others on my Yahoo Messenger friend's list. Thank you for taking the time to read it, and if you can help, I would be very greatful and appreciative. I will help a fellow sister, or sisters, as soon as I can. Be well everyone.
W/Love,
Kelli
Hello Everyone,
About 3 weeks ago, I sent, to many of you, the e-mail below, asking for some help, and I explained why, etc. Well, "things" are not getting much better since then, so I'm sending this to everyone one on my contacts list, even to those with whom I don't have much contact with. And also, I wanted to add here, that I now have a PayPal account, so if you are still interested in helping out, that option is now available. Of course, as I said in this letter, if you can help--Wonderful, thank you SO much! (And, if you already have helped out--Thank You!!) And if you can't, I totally understand, believe me, I do. Oh, and since this was sent, I did go to Be-All, and I DID have a FABulous time!! And, somehow I did it all with less than $100 to spend, with MANY thanks to Dr. Ousterhout and Dr. Zukowski, who funded the scholarship I won, and to my friends Bobbie Jane, Zoey and Robbi, for allowing me to stay with them at the hotels. So, yes, despite my current troubles, I am definitely a VERY blessed young lady!! Thank you so much for reading this, again, and thank you all for being my friend. It's never easy being a woman, especially "starting out" this late in life...but, I'll get there, and become whole, of this I have no doubt at all. Best wishes to all of you in your respective journeys! And please, I am here for you also. Take care everyone. (HUGS)
~Kelli
Hello Everyone,
How are you all? As I am sending this e-mail to everyone using "BCC", that's why I say "all". And, although of course, this e-mail is going to each of you, individually, the reason I'm sending it to all of you at one time, is that I am needing some help. Financial help that is. I've been debating, in my mind, for months now, as to whether to send this e-mail...going back and forth, over and over again... is it wrong(even, "audacious"?) to ask for money from people, especially these days?....will I lose friends, because of this?....and, how could I prove, if I did get funds, where it goes/how I spend it?.... And, believe me when I say this--I REALLY don't like asking for help, especially financial help, as I feel like, I don't know, like a "failure"...and, maybe I am in some ways, as I have a job/career that doesn't pay all that much(around $10 an hour)(I'm a Digitizer--computer software embroidery, we manf. marching band uniforms)...and, I have, and am looking for additional work, but around here, there isn't much, but I'll keep trying. So, yes, I have thought about doing this for months now, and actually I did do this, via Yahoo 360, last September, as some of you may recall--and, I thank again, those who were able to help us!....and, even then, I felt very embarrassed to ask for anything(not to mention the timing, what with the economy going downhill fast back then....and, of course, it's not much better, if not worse, nowadays), At that time, I was still married, and my wife was going through her chemotherapy, after having surgery in May(2008), and almost concurrently we went into a bankruptcy, which of course, both being almost overwhelming for us. We persevered and made it through "Okay" though. A positive thing, during her illness(and, she's doing fine now, the cancer has not returned--one year now!), we both did become closer again (we'd decided the summer before to end our marriage, although I did hold out a sliver of hope that maybe we could stay together....)but, despite our spending more time together last year, we still came to the same conclusion: We needed to live our own lives, separately. This past February, Betty moved out, to live with her daughter and family, while I've been living here at home. Our divorce became final on March 13th...and, I must admit, that first month after she moved out was terrible, painful, not fun at all. But anyway, I'm doing better nowadays, at least emotionally, and I do hope that she is also. We still see each other often, mostly to deal with bills we still share in paying, and we get along well, that's not really been much of an issue. And I will always care for her, and love her, in some way. Anyway, my, and our main problem, is money, and it's becoming more and more difficult as the days go by. We are splitting up the 2 mortgage payments, evenly of course, plus a car payment, and I'm taking care of the other home "monthlies"(electric, water, etc.) while she has her own bills to take care of(chemo/hospital/doctor bills, plus her school loans)(and, she doesn't make much more than I do--she's a medical biller/coder)...but, now, it's come just about to the point where I, and we, can't keep up with it all. And recently I've been cut back to 4 day weeks. (She's still working full time, thankfully.) I've also cancelled the land line phone, and now the television costs(satellite), and a few other things(no, not food, I'm still eating, but not as much--can't you tell? ) So, we've decided to sell this house....despite how the market is, and despite the fact we probably won't get too much out of the sale, with those mortgages...plus, we couldn't pay our property taxes last year(still can't), and now this year's taxes are coming up soon....I think this is the point where I start sighing, and crying. I'm just so tired of this "craziness"....we almost lost her car to repossession a couple of months ago, and also one of the mortgages was a few months behind---thankfully, some family members helped out with those problems...and just last week I was 10 days not paying the electric bill on time...and, now I have to live on around $50 for the next 2 weeks, and dem cupboards are gettin' bare. Yeah, I know, that's not funny(but I still have my "wits" about me )...and, thankfully, just this past weekend, a good friend gave me a "care package" of foods. We, my ex and I, are having a garage/moving sale this weekend...hopefully that will help some. And, coming up soon, next week matter of fact, is Be-All, the transgender convention in Chicago, where I won a scholarship(thank goodness!), and of course that will help out a LOT, not to mention some special girlfriends who are helping me with hotel expenses--sounds very much like my SCC experience last year! But I'll still need gas and some meal monies...I really want to go, but of course, it's not a priority. One more thing--my gender therapy. I had 2 sessions, last August, and September, but since then, I've been unable to afford to go again(my deductable is $1000--employee based health ins., and I can't change that amt.), and at $150 per session, I just haven't been able to afford to go anymore since then(still paying on that bill matter of fact)....and, as you all no doubt know, therapy is a very important part of transitioning, and it's been very frustrating that I haven't been able to continue with it, and then begin hormone therapy eventually, and so on.... So, anyway....I am very sorry this is rambling on like this, and that I'm "whining" about all my troubles---I am sure that many of you are probably going through similar trials now, if not worse. I just thought that maybe if a few of you could help out, if only a little--and, believe me, any amount would be helpful.
Let me show you a very special letter, written to me last year, after I posted my "Yahoo 360 "Help" message", by a very very special friend, of whom without her help with another "task"(getting down to Atlanta and back), I'd never been able to have gone to SCC last fall.(she's SO much better at communicating what I am asking, than I am, as you will see. She would like to remain anonymous btw.) This letter has been edited some, since a few things have changed since she sent it to me last September:
Community Support – Please read and pass along.
Each day I am amazed at how large this community is, yet what a loose affiliation we are. Different in many ways, but yet a common theme that brings us together…as a group, imagine what we could accomplish together.
I’ve seen so much compassion and giving by many on an emotional level, that I’m wondering if we could do a little of the same on the financial side? Bear with me just a little longer please.
A few extra dollars individually may not mean much, but if we could harness the numbers, it could mean so much to members of this community.
Proposal - I would like for each of us to sacrifice a little. Maybe the dollars spent on coffee and bagel one day, a meal out, or a new skirt (ouch)…put it in an envelope and mail it to the following sister; either anonymous or with a note of encouragement and support.
Kelli Elam
P.O. Box 32
Greenville, IL 62246
PayPal: kellinicole127@yahoo.com
The Story: Kelli, and more importantly her wife have had a really rough year. Kelli’s wife has been fighting cancer these last few months, which has left them with without her income and an incredible amount of medical and personal expenses to cover. During this time Kelli has cared for her spouse, which prevents her from seeking a second job to address the shortfall in income. The prognosis is good, but they continue to fall further in debt.
I feel this couple could use some help, and ask that you consider helping if you can. I am not here to save the world, but I would like to help where I can. Am I naïve? No, I just want to be.
The Responsibility : This lies with Kelli. Here are a few things she must do.
1. Use our help only for things that allow her and her wife to get back on their feet again. 2. Pay it forward. She would need to solicit the next person in our community for support, and begin the process by telling her story. Kelli would be current recipient, and she would then help the next person. 3. This is a grass roots start, and Kelli would need to find a better way to get the message out. Maybe a flickr group, or a web page that she could administer, along with future people yet to be named. 4. Maybe a name for this group, or community support fund. 5. If Kelli receives more than she needs (can you imagine that) she will use this as seed money to support the next in line…just paying it forward.
The Community: The community must have faith and help with a few things.
1. Do not assume that $5, $10, or $20 is too little to make the difference. This thought often prevents people from giving at all. This amount or even $2 is quite a lot, considering the numbers we have. A little from many, can be quite powerful. Reference Alex’s Lemonade Stand. 2. Get the word out. You all have friends, and friends of friends that could help. Please forward this to others in our community. 3. If you know of someone who needs our help, please message Kelli, as she has the awesome responsibility of choosing the next person who could use some help.
Notes: Safety first. This message would potentially be viewed by those outside our community, who may not share our kindness. I recommend the candidates selected set-up a post office box for mail, and that we send either cash or a check made payable to cash to prevent names and addresses from being published. Maybe there are other ways to transfer a gift without names on either end?
This Is Not A Hand-Out…It’s Our Community Helping…Our Community. What’s in it for you? You mean beyond a smile and warmth in your heart? Send something to Kelli today and let’s see what we can do together.
Isn't she wonderful? A few addendum's to her proposal: Under The Responsibility: Of course, since we are now divorced, these potential funds wouldn't be directed towards "us", as it's just "me" now, though we do share in the mortgage expenses. And, I haven't set up any special web site, or a name for this support fund, but I'm sure I can do those things if need be. And, under Notes, as of right now, I've just set up the PO Box address, included within her proposal above(I'll type it again at the end), and now I have a PayPal account. And, since my legal name is still my male name, Kirby Elam, I wasn't sure, if I do receive checks, if it should be made out to "Kirby" or "Kelli"? Or, "Cash", as she suggested? And, I wouldn't recommend sending actual cash, but I guess small amounts wouldn't be a problem.
So, I have finally decided to go through with this, and as they say, "let the chips fall where they may", though, I'm still a bit hesitant. And, please believe me when I tell you that I will still care, and always will care for each and every one of you, no matter if you can help, or not, because I know you love me, as I love you all too. Someday, I hope the(pardon the pun) "coin" will turn, and I will be able to help others in need. I'm not desperate here, I'm just in a rough patch. So anyway, thank you all for reading this, and of course, thank you to those who can help. I will pay it forward as soon as I can. Thank you so very much.
After having been extremely active in the online transgender community for a couple of years as the hostess and facilitator of http://www.genderevolve.com/ and genderevolve.blogspot.com , I decided to go offline for awhile to pursue my career. Words cannot express how much I missed you during this time, yet I had to stay very focused to accomplish some of my life goals.
Now that I have achieved a new level of balance in my daily life, I have decided to venture back online and see how you beautiful transladies have been making out this past while. I sense there have been changes in the t-community, there are a lot of new faces, and some very cool new websites too. Yet it seems not everything has changed and there is stability in our online community, as most of my friends are still online and all our favorite sites are still online. It it a welcome relief to find that there is always a place to come home to, no matter how far on different paths our journies take us, we can always return to the source of our sisterhood.
One of the things that encouraged me to come back online was an email from my dear sister Jenna Elizabeth Taylor to the GenderEvolve contributors, entitled "Is Gender Still Evolving?". Her email sparked a flurry of activity and responses in our private Yahoo group forum, which made me delighted to realize there is still so much mutual interest and collaborative spirit among us. As such, I want to take this discussion public and pose the same question to all of our friends in the transgender community at large.
So I would like to ask all of you reading this post... Is Gender Still Evolving?
By this I mean, take your pick of any or all of the following questions:
1) In the past few years, have you personally changed or evolved in your own transgender journey?
2) Has there been any changes in people around you in your family or friends regarding your gender identity?
3) Have there been any events or news that show gender evolution is still happening in society?
4) Do you recommend any new websites, people or groups that have been influential to the trans community over the past few years?
5) Or simply, how the heck have you been Girlfriend?? What's new?
Anyone reading this post is encouraged to respond and share any thoughts, stories, perspectives on this topic. Please don't be shy, we would love to hear from you.
Peabody, Massachusetts (15 January-18 January 2009)
First, check out my new album "First Event 2009" which I just posted.
Better late than never, here is my report on First Event 2009 (though after reading this report you may not agree!).
My friend Jackie and I arrived late on Thursday evening at the hotel. Let me tell you it was C-O-L-D! at he door Denise Armel greeted us with a bear hug. Because we were so tired and had worked that day we went to our room, unpacked, and ordered food to be brought in.
On Friday we were up fairly early (9:30 A.M.) I LOVE the Marriott Hotels so we ordered room service for breakfast. The food was exquisite. We attended a couple of seminars and visited with some friends afterwards.
In the evening our intrepid sorority (Sorority Sisters of New England) went out dining in Boston. Tiffany Starr drove one vehicle and I drove my car since it has a kick ass heater. It was 5 degrees out.
Arriving at the No Name Restaurant in our group was Brenda Sue, Tiffany, Jennifer Lane, Jean W. Jackie T., and myself. The crowd inside was light due to the F-R-I-G-I-D weather outside (for me from Maine it was balmy!).
The waiters and waitresses were thrilled to see us all again and remembered when we visited before. I’m not sure if that is good but they did not throw us out so I guess we were acceptable.
The staff was so friendly and nice. We all filled up on delicious seafood dinners (I LOVE SEAFOOD!). After the round of drinks no one felt the cold too.
We met the radio personality Morgan White Jr. (The Man From T.R.V.I.A.) who has a show on WBZ-AM Radio. I think I made his day when I told him that I LOVE to WATCH RADIO! He just shook his head. He is a really nice guy BTW.
Later on we went back to the hotel and visited down in the lobby restaurant/bar. As usual at these events it was hopping!
On Saturday we got up late (10:00 A.M.) and got ready for the day’s festivities. We attended some seminars and met a lot of people that you do not get to see too often during the year (the grind of daily life sort of thing you know).
Jackie actually got a new presenter to come to First Event for the first time (Kathy Perez of Exceptional Voice in Denver, Colorado). She is an awesome lady and KNOWS HER STUFF! She is a board-certified speech pathologist. As one who is an expert in this field (If you do not know why then you do not know me very well!) if you want to feminize your voice or have any vocal issues then you need to go to a professional.
Saturday evening was the Awards Banquet. If you are not a member of the host organization (Tiffany Club of New England) then the awards are about as exciting as watching paint dry on a wall. They host this convention so this is their prerogative.
The dinner was quite tasty. Jean W., Jennifer Lane, Brenda Sue, and Jackie were also in attendance. Unlike last year there was no dancing in the spacious dining room but rather in the exceedingly cramped bar/restaurant. Most of the girls would rather go drink than dance. My observation on this is that is a more of a male pattern than a female pattern. Girls like to dance, guys do not! (Here come the complaints now!).
We danced the night away and then adjourned to the infamous Dr. Z upstairs party. In attendance was the Royal Couple (the plastic dolls). It’s weird how a naked plastic doll just evokes such interest.
In the late evening it was snowing heavily. When Jackie and I got down to the lobby at 10:00 A.M. most participants had bailed. We ate the "Brunch" (Hey! BRUNCH is BR for BREAKFAST and UNCH for LUNCH. Why was there only breakfast food available?) For the price this is a real rip off. I would suggest that if you attend this event in the future that you simply have room service or order in the restaurant.
Jackie and I decided to stay another day and avoid the hassles of the snow. We sat down in the lobby watching the beautifully fallen, flaky snow come cascading down. While chatting with Jamie Dailey and some other girls a big brute of a guy lumbered over and in a hushed voice told us he was coming to First Event. He said he could not get their earlier since he was ill. I have my thoughts on this "illness" but will remain quiet. He left after a couple of hours after we gave him some requested info.
I realized that at 4 P.M. I was still wearing my nametag. I am sure I was the LAST participant to be wearing one for this year!
That evening Jackie and I had a lovely dinner in the restaurant. The hotel was deserted. It was so nice and the staff even came over to visit with us. Later we watched a movie.
On Monday the weather was nice. When I checked out it was amazing to see that the hotel staff had actually shoveled out, and cleared the snow off of my car. Talk about service!
I left for home well satisfied with my "First Event 2009" experience. It has been an EXTREMELY long time since I have been out like this and it was very nice.
Sunday, October 5 Awwww…..it’s now Sunday…the last day at SCC. Sadly, time to say goodbye…and yes, that was a difficult thing to do, just as I had read about in friends’ blog from previous SCC events. And yes, I did cry, in private…though, while packing when Tracy was in the room packing also, the tears appeared…but we gave each other a good long hug and that helped. Tracy, thank you for allowing me to share your room! Friends forever, girlfriend!! ((HUGS)) So, being the last day, of course meant: “Travel Day”! Which, for me at least, meant traveling as Kelli…and, after my successful trip to Atlanta, and with the past 5 days’ worth of accumulated experiences as Kelli—OMG it was JUST so WONDERFUL to JUST BE ME!!---I felt very confident that the return trip would be just as successful. But first: Packing! Or, should I say “stuffing”….and, then, I couldn’t get the big bag zipper to close! But, eventually, superior strength and determination won out. Tracy and I then went down for breakfast. What a sweet girl Tracy is…and no, not just because she bought my breakfast. For letting me stay with her, that’s an obvious one…but also, most importantly, for “being there”, and sharing her life with me during this MOST AMAZING of times in my life! And, as this was Tracy’s first time at SCC, I would suspect she shared similar feelings towards me. After breakfast we went back upstairs to finish packing. But then I remembered that there was some kind of “wrap up” meeting, and I’d thought it was open to any attendee…looking at my handy-dandy SCC booklet, and yes, it was! I thought this would be a nice way to end my time here, so down to the meeting I went. Tracy was still packing, and she had to leave for the airport around noonish, so she didn’t come with, but I was sure we’d be able to say goodbye after the meeting. Well, as it turned out, I missed her…sigh. But, that’s ok, we had a good talk before breakfast, and during breakfast too, so the bond of friendship is there. (and we chatted the next day on YIM, so it’s all cool) Ok, so I arrive at the meeting late…and, I notice my friend Leslie sitting behind the main tables, waving me in….yay, someone familiar and friendly(not that I found anyone who wasn’t friendly my whole time there…well, there were a few girls who, I don’t think it wasn’t being “friendly”, I just think they were nervous—perfectly understandable…and, after I would tell them that this was my first SCC, that seemed to help them relax, at least with me…). Everyone was introducing themselves, and telling what they enjoyed(and sometimes, disliked) about their time at SCC, and some offered suggestions to possibly make next years event an even better one. I noticed a few girls I was familiar with—Allyson, Leslie of course, Sandy Dunkle, a few others. Eventually, it was my turn to “Say Hello”, and, although I’m not an accomplished speaker(especially in front of a group) or anything, I think I did OK…I just thanked SCC for the opportunity, and of course, for the scholarship(and, not long after the meeting was over, Blake Alford, SCC’s scholarship director, came over with his business card, and a warm hug, personifying exactly what it was like to be there: Friendship, Harmony and Love—Celebrating LIFE!)…and also, thanking my friends—4 girls in particular: My “anonymous plane ticket benefactor”, and my roomies, Bridgett and Tracy, and also Chloe Prince, who, over those 5 days, became someone truly special in my life…truly, a “Sister” for life ( HUGS, Sweetie!!)…and, of course, I thanked my wife. I thought of her often during my time in Atlanta. Without her being in my life…where would I be today?? Not long after my “speech”, in walked the one and only Chloe! As the introductions were still going, I went over to talk(ok, whisper) to her…knowing we’d both be leaving Atlanta soon, so it was time to say “so long”…but not before one last hug(oh ok, 3), and also, more words of advice, and encouragement from her. I think she was almost as proud of my accomplishments here, and traveling, as I was! “Big Sister/Little Sister” indeed.
My flight didn’t leave until 4pm, so I had some time to get my bags, check out, and mingle some. (It was interesting that morning, in seeing some girls now in drab…and, for some, I REALLY had to think…”Is that…??” Wow!) For some reason, I forgot about lunch. (Yeah right, Kells ) I had some nice conversations in the lobby. But, I was also trying to figure out how I was going to pay for my big bag, because I knew it was going to be overweight, and they would tack on a $50 charge…and, I had around $35 on me…what to do, what to do. I did ask a couple of girls if they could help, but they couldn’t—either almost out of money themselves, or needing what they had to get home…all perfectly understandable. So it came time to leave the hotel. Sigh. As I was waiting for the shuttle to take to the nearby MARTA station, I met 2 lovely and sweet girls, Kelly and Jia. Kelly was there as a representative of Dr. Pierre Brassard, the well-known GRS surgeon from Montreal, and actually she said she did the seminar for him, since he couldn’t make it this year. She was very sweet, and gave me one of Dr. Brassard’s dvds. I also struck up a conversation with Jia, who I later learned was also from Illinois! We sat together on the train, and I had the most pleasant time with Jia…someone I would definitely like to stay in contact with. And, she helped me keep my mind off of feeling sad, leaving SCC and Atlanta. Thank you Jia!!
Ok, so this is where things get a bit “interesting”…not that my whole time up to this point wasn’t interesting…FAAAARRRR from it! But, this time, flying back home…and, I totally realized it after I got home and thought about this day…was a tremendous morale and confidence booster, and I was actually(a very rare thing for me) very proud of myself! Arriving at the ticket counter, with Jia, I placed my checked(not officially yet though) bag on their(Delta) weight scale thingy—“Ding Ding—68 lbs.!!”(silly thing, it shouldn’t say that outloud!! ) Which, meant it was now 18 lbs. overweight(I think I lost 18 lbs. while in Atlanta, hehe), and, now they needed $50 for the overweight charge…well, I only had $36(Oh, come on now, Delta, can’t you see WHY this bag is so huge?! SCC! Heloooo!!). And, Jia was about out of money herself…so, she suggested to find another bag and maybe they’d allow 2 carry-ons….but, after searching a bit at a nearby store, we couldn’t find any…and, then, out of the blue, 2 more fellow SCC’ers happened to walk by. Maybe they saw concern in my face(I really didn’t want to throw things away at this point to get under the weight limit, and besides, I’m in the busiest airport in the world, and I really don’t want to open my suitcase and rummage through….), and the girl(sigh…I still can’t remember her name…and, though her friend gave me his business card, and I wrote to him last week, thanking him(and his friend) for helping me, and asking what his friend’s name is…I haven’t heard back from him yet…so, for now, it’s just “the girl who helped me”. ) suggested we go to a nearby U.S. Postal store and stuff a couple of boxes…great idea—just as long as it costs less than $36, cause that’s all I had. Well, as it turned out, I didn’t need to worry about that part, since she said she’d take care of it…and, that’s another reason I need to contact her, I gotta pay her back! So(and by this time Jia had to catch her plane—thank you SO much for helping me, Jia!!) we went into the postal store, hurriedly made a couple of boxes, stuffed them full of shoes, books and a few clothes, taped them up(and actually, she did most of the work)…and, just as she was taping up the boxes, I looked at the clock—Ooooh, it’s 3:30!! My plane takes off at 3:55! OOOOPS!! She said “GO GO, I’ll take care of this….”, and I thanked her, then off I scooted to the ticket counter. Yay, the bag now weighed 49 lbs(we had weighed it in the postal store)--whew! Boo, I was too late…the bag wouldn’t make it in time.
So…..now, what to do? Well, now I had to go around to the other side to a different set of ticket agents, and, after waiting in line about 15 minutes(ya, I was starting to get tired), I tried to book a seat on a new flight, or actually, change flights, since it was already paid for….well, for one, there were no seats available on the 3 flights to St. Louis that day, and, yes, they charge $50 to change tickets…BIG double sigh. They said check back every half hour or so. Ok…sure….what other choice did I have? Well, first of all, I still needed $14 to pay for the $50 charge…so, without a debit card or any other source of money available… OH wait! I have my wits about me still! And, I’m Kelli, which means…well, let’s just say, people are more willing, I believe, to help women in need(I’m somewhat guessing there)—you know, a “damsel in distress”. Anyway, I went back to the central atrium area, and sat for awhile…but right before I sat down, I quickly scanned the area, hoping to find someone(s) who, maybe, just maybe might possibly be sympathetic, and possibly give me enough money(all I needed was $14!) to change the ticket. Yeah, I know, this sounds desperate, and, well, I was getting desperate, but I didn’t want to sound or look desperate… I noticed 2 women, probably around my age, and I thought, “Well, I gotta try something…” So, after a few minutes(after first saying hello), I began to introduce myself and then explain my situation. Well, within seconds(not kidding), the 2 women(2 more angels this day!) gave me $14. Of course, I wanted get their names to pay them back…but, they said not to worry. So, I thanked them, and hugged them too, and went back to the counter. Still no luck, all booked. I went back again to sit for awhile—same spot, and waited for awhile, and talked to those 2 nice women for a bit again. (Now I SO wish I could have received an e-mail address or something from them…but, oh well.) Then I went back again to the counter, and to a different agent. Still the same answer: No seats available. But, this person, a sweet lady, kept trying…and, after a few minutes, she said she found a seat! Yay!! As she was typing up the ticket info, I was mentioning to her my situation, that I only had $50 to get home, plus I mentioned the parking situation(needing another $60 or so…) back in St. Louis….and, I guess, she felt sorry for me, because she then said, “Forget about the fee, just go catch your flight, don’t worry about it.” Can you believe it?? I still can’t…but, it actually happened, and now, I had $50! But I still needed that, and a bit more, to pay for the parking in STL. But I was HUNGRY too, and, being that my new flight wasn’t for another 3 hours, and knowing there wouldn’t be much offered (cookies or peanuts—btw, I thought peanuts were banned on flights now, because of the allergens…guess not!) on that flight, I broke down and bought some fries at Wendy’s, and a drink. Now I could at least relax a bit, get some “nourishment”, and then think about what to do next(the parking situation). (Sorry this is so detailed, and no doubt tedious…but, it’s all a part of my first time out, at least traveling-wise, as Kelli, and really, I feel that I wouldn’t have been as successful in receiving help that day, if I were traveling as youknowwho…as you will see, again, on my flight home.)
Now, it was time to head to and through security. Ooops, I forgot my 3 oz. baggie! Thank goodness they had free ones near the checkpoint. Security, of course, was one place I was concerned about, at least somewhat, since I still have that “M” on my ID(drivers license)…but, coming down to ATL wasn’t a problem at all…and, this time turned out the same way! (I do wonder though, what each specific agent was thinking….) So, I gathered my stuff, put my sandals back on, and away I went to my designated concourse. SHEEESH Hartsfield/Jackson is HUGE!! They do have a cool tram to each concourse, but I decided to walk(helps to have those long moving sidewalks). I arrive at my gate about 3 hours prior to liftoff(OH, I would love to be the first transgender space tourist!! “All” I need is 20 million smackerooooos! Hmmm…maybe if I find just a few more “angels”….). Wasn’t much to do to pass that time away….I didn’t want to eat any more, since now I was down to around $46….there was a game on tv, but it was the Cowboys(boring!)….I could add to my journal, or do some reading, or call/text people on my phone….I decided to do the latter, while people watching(and, watching if people were watching me, hehe ). Yes, I called Jeannie. She was doing ok she said, and just about to receive another meal brought in from her church, and of course, I told her I would be a lil late. After awhile, I needed to use the facilities…yes, for “normal” reasons, but also because I hadn’t shaved my face since around 10am, and even though my beard doesn’t grow all that fast, I just felt like I needed it done. So, finding a stall, I scootched my carry-on in, and then proceeded to sit down and…shave too. (Try and picture that scene. ) I didn’t stop on the way out to wash my hands(that’s what Wet Ones are for!) and check my face—I’m still a bit concerned around “gg’s”, especially in that type of situation…in time, I’ll get better…plus, there were pre-teen girls in there, and they might say something to their mother’s, etc…. I sat back at the waiting area, as another hour passed…and then got in line for my seat assignment---yes, one more concern, since my boarding pass said “seat unassigned”, I guess since this was an exchanged ticket…so, even though I had the ticket… But, everything was fine, my seat was 37B…ok, that’s fine, I guess. It turned out to be 2nd to last row….ok no problem…but, when I got back there, and tried to place my carry-on in the bin above—it wouldn’t fit. Panic!! Well, ok, I didn’t panic, but I quickly thought, “if I have to check this bag….(you know, the $50 charge for an extra checked bag, and I didn’t have that much cash…)….” (Btw, remind me never to travel again without enough money! ) But, once again, another angel came to my rescue, as a flight attendant eventually, after a few tries, found a spot for it “mid-ship”. Whew!! I then sat for a few minutes in the last row, just to rest a bit, and also to think about this: I noticed my assigned seat was between to men…and, although I had been fine traveling as Kelli so far, I hadn’t run into this type of situation yet—sitting between to men, as a girl, and my first time…. So, eventually the folks where I was sitting arrived, so I had to get to my seat. This is where it gets interesting…again. >wink< Do you ever wonder why? Do you ever wonder, when things do go well, why it happens? I do. Maybe because life this past year or so hasn’t been all that great. My wife has cancer—although we hope now it is “had” cancer. And, concerns about paying the medical bills…along with the property taxes. We dealt through a bankruptcy. The “daily dealings” (what that does to my wife and her feelings, I mean…but, also just with simple things like, going grocery shopping, buying gas, etc., and wondering if I will get “those looks”, or something else—though I guess it does “help” some that I’m more in an androgynous stage vs. fully looking feminine, especially living here, in Podunkville, where most people know me….) of me, as I inch along with my transitioning. And along with that, our plans to split-up and divorce eventually. And, coming out to various people. A LOT on both of our plates. So, when good things happen, it’s kinda shocking. And, I must say, almost everything good happened to me on this trip---and, it’s a good thing, because I NEEDED everything to go well, just to make it home! So, now I’m sitting between 2 men---hopefully gentlemen! The man on my right never said a word to me the whole time in the plane(around 90 minutes). But, thankfully, the man on my left, in the window seat, was just the opposite of that. I believe the word “gregarious” fits him perfectly—in every positive sense of that word…in other words, he talked to the folks in front of us, the folks behind us, the flight attendants…but, most importantly, he was friendly and nice to me. “Hi, I’m Terry….” “Hi, I’m Kelli….” Eventually I began talking about my wife, and her recent troubled times with her illness. And, I’m sure he heard the “my wife” part, I had said that several times over the course of around, oh, the first 45 minutes of our conversation(we weren’t constantly talking the whole time…but, when we weren’t, I was wondering what he was thinking…and, also wondering if he was glancing at my chest…well, hey, I had never sat this close, for this long, to a man before, dressed as Kelli…). But, he never seemed changed expression or give any hint of curiosity. Eventually he related why he was on the flight—he was heading to Nigeria to visit an online girlfriend…I kid you not!(And, I thought I was “crazy”, driving 300 miles to go meet Jeannie when we began dating, after meeting online ) But, he forgot his visa...so, he had to return home to the St. Louis area. I felt for the guy…and, I hope that they can someday get together. Not long after that, he asked me what brought me to Atlanta. And, I really didn’t hesitate at all. I’m just SO tired of hiding who I am, having to be careful, etc. I will keep doing that, for Jeannie’s sake, and for mine too, if I believe my safety might be of concern. But he seemed the sort who wouldn’t mind…and yes, I was taking a chance, especially since I still planned to ask him for help with my parking situation. “I was in Atlanta for a convention of transgender people…yes, I am transgendered.” He then said that he had no problem with that, and everyone has to live their lives as they see fit…. I was SO relieved! He then said he was curious after hearing me say “my wife”….but he was cool about it. So, not long after that, and feeling more confident TO ask for help, I explained my parking situation, and that I needed around $20. Out of the kindness of his heart, he gave me $40! SUCH a sigh of relief came over me! I’m breaking into tears now just thinking about it, as I did then. I said I would pay him back, and he said that’s fine, take your time, and gave me his business card. So, yes, once again, another angel entered my life that day. Several times, until we parted, he would say “young lady….” when speaking to me, or “this little lady….” when speaking to someone else… and I thought that was pretty cool too. He even pulled my carry-on to the luggage carousel. I thanked him again, and then we parted ways. So, yes, once again, another angel entered my life that day!
Well, the rest of the way, it was just catching the shuttle to the parking area, paying the attendant, and driving the 60 miles home—hoping that the car would make it without breaking down! It did…but I didn’t---not break down I mean. Maybe I’m exaggerating about this…being still so close since I was away, but I really think that this was…maybe with the exception of time when I knew I had fallen in love with Jeannie, and she felt the same for me….the best time of my life! And, as time will tell, possibly the most important week of my life. Definitely one of the proudest times! I really did this….I went to SCC! And, I traveled there and back as Kelli! And, I had no problems, with either situation…besides the low cash flow of course. But that’s the thing: I had to keep calm, cool and collected while trying to find a way home—as Kelli…and, although I had obviously not planned to have such a difficult time going home, I think I learned some valuable lessons along the way. (One, that it pays to be a girl sometimes---I’m serious, because I really believe if I were traveling as Kirby, I would not have been as successful with all the people I encountered that day who helped me get home. Maybe I’m wrong there, but I don’t think so, and besides, I don’t plan on traveling in male mode anymore anyway. ) The main lesson learned? Be confident in who you are! Leading up to going to SCC, that’s what my friends kept telling me—“Just be confident, Kelli, and that will help you in so many ways…..” And, it’s so true! Jeannie was in bed by the time I arrived home. Still awake though, and she was happy I was home safely. I wanted to let her get her rest, so I related my “travel travails” the next day. I know she can never be as proud of me as I felt about myself that day, and that’s ok, it’s perfectly understandable, but maybe, deep down, she thinks what I did was “OK”. For once in my life, I was proud of myself!! A good beginning to hopefully a good, and successful new life.
Where do I go from here? Well, for one, finish this blog! Hehe…sorry for the length(if anyone is still with me—Thank you Thank you!! ), but I had to express what happened during that most wonderful of times! Wow, it’s 2 weeks almost to the minute now since I left home…a time I know I will never ever forget. And, I must re-thank all of those angels who helped me experience this “New Beginning”. First, my wife—for all the obvious reasons. Secondly, “my friend who wishes to remain anonymous”(wasn’t that Prince’s name back in the 90’s? ), who purchased(let me use her miles, actually) the plane ticket. I obviously can’t post her link here, but maybe this "Friendship" will be a good representation of her, and our friendship. Next, Bridgett Sommers, my first roomie---and, what a lovely girl she is. Here’s just one sample . Love you, girl, thank you!! ((HUGS)) And next, Tracy Schapes, my Saturday roomie—one of the sweetest people I met in Atlanta(good thing, eh?? )! Love you too, girl! ((HUGS)) Chloe Prince , who probably doesn’t need an introduction, but she does have my love for a lifetime. Thank you, Sister!! ((HUGS)) And another friend, who couldn’t be there, is Samantha, a friend from California, who has been SUCH a good friend the past couple of months, with her always kind words of love and encouragement—and, clothes! Thank you SO much, sweetie(and your friend Sammi too!)!! ((HUGS)) And, Candice, whom I already knew from URNA, but I had wanted to meet for quite awhile, not only because of the obvious reasons, but also because she’s been such a sweetheart with her concern about my wife…as she has went through similar times recently with her wife. Love you so much, sweetie! ((HUGS)) Oh, and of course, the many other friends I met while at SCC! Oh gosh…Michelle, Deja, Gina, Debbie, Sandy, Cheryl, Leslie, Rachel, Danielle, Rebecca, Tara, Cami, Kim, Bonnie, Christianne, Ronnie, Keri, Mandi, Shawna, Allyson, Kelly, Jia, Lee & Friend(at the airport)….and, many many more!! Love you girls!! ((HUGS)) Oh, and yes, Larry, my friend from Canada—thank you, hon! Oh, and of course, everyone involved with SCC—the staff, the volunteers(I hope to be one next year!), and especially Blake Alford, for offering the scholarship! ((HUGS)) Oh, and the hotel and staff at the lovely Crowne Plaza-Ravinia! And, yes, I DO plan to stay at your fine establishment next year—and hopefully next time paying my own way. >wink< All those involved with the seminars…and specifically for me, Donna Rose, Jessica McKinnon and Jennifer Boylan…all amazing, all inspiring….just amazing. And thanks to everyone at the Vendor area(all SO friendly—sorry I couldn’t buy anything—next year!), and also the people at the Career Fair. Hopefully by next year I’ll be better able to use your services….unless I have new job/career going by then of course. Oh, and all who were so very accommodating over at the Perimeter Mall—at the restaurants(Yay, Hudson Grille and Goldfish!), at the stores(Yay, Charlotte Russe and Arden B.!). Oh, and of course, last but certainly not least—Delta Air! I think I have a new favorite airline. Oh, and I must thank all of those online girlfriends, who couldn’t be in Atlanta, but encouraged me to have a great time, and LIVE life as the girl in my heart. Love you girls!! And, one more thank you: To Jessica, my best friend: I know you wanted to be there with me, and with “the girls” (next year, girl!)…but believe in yourself, honey, and believe that things will get better…with your health, with your career, with your parents…and hey, with your love life too! Go for it, girlfriend!! Love you SO much! ((HUGS))
Well, now I’m a “veteran”, not only of the SCC experience, but of being out in the world as Kelli. Of course, I know that I have a LONG way to go before I am completely comfortable in the world as Kelli…and, the world comfortable with me too. But I am heading, finally, in the right direction. I am very excited, and, much more confident in myself, and really, in others too, especially those in the general population. I know I won’t always be as fortunate as I was, in my travels that week, but then again, the confidence I did gain will be invaluable, as I continue along my journey. I must admit here, that I was humbled, very much, by the amazingly gorgeous, sophisticated and intelligent(and fun-loving!) girls I met while at SCC. Now, yes, I know, this isn’t some type of contest(though maybe it is for some, and that’s ok) to “be the best girl at the party”…and, that certainly wasn’t why I wanted to attend this event. And, this is just me talking, but given my history of low self-confidence(for many reasons), I did sometimes feel I wasn’t quite "there" yet, that I wasn’t quite “cool enough”…and yes, being with that many girls all in one place at one time, at times was a bit intimidating…but, those moments didn’t last long, as I truly did feel my confidence growing, the longer I was there. But, I did learn many valuable lessons while there—most important though, truly, are the friendships made, and the love shared. YOU are the main reason I had the wonderful time I did have while at “Celebrate Life—2008!” Thank you Girls!! Thank you SCC!! What a perfect way to begin celebrating my new life!
I had a formal makeover and photo session on Sunday, January 4th. Later this week I should have some new photos, my first big group of new photos since last May. They will include some casual "bare leg" looks with denim and flip flops, as well as some more dressed up office lady looks. Some of the photos will show off the pedicure I had (vivid pink nail polish). Also, my hair is in a longer style now, well below my shoulders. Kim :-)
P.S. My photos have started arriving in my email, and I posted two of them on my profile here so far [a/o January 10th]. You can see more of them on my photostream at flickr.com/kimberlyvirtue.
It appears that the case of the missing journal entry postings has been SOLVED!
I can see from my own list of the number of journal entries posted on my site that last June 4th was a busy day. I know I have posted quite a few journal entries over the years but not 53 of them!!! I can talk and write alot but . . . . .
Trying to repair the site the guys posted over 30 test entries on my site in just a few hours! When the site recently got repaired these disappearing journal entries suddenly reappeared. I just noticied this and have spent time deleting the test items.
I would suggest that everyone go delete repetative journal/test items to cut down on the clutter.
Thanks Dan & Jon for the great work in making Urnotalone such an awesome place!!! You have proved yourselves again!
**This blog was written in early October, so please don't be confused by any "day/time" mentionings. And, if you do you this--Thank you, so much! It was written with a lot of excitement in my mind and love in my heart.
**Also, I'm having to split this into 2 parts, since for some reason I can't get the whole blog into this one journal entry--so, the final day(Sunday) will be posted on my 2nd journal entry. Thank you for taking the time to read it all! ((HUGS))
Hello everyone! Well…I finally did it…no, I didn’t climb Mt. Everest…but, in a way, I did climb over a big mountain called “Fear” or, “Anxiety” or, “Apprehension”….and, all of those feelings now seem far behind me, even though it’s only been a week now since I first arrived in Atlanta for the Southern Comfort Conference. Yes, I just said I was at THE SCC!! WOOHOO!!! (calm down sweetie, you have a HUGE blog to write…maybe an all-nighter…I better go make some food….) So, yes, this blog may run a bit long…longer than usual for me at least…but, hey, this just may have been not only one of THE best weeks of my life….but, maybe, one of the most important times I’ve ever had, especially as a girl of course. And, not only for the time spent within the confines of the SCC experience, but I also traveled there and back home as Kelli. That’s HUGE for me!! The whole time was amazing….well, let me tell ya a little bit about it. Please count the “!’s” I use—could be a record!!
Let’s start at the beginning of this “SCC process”. As some of you already know, I requested, and received a scholarship from SCC, and also had MAJOR help in getting there(flight paid for by a loving and precious girlfriend, whose wish of staying anonymous will be honored), and staying there at the Crowne Plaza-Ravinia(with 2 girlfriends, Bridgett and then Tracy, who both said “not to worry, we’ll take care of it…”), and help with clothes from another girlfriend, Samantha. And last but certainly not least—my wife, because, if it wasn’t for her agreeing, at least up to a point, that this trip would be a good thing for me, I may not have went...but then again, to pass up this opportunity...and, with others who were out there, offering help....plus, my desire to go was SO high... so it would have been difficult not to go. And of course, if she wasn’t doing well enough, and someone(thankfully, her parents were here then) couldn’t be here the day I flew out—she had her last chemotherapy treatment that day…I probably wouldn’t have went. And, also, she gave me some spending money…practically all the money I brought with me($100), so I knew she was at least somewhat "pro-SCC for Kelli". And, I had more help when I was there, but that’s getting ahead of myself. And, I think I’m done with thinking: “Why me, why am I SO fortunate??” I just need to do the same for someone else someday.
Wednesday, October 1
Ok, so, being without much money to use for this trip(I started out with $100…and, this was a concern, not all the time, but it was in the back of my mind most of the time while there), I wanted to park the car(another concern—it’s about on it’s last legs…or axles) at the nearest train station(for free) and take the train 30 miles to the airport ($2), instead of parking near the airport for $12 a day(which means I’d need $60 abouts when I got back--more on that later) …well, it didn’t quite work out the way I planned—mostly my fault, I waited till the last moment to pack, and then I couldn’t get it all in one bag(extra bag--$50), so, being stubborn as always, I brought the extra bag, since I wanted as many clothing options as possible! By this time, it was about an hour past my planned time to leave(longer travel time using the train to the airport vs. car only), so I had to get going(EEEEK I didn’t wanna be late!!), so said bye-bye to my wife, but not without thanking her again... and I took off…and, about 2 miles out of town, I looked over and…EEEEK, I forgot my purse!! So, knowing I have the cops in my back pocket, I sped back home and grabbed it, and said my goodbye’s again to Jeannie. An hour or so later I made it to the parking area and then the airport and the gate with around 40 minutes to spare. But, not before spending $50 for that extra bag…so, I now had $50 to spend at SCC over a 5 day period. Now that I look back on that, it’s totally amazing how practically everything had to work out right…and, it did!(more on that later) Oh…and, I forgot to mention—I was “dressed” from the time I left the house, until I arrived back home on Sunday night. Yay!! Going through security went smoothly…even got ‘ma’amed”(first of many times!). The flight was smooth and easy, and quick(Yay, I had things to do!! (teehee). The next challenges were picking up my luggage and using the MARTA train to travel north, stopping near the hotel. All good there too! I think a couple people were looking at me…but, hey, I’m cute, maybe that was the reason.
So, now I’m getting off the train, and I know it’s only around a ½ mile to the hotel, so, in my infinite wisdom, I decide to walk over there…I needed some exercise anyway, so off I went. I think it took 30 minutes to walk that half mile—traffic lights galore(grrr), plus hauling almost as much weight as I weigh…but still, I could see the “Crowne Plaza—Ravinia” sign in front of me! “One foot in front of the other, Kelli girl, you can do it, this is where you’ve wanted to go and what you’ve wanted to do for SUCH a long time….” And, I did it!! I didn’t see any trumpeters blowing a tribute, or banners welcoming me, specifically(next year), but that’s ok, I arrived, safe and sound, and no significant complications. That wouldn’t be quite the truth going back home….but anyway, now it was time to celebrate!
I checked in…though that turned out to be a bit of a trick(I forgot the name Bridgett used to check into her room, oooops), but they finally relented in giving me a key(I practiced my eye-batting and pouting techniques on the plane). I then proceeded up to my room, and then went “Ahhhh”…as I layed on the bed for a few minutes. But not for long! I’m HERE!! And, I gots lots things to doose!! I changed clothes, freshened up a bit, and then headed back down to the lobby. I needed to sign in/register for the conference, so I asked someone at a nearby table where I needed to go. But first, I wanted to see if there was anyone familiar roaming around the front of the hotel, the lobby, and also over at what appeared to be the hotel bar. And, well, yes there WAS someone familiar in there!! OMG…it... was…really…HER! I bet my eyes were as big as her…uhumm, you know…. when I first set eyes on Chloe Prince! Wow, it was really her, giving me the warmest of hugs!! She then invited me over to their tables for pizza and a drink. And, although I didn’t recognize her at first(duh!), there was Tara, a long time Y360 friend. It was just too cool to have those girls there, along with many others that I didn’t know before, but were of course, just as nice and friendly as Chloe and Tara.(remember, this was, with one exception(albeit a BIG exception, my first time out back in December), the first time I was with other girls in a public setting(I had met Riz in August of 2006, and Jessica, in July of 2007(first time ever dressed with another girl, and also someone else see me dressed—2 of her neighbors)) So, after awhile, Chloe took me down to the registration room, where I met the lovely Debbie Dunkle! But, I had forgot to bring my registration code with me, so, it was back upstairs for that. But, before going back down, we went to her room, and Chloe offered to give me a personal makeover—YAY!! How could I pass that up?? That was SUCH a fun time! But the best part for me was just getting to talk with and be with her. She’s been SO good to me over the past year or so….longer actually…and talking to her, finally, in person…not to mention watching her make me up purtee, was one of THE highlights of my whole time in Atlanta, it really was. I have many wonderful sisters/girlfriends, mostly online, but Chloe’s right “there”, near, or at the top of that fabulous list. I am SO blessed. Thank you so much, Chloe, for helping me start off my time at SCC in a most fabulous way! ((HUGS))
We then parted ways for awhile, as I needed to change again, shave, etc., and hopefully meet up with my roommate Bridgett, and see what her plans were for the evening. And, there she was, the one and only, Bridgett Sommers!! Another heroine to my rescue! We had a nice talk, and then I proceeded to get ready for the evening, not exactly knowing what I was going to do. I told her that I still needed to register, so I went back down for that. Not long after, Chloe saw me and asked if I was going to Agatha’s Mystery Dinner Theatre. No, not at all, I couldn’t afford it($65)….well, she said someone had to cancel and she had a ticket available. Cool! Sure I’ll go! So, I decided to go up and change clothes again(familiar theme amongst most of us girls while there I’m sure)…and, I almost missed the bus! But, I made it, and I’m glad I did, because I had a lovely and fun time. I sat with Chloe(of course), and made some new friends on the bus over there, and at the dinner table. Everyone had a part to play during the course of the show, which was cool. The 2 actors were quite funny…lame once in awhile, but for the most part it was a fun show. (A sorta play on Annie Oakley) One girl sitting close to us particularly enjoyed it, she was laughing SO loud and often! Little did I know then that this particular gal would play a big part in helping me arrive home on Sunday. Anyway, the show was now over, and we rode back, and I was sitting with Chloe, and she once again, gave me good advice, on how to have fun as much as possible and don’t hold back….knowing that I am somewhat shy, or reticent, when I’m around people I don’t know well. I took her advice to heart…but, I still had those “moments” over my time there. I have to admit, the whole thing was overwhelming at times. But, overall, I think I did pretty good. So, once I got back to the hotel, it was quickly “beddy-bye” time for me. Just too tired…not only from the traveling, and traveling for the first time as Kelli… and, yes, a bit of nerves, but not bad really…I was just exhausted…not getting enough sleep the week before leaving....and I guess the 30 minute hot shower contributed to my fatigue.
Thursday, October 2
For the previous 5 days, I had a total of around 18 hours’ sleep…so, yeah, I was exhausted, and even though I had wanted to attend a 9 o’clock seminar that morning, I’m glad a “slept in” (8:30), since I would need that rest for the rest of the week/weekend! Bridgett had just returned from a run, so we coordinated our plans for the day. There was one other seminar I wanted to attend that day, but mostly I was free to do whatever. So we decided to try the mall for lunch and some shopping afterwards, which freed up most of my morning to mingle and check out the vendor area. There were some nice things I wouldn’t have minded buying there…but, without much money available, I just “window” shopped while there. I really wanted one of those cute little jewelry trees one vendor was selling…oh well, next year. After awhile I went back upstairs to get ready for the mall. This, of course, would be another “first” for me, going shopping(and eating too) en femme. And, as food courts usually are around noonish, it was BUSY! I think I did fine though…it helped that Bridgett was with me, along with Cheryl Jackson, oh and also, our mutual URNA chat room friend, Larry from Toronto—that’s literally what he goes by in that room, “Larry from Toronto”(I’m assuming there are no other Toronto’s in the world.). He was sweet, not that I didn’t think he would be….but, you know, most guys on the ‘Net are like—WEIRD!! Anyway, we had a nice lunch together, and, although I was not particularly looking at people and seeing if they were “looking” at me/us…I’m sure there were a few…but then again, maybe not, but by that point, I really didn’t care, and from my previous day’s experience traveling as me, I wasn’t all that concerned. I had on fairly short denim skirt(what was I supposed to do while in Atlanta, hide my most precious feminine attributes?? >wink< ), a pink tank with a tan hoodie with a pair of tan 3” wedges. No, I’m not exactly “fashion conscience”, like SOOO many girls I met while there in Atlanta, OMG!!(I think that’s great, more power to them!) But, I got by ok while there I think. Anyway, after lunch, Bridgett and I split from Cheryl and Larry and did bit ‘o shoppin’. I mostly watched Bridgett shop actually. But, we did find some great bargains at a couple of stores….can’t think of their names at the moment…wait, Arden B. was one…and Charlotte Rae, I think...anyway, I found a lovely little black dress(never had an “LBD” before), ties over one shoulder, off the other(showing my “K” tatt btw, yay!), and fairly short(duh). (yes, I know, I didn’t have much money…but a couple of girls the day before graciously gave me some spending money, and good thing, or this shopping “swarwey” wouldn’t have been possible) Sweet Bridgett, after I found another dress to wear (and by then the cash was dwindling) for Saturday night, said she would buy it for me!(ya shoulda seen my face then! ) It was all pink, which, for me, was perfect, since this would be my first “ball”(behave!) and pink being by far my fave color….and, above the knees of course. Yay, I now had more options for Friday and Saturday nights! We also paid visits to a MAC store and a VS store…both shockers there, eh girls?? We separated for a bit after that….so, I went to Claire’s and bought a few hoopies. We connected again,, and then I went back on my own to the hotel, walking over with some sweet and fun young kids(ok, I “almost” were their ages). All in all a most pleasant experience for a first time mall chickie.
I arrived back at the hotel, and not long afterwards, I had to get ready for the evening dinner, back at the mall, at Hudson Grille….and, yes, I received another “freebee”, this time offered by Debbie Dunkle’s lovely wife, Sandy. (By this time, I was wondering if my name really was “Dorothy” and I truly was on a Yellow Brick Road.... ) I rode a shuttle over with my Saturday night roomie Tracy and her her friend Deja, and other girls too. As per usual, I didn’t eat very much…I just have to be careful while dining out, with my screwy food allergies. But anyway, not long after finishing, I was SO pleasantly surprised by a visit from not only Bridgett, but her(and mine too!) good friend Candice, from Boston(she's a good friend via the URNA chat room). OH I had been wanting to meet this girl for SO long! Her nickname in the chat room there is “Sweet Boston Candy”---and she definitely IS one of the sweetest girls I know. I almost started to cry after we hugged…but she said to not do that, and to just be happy that we finally met. After dinner, and after taking some outside photos, we all piled back into the shuttle and back to the hotel. I didn’t have any set plans that night—just “hangin’ around” the hotel, the bar there, or wherever. I did go into the bar for a bit, mingled some…but, I also needed some alone time, to gather my thoughts. It had been a whirlwind 36-ish hours up to that point, and I felt I needed some time to sort things through. Maybe that sounds odd…but, remember, this was only the 2nd time I had ever been out, anyplace, ever…if you can count my whole time at SCC plus the traveling as “one time out”. My first time was last December, on my birthday, no less…and in San Francisco, the so-called “capital of trans”(it sure ain’t Greenville ! ). Pretty good deal, with these first two outings, me thinks! So, I layed down on the bed, watching the VP debate…and, that had me so excited that I ….fell asleep. For about an hour…and then I freshened up and went back downstairs, hopefully finding Bridgett and Candy…but, no luck, and I feel like mingling much anymore that night, so I went back upstairs and took another refreshing shower. (Yeah, I know—“Party pooper”, that’s me.) Bridgett came in around 1am…I think…and I said that maybe tomorrow we can all, me her and Candy, go someplace to eat, dancing, etc., and she said that’ll work. “Nite-nite Bridgett” “Nite-nite Kelli”
Friday, October 3
Being the Internet/chat addict that I am, I awoke around 5am, to get an early start on chatting and IM messages…and, I sure didn’t see many girls up at that hour! I did get into the URNA chat room though…but, hardly anyone was there…I guess most were in Atlanta! (What was cool though, was later that day, while chatting on Yahoo Messenger, was making contact with a girl, Adrienne, that I hadn’t chatted with for over a year…and, there she was, as I was sitting in the “mecca” of trans-celebration!) So, after awhile, I picked up a bagel, a drink, and went back upstairs to get ready for the day. (Btw, I wore a white long-sleeved sweater with a pink tank underneath, along with a denim skirt and 2” tan wedges--hmmm, sounds familiar. And all either were from Goodwill or Payless…kinda sad isn't it? But, at the same time, some really good bargains…plus, with our finances as they are….sigh.) Another BIG day planned, this time with seminars, the career fair, luncheons, a lovely dinner(and lovely dinner companions!) and, although not originally planned--a fun time at the hotel bar. Let’s start with the seminars. The first was at 9am, with Donna Rose. What an amazing, and of course, obviously gorgeous, woman!! I thoroughly enjoyed her talk…and, I wish it could have lasted another hour. I did get to introduce myself after her talk. And, that was just my first brush with celebrity that day! The next seminar was with Jessica McKinnon, a voice trainer/educator. This was my first exposure to any type of voice training, and I enjoyed her presentation, so much so, that I signed up for a private voice lesson the next morning, up in her suite. (more on that later) I sat with a new friend, Michelle from Boston, whom I had met the day before…and, btw, I absolutely LOVE you Boston girls! It seems like I met at least 7 or 8 while at SCC—all lovely, all friendly, all fun! (I think Boston just moved into 2nd place on places to move to eventually, hehe.). And, so, after that seminar, I had lunch with Michelle, and also with a few Jersey gals. And, again, I ate little…but that’s ok, I was just SOOO happy, being there at this Conference! After parting with Michelle, and going up to freshen up, I went back down for the Career Fair. It was good, and informative, but not being in a position just yet to change jobs/careers, or move from here, I just mostly talked to a couple of presenters and picked up some literature. After that, I went to the vendor area and browsed. No purchases, just browsing. No cash, no purchases. >pout< I LOVED the jewelry trees one vendor had, they had the body of gorgeously dressed women, with various “branches” to hang necklaces and such, on each side…but, oh well, next time.
My next seminar was with Jennifer Boylan. And, other than just being here, and traveling there and back, and of course, being with my friends, one of THE main things I wanted to do while at SCC was to attend one of Ms. Boylan’s seminars. Just before going in the Maplewood B room, I ran into(not literally, she could hurt me if I did ) Chloe, and she was going to see Jenny (oh yes, I’m on a first-name basis with her ) also! Being that I had wanted to meet Ms. Boylan ever since reading her wonderful book, “She’s Not There”, I just HAD to sit in the front row. For the first hour, she mostly read passages from her new book, “I’m Looking Through You”, of which I haven’t read yet…was planning to before leaving for Atlanta, just ran outta time, yada yada….and, she interspersed that with her infectious humor, actually throughout her session. I enjoyed my time with her even more than I thought I would! And, afterwords, she signed autographs—yes, I brought both books with me! I even asked her a couple of questions, and had my photo taken with her—YAY! Wow….I’m now sitting here at home, thinking about being with her…and really, my whole time down there...and, it’s been almost a week now since arriving back home…and, I’m getting tearful thinking about how special a time I had…and, wishing it could have lasted longer. But hey, magic happened, for me, and no doubt for MANY other girls last week, and, at least for me, it was quite an emotional time too.
So, anyway, my next stop was back to the room, since Bridgett, Candice and I had dinner plans that evening. When I arrived in the room, I heard someone in the bathroom, and, I thought it was Bridgett. “No no, uh-uh…”…it was Candice! Getting ready, and since she was staying at another hotel, it just made sense for her to get ready with us. She is SUCH a fun girl! And, I thought I had nice legs—omg, Candice has WAY better…well, she should, she rides her bicycle over 5000 miles a year! After we were all done making ourselves perfect(I had on a new black dress, the same one I mentioned earlier), and, not knowing exactly where we wanted to go for dinner, we hung around the bar for a bit, and asked around for some good places to dine, and also some cool dance venues, because one thing I did want to do with Candice was dance with her(and Bridgett also of course), since she has a bit of a “reputation”(no, not THAT kind ) as a great dancer, and I was hoping to discover that. There was a club, “Le Buzz”, that was fairly local, and that catered to TG’s, and supposedly had dancing available, but then we heard that, at least that night, it was just going to be a drag show….so, we ended up not going there, after dinner. Well, as it happened, that club DID have dancing…but, but the time we found that out, it was too late. Oh well, at least we had a nice(and, OMG, at least to me…though the girls took care of me and my share of the bill—Expensive!!) meal together…along with a bit of flirting with the waiters and waitresses. (All innocent here! >wink< ) That dinner though, was part of the true essence of my time at SCC—forging close friendships, and, hopefully, having them last a lifetime. After dinner, it was back to the Ravinia. I found a couple of friends to talk to, and then I kinda lost touch with Bridgett and Candice, and eventually I went back upstairs to rest a bit. But, I didn’t wanna stay up there…I wanted to have some more fun with friends that night, so I went back down to the hotel bar, and, there they were! “There she is!”, said Candice, so I joined them, for what turned out to be the next 3 hours! More good times with them, and with other girls who came by to say “Hi”. I’d like to give a special “Hello” and thank you to two in particular—Danielle and Rebecca. You girls were so much fun! Danielle seemed to be admiring Candice’s legs…no argument there….and, after some coaxing, Candice relented and allowed(yeah, like she wasn’t gently teasing Danielle in the first place, hehe )(well, girl, you were!) Danielle to massage her feet. Yes, in the bar. But, hey, it was like, 2am now…”who cares”, right?? After awhile, I asked(or, maybe Danielle asked me…can’t remember, hehe) Danielle if I could take her place. Now, I didn’t actually plan to massage Candice’s, or anyone’s feet that night…especially in a hotel bar…but hey, it was fun, and Candice certainly seemed to enjoy it. >wink< Soon we were all getting tired…it was now around 3am…and, I was actually the last one out of the bar that night. Yes, me, “Ms. “Temperance”” And then, after going up to the room to gather her things, Candice and I had to say are goodbye’s(Bridgett had went back up an hour earlier), since she had to leave in a few hours, as did Bridgett. Obviously, the least favorite part of my time in Atlanta, parting from friends. I have a feeling I’m speaking here for many girls, but the friendships I have, and now, especially with the girls I’ve actually met in person, run VERY very deep, and it truly is a love of one’s sisters….we’re all in this together, and, hopefully, there will come the day when such conferences won’t be necessary…but, I know, that’s a long way off. If the general public could truly see the close bonds we girls(and no doubt, transmen also) have…and, yes, much of it out of necessity…and how we take care of one another…I think they would be very impressed. And, at the same time, our community needs to reach out TO the general populace, and show them, by our words, and our actions, that we truly belong in this world too. Anyway, by this time I was SO happy to be there that I hardly slept….and little did I know that I could have used more rest, after what happened over the next couple of days.
Saturday, October 4
It’s a good thing I didn’t sleep in, because then I would have missed hugging Bridgett and saying goodbye. I can never thank her enough for allowing me to stay with her, without paying my share of the room…my GOODNESS I have wonderful friends!! After she left, I got cleaned up and went down for some Internet and later, breakfast. By this time, I knew I only had around $50(Several very sweet and generous girls had given me some money while I was there…some, anonymously, and some not(you know who you are! ((HUGS)) )…and, well, I had spent some of that money shopping…hard to resist!...but, as it ended up, I should have saved that money for the trip home.), but I wanted decent breakfast (I think I lost around 5 lbs. during my time in Atlanta), so I went down to the breakfast restaurant(“La Grotta”, I believe) and ordered toast and tea(well, ok, actually hash browns, a bagel and OJ). Not long after I began eating, I looked up and saw Jenny Boylan and some friends walk in. That morning, I wore a pretty pink/tie-dyed style bandana(and a pink(yes, I have lots!)top and capri’s), and as Jenny walked by, she said, “Well hi Kelli(I think she said my name—maybe it’s just wishful recalling ), what a cute bandana, I like the look!” I smiled the rest of breakfast. Just a bit later, I sat with Allyson, a good friend from Yahoo 360, and who, later that day, during the Saturday luncheon, without her knowing ahead of time, would be given recognition for this event being her first time out in public as Allyson. That recognition couldn’t happen to a nicer girl, believe me. So, I finished breakfast, gave Allyson a hug, and headed up to Jessica McKinnon’s suite, for a private voice lesson. Just finishing her lesson was my long time online friend, Keri Renault, who I had met in the lobby the previous day(it was SO nice to finally meet her!), and it was nice to see her again. I really enjoyed that session with Jessica—she recorded my voice, and will be sending that file to me, and I can use that as a template as I continue working on my voice…which she said was pretty good already(Yay!). Thank you, Jessica! And then, I headed up to get packed…since I had to leave that room and stay with Tracy that evening. I somehow crammed everything into my 3 bags…but, I couldn’t find Tracy…her phone would automatically go into voice mail, and I did leave a message, but I never did hear back from her. Later on I found out why, and everything turned out ok, but it was a bit of a frustrating day. So, it was now around noon, and I had to get my stuff out of the room, but without a room yet to keep my bags, I had to leave them downstairs in the storage room. Which, was ok…but later on, I would need to change clothes for the pool party…but, that eventually turned out ok too. (Again, thank goodness for friends!!) The week before I left for Atlanta, I became acquainted online, with Mandi MacDonald, a gal from the Atlanta area. I think she’d left a message on the SCC Lounge Yahoo Group site, and I clicked on her name/profile, and found her story interesting(working for an airline, in the maintenance dept.—while transitioning…so, you can imagine, in such a “macho” type environment….), and sent her an IM, telling her I’m coming to Atlanta for the SCC event, and then she said we should meet up sometime….and, it worked out that we were able to meet for the Saturday SCC luncheon, and I enjoyed my time with her, and her friend Shawna. I also greatly enjoyed both Donna Rose’s and Mara Keisling's speeches….both true heroines of our community
So, now it was time for the pool party! Not being much of a “pool girl”, I was slightly hesitant in going…not to mention not wanting to scare anyone with my blindingly white skin…but, with Chloe giving me some of her old(but still good!) bathing suits(yes, one piece—I’m not THAT daring!), and figuring to see her there, I just “had” to go…but, I needed someplace to change clothes. Thankfully, Tracy’s friend Deja was in the lobby area, and I asked her if I could use her room to change, and being the sweetheart that she is, she said fine, that’s cool. She even let me borrow a lovely wrap of hers. I had a fun time at the party, and re-connected with Michelle, who looked very pretty, as she always did every time I saw her. Chloe didn’t show…well, at least I didn’t see her, but that was ok, she can’t babysit me every moment.
So, now it was around 4pm, and still no sign of Tracy. Deja said I could use her room to get ready for the evening’s festivities…and I thanked her for her offer, but I did want to get into my room(I should have coordinated better with Tracy beforehand). I did get an offer from Debbie Dunkle to use her room to dress…but things got a bit chaotic, what with my cell not always working, and going down to the lobby every once in awhile, hoping to see Tracy around someplace. And, for awhile, I did find another girl who let me keep my bags in her room—Bonnie, from Canada, who also offered to let me stay with her that night, in case Tracy didn’t show up. (Thank you, Bonnie!!) Eventually I did see her in the lobby—she was downtown for much of the day, shopping with a friend…and they had some car trouble, and got caught in traffic…which was all perfectly understandable. So, anyway, now I could get into the room…but now it was around 6pm, so we both had to scramble a bit to get ready in time for the dinner and entertainment. I just HAD to wear my new(thank you again, Bridgett!! ) pink dress! I ended up being a bit late(15 minutes abouts) for the dinner, but hey, that was ok, I didn’t eat much anyway(surprise!). After finishing, I went outside the ballroom and made some phone calls. I called Jeannie…I had forgot to call her yesterday(Friday), and I felt bad about that. She said she was doing fine, and was about ready to eat supper(her church was delivering supper every night while I was away). It was good to hear her voice. I also called a couple of girlfriends, one local to me(she was so surprised to hear from me!) and the other, my best friend Jessica, who would have liked to have been there(she was there in 2006), but with too many complications in her life nowadays, her health being one main reason, she just couldn’t make it…but she was glad I called. And I was glad to call them, and at least give them a bit of a taste of what I was feeling, being there, with some of THE coolest and nicest people I have EVER met in my life. I got a bit emotional sitting there…I didn’t wanna break down, out in the lobby there, but it was hard not to, knowing it was my final night. More and more people were leaving the ballroom by then, and mingling, taking photos, etc. I do hope to receive some photos of me from those sweet girls who took my picture!
Now it was around 9pm, and my feet were starting to bother me again…and, I wanted to change into something different, so I went up to the room and changed(cute black n’ purple top, cute black skirt, cute sho---ok Kelli, calm down). And, once again, to think too. SOOO much had happened to me in the past 4 days!! All good!! It was almost surreal….my whole life, with all the accumulated thoughts, feelings I’d had throughout the years….and, now, I was in this place, this truly magic place called the Southern Comfort Conference…and, I honestly had never felt this comfortable my whole life…trying not to cry while typing this….but yes, it was real, finally real, and, along with my travels as my true self, my time at SCC will never, ever be forgotten. Anyway, after getting done changing(and thinking), I went back downstairs. I noticed Tracy, outside the front doors, so I went out to see what she was up to. She was going to a club someplace…a “straight” club, and then asked if I’d like to go. Sure, why not? Well, after waiting around for about 20 minutes, I went back inside. Maybe it was a slight fear—of being out at a “normal” type establishment…or, maybe I was tired…or maybe it was just all a bit too much…yes, I’d been fine, traveling down, and at the mall, going out to eat, etc…and of course, at the hotel….but, for whatever reason, I backed out from going, and, as it turned out, it was really my only regret my whole time away. Tracy said that they had a great time, and possibly even opened some minds there…let’s hope so! I should have went and been a part of that. Next time, I won’t be so hesitant.
I did go over to the bar, talked to a few girls, but by that time, I was really tired(maybe you should eat more, Kells ), and, feeling kinda down, knowing this would be my last night there…and yes, with my worries back at home always in my mind(I’m sorry, but I just can’t not think about those things….it’s a big part of my life also)…I then went back upstairs, and eventually fell quickly asleep—TOO quickly, because I forgot to wash my makeup off. Oooops! I think Tracy got back around 2am, and she related how fun a time she and her friends had that night. Good for them, I was happy to hear about all of that. And, I really couldn’t complain—it was my fault I didn’t go with them. And besides, I had been having quite possibly the greatest week of my life…especially, obviously, my life as Kelli. So, I slept well that night.
It is that time of year and yesterday's/today's snowstorm just seems to add to the festive mood of Christmas. I know that getting ready for the holidays can be stressful and painful.
I enjoy all the bright lights, good cheer, parties, the presents, and Xmas dinner. But let us remember the true meaning of Xmas. It is the day that we celeberate the life of one person and the meaning of what it is to strive and have a better planet to live on.
Enjoy your holidays no matter your belief system!!!!!
I hope that all of you have a great Thanksgiving. We all have, though it may not seem that way many times, so much to be thankful for. The next time you get down emotionally remember that things could be a whole lot worse. Many people are in that predicament.
Jenna Elizabeth Taylor September 7th, 2008 10:47 pm MDTLocal film maker Michelle Farrell will be screening her homegrown documentary at the Local film maker Michelle Farrell will be screening her homegrown documentary at theNew York International Independent Film and Video Festival OPENING NIGHT THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 18th - Unraveling Michelle Screening Saturday 4pm. The OPENING NIGHT PARTY and art/film market at MANSION ON THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 18TH brings participating filmmakers, producers and artists together. Designed as an "open-air" market, the whole spectrum of the film, art and entertainment industry will be invited to attend thus creating a valuable opportunity for NYIIFVF and NYIAF participants to promote their projects and network with relevant industry professionals. Details: MANSION 530 W. 28TH STREET BETWEEN 10TH AND 11TH AVENUE 6PM-MIDNIGHT, Strict dress code: NO T-SHIRTS, JERSEYS, SWEATS, SNEAKERS AND BASEBALL HATS 21 and over only. No Exceptions http://www.nyfilmvideo.com/2008/ny-fall-2008/presrelease/opening-night.htm AFTER-PARTIES: Each night the festival will host after-parties at some of the best venues in New York. A list of our after-parties will be posted on www.nyfilmvideo.com and will also be listed in the program. We are doing our very best to get everyone in for free but venues marked with *** in the program schedule do have a reputation for being very trendy and upscale. We are also guests of the club. You must dress appropriately. NO T-SHIRTS, SNEAKERS, JERSEYS, BASEBALL HATS, BAGGY JEANS, SWEATS, ETC. ALL AFTER-PARTIES ARE FOR 21 AND OVER ONLY. NO EXCEPTIONS. PLEASE KEEP YOUR VIP PASS ON YOU AT ALL TIMES AT THE AFTER-PARTIES. Please email Annalisa San Juan at annalisa@itndistribution.com if you have any questions regarding the after-parties. REMEMBER, for 12 dollars(advance ticket) you get a movie and a party. Unraveling Michelle will be screened on Saturday 9/20 at 4pm. I hope that you can come up to support our documentary.
Just a note so there is no misunderstanding...if you're religious, I'm glad your religion works for you. But your religion is a private matter, so please don't try to convert me. I am quite happy the way I am. If anything changes, I'll call you. What are my beliefs? I'm basically an agnostic. Additionally, I'm interested in Buddhism and Hinduism, and have read some of the writings of J. Krishnamurti. I know this sounds kind of nebulous, but the fact is no human being can say for sure where we all came from and why our universe exists. As the author Geoffrey Wolfe once wrote, "We really don't know who we are, or where we have come from, or what we have done, or why." If you have read this far, log onto parabola.org. It's a great website (and magazine) which represents all faiths.
I posted this a few years ago but it somehow got zapped from my entries.
Boredom? Or maybe a gender late life crisis. I looked in my closet the other day and stared at all my dresses. Shocking but I hadn't worn a dress since January 2008, the annual "First Event" TG convention in Massachusetts. Had my outfits suddenly gone out of style? No. Not really. I just realized that putting on a skirt didn't excite me much anymore. It didn't make me feel more girly. Less masculine, perhaps, but not more feminine. I wracked my brains trying to think of the last time I got really excited about "dolling up." It was back in 2003 perhaps and a genetic woman friend and I attended the Boston Symphony Orchestra in our black dinner dresses. After the concert, we had a lovely dinner at the local restaurant. Since then I've been out clubbing many times but it's never been quite the same.
Like most cd's I became curious about women's clothing at an early age. I won't bore you with the details but it wasn't until 1995 that I began to go out in public on a regular (weekly) basis. I also began electrolysis soon afterwards. No more razors. I haven't shaved my face since '95. Because I was short, small boned and had smooth soft facial features I "passed" well. During my jaunts out in public to various clubs, shopping malls and hangouts I met many wonderful gals. It was quite exciting for awhile. I was in tranny heaven.
Not much happened between '96 and '99 due to cash flow problems. Still I did go out fairly regularly en femme. By 1999 I had hooked up with some good CD friends and we spent more time clubbing and CD getaways down on the Cape. Manray, the local goth/BDSM club really rocked on Halloween and the B & D Ball. Nurses, cops, school girls, scantily clad women and CD's in PVC and leather. You name it, they had 'em all. Being a CD never felt so good and I was, once again, in Nirvana.
Fast forward to 2001. I had, by this time, been out so many times it had become routine. I had always wondered what it would be like to grow out my hair. I got a little good natured ribbing from my coworkers but there's no dress code in the trades. It took a little over a year before I could tie my hair in a ponytail but it was worth it. No more wigs. I knew I had reached the end of my journey when I jumped into a pool in a bikini and soaked myself from head to toe. That should have been the high point in my journey as a cd and it was. For a while.
I got many compliments on my hair. (the "mop") Cd's said that I had it all. Short. Small boned. Full head of hair. No body hair except my lower legs. Feminine face with a soft jawline and no facial hair due to electrolysis. A Cd's dream? Yes and no. Imagine being cross dressed 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Or having a Christmas tree up year round. That's what it was like. Over the years I had been using less and less makeup. Even in drab I looked very effeminite. In fact the only difference between drab and drag was a pair of breast forms. Passing as a guy became almost comical. At a New England Patriots game (American football for those unfamiliar with the NFL) in 2003 the ticket taker told me I had to use the ladies line. (It was very very long and I was with 7 other guys) I told him twice that I was a guy. Finally (at his request) I showed him my driver's license and he apologized and let me through. Even during my day job when I get hot and dirty outside I'd been whistled at by passing cars.
Now none of this means that I'm complaining. Nor do I want to cut my hair short and start looking like a guy full time again. :-( (yech) But it does make me question my own femininity and how much and how often I really feel like a "woman". What it has done is taken away the excitement of transformation. Showering. Shaving. Choosing an outfit. Dolling up. Putting on the wig. I've also noticed a total lack of interest in "super femme" things like 5" heels and long pointy press on nails.
More pertinently, I've come to feel over time, that the feminine role can be just as restrictive as the masculine role. What this means is that physically I like my soft feminine body but mentally I prefer to slip back and forth between both genders. Sometimes masculine, sometimes feminine, sometimes a little of both and sometimes a lot of neither. I have no desire to transition or take hormones. I don't think about makeup or 5 inch heels or dresses. I just want to be me, catty and negative but real. Amrutta Slee in the book Dick For A Day: What would you do if you had one? once wrote, "I wish men and women, too, had created less cartoonish identities for themselves so we could all relax a bit."
I recently had a laser hair reduction treatment on my lower legs for the first time. Laser is something I have done on other parts of my body such as my upper legs, neck, hands, etc. The result on my lower legs is especially delightful though. It's as though there was never any hair there at all! As time goes, I truly feel more and more as a woman. :-)
This is a test to see if I can input my journal entry. Fingers crossed!
Summer is almost here. I know that 90 degree weather and
95% humidity does not do much for makeup. The season does not always
lend itself to dressing up. The dressed go into the box and the boxes
go into the closest.
Why not slip into that swimsuit and
go on out and get a great tan in a nice secluded surrounding. Or be
more brave and go out in public with a cute, sleeveless top and min
shorts/skirt. Give the guys some "eye candy!"
Brunch~a~palooza with Bri & Crystal 10.24.09 Yahoo serious!...lol
Brielle Echo Whitney November 1st, 2009 11:53 am MSTDateline Monday ( I think…lol) Report to the Surgeon General from the bat cave…;p :
WOO F***ing HOO!
Your Foo fighter (against the seriously mundane) is spent…and my legs actually feel weak today…lol
I seriously doubt that my fellow bat girl, (and team leader of the day (the inimitable Miss Crystal Frost) went to work…If she did, I’m pretty certain that the phone is in “we’ll get back to ya” mode…lol
What a truly heroic VIKING tale yesterday was, and you couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day to be at your finest, looking like a movie star & REPRESENT! …to the general inmate population out there!
Let’s just say that the TWO of us were on a “take no prisoners” ransack of the Left Village…HA!
Here’s what you missed (you can kick yourselves later for being dumb ass lazy!...;p)
It was a beautiful start to the race with Crystal & her assembled entourage of contestants lounging on the red carpet outside of the Cowgirl Hall Of Fame…looking like the cast of Sex In the City being regaled by the Press Gang & paparazzi crushed behind the velvet ropes…;))… ;D The sky was bright & clear, and the sun shone brightly… this was brunch with the ladies who meal, and
it’s one of the last days of Indian Summer in NYC…just perfect!
I made my way across the street as the crowd parted like the red sea to join the cast of what would prove to be a production of epic proportions…lol
After an appropriate amount of time for the staff to prepare a central feasting table for us inside the totally cute Cowgirl themed jalapeneo popper…lol we were regaled with a superfine protein & carb fuel up while being treated like stars with super sized smiles & service, with seemingly every satellite table giggling at the comedy coming from our banter… ;D
The Bloody Mary's were en eye opener, or closer, depending on your resistance to hot stuff...lol
The Echidna was seriously bruised…lol
…then…. With all jets a go we launched headfirst into the sun, heading due north. A pedal cabbie was seriously smitten & offered us a free ride wherever we wanted to go…which we declined, as a spectacle such as ours needed be circumcised with much more pomp & circumstance…lol (although I was seriously considering the ramifications of what would come of a modern Judah Ben Hur chariot ride through the streets of the Old West…lol ART! is what we are, and such Dandy Warhol’s need to be seen up close to be truly appreciated for our individuality & quality of execution…lol…best appreciated by the serious connoisseur, culture jammers or blatantly inappropriate lesbians…lol
The pedal pusher gave us cards though with his cell number saying “anytime, anyplace”…lolol hmm…;p
Our first stop would be Planet Cubbyhole, for a circle jerk under the twinkling mélange of holidaze rotating overhead, taking in the heady vapors of females in heat…lol and being offered complimentary clam chowder…(how appropriate!)…lol The Cubby’s apparently are wanting to give us brunch-ability with them soon too! Excellent!
Next, it was back out for a stroll through the cobblestone streets heading due East to Johnny’s, where the totally friendly low key atmosphere found us in rare form…I haven’t laughed so hard in ages…did I mention the pie? There was pie…lol it came along with us for the laughs somewhere along the way…in a box. There were cruel jokes, but no one got hurt…lol
Tess, resplendent behind the bar was beautiful, and her top was quite revealing. It was a cool night and the door was open…lol…I think it moved…;p Crystal’s friend Melissa was really sweet. I explored the inside of her oral cavity looking for answers, but only found more questions the deeper I probed…lolol
We picked up a hitchhiker who didn’t care for darts, golf or curling, I was to find out…lol
He was called Robert, and Crystal & I decided he must have been Chinese, as he ping-ponged with serpentarian aplomb between us…lol men are such dogs, you know, not being able to decide which shit smells better, but wanting to take it all in the ass run…lol
THEN!...(got your score cards out?) we continued the flight out of Egypt with the rainbow warrior in tow & headed East & took a hard right straight into Babylon…lol
Making the scene at Boots & Saddles was easy, where the serious grinding of the evening now started, as we danced around a plethora of urgently pressing issues…lol, got our freak on…and with a toss of our curls, schwing! we left…always leave ‘em begging for more I say, right…lol
Now it was time to cross the street, past the crowd singing show tunes at street level & down into the bowels of the Monster, for some over exposure under the disco ball’s shimmer & the call of the dance floor. ;D Crystal shook it like a white girl, Trish fell hard for a Latino pixie with a 6 pack, and I went into a tail spin with a hungry wolf…lol
We were all having lots of fun, when Trish asked me to sing her a song of desire. I decided that she would be able to hear it much more clearly if I sang it directly into her mouth…lol This particular song is tricky… I make it up on the fly of course, but it wound up having several verses, a repeated chorus…and an encore…lol
At this point we lost the hitchhiker, who, had become like peau de soie,… a medium to heavy, drapeable fabric with a soft satin weave and dull finish….lol
There had been, by this point a serious amount of mead drained out of various tanks, and into ours…lol, and we decided to come up for air…and away we went….
…straight back again into the deep house 4/4 at Greenhouse….I love that space, the raw tune-age is fine, the crowd is terribly sexy, and the toilets come with breath mints…lolol
We slid across the waxed dance floor under a canopy of foliage back lit & throbbing with a seemingly full room spectrum of wall to wall sound...it comes from everywhere, but you can’t see how…very cool, kinda like being inside a fuzzy navel or ear canal…radical & tubular!…;)) we danced till breathless, and I got mad props for knowing HOW to move my junk flash dance style in 4+ inch heels…Get your bad self down beatch! lol I wanted the Redheaded Emma Peel Doll in a skin tight black body stocking & boots…yummy… ;)) but she kept disappearing … was it live or was it girls on film?… must have been Memorex, but I can never really be sure…lol
Trish is a real trooper, she’s only just above the level of my business, which means it was easy for her to play with my garters…I told her the pleasure was all mine, but I’m not so sure about that…lolol
By now I have no fricking clue what time it was, I think it had been called on account of hedonism… too much fun is just enough ya know…;))
The upstairs was in overdrive, and I had serious fear for the safety of my toes, as the room was like a beehive with a fire lit from below… so we decided to fly before getting our wings clipped. ;D
To the surprise of both Crystal & myself, Trish then jumped into a cab with three beautiful strangers, and headed to Amanda Lepore’s party at the Hiro Ballroom.
Crystal assured me that she’d be fine as she always lands on her feet.
I was a bit concerned as the poor kitten’s frame seemed seriously bent by now…lol
She called us later and I THINK anyway, was back in the game & on the prowl in another part of the jungle…lol
We weren’t done yet, as it turned out…ummm…did I mention the word VIKING…lol
Now we were headed back north, passing Caliente Cab Company. Crystal suggested that we should get a dozen girls with temporary water weight gain to go in there & flash mob the bathroom…lol I said I’ll drink to that!...lol (if you don’t get it, do some homework…lol)
Flying a bit farther a field found your trusty heroine’s on a strafing run through Duplex & Stonewall when it occurred to us that the Pie had been having such a good time singing “ I will Survive” at Boots & Saddles, that it had fallen behind with the swaggering Cocks & Hens (and Chickens…lol). SO, we decided to go rescue it, as Pies aren’t especially known for carrying loose cab fare…lol
Upon entering, the Pie, which by now had done a costume change and had come fully out of it’s shell joined us for a short rendition of Naughty Marietta, and with a stage left, and a deliberately liberal sprinkling of air kisses, we shuffled off into the gaping mouth of the night, giggling like schoolgirls…lol
Where to go where to go!...NEXT!
The not so obvious choice to me anyway, was the Hanger. Along the way I noted that practically every shop had in some form included the execution of tattoos in their business model… tattoos & heavy lifting, tattoos & French Polishing, tattoos & antique sushi bowling, tattoos & sea foam bubble tea for you & a matching mole, half off on Tuesdays! Tattoos AND body art…I suppose that’s like the Big Mac…. Double your signage & brand recognition with excessive fat…lol…comes with a fork with seating for 6 at the table of the elements, with no reservations required!…lol I thought we should get matching Gummi’s glued screwed or tattooed where the sun don’t shine…lol… so much virgin canvas & so little time! Tsk!...lol
The Hanger was really loud, with big muscular tribal beats that make you want to throttle your knuffle bunny’s best assets or at least, the most open targets…lol…Let’s just say it was DEFINITELY NOT ladies nite…lol but who cares, we were out to shake things up & get our goddess worship on anyway…lol I’m ready for my scene now Mr. DeMille…lol
Crystal knew a guy in there who begged for us to stay, meanwhile, she gave me a look that said “hockey puck”…lol later explaining that this one follows her around like a puppy…lol I didn’t think a jury could possibly convict…lol Crystal’s certainly got that Big Fish Story appeal…lol I did mention dogs earlier didn’t I?...lol Well, enough of the Locker Room so she, me, and the Pie Rushed out the door flaming…lol Paris isn’t the only thing burning…lol We left burnout patches in the street as we careened a hard right down Bedford…lol
Which way did they go which way did they go! Run rabbit’s run!
Well, I have been trying for months to find out what’s going on with Chumley’s, as the phone’s ringing, but no one’s home…Chumley’s is the Doyenne of NYC Speakeasy’s, having successfully been playing Hide & Seek now for almost a century. It’s like a pair of favorite slippers. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe…;D
If you don’t know where it is, you probably won’t find it, there’s no sign, no lamp post & the door is forgettable…lol Once inside the door, you are transported into what is most certainly a Dickensian Era British pub. The dark wooded walls are covered with the manuscripts of Lost generation & Beat Generation writers & poets., men of letters, some chicks too…lol …people like EE Cummings , William Faulkner, John Steinbeck, Ring Lardner & Edna St. Vincent Millay…
There is also a ghost in there as well, usually, apparently, over by the bar. The floor is covered in sawdust, and there is a huge working fireplace. There are a trio of Hounds of the Baskervilles, ancient beasts that I think came with the property…lol They usually lie in front to the fireplace like stuffed sacks of peanuts roasting slowly in the dry heat…lol
The bar has hand pulled ales with curious names of Firemen who fell in the way back, dirty Vicars & other social anomalies & activists. The walls & benches are carved with the names of lovers & spirits past… There’s a juke box with a permanent collection of 78’s…songs from the distant haze, but you can’t expect to hear what you attempt to play. The ghost get’s to work, and the box has a mind on playing what you SHOULD hear…lol and it’s all good…;)) My favorite meal is a lobster tail, with corn on the cob, salad & a biscuit…all for 12 bucks! You just can’t beat that!
Anyway, away we went, and looked with intent, but it’s disappeared, vanished! I could cry a river into my beer if I could just get one!...lol Things that old don’t die, or fade away. I asked a migrant beaner in the corner restaurant. He looked at me balefully, and said “It’s gone”. FAK! I’ve been going there for 30 years, and I have to hear it from someone who fell off the turnip truck yesterday morning… it’s just not fair! I’ve done a google search, and found out the truth, and there is hope alive! ;D
ANYWAY, that wasn’t gonna’ work, so us girls held hands with the Pie & skipped town, err, rather around the corner DOWN town…lol
We had almost come full circle from where we started, but couldn’t see the finish line just yet…lol
Henrietta Hudson’s looked promising. We were back in our element, with the girls…ok, I’m speaking for myself here…lol Our little mini marathon had at this point seen us girls in heels for at least 15 hours, and me the night before as well…I was smart enough to bring a bag big enough to keep a pair of flats in, but Crystal’s combat boots were now barking…lol and we both wanted to sit down somewhere that wasn’t all whistles & gongs…the belles in HH’s sounded like a good landing strip… and so we were let inside the halls of the sisterhood… ;D Unfortunately, there was no seating available, so now we decided to keep the marathon going…lol
Crystal suggested that we entertain the sailors in the “straight” bar across the street, but warned that it could be a bad move…
I looked at my shoes. I like may shoes. I looked at the Shamrocks in the window. I looked at Crystal. I looked at her throbbing boots. We had the Pie’s well being to think of, so we walked on by…lol
Now, we were back at the Cowgirl where we started, but ya know, every good effort takes 110 percent, and the RL Lounge (nee Rubyfruit) was at the far end of the block…we can do this!!!...lol
The RL is a place where a girl can get something good & stiff from another girl, at a fair price!...lol
The upstairs has been beautifully renovated. It’s clean & cheerful with good lighting & it’s choc’ full of cute women… just my kind of place! Even the butch bunnies are hunni’s…lol
There are stylish salon pedestal stools which make you just want a makeover!...lol
We got comfy, and then we got engaged…lol no silly, I love Crystal, but I had my little eyes on Diana. She had a killer dancer’s bod, spike heeled boots & a wicked grin… I kept singing in my head “… but you can leave your hat on…lol”
She wiggled over to us, and pulled up to the bumper… fun fun FUN! Well, let me tell you…back off she’s mine!...lol
Well, maybe ours… but seeing as Crystal is waiting for Selma Hayak, I think I’ll be building a bridge between my island & her brick house starting this week! What a fine ass pect of the Midnight hour!...lol whew!
We exchanged cards, and I needed to scratch an itch…it was on her, of course…lol and well, Bob’s your uncle, as the Bishop said to the Actress…lol
Well, as happens when two fine T Gals walk into any room, shit happens…lol and Diana HAD to leave with her friend who pretty much dragged her down the stairs…lol
Sympathy for the Devil, and all that…lol We will meet again soon , me thinx… ;D
Anyway, with one girl down, and more to go, I found a comfy place at the bar next to yet another lovely La Femme Nikita… and decided to get busy…lol I can actually pin point the exact moment when the fire lit in her eyes, when I explained that my brain actually worked exactly like hers, and that I had no genuine interest in boys at all, and that I guess that would make me lesbian too! Granted, it’s possibly Vampyros Lesbos that we’re talking about here, but hey, I can’t help it, I was just born to really suck at some things in life…lolol
Crystal as well was having her own petting party, and we were definitely a hit… so much so, that the girl that I was chatting with’s girlfriend dragged her off down the stairs & out as well!...lol Doh! She wanted to stay, and I could have caused the earth to move, but I thought better for her & said that she should leave with her friend… ;D
Ok, time to add a bit of new lipstick before trying for the hat trick…lol SO! I va va voomed my way over to the powder room.
Once inside, I marveled at the most excellent design of the large well planned space. There was a niche at the far end lit softly with ambient lighting with a vase of Bird’s Of Paradise, which perfumed the air. The walls & floor were of a hewn bluestone, giving the space the feel of a Zen Garden…The Queen Mary..(There just can’t be a John in there, was a sleek curvilinear design which would echo the anatomy of she who would be born from above…;)) The sink, with it’s pedestal of stone and ovular bowl-like stainless steel nest resting on top with a single pistil-like faucet were in harmony with the somewhat oblique trapezoidal shape of the room. It’s not a box…lol As I sat there with my panties between my ankles, the sound of my own fluidity echoed like a stream flowing through a temple in a hidden cave, somewhat like a womb, actually…. Quite reflective all this, for just taking a pee…lol
I lifted myself up, and well, you know, tucked in my panties…lol then washed my hands…. Upon turning around, I saw no towels, and no basket… this, made perfect sense for such a Shinto space. The Fung Sui would be utterly ruined if you could possibly mess it up with random intrusions like misfired rimshots on the floor…lol
I then spied the hand dryer, which again, made perfect sense… I glided over, ran my hands beneath it & was immediately blasted by hyper-sonics crashing off the walls, creating standing waves that made harmonic dead spots, as the super heated turbo forced air thundered out of the short, cone shaped expeller. Finally, after what seemed far too long after my hands were already dry, it stopped. I fell back, collected the pieces of my shattered psyche, adjusted my garters & combed my hair. THAT, I’m quite sure, was designed by a man…lol
There are 3 things I found interesting at the RL, besides the company, that is…
1) I decided to have a quick peek into the men’s head…lol It was nothing like the women’s, Firstly, it was about half as big…lol the walls didn’t have the same treatment as in the ladies, quite Spartan by comparison. The sink was the same, but the head was most definitely a John…and the place was brightly lit. This, I assume, was an un-verbalized sign saying look before you get your pee shooter out…lol and oh, it was a box, quite boringly predictably rectangular…
2) Of all the places that we went in that catered to the occasional sporting life, the RL was the only place that didn’t put the Tube De Boob behind or above the bar, but rather placed it in a discretionary position in the room which favored social interaction over mindless hypnosis…lol
3) Of all the bars we were in, every one which catered to the more hirsute patrons had their boxes switched on to football. The RL had on the final ALC championship baseball game. Being a Yankee town, and that night being the last crucial game of the series, combined with the fact that baseball is played as much in the head as on the field, it made again, a lot of sense…lol after all, as we know…Diamonds are a girls best friend…lol
By now it was really getting late, and Crystal needed to get home in time to call in sick…lol so, we gathered our things, said our goodbyes to all of the lovelies, and again, hit the pavement…. Tap tap tap, click click click…and now we’re hugging each other at 7th Avenue. I hail a cab, and she’s away to the train with the Pie, (pumpkin, that’s one well traveled vegetable!)…Goddess speed sister, I hope you got home in a jiff… ;D
SO, what can we gain from this run on stream of consciousness? Get a good night’s sleep Saturday night, empty your bank account, expect the unexpected and have a working medical plan in place …lol
My legs have felt like rubber and weak still some 24 hours later, and my ribs still hurt a little from laughing so hard… but these are pains that I’d welcome anytime… ;))
It’s that time of year again, and amateur night is just around the corner… trust me, If you talk the talk, you need to come out & walk the walk with C & B Music Factory when the risk Vs. reward factor is a toss up…lol… we make what you want to do right now…lol
Brunch with the ladies who DO lunch is now a part of the weekly social, so come out with us in NYC & have a gas yas yas… ;))
Love ya Crystal, let’s turn this pig over & roast the other side soon!
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An Unscheduled Visit to the Therapist
Ana Cristina García October 20th, 2009 8:42 pm MDTFrom the critically acclaimed blog writer Ana Cristina Garcia and after a very long hiatus, here her new blog entry that will make you fall asleep in boredom. Here are some of the media’s reactions to this literary accident:
“Same old, same old” The Cross-dresser Times
“Not the same story again” Drag Magazine
“If I read one more story like this from her I will commit suicide” The TG Herald
But why take their word for it when you can verify yourself? Take the plunge…
An Unscheduled Visit to the Therapist
The last time I had been out to the therapist was on December of 2008 and since then I had only been out one more time, last week, with my sister-in-law. That outing was cut short and did not get to do all we had planned. Therefore, I was left a bit anxious to be out again and luckily I got to go out, on my own, just a few days later (Monday, October 19). Following are the accounts of this unexpected but satisfying time out and about as Cristy.
On Sundays temperature dropped down dramatically (for tropical standards) and I decided that if it continued on Monday I would dress and try to go out. The reason I would prefer a cold day is that I can wear clothes that cover up my legs and chest without having to shave. I had dreamed about going out in one of the warm mini-dresses that I had worn, with tights and high heels, for a photo session last January. I was undecided between the gray and the brown sweater-mini-dresses seen on the links below (from January):
Brown:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/3292401559/
Gray:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/3270000780/
My wife was out of town so I could not ask for her opinion so I emailed a couple of photos in each outfit to my sister-in-law and she recommended the brown. I was all made up and ready to put on the dress when I got her response and took her advice. I wore it exactly as I did in January except that I wore a brown top underneath to cover the white corset since the dress has a see-through knit in the middle, as you can see in the photo above. I also wore a different watch and styled my hair a bit different, without the bangs. One thing that made a big difference in my appearance was a piece of advice I got from my s-i-l regarding how to put on makeup base by pressing the sponge against the face rather than rubbing it. I totally recommend that, as the coverage is more even and the pores are less evident. I could not help to think that the first time we went out with her it was me giving makeup advice to her and now, after paying more attention to her appearance (which she says was motivated by seeing how her brother-in-law could make himself into a convincing woman). I guess that there is always something to learn, even for a veteran.
This is how I looked after returning from my long-awaited little adventure into the real world:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/4030933986/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cristy98girl/4030177723/
Notice the different hairstyle and wristwatch. Other than that it is all the same as in January.
Once all was in place I put plenty of Ralph perfume on me and I was ready to head out at around 5 p.m. My plans were to drive to the mall and wonder about for a while but then it occurred to me that I could stop by the therapist’s office and say hello to the secretary with the excuse that I had lost my cell phone and their number with it. Remember that to her, I do not live in town and come every so often to visit family and when that happens I try to schedule and appointment.
As is usually the case when I go out, I always have someone on call in case I run into trouble. That person is usually my wife but since she was out of town, I called my sister-in-law and she was up to it.
I got there and took a final check on my makeup and hair before getting off the car. Once I was ready I got off the car, walked to the doctors office and rang the bell. It was about 5:10 and I knew the doctor would be seeing his last patient of the day. To my surprise, the door was opened not by the secretary but by a female psychologist that works there too. I said hello and noticed that the secretary was on the phone as we smiled at each other. She seemed pleased to see me and after hanging the phone up we greeted with the traditional kiss on the cheek.
I sat down and she said that it had been a long time. I replied that I had lost their telephone number and therefore had not been able to set appointments on previous visits to town. She then gave me a card with the numbers and I put it in my purse as I commented that maybe I would call before I returned home (in Miami) to set an appointment. She said that the last patient of the day had canceled and that the doctor could see me right then. I replied that it would be fantastic but I did not have any cash on me to pay for the session. She said that she would go upstairs and ask the doctor if I could pay later and he said that he would see me in five minutes. As you can imagine, this is not what I had planned but I thought it would give me the chance to interact a bit more as Cristy only this time with someone who knew who I really was. The secretary offered me something to drink and I declined her offer arguing that I had just met for coffee with some girlfriends. She then asked if I had cut my hair and I replied that I had only styled it differently. As a matter of fact, since it is a wig, I guess that I have always had it the exact same length up to a micron. We chatted about this and that and then the doctor called for me so I got up and went up the stairs. He came out to greet me and said that it was a pleasant an unexpected surprise.
Conversation with the doctor was very casual an informal, this time. We talked about what I was wearing and I told him that I was a bit self-conscious given that I was wearing a mini-dress but he said that I looked very good in it and that my legs looked ok in tights and a little thin if anything. He also mentioned that the only thing that looked a bit suspicious were my hands but that for a tall woman that would border on the big side. Keep in mind that for our culture, at 5’ 6” without heels, I am a tall girl. If you add, at least 4” heels then I am much taller than the average female here and even those who are as tall or taller then I, are a lot thinner, most of the time. All in all, I am lucky to still able to pass for a taller than usual woman.
We talked about many topics including his family, specially his grandchildren. I felt right in character all the time and the only odd thing was a call that my male side had to made to the secretary to cancel the appointment “he” had for Wednesday. I could not afford two appointments so close to each other and since the issues of my male side are under control there was not much need for that. For those who are not aware from previous postings, Cristy does not go to therapy to be treated on cross-dressing or anything else. It is just a mere excuse that her male side cooked up along with the doctor so that she could have a safe environment in which to interact and where everybody else thinks of her as a genetic female (or so it seems so far after 13 visits over a 3 year period).
When discussing how would we handle payment for the session he said that my male side could bring it or that Cristy could send payment with someone else but that would be difficult. It occurred to me that if I had a chance to dress the following Thursday (my dressing window would end on Friday) Cristy would drop by to pay herself. I am hoping for this last option, as you can imagine.
Before the session came to an end, I told the doctor that I had plans to go to the mall and that I needed him to check if there was anything suspicious. Again, all of the times I have been to the mall on my own I have worn pants and not dresses and this dress was short. He did not see anything out of order, I greeted him goodbye and came down the stairs. As I came down the secretary was still there but was on the phone again. I just waved her goodbye and as she put the phone aside to say bye I told her that I might stop by on Thursday to pay for the session. There was a guy in the waiting room and I just smiled, greeted him and went out the door.
I walked to my car and started driving to the mall. I arrived at the mall at around 6:30 and it was already dark. The mall was more crowded than I expected, and I had trouble finding a parking place. I finally found one and walked towards the escalators. My first stop was at a drugstore to get me some throat pills. A guy who treated me like any other customer tended me. He always used the female form and did not give any unusual or strange looks. After paying I put the pills and change in my bag and went on my usual shoe store “pilgrimage”. It is amazing how once you have attained self-confidence; the stomach butterflies are a thing of the past. I do miss them but enjoy my outings more now that it is second nature.
I went in almost all the shoe stores in the mall and in all of them interacted with the clerks, who were usually female. Again, there were no signs of anyone noticing I was not a woman. Even though it was cold outside it was warm inside the mall and I got thirsty. I walked to the food court to get me something to drink at a Burger King. This time it was a man who tended me and all went smoothly. While I was at the cashier a lady stood next to me and we smiled at each other. She then said “Wow, you really look elegant” I thanked her and told her that I had dressed like that because it was cold but it was too hot inside and that why I was getting something to drink. Once I got my soda I said goodbye to the lady and looked for a table to sit. I sat for about 5 minutes while I finished my soda and then got up, dropped the cup in the trash and walked towards the lady’s room.
When I got in the lady’s room there were two other women grooming themselves up. I stood next to the long mirror and placed my bag on the vanity top to get my makeup out. You have no idea how I felt when I saw my reflection and I was these two other ladies and I was one of them. I was just another girl touching her makeup up before heading back home. The reflection in the mirror was that of a confident woman and one that was at ease with her appearance. I thought to myself, I look every bit as feminine as any of those other ladies. I touched up my lips, as I did not need powder or eyeliner and headed out feeling more confident and womanly than never before.
Before leaving I went to a couple more shoe stores and then went to a kiosk to pay for parking. Again I was kindly tended by a guy and walked to my car. I then drove back home with my confidence all charged up. I so needed this because it had been too long since I had been out in the wild at my own pace. One more confidence booster was that I was wearing more flashy clothes and even then I did not receive any suspicious looks from anyone that I noticed.
Being out in the real world is the ultimate experience for a cross-dresser and once you taste the sweet nectar you just can’t live without it. Dressing for staying in the confines of four walls is no longer as thrilling as it used to be. I’d rather wait for a long period to dress and go out than dress often and remain caged.
I am really looking forward to this Thursday and the idea of going to the therapist office to pay for my session last Monday. If you were able to get this far, I commend you for your perseverance and promise not to torture you with something like this again :-)
With my deepest respect and gratitude,
Cristy
[3 comments]
July 09: Chicago GLBT, Vacation & Jackie's FFS
Karen Reeves July 26th, 2009 3:55 pm MDTMy friend Jackie and I went on summer holiday to northern New York State, Ohio, Indiana, Pennsylvania, and Illinois. We got out of New England just before the floods in Connecticut (7 inches of rain fell in just 4 hours!). I got water in the basement of my house for the first time since I have owned it. Thank God I had friends in the area to check up on the home (they had to wet vac the basement however). It was not much rainwater inside but even an inch can cause a huge problem when it sits around for a few weeks. My neighbors down the hill were not so lucky and had huge problems. There was massive flooding in the town where I live!
We went to Fort Stanwix in Rome, NY and then on to Seneca Falls. There was a lovely canal which Jackie and I spent some time sitting along and having a drink (2nd photo #1). It is ironic that we had picture perfect weather the whole time we were gone. There were sunny, cool days and cool nights.
We made it to Buffalo and Teddy Roosevelt Inaugural Nat. Historic Site (2nd photo #2). This is where Teddy became President after President McKinley was assassinated. President Karen Reeves (what a scary thought!!!) had her picture taken behind the President's desk (2nd photo #3). Notice how I take charge!
The two of us then headed into Ohio to Cuyahoga Valley National Park. A National Park in Northern Ohio? It's not exactly Yellowstone or Yosemite for sure! Jackie took a pic of me (2nd photo #4) on the boardwalk by Brandywine Falls. It was very nice there.
We then headed west to the town of Put-In-Bay, which sits on an island in the middle of Lake Erie reachable only by ferry boat. It was a spectacular day. The boat trip out was nice and the views from the tower in Perry's Victory and International Peace Memorial were breath taking (2nd photo #5). There were too many tourists and I almost took some out with my car. I'm not sure if it was accidental or not!
Nest stop was the Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore. Jackie and I waded into the waters of Lake Michigan (2nd photo #6). The Great Lakes are like the Atlantic Ocean but without the salty smell or feel of saltwater on your bod. We wish we had more time to spend here but we had to make some miles on this day.
We then made it to our hotel in Glenview, Illinois. My friend Jackie T. got ready to have her FFS performed on her by Dr. Mark Zukowski. She was, of course, quite nervous, but she faced the situation with great calm and determination. That's Jackie! You go girl J !!!
On Sunday, June 28th , a couple of days before her surgery, Jackie and I participated in the Chicago GLBT Pride Parade (See the Main Photo). We were on a float sponsored by Dr. Z along with a live rock band. I thought the crowds would be a few thousand. They estimated that the crowds along the route might have reached a million people! As we waved and danced we saw people lined up 20, 30, even 40 deep along the route. There were even people hanging out of apartment windows and on balconies. It was a little overwhelming for a girl from the coast of Maine but it was great fun. What an adrenaline rush! Thanks Dr. Z for the invite and for dinner!
In the next photo (2nd photo #7) I am admiring some interesting sculpture.
The nicest part of this parade was that these huge throngs of diverse people, from every background that you can imagine, were all smiles, respectful, and having a fantastic time. Smiles were the order of the day.
Jackie came through the surgery with flying colors. The next few days did not allow for much sleep for her and for me.I was her care giver and I set a new record of staying awake in hours playing nurse & maid. (I hope she does not sue me for malpractice!!! YIKES!!!). I figure I was awake for two days straight.
Jackie was doing well enough after just four days that we went out to see the fireworks on July 4th in Glenview at the golf course. It was kind of weird to be allowed to sit on the greens with chairs and blankets when normally you would be chased away. The show was great.
The next day I went back to the golf course to take some day time photos of the gold course. Two guys offered to be "male models" for my pics. I didn't know that golfing made guys soooooo HORNY!!!!
We also were lucky enough to be able to visit Brenda Sue in her new condo on the north shore. Jackie was not up for doing much but a few hours out was good for her. Brenda's pad was beautiful. She lives in a nice area along Lake Michigan It is very rural. Hey Annette! This area that you are from is NICE!!!
My only complaint is that Brenda cooked us hamburgers that must have been two pounds each. They were delicious but after all this time I AM STILL FULL! Thanks Brenda, Anne, and Colin!
It was finally time to head back east. We spent an extra day in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania coming back since this return trip was hard on Jackie who was still recuperating from her surgery. By the way she is looking even more beautiful with every passing day! Drop her a line!
The last new pic of me on my page (2nd photo #8) was taken by Jackie at Pocono Downs NASCAR Raceway. This place is massive! We love NASCAR!
We arrived home safe and sound. It was time to crash!
*Kisses*
~Karen~
[1 comment]
A Sister in Need
Kelli Nicole Elam June 19th, 2009 12:58 pm MDTHi there URNA friends. As I stated on my "Status/Banner" message on my main page here, I just recently sent the message below, to all on my Yahoo mail contact list, and also to some others on my Yahoo Messenger friend's list. Thank you for taking the time to read it, and if you can help, I would be very greatful and appreciative. I will help a fellow sister, or sisters, as soon as I can. Be well everyone.
W/Love,
Kelli
Hello Everyone,
About 3 weeks ago, I sent, to many of you, the e-mail below, asking for some help, and I explained why, etc. Well, "things" are not getting much better since then, so I'm sending this to everyone one on my contacts list, even to those with whom I don't have much contact with. And also, I wanted to add here, that I now have a PayPal account, so if you are still interested in helping out, that option is now available. Of course, as I said in this letter, if you can help--Wonderful, thank you SO much! (And, if you already have helped out--Thank You!!) And if you can't, I totally understand, believe me, I do. Oh, and since this was sent, I did go to Be-All, and I DID have a FABulous time!! And, somehow I did it all with less than $100 to spend, with MANY thanks to Dr. Ousterhout and Dr. Zukowski, who funded the scholarship I won, and to my friends Bobbie Jane, Zoey and Robbi, for allowing me to stay with them at the hotels. So, yes, despite my current troubles, I am definitely a VERY blessed young lady!! Thank you so much for reading this, again, and thank you all for being my friend. It's never easy being a woman, especially "starting out" this late in life...but, I'll get there, and become whole, of this I have no doubt at all. Best wishes to all of you in your respective journeys! And please, I am here for you also. Take care everyone. (HUGS)
~Kelli
Hello Everyone,
How are you all? As I am sending this e-mail to everyone using "BCC", that's why I say "all". And, although of course, this e-mail is going to each of you, individually, the reason I'm sending it to all of you at one time, is that I am needing some help. Financial help that is. I've been debating, in my mind, for months now, as to whether to send this e-mail...going back and forth, over and over again... is it wrong(even, "audacious"?) to ask for money from people, especially these days?....will I lose friends, because of this?....and, how could I prove, if I did get funds, where it goes/how I spend it?.... And, believe me when I say this--I REALLY don't like asking for help, especially financial help, as I feel like, I don't know, like a "failure"...and, maybe I am in some ways, as I have a job/career that doesn't pay all that much(around $10 an hour)(I'm a Digitizer--computer software embroidery, we manf. marching band uniforms)...and, I have, and am looking for additional work, but around here, there isn't much, but I'll keep trying. So, yes, I have thought about doing this for months now, and actually I did do this, via Yahoo 360, last September, as some of you may recall--and, I thank again, those who were able to help us!....and, even then, I felt very embarrassed to ask for anything(not to mention the timing, what with the economy going downhill fast back then....and, of course, it's not much better, if not worse, nowadays), At that time, I was still married, and my wife was going through her chemotherapy, after having surgery in May(2008), and almost concurrently we went into a bankruptcy, which of course, both being almost overwhelming for us. We persevered and made it through "Okay" though. A positive thing, during her illness(and, she's doing fine now, the cancer has not returned--one year now!), we both did become closer again (we'd decided the summer before to end our marriage, although I did hold out a sliver of hope that maybe we could stay together....)but, despite our spending more time together last year, we still came to the same conclusion: We needed to live our own lives, separately. This past February, Betty moved out, to live with her daughter and family, while I've been living here at home. Our divorce became final on March 13th...and, I must admit, that first month after she moved out was terrible, painful, not fun at all. But anyway, I'm doing better nowadays, at least emotionally, and I do hope that she is also. We still see each other often, mostly to deal with bills we still share in paying, and we get along well, that's not really been much of an issue. And I will always care for her, and love her, in some way. Anyway, my, and our main problem, is money, and it's becoming more and more difficult as the days go by. We are splitting up the 2 mortgage payments, evenly of course, plus a car payment, and I'm taking care of the other home "monthlies"(electric, water, etc.) while she has her own bills to take care of(chemo/hospital/doctor bills, plus her school loans)(and, she doesn't make much more than I do--she's a medical biller/coder)...but, now, it's come just about to the point where I, and we, can't keep up with it all. And recently I've been cut back to 4 day weeks. (She's still working full time, thankfully.) I've also cancelled the land line phone, and now the television costs(satellite), and a few other things(no, not food, I'm still eating, but not as much--can't you tell? ) So, we've decided to sell this house....despite how the market is, and despite the fact we probably won't get too much out of the sale, with those mortgages...plus, we couldn't pay our property taxes last year(still can't), and now this year's taxes are coming up soon....I think this is the point where I start sighing, and crying. I'm just so tired of this "craziness"....we almost lost her car to repossession a couple of months ago, and also one of the mortgages was a few months behind---thankfully, some family members helped out with those problems...and just last week I was 10 days not paying the electric bill on time...and, now I have to live on around $50 for the next 2 weeks, and dem cupboards are gettin' bare. Yeah, I know, that's not funny(but I still have my "wits" about me )...and, thankfully, just this past weekend, a good friend gave me a "care package" of foods. We, my ex and I, are having a garage/moving sale this weekend...hopefully that will help some. And, coming up soon, next week matter of fact, is Be-All, the transgender convention in Chicago, where I won a scholarship(thank goodness!), and of course that will help out a LOT, not to mention some special girlfriends who are helping me with hotel expenses--sounds very much like my SCC experience last year! But I'll still need gas and some meal monies...I really want to go, but of course, it's not a priority. One more thing--my gender therapy. I had 2 sessions, last August, and September, but since then, I've been unable to afford to go again(my deductable is $1000--employee based health ins., and I can't change that amt.), and at $150 per session, I just haven't been able to afford to go anymore since then(still paying on that bill matter of fact)....and, as you all no doubt know, therapy is a very important part of transitioning, and it's been very frustrating that I haven't been able to continue with it, and then begin hormone therapy eventually, and so on.... So, anyway....I am very sorry this is rambling on like this, and that I'm "whining" about all my troubles---I am sure that many of you are probably going through similar trials now, if not worse. I just thought that maybe if a few of you could help out, if only a little--and, believe me, any amount would be helpful.
Let me show you a very special letter, written to me last year, after I posted my "Yahoo 360 "Help" message", by a very very special friend, of whom without her help with another "task"(getting down to Atlanta and back), I'd never been able to have gone to SCC last fall.(she's SO much better at communicating what I am asking, than I am, as you will see. She would like to remain anonymous btw.) This letter has been edited some, since a few things have changed since she sent it to me last September:
Community Support – Please read and pass along.
Each day I am amazed at how large this community is, yet what a loose affiliation we are. Different in many ways, but yet a common theme that brings us together…as a group, imagine what we could accomplish together.
I’ve seen so much compassion and giving by many on an emotional level, that I’m wondering if we could do a little of the same on the financial side? Bear with me just a little longer please.
A few extra dollars individually may not mean much, but if we could harness the numbers, it could mean so much to members of this community.
Proposal - I would like for each of us to sacrifice a little. Maybe the dollars spent on coffee and bagel one day, a meal out, or a new skirt (ouch)…put it in an envelope and mail it to the following sister; either anonymous or with a note of encouragement and support.
Kelli Elam
P.O. Box 32
Greenville, IL 62246
PayPal: kellinicole127@yahoo.com
The Story: Kelli, and more importantly her wife have had a really rough year. Kelli’s wife has been fighting cancer these last few months, which has left them with without her income and an incredible amount of medical and personal expenses to cover. During this time Kelli has cared for her spouse, which prevents her from seeking a second job to address the shortfall in income. The prognosis is good, but they continue to fall further in debt.
I feel this couple could use some help, and ask that you consider helping if you can. I am not here to save the world, but I would like to help where I can. Am I naïve? No, I just want to be.
The Responsibility : This lies with Kelli. Here are a few things she must do.
1. Use our help only for things that allow her and her wife to get back on their feet again.
2. Pay it forward. She would need to solicit the next person in our community for support, and begin the process by telling her story. Kelli would be current recipient, and she would then help the next person.
3. This is a grass roots start, and Kelli would need to find a better way to get the message out. Maybe a flickr group, or a web page that she could administer, along with future people yet to be named.
4. Maybe a name for this group, or community support fund.
5. If Kelli receives more than she needs (can you imagine that) she will use this as seed money to support the next in line…just paying it forward.
The Community: The community must have faith and help with a few things.
1. Do not assume that $5, $10, or $20 is too little to make the difference. This thought often prevents people from giving at all. This amount or even $2 is quite a lot, considering the numbers we have. A little from many, can be quite powerful. Reference Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
2. Get the word out. You all have friends, and friends of friends that could help. Please forward this to others in our community.
3. If you know of someone who needs our help, please message Kelli, as she has the awesome responsibility of choosing the next person who could use some help.
Notes: Safety first. This message would potentially be viewed by those outside our community, who may not share our kindness. I recommend the candidates selected set-up a post office box for mail, and that we send either cash or a check made payable to cash to prevent names and addresses from being published. Maybe there are other ways to transfer a gift without names on either end?
This Is Not A Hand-Out…It’s Our Community Helping…Our Community. What’s in it for you? You mean beyond a smile and warmth in your heart? Send something to Kelli today and let’s see what we can do together.
Isn't she wonderful? A few addendum's to her proposal: Under The Responsibility: Of course, since we are now divorced, these potential funds wouldn't be directed towards "us", as it's just "me" now, though we do share in the mortgage expenses. And, I haven't set up any special web site, or a name for this support fund, but I'm sure I can do those things if need be. And, under Notes, as of right now, I've just set up the PO Box address, included within her proposal above(I'll type it again at the end), and now I have a PayPal account. And, since my legal name is still my male name, Kirby Elam, I wasn't sure, if I do receive checks, if it should be made out to "Kirby" or "Kelli"? Or, "Cash", as she suggested? And, I wouldn't recommend sending actual cash, but I guess small amounts wouldn't be a problem.
So, I have finally decided to go through with this, and as they say, "let the chips fall where they may", though, I'm still a bit hesitant. And, please believe me when I tell you that I will still care, and always will care for each and every one of you, no matter if you can help, or not, because I know you love me, as I love you all too. Someday, I hope the(pardon the pun) "coin" will turn, and I will be able to help others in need. I'm not desperate here, I'm just in a rough patch. So anyway, thank you all for reading this, and of course, thank you to those who can help. I will pay it forward as soon as I can. Thank you so very much.
Address:
Kelli Elam
P.O. Box 32
Greenville, IL 62246
PayPal: Please use kellinicole127@yahoo.com
With Love,
Kelli Nicole
[Comment on this post]
Is Gender Still Evolving?
Michele Angelique June 7th, 2009 7:01 pm MDTIs Gender Still Evolving?
After having been extremely active in the online transgender community for a couple of years as the hostess and facilitator of http://www.genderevolve.com/ and genderevolve.blogspot.com , I decided to go offline for awhile to pursue my career. Words cannot express how much I missed you during this time, yet I had to stay very focused to accomplish some of my life goals.
Now that I have achieved a new level of balance in my daily life, I have decided to venture back online and see how you beautiful transladies have been making out this past while. I sense there have been changes in the t-community, there are a lot of new faces, and some very cool new websites too. Yet it seems not everything has changed and there is stability in our online community, as most of my friends are still online and all our favorite sites are still online. It it a welcome relief to find that there is always a place to come home to, no matter how far on different paths our journies take us, we can always return to the source of our sisterhood.
One of the things that encouraged me to come back online was an email from my dear sister Jenna Elizabeth Taylor to the GenderEvolve contributors, entitled "Is Gender Still Evolving?". Her email sparked a flurry of activity and responses in our private Yahoo group forum, which made me delighted to realize there is still so much mutual interest and collaborative spirit among us. As such, I want to take this discussion public and pose the same question to all of our friends in the transgender community at large.
So I would like to ask all of you reading this post... Is Gender Still Evolving?
By this I mean, take your pick of any or all of the following questions:
1) In the past few years, have you personally changed or evolved in your own transgender journey?
2) Has there been any changes in people around you in your family or friends regarding your gender identity?
3) Have there been any events or news that show gender evolution is still happening in society?
4) Do you recommend any new websites, people or groups that have been influential to the trans community over the past few years?
5) Or simply, how the heck have you been Girlfriend?? What's new?
Anyone reading this post is encouraged to respond and share any thoughts, stories, perspectives on this topic. Please don't be shy, we would love to hear from you.
Love & Light
Michèle Angélique
http://www.genderevolve.com/
[Comment on this post]
First Event 2009: Karen Reeve's Thoughts
Karen Reeves February 2nd, 2009 8:57 pm MSTFirst Event 2009:Some Thoughts
Peabody, Massachusetts (15 January-18 January 2009)
First, check out my new album "First Event 2009" which I just posted.
Better late than never, here is my report on First Event 2009 (though after reading this report you may not agree!).
My friend Jackie and I arrived late on Thursday evening at the hotel. Let me tell you it was C-O-L-D! at he door Denise Armel greeted us with a bear hug. Because we were so tired and had worked that day we went to our room, unpacked, and ordered food to be brought in.
On Friday we were up fairly early (9:30 A.M.) I LOVE the Marriott Hotels so we ordered room service for breakfast. The food was exquisite. We attended a couple of seminars and visited with some friends afterwards.
In the evening our intrepid sorority (Sorority Sisters of New England) went out dining in Boston. Tiffany Starr drove one vehicle and I drove my car since it has a kick ass heater. It was 5 degrees out.
Arriving at the No Name Restaurant in our group was Brenda Sue, Tiffany, Jennifer Lane, Jean W. Jackie T., and myself. The crowd inside was light due to the F-R-I-G-I-D weather outside (for me from Maine it was balmy!).
The waiters and waitresses were thrilled to see us all again and remembered when we visited before. I’m not sure if that is good but they did not throw us out so I guess we were acceptable.
The staff was so friendly and nice. We all filled up on delicious seafood dinners (I LOVE SEAFOOD!). After the round of drinks no one felt the cold too.
We met the radio personality Morgan White Jr. (The Man From T.R.V.I.A.) who has a show on WBZ-AM Radio. I think I made his day when I told him that I LOVE to WATCH RADIO! He just shook his head. He is a really nice guy BTW.
Later on we went back to the hotel and visited down in the lobby restaurant/bar. As usual at these events it was hopping!
On Saturday we got up late (10:00 A.M.) and got ready for the day’s festivities. We attended some seminars and met a lot of people that you do not get to see too often during the year (the grind of daily life sort of thing you know).
Jackie actually got a new presenter to come to First Event for the first time (Kathy Perez of Exceptional Voice in Denver, Colorado). She is an awesome lady and KNOWS HER STUFF! She is a board-certified speech pathologist. As one who is an expert in this field (If you do not know why then you do not know me very well!) if you want to feminize your voice or have any vocal issues then you need to go to a professional.
Saturday evening was the Awards Banquet. If you are not a member of the host organization (Tiffany Club of New England) then the awards are about as exciting as watching paint dry on a wall. They host this convention so this is their prerogative.
The dinner was quite tasty. Jean W., Jennifer Lane, Brenda Sue, and Jackie were also in attendance. Unlike last year there was no dancing in the spacious dining room but rather in the exceedingly cramped bar/restaurant. Most of the girls would rather go drink than dance. My observation on this is that is a more of a male pattern than a female pattern. Girls like to dance, guys do not! (Here come the complaints now!).
We danced the night away and then adjourned to the infamous Dr. Z upstairs party. In attendance was the Royal Couple (the plastic dolls). It’s weird how a naked plastic doll just evokes such interest.
In the late evening it was snowing heavily. When Jackie and I got down to the lobby at 10:00 A.M. most participants had bailed. We ate the "Brunch" (Hey! BRUNCH is BR for BREAKFAST and UNCH for LUNCH. Why was there only breakfast food available?) For the price this is a real rip off. I would suggest that if you attend this event in the future that you simply have room service or order in the restaurant.
Jackie and I decided to stay another day and avoid the hassles of the snow. We sat down in the lobby watching the beautifully fallen, flaky snow come cascading down. While chatting with Jamie Dailey and some other girls a big brute of a guy lumbered over and in a hushed voice told us he was coming to First Event. He said he could not get their earlier since he was ill. I have my thoughts on this "illness" but will remain quiet. He left after a couple of hours after we gave him some requested info.
I realized that at 4 P.M. I was still wearing my nametag. I am sure I was the LAST participant to be wearing one for this year!
That evening Jackie and I had a lovely dinner in the restaurant. The hotel was deserted. It was so nice and the staff even came over to visit with us. Later we watched a movie.
On Monday the weather was nice. When I checked out it was amazing to see that the hotel staff had actually shoveled out, and cleared the snow off of my car. Talk about service!
I left for home well satisfied with my "First Event 2009" experience. It has been an EXTREMELY long time since I have been out like this and it was very nice.
Is Karen back on form? Stay tuned!
*Kisses*
~Karen~
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SCC(2nd part)
Kelli Nicole Elam January 21st, 2009 8:44 pm MSTSunday, October 5
Awwww…..it’s now Sunday…the last day at SCC. Sadly, time to say goodbye…and yes, that was a difficult thing to do, just as I had read about in friends’ blog from previous SCC events. And yes, I did cry, in private…though, while packing when Tracy was in the room packing also, the tears appeared…but we gave each other a good long hug and that helped. Tracy, thank you for allowing me to share your room! Friends forever, girlfriend!! ((HUGS)) So, being the last day, of course meant: “Travel Day”! Which, for me at least, meant traveling as Kelli…and, after my successful trip to Atlanta, and with the past 5 days’ worth of accumulated experiences as Kelli—OMG it was JUST so WONDERFUL to JUST BE ME!!---I felt very confident that the return trip would be just as successful. But first: Packing! Or, should I say “stuffing”….and, then, I couldn’t get the big bag zipper to close! But, eventually, superior strength and determination won out. Tracy and I then went down for breakfast. What a sweet girl Tracy is…and no, not just because she bought my breakfast. For letting me stay with her, that’s an obvious one…but also, most importantly, for “being there”, and sharing her life with me during this MOST AMAZING of times in my life! And, as this was Tracy’s first time at SCC, I would suspect she shared similar feelings towards me. After breakfast we went back upstairs to finish packing. But then I remembered that there was some kind of “wrap up” meeting, and I’d thought it was open to any attendee…looking at my handy-dandy SCC booklet, and yes, it was! I thought this would be a nice way to end my time here, so down to the meeting I went. Tracy was still packing, and she had to leave for the airport around noonish, so she didn’t come with, but I was sure we’d be able to say goodbye after the meeting. Well, as it turned out, I missed her…sigh. But, that’s ok, we had a good talk before breakfast, and during breakfast too, so the bond of friendship is there. (and we chatted the next day on YIM, so it’s all cool) Ok, so I arrive at the meeting late…and, I notice my friend Leslie sitting behind the main tables, waving me in….yay, someone familiar and friendly(not that I found anyone who wasn’t friendly my whole time there…well, there were a few girls who, I don’t think it wasn’t being “friendly”, I just think they were nervous—perfectly understandable…and, after I would tell them that this was my first SCC, that seemed to help them relax, at least with me…). Everyone was introducing themselves, and telling what they enjoyed(and sometimes, disliked) about their time at SCC, and some offered suggestions to possibly make next years event an even better one. I noticed a few girls I was familiar with—Allyson, Leslie of course, Sandy Dunkle, a few others. Eventually, it was my turn to “Say Hello”, and, although I’m not an accomplished speaker(especially in front of a group) or anything, I think I did OK…I just thanked SCC for the opportunity, and of course, for the scholarship(and, not long after the meeting was over, Blake Alford, SCC’s scholarship director, came over with his business card, and a warm hug, personifying exactly what it was like to be there: Friendship, Harmony and Love—Celebrating LIFE!)…and also, thanking my friends—4 girls in particular: My “anonymous plane ticket benefactor”, and my roomies, Bridgett and Tracy, and also Chloe Prince, who, over those 5 days, became someone truly special in my life…truly, a “Sister” for life ( HUGS, Sweetie!!)…and, of course, I thanked my wife. I thought of her often during my time in Atlanta. Without her being in my life…where would I be today?? Not long after my “speech”, in walked the one and only Chloe! As the introductions were still going, I went over to talk(ok, whisper) to her…knowing we’d both be leaving Atlanta soon, so it was time to say “so long”…but not before one last hug(oh ok, 3), and also, more words of advice, and encouragement from her. I think she was almost as proud of my accomplishments here, and traveling, as I was! “Big Sister/Little Sister” indeed.
My flight didn’t leave until 4pm, so I had some time to get my bags, check out, and mingle some. (It was interesting that morning, in seeing some girls now in drab…and, for some, I REALLY had to think…”Is that…??” Wow!) For some reason, I forgot about lunch. (Yeah right, Kells ) I had some nice conversations in the lobby. But, I was also trying to figure out how I was going to pay for my big bag, because I knew it was going to be overweight, and they would tack on a $50 charge…and, I had around $35 on me…what to do, what to do. I did ask a couple of girls if they could help, but they couldn’t—either almost out of money themselves, or needing what they had to get home…all perfectly understandable. So it came time to leave the hotel. Sigh. As I was waiting for the shuttle to take to the nearby MARTA station, I met 2 lovely and sweet girls, Kelly and Jia. Kelly was there as a representative of Dr. Pierre Brassard, the well-known GRS surgeon from Montreal, and actually she said she did the seminar for him, since he couldn’t make it this year. She was very sweet, and gave me one of Dr. Brassard’s dvds. I also struck up a conversation with Jia, who I later learned was also from Illinois! We sat together on the train, and I had the most pleasant time with Jia…someone I would definitely like to stay in contact with. And, she helped me keep my mind off of feeling sad, leaving SCC and Atlanta. Thank you Jia!!
Ok, so this is where things get a bit “interesting”…not that my whole time up to this point wasn’t interesting…FAAAARRRR from it! But, this time, flying back home…and, I totally realized it after I got home and thought about this day…was a tremendous morale and confidence booster, and I was actually(a very rare thing for me) very proud of myself! Arriving at the ticket counter, with Jia, I placed my checked(not officially yet though) bag on their(Delta) weight scale thingy—“Ding Ding—68 lbs.!!”(silly thing, it shouldn’t say that outloud!! ) Which, meant it was now 18 lbs. overweight(I think I lost 18 lbs. while in Atlanta, hehe), and, now they needed $50 for the overweight charge…well, I only had $36(Oh, come on now, Delta, can’t you see WHY this bag is so huge?! SCC! Heloooo!!). And, Jia was about out of money herself…so, she suggested to find another bag and maybe they’d allow 2 carry-ons….but, after searching a bit at a nearby store, we couldn’t find any…and, then, out of the blue, 2 more fellow SCC’ers happened to walk by. Maybe they saw concern in my face(I really didn’t want to throw things away at this point to get under the weight limit, and besides, I’m in the busiest airport in the world, and I really don’t want to open my suitcase and rummage through….), and the girl(sigh…I still can’t remember her name…and, though her friend gave me his business card, and I wrote to him last week, thanking him(and his friend) for helping me, and asking what his friend’s name is…I haven’t heard back from him yet…so, for now, it’s just “the girl who helped me”. ) suggested we go to a nearby U.S. Postal store and stuff a couple of boxes…great idea—just as long as it costs less than $36, cause that’s all I had. Well, as it turned out, I didn’t need to worry about that part, since she said she’d take care of it…and, that’s another reason I need to contact her, I gotta pay her back! So(and by this time Jia had to catch her plane—thank you SO much for helping me, Jia!!) we went into the postal store, hurriedly made a couple of boxes, stuffed them full of shoes, books and a few clothes, taped them up(and actually, she did most of the work)…and, just as she was taping up the boxes, I looked at the clock—Ooooh, it’s 3:30!! My plane takes off at 3:55! OOOOPS!! She said “GO GO, I’ll take care of this….”, and I thanked her, then off I scooted to the ticket counter. Yay, the bag now weighed 49 lbs(we had weighed it in the postal store)--whew! Boo, I was too late…the bag wouldn’t make it in time.
So…..now, what to do? Well, now I had to go around to the other side to a different set of ticket agents, and, after waiting in line about 15 minutes(ya, I was starting to get tired), I tried to book a seat on a new flight, or actually, change flights, since it was already paid for….well, for one, there were no seats available on the 3 flights to St. Louis that day, and, yes, they charge $50 to change tickets…BIG double sigh. They said check back every half hour or so. Ok…sure….what other choice did I have? Well, first of all, I still needed $14 to pay for the $50 charge…so, without a debit card or any other source of money available… OH wait! I have my wits about me still! And, I’m Kelli, which means…well, let’s just say, people are more willing, I believe, to help women in need(I’m somewhat guessing there)—you know, a “damsel in distress”. Anyway, I went back to the central atrium area, and sat for awhile…but right before I sat down, I quickly scanned the area, hoping to find someone(s) who, maybe, just maybe might possibly be sympathetic, and possibly give me enough money(all I needed was $14!) to change the ticket. Yeah, I know, this sounds desperate, and, well, I was getting desperate, but I didn’t want to sound or look desperate… I noticed 2 women, probably around my age, and I thought, “Well, I gotta try something…” So, after a few minutes(after first saying hello), I began to introduce myself and then explain my situation. Well, within seconds(not kidding), the 2 women(2 more angels this day!) gave me $14. Of course, I wanted get their names to pay them back…but, they said not to worry. So, I thanked them, and hugged them too, and went back to the counter. Still no luck, all booked. I went back again to sit for awhile—same spot, and waited for awhile, and talked to those 2 nice women for a bit again. (Now I SO wish I could have received an e-mail address or something from them…but, oh well.) Then I went back again to the counter, and to a different agent. Still the same answer: No seats available. But, this person, a sweet lady, kept trying…and, after a few minutes, she said she found a seat! Yay!! As she was typing up the ticket info, I was mentioning to her my situation, that I only had $50 to get home, plus I mentioned the parking situation(needing another $60 or so…) back in St. Louis….and, I guess, she felt sorry for me, because she then said, “Forget about the fee, just go catch your flight, don’t worry about it.” Can you believe it?? I still can’t…but, it actually happened, and now, I had $50! But I still needed that, and a bit more, to pay for the parking in STL. But I was HUNGRY too, and, being that my new flight wasn’t for another 3 hours, and knowing there wouldn’t be much offered (cookies or peanuts—btw, I thought peanuts were banned on flights now, because of the allergens…guess not!) on that flight, I broke down and bought some fries at Wendy’s, and a drink. Now I could at least relax a bit, get some “nourishment”, and then think about what to do next(the parking situation). (Sorry this is so detailed, and no doubt tedious…but, it’s all a part of my first time out, at least traveling-wise, as Kelli, and really, I feel that I wouldn’t have been as successful in receiving help that day, if I were traveling as youknowwho…as you will see, again, on my flight home.)
Now, it was time to head to and through security. Ooops, I forgot my 3 oz. baggie! Thank goodness they had free ones near the checkpoint. Security, of course, was one place I was concerned about, at least somewhat, since I still have that “M” on my ID(drivers license)…but, coming down to ATL wasn’t a problem at all…and, this time turned out the same way! (I do wonder though, what each specific agent was thinking….) So, I gathered my stuff, put my sandals back on, and away I went to my designated concourse. SHEEESH Hartsfield/Jackson is HUGE!! They do have a cool tram to each concourse, but I decided to walk(helps to have those long moving sidewalks). I arrive at my gate about 3 hours prior to liftoff(OH, I would love to be the first transgender space tourist!! “All” I need is 20 million smackerooooos! Hmmm…maybe if I find just a few more “angels”….). Wasn’t much to do to pass that time away….I didn’t want to eat any more, since now I was down to around $46….there was a game on tv, but it was the Cowboys(boring!)….I could add to my journal, or do some reading, or call/text people on my phone….I decided to do the latter, while people watching(and, watching if people were watching me, hehe ). Yes, I called Jeannie. She was doing ok she said, and just about to receive another meal brought in from her church, and of course, I told her I would be a lil late. After awhile, I needed to use the facilities…yes, for “normal” reasons, but also because I hadn’t shaved my face since around 10am, and even though my beard doesn’t grow all that fast, I just felt like I needed it done. So, finding a stall, I scootched my carry-on in, and then proceeded to sit down and…shave too. (Try and picture that scene. ) I didn’t stop on the way out to wash my hands(that’s what Wet Ones are for!) and check my face—I’m still a bit concerned around “gg’s”, especially in that type of situation…in time, I’ll get better…plus, there were pre-teen girls in there, and they might say something to their mother’s, etc…. I sat back at the waiting area, as another hour passed…and then got in line for my seat assignment---yes, one more concern, since my boarding pass said “seat unassigned”, I guess since this was an exchanged ticket…so, even though I had the ticket… But, everything was fine, my seat was 37B…ok, that’s fine, I guess. It turned out to be 2nd to last row….ok no problem…but, when I got back there, and tried to place my carry-on in the bin above—it wouldn’t fit. Panic!! Well, ok, I didn’t panic, but I quickly thought, “if I have to check this bag….(you know, the $50 charge for an extra checked bag, and I didn’t have that much cash…)….” (Btw, remind me never to travel again without enough money! ) But, once again, another angel came to my rescue, as a flight attendant eventually, after a few tries, found a spot for it “mid-ship”. Whew!! I then sat for a few minutes in the last row, just to rest a bit, and also to think about this: I noticed my assigned seat was between to men…and, although I had been fine traveling as Kelli so far, I hadn’t run into this type of situation yet—sitting between to men, as a girl, and my first time…. So, eventually the folks where I was sitting arrived, so I had to get to my seat. This is where it gets interesting…again. >wink<
Do you ever wonder why? Do you ever wonder, when things do go well, why it happens? I do. Maybe because life this past year or so hasn’t been all that great. My wife has cancer—although we hope now it is “had” cancer. And, concerns about paying the medical bills…along with the property taxes. We dealt through a bankruptcy. The “daily dealings” (what that does to my wife and her feelings, I mean…but, also just with simple things like, going grocery shopping, buying gas, etc., and wondering if I will get “those looks”, or something else—though I guess it does “help” some that I’m more in an androgynous stage vs. fully looking feminine, especially living here, in Podunkville, where most people know me….) of me, as I inch along with my transitioning. And along with that, our plans to split-up and divorce eventually. And, coming out to various people. A LOT on both of our plates. So, when good things happen, it’s kinda shocking. And, I must say, almost everything good happened to me on this trip---and, it’s a good thing, because I NEEDED everything to go well, just to make it home! So, now I’m sitting between 2 men---hopefully gentlemen! The man on my right never said a word to me the whole time in the plane(around 90 minutes). But, thankfully, the man on my left, in the window seat, was just the opposite of that. I believe the word “gregarious” fits him perfectly—in every positive sense of that word…in other words, he talked to the folks in front of us, the folks behind us, the flight attendants…but, most importantly, he was friendly and nice to me. “Hi, I’m Terry….” “Hi, I’m Kelli….” Eventually I began talking about my wife, and her recent troubled times with her illness. And, I’m sure he heard the “my wife” part, I had said that several times over the course of around, oh, the first 45 minutes of our conversation(we weren’t constantly talking the whole time…but, when we weren’t, I was wondering what he was thinking…and, also wondering if he was glancing at my chest…well, hey, I had never sat this close, for this long, to a man before, dressed as Kelli…). But, he never seemed changed expression or give any hint of curiosity. Eventually he related why he was on the flight—he was heading to Nigeria to visit an online girlfriend…I kid you not!(And, I thought I was “crazy”, driving 300 miles to go meet Jeannie when we began dating, after meeting online ) But, he forgot his visa...so, he had to return home to the St. Louis area. I felt for the guy…and, I hope that they can someday get together. Not long after that, he asked me what brought me to Atlanta. And, I really didn’t hesitate at all. I’m just SO tired of hiding who I am, having to be careful, etc. I will keep doing that, for Jeannie’s sake, and for mine too, if I believe my safety might be of concern. But he seemed the sort who wouldn’t mind…and yes, I was taking a chance, especially since I still planned to ask him for help with my parking situation. “I was in Atlanta for a convention of transgender people…yes, I am transgendered.” He then said that he had no problem with that, and everyone has to live their lives as they see fit…. I was SO relieved! He then said he was curious after hearing me say “my wife”….but he was cool about it. So, not long after that, and feeling more confident TO ask for help, I explained my parking situation, and that I needed around $20. Out of the kindness of his heart, he gave me $40! SUCH a sigh of relief came over me! I’m breaking into tears now just thinking about it, as I did then. I said I would pay him back, and he said that’s fine, take your time, and gave me his business card. So, yes, once again, another angel entered my life that day. Several times, until we parted, he would say “young lady….” when speaking to me, or “this little lady….” when speaking to someone else… and I thought that was pretty cool too. He even pulled my carry-on to the luggage carousel. I thanked him again, and then we parted ways. So, yes, once again, another angel entered my life that day!
Well, the rest of the way, it was just catching the shuttle to the parking area, paying the attendant, and driving the 60 miles home—hoping that the car would make it without breaking down! It did…but I didn’t---not break down I mean. Maybe I’m exaggerating about this…being still so close since I was away, but I really think that this was…maybe with the exception of time when I knew I had fallen in love with Jeannie, and she felt the same for me….the best time of my life! And, as time will tell, possibly the most important week of my life. Definitely one of the proudest times! I really did this….I went to SCC! And, I traveled there and back as Kelli! And, I had no problems, with either situation…besides the low cash flow of course. But that’s the thing: I had to keep calm, cool and collected while trying to find a way home—as Kelli…and, although I had obviously not planned to have such a difficult time going home, I think I learned some valuable lessons along the way. (One, that it pays to be a girl sometimes---I’m serious, because I really believe if I were traveling as Kirby, I would not have been as successful with all the people I encountered that day who helped me get home. Maybe I’m wrong there, but I don’t think so, and besides, I don’t plan on traveling in male mode anymore anyway. ) The main lesson learned? Be confident in who you are! Leading up to going to SCC, that’s what my friends kept telling me—“Just be confident, Kelli, and that will help you in so many ways…..” And, it’s so true! Jeannie was in bed by the time I arrived home. Still awake though, and she was happy I was home safely. I wanted to let her get her rest, so I related my “travel travails” the next day. I know she can never be as proud of me as I felt about myself that day, and that’s ok, it’s perfectly understandable, but maybe, deep down, she thinks what I did was “OK”. For once in my life, I was proud of myself!! A good beginning to hopefully a good, and successful new life.
Where do I go from here? Well, for one, finish this blog! Hehe…sorry for the length(if anyone is still with me—Thank you Thank you!! ), but I had to express what happened during that most wonderful of times! Wow, it’s 2 weeks almost to the minute now since I left home…a time I know I will never ever forget. And, I must re-thank all of those angels who helped me experience this “New Beginning”. First, my wife—for all the obvious reasons. Secondly, “my friend who wishes to remain anonymous”(wasn’t that Prince’s name back in the 90’s? ), who purchased(let me use her miles, actually) the plane ticket. I obviously can’t post her link here, but maybe this "Friendship" will be a good representation of her, and our friendship. Next, Bridgett Sommers, my first roomie---and, what a lovely girl she is. Here’s just one sample . Love you, girl, thank you!! ((HUGS)) And next, Tracy Schapes, my Saturday roomie—one of the sweetest people I met in Atlanta(good thing, eh?? )! Love you too, girl! ((HUGS)) Chloe Prince , who probably doesn’t need an introduction, but she does have my love for a lifetime. Thank you, Sister!! ((HUGS)) And another friend, who couldn’t be there, is Samantha, a friend from California, who has been SUCH a good friend the past couple of months, with her always kind words of love and encouragement—and, clothes! Thank you SO much, sweetie(and your friend Sammi too!)!! ((HUGS)) And, Candice, whom I already knew from URNA, but I had wanted to meet for quite awhile, not only because of the obvious reasons, but also because she’s been such a sweetheart with her concern about my wife…as she has went through similar times recently with her wife. Love you so much, sweetie! ((HUGS)) Oh, and of course, the many other friends I met while at SCC! Oh gosh…Michelle, Deja, Gina, Debbie, Sandy, Cheryl, Leslie, Rachel, Danielle, Rebecca, Tara, Cami, Kim, Bonnie, Christianne, Ronnie, Keri, Mandi, Shawna, Allyson, Kelly, Jia, Lee & Friend(at the airport)….and, many many more!! Love you girls!! ((HUGS)) Oh, and yes, Larry, my friend from Canada—thank you, hon! Oh, and of course, everyone involved with SCC—the staff, the volunteers(I hope to be one next year!), and especially Blake Alford, for offering the scholarship! ((HUGS)) Oh, and the hotel and staff at the lovely Crowne Plaza-Ravinia! And, yes, I DO plan to stay at your fine establishment next year—and hopefully next time paying my own way. >wink< All those involved with the seminars…and specifically for me, Donna Rose, Jessica McKinnon and Jennifer Boylan…all amazing, all inspiring….just amazing. And thanks to everyone at the Vendor area(all SO friendly—sorry I couldn’t buy anything—next year!), and also the people at the Career Fair. Hopefully by next year I’ll be better able to use your services….unless I have new job/career going by then of course. Oh, and all who were so very accommodating over at the Perimeter Mall—at the restaurants(Yay, Hudson Grille and Goldfish!), at the stores(Yay, Charlotte Russe and Arden B.!). Oh, and of course, last but certainly not least—Delta Air! I think I have a new favorite airline. Oh, and I must thank all of those online girlfriends, who couldn’t be in Atlanta, but encouraged me to have a great time, and LIVE life as the girl in my heart. Love you girls!! And, one more thank you: To Jessica, my best friend: I know you wanted to be there with me, and with “the girls” (next year, girl!)…but believe in yourself, honey, and believe that things will get better…with your health, with your career, with your parents…and hey, with your love life too! Go for it, girlfriend!! Love you SO much! ((HUGS))
Well, now I’m a “veteran”, not only of the SCC experience, but of being out in the world as Kelli. Of course, I know that I have a LONG way to go before I am completely comfortable in the world as Kelli…and, the world comfortable with me too. But I am heading, finally, in the right direction. I am very excited, and, much more confident in myself, and really, in others too, especially those in the general population. I know I won’t always be as fortunate as I was, in my travels that week, but then again, the confidence I did gain will be invaluable, as I continue along my journey. I must admit here, that I was humbled, very much, by the amazingly gorgeous, sophisticated and intelligent(and fun-loving!) girls I met while at SCC. Now, yes, I know, this isn’t some type of contest(though maybe it is for some, and that’s ok) to “be the best girl at the party”…and, that certainly wasn’t why I wanted to attend this event. And, this is just me talking, but given my history of low self-confidence(for many reasons), I did sometimes feel I wasn’t quite "there" yet, that I wasn’t quite “cool enough”…and yes, being with that many girls all in one place at one time, at times was a bit intimidating…but, those moments didn’t last long, as I truly did feel my confidence growing, the longer I was there. But, I did learn many valuable lessons while there—most important though, truly, are the friendships made, and the love shared. YOU are the main reason I had the wonderful time I did have while at “Celebrate Life—2008!” Thank you Girls!! Thank you SCC!! What a perfect way to begin celebrating my new life!
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New Photos Coming
Kimberly S Virtue January 6th, 2009 6:30 am MSTI had a formal makeover and photo session on Sunday, January 4th. Later this week I should have some new photos, my first big group of new photos since last May. They will include some casual "bare leg" looks with denim and flip flops, as well as some more dressed up office lady looks. Some of the photos will show off the pedicure I had (vivid pink nail polish). Also, my hair is in a longer style now, well below my shoulders. Kim :-)
P.S. My photos have started arriving in my email, and I posted two of them on my profile here so far [a/o January 10th]. You can see more of them on my photostream at flickr.com/kimberlyvirtue.
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URNA DETECTIVES NEWS FLASH! DAN, JON & THE CASE OF THE MISSING JOURNAL ENTRIES!
Karen Reeves December 27th, 2008 8:54 pm MSTHi Everyone!
It appears that the case of the missing journal entry postings has been SOLVED!
I can see from my own list of the number of journal entries posted on my site that last June 4th was a busy day. I know I have posted quite a few journal entries over the years but not 53 of them!!! I can talk and write alot but . . . . .
Trying to repair the site the guys posted over 30 test entries on my site in just a few hours! When the site recently got repaired these disappearing journal entries suddenly reappeared. I just noticied this and have spent time deleting the test items.
I would suggest that everyone go delete repetative journal/test items to cut down on the clutter.
Thanks Dan & Jon for the great work in making Urnotalone such an awesome place!!! You have proved yourselves again!
*Smiles*
~Karen~
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Kelli's First SCC--and, First Flight!
Kelli Nicole Elam December 24th, 2008 1:41 am MST**This blog was written in early October, so please don't be confused by any "day/time" mentionings. And, if you do you this--Thank you, so much! It was written with a lot of excitement in my mind and love in my heart.
**Also, I'm having to split this into 2 parts, since for some reason I can't get the whole blog into this one journal entry--so, the final day(Sunday) will be posted on my 2nd journal entry. Thank you for taking the time to read it all! ((HUGS))
Hello everyone! Well…I finally did it…no, I didn’t climb Mt. Everest…but, in a way, I did climb over a big mountain called “Fear” or, “Anxiety” or, “Apprehension”….and, all of those feelings now seem far behind me, even though it’s only been a week now since I first arrived in Atlanta for the Southern Comfort Conference. Yes, I just said I was at THE SCC!! WOOHOO!!! (calm down sweetie, you have a HUGE blog to write…maybe an all-nighter…I better go make some food….) So, yes, this blog may run a bit long…longer than usual for me at least…but, hey, this just may have been not only one of THE best weeks of my life….but, maybe, one of the most important times I’ve ever had, especially as a girl of course. And, not only for the time spent within the confines of the SCC experience, but I also traveled there and back home as Kelli. That’s HUGE for me!!
The whole time was amazing….well, let me tell ya a little bit about it. Please count the “!’s” I use—could be a record!!
Let’s start at the beginning of this “SCC process”. As some of you already know, I requested, and received a scholarship from SCC, and also had MAJOR help in getting there(flight paid for by a loving and precious girlfriend, whose wish of staying anonymous will be honored), and staying there at the Crowne Plaza-Ravinia(with 2 girlfriends, Bridgett and then Tracy, who both said “not to worry, we’ll take care of it…”), and help with clothes from another girlfriend, Samantha. And last but certainly not least—my wife, because, if it wasn’t for her agreeing, at least up to a point, that this trip would be a good thing for me, I may not have went...but then again, to pass up this opportunity...and, with others who were out there, offering help....plus, my desire to go was SO high... so it would have been difficult not to go. And of course, if she wasn’t doing well enough, and someone(thankfully, her parents were here then) couldn’t be here the day I flew out—she had her last chemotherapy treatment that day…I probably wouldn’t have went. And, also, she gave me some spending money…practically all the money I brought with me($100), so I knew she was at least somewhat "pro-SCC for Kelli". And, I had more help when I was there, but that’s getting ahead of myself. And, I think I’m done with thinking: “Why me, why am I SO fortunate??” I just need to do the same for someone else someday.
Wednesday, October 1
Ok, so, being without much money to use for this trip(I started out with $100…and, this was a concern, not all the time, but it was in the back of my mind most of the time while there), I wanted to park the car(another concern—it’s about on it’s last legs…or axles) at the nearest train station(for free) and take the train 30 miles to the airport ($2), instead of parking near the airport for $12 a day(which means I’d need $60 abouts when I got back--more on that later) …well, it didn’t quite work out the way I planned—mostly my fault, I waited till the last moment to pack, and then I couldn’t get it all in one bag(extra bag--$50), so, being stubborn as always, I brought the extra bag, since I wanted as many clothing options as possible! By this time, it was about an hour past my planned time to leave(longer travel time using the train to the airport vs. car only), so I had to get going(EEEEK I didn’t wanna be late!!), so said bye-bye to my wife, but not without thanking her again... and I took off…and, about 2 miles out of town, I looked over and…EEEEK, I forgot my purse!!
So, knowing I have the cops in my back pocket, I sped back home and grabbed it, and said my goodbye’s again to Jeannie. An hour or so later I made it to the parking area and then the airport and the gate with around 40 minutes to spare. But, not before spending $50 for that extra bag…so, I now had $50 to spend at SCC over a 5 day period. 
Now that I look back on that, it’s totally amazing how practically everything had to work out right…and, it did!(more on that later) Oh…and, I forgot to mention—I was “dressed” from the time I left the house, until I arrived back home on Sunday night. Yay!! Going through security went smoothly…even got ‘ma’amed”(first of many times!). The flight was smooth and easy, and quick(Yay, I had things to do!! (teehee). The next challenges were picking up my luggage and using the MARTA train to travel north, stopping near the hotel. All good there too! I think a couple people were looking at me…but, hey, I’m cute, maybe that was the reason. 
So, now I’m getting off the train, and I know it’s only around a ½ mile to the hotel, so, in my infinite wisdom, I decide to walk over there…I needed some exercise anyway, so off I went. I think it took 30 minutes to walk that half mile—traffic lights galore(grrr), plus hauling almost as much weight as I weigh…but still, I could see the “Crowne Plaza—Ravinia” sign in front of me! “One foot in front of the other, Kelli girl, you can do it, this is where you’ve wanted to go and what you’ve wanted to do for SUCH a long time….” And, I did it!!
I didn’t see any trumpeters blowing a tribute, or banners welcoming me, specifically(next year), but that’s ok, I arrived, safe and sound, and no significant complications. That wouldn’t be quite the truth going back home….but anyway, now it was time to celebrate!
I checked in…though that turned out to be a bit of a trick(I forgot the name Bridgett used to check into her room, oooops), but they finally relented in giving me a key(I practiced my eye-batting and pouting techniques on the plane). I then proceeded up to my room, and then went “Ahhhh”…as I layed on the bed for a few minutes. But not for long! I’m HERE!! And, I gots lots things to doose!! I changed clothes, freshened up a bit, and then headed back down to the lobby. I needed to sign in/register for the conference, so I asked someone at a nearby table where I needed to go. But first, I wanted to see if there was anyone familiar roaming around the front of the hotel, the lobby, and also over at what appeared to be the hotel bar. And, well, yes there WAS someone familiar in there!! OMG…it... was…really…HER! I bet my eyes were as big as her…uhumm, you know…. when I first set eyes on Chloe Prince!
Wow, it was really her, giving me the warmest of hugs!! She then invited me over to their tables for pizza and a drink. And, although I didn’t recognize her at first(duh!), there was Tara, a long time Y360 friend. It was just too cool to have those girls there, along with many others that I didn’t know before, but were of course, just as nice and friendly as Chloe and Tara.(remember, this was, with one exception(albeit a BIG exception, my first time out back in December), the first time I was with other girls in a public setting(I had met Riz in August of 2006, and Jessica, in July of 2007(first time ever dressed with another girl, and also someone else see me dressed—2 of her neighbors)) So, after awhile, Chloe took me down to the registration room, where I met the lovely Debbie Dunkle! But, I had forgot to bring my registration code with me, so, it was back upstairs for that. But, before going back down, we went to her room, and Chloe offered to give me a personal makeover—YAY!! How could I pass that up?? That was SUCH a fun time! But the best part for me was just getting to talk with and be with her. She’s been SO good to me over the past year or so….longer actually…and talking to her, finally, in person…not to mention watching her make me up purtee, was one of THE highlights of my whole time in Atlanta, it really was. I have many wonderful sisters/girlfriends, mostly online, but Chloe’s right “there”, near, or at the top of that fabulous list. I am SO blessed. Thank you so much, Chloe, for helping me start off my time at SCC in a most fabulous way! ((HUGS))
We then parted ways for awhile, as I needed to change again, shave, etc., and hopefully meet up with my roommate Bridgett, and see what her plans were for the evening. And, there she was, the one and only, Bridgett Sommers!! Another heroine to my rescue!
We had a nice talk, and then I proceeded to get ready for the evening, not exactly knowing what I was going to do. I told her that I still needed to register, so I went back down for that. Not long after, Chloe saw me and asked if I was going to Agatha’s Mystery Dinner Theatre. No, not at all, I couldn’t afford it($65)….well, she said someone had to cancel and she had a ticket available. Cool! Sure I’ll go! So, I decided to go up and change clothes again(familiar theme amongst most of us girls while there I’m sure)…and, I almost missed the bus! But, I made it, and I’m glad I did, because I had a lovely and fun time. I sat with Chloe(of course), and made some new friends on the bus over there, and at the dinner table. Everyone had a part to play during the course of the show, which was cool. The 2 actors were quite funny…lame once in awhile, but for the most part it was a fun show. (A sorta play on Annie Oakley) One girl sitting close to us particularly enjoyed it, she was laughing SO loud and often! Little did I know then that this particular gal would play a big part in helping me arrive home on Sunday. Anyway, the show was now over, and we rode back, and I was sitting with Chloe, and she once again, gave me good advice, on how to have fun as much as possible and don’t hold back….knowing that I am somewhat shy, or reticent, when I’m around people I don’t know well. I took her advice to heart…but, I still had those “moments” over my time there. I have to admit, the whole thing was overwhelming at times. But, overall, I think I did pretty good. So, once I got back to the hotel, it was quickly “beddy-bye” time for me. Just too tired…not only from the traveling, and traveling for the first time as Kelli… and, yes, a bit of nerves, but not bad really…I was just exhausted…not getting enough sleep the week before leaving....and I guess the 30 minute hot shower contributed to my fatigue.
Thursday, October 2
For the previous 5 days, I had a total of around 18 hours’ sleep…so, yeah, I was exhausted, and even though I had wanted to attend a 9 o’clock seminar that morning, I’m glad a “slept in” (8:30), since I would need that rest for the rest of the week/weekend! Bridgett had just returned from a run, so we coordinated our plans for the day. There was one other seminar I wanted to attend that day, but mostly I was free to do whatever. So we decided to try the mall for lunch and some shopping afterwards, which freed up most of my morning to mingle and check out the vendor area. There were some nice things I wouldn’t have minded buying there…but, without much money available, I just “window” shopped while there. I really wanted one of those cute little jewelry trees one vendor was selling…oh well, next year. After awhile I went back upstairs to get ready for the mall. This, of course, would be another “first” for me, going shopping(and eating too) en femme. And, as food courts usually are around noonish, it was BUSY! I think I did fine though…it helped that Bridgett was with me, along with Cheryl Jackson, oh and also, our mutual URNA chat room friend, Larry from Toronto—that’s literally what he goes by in that room, “Larry from Toronto”(I’m assuming there are no other Toronto’s in the world.). He was sweet, not that I didn’t think he would be….but, you know, most guys on the ‘Net are like—WEIRD!! Anyway, we had a nice lunch together, and, although I was not particularly looking at people and seeing if they were “looking” at me/us…I’m sure there were a few…but then again, maybe not, but by that point, I really didn’t care, and from my previous day’s experience traveling as me, I wasn’t all that concerned. I had on fairly short denim skirt(what was I supposed to do while in Atlanta, hide my most precious feminine attributes?? >wink< ), a pink tank with a tan hoodie with a pair of tan 3” wedges. No, I’m not exactly “fashion conscience”, like SOOO many girls I met while there in Atlanta, OMG!!(I think that’s great, more power to them!) But, I got by ok while there I think. Anyway, after lunch, Bridgett and I split from Cheryl and Larry and did bit ‘o shoppin’. I mostly watched Bridgett shop actually. But, we did find some great bargains at a couple of stores….can’t think of their names at the moment…wait, Arden B. was one…and Charlotte Rae, I think...anyway, I found a lovely little black dress(never had an “LBD” before), ties over one shoulder, off the other(showing my “K” tatt btw, yay!), and fairly short(duh). (yes, I know, I didn’t have much money…but a couple of girls the day before graciously gave me some spending money, and good thing, or this shopping “swarwey” wouldn’t have been possible) Sweet Bridgett, after I found another dress to wear (and by then the cash was dwindling) for Saturday night, said she would buy it for me!(ya shoulda seen my face then!
) It was all pink, which, for me, was perfect, since this would be my first “ball”(behave!) and pink being by far my fave color….and, above the knees of course. Yay, I now had more options for Friday and Saturday nights! We also paid visits to a MAC store and a VS store…both shockers there, eh girls?? We separated for a bit after that….so, I went to Claire’s and bought a few hoopies. We connected again,, and then I went back on my own to the hotel, walking over with some sweet and fun young kids(ok, I “almost” were their ages). All in all a most pleasant experience for a first time mall chickie. 
I arrived back at the hotel, and not long afterwards, I had to get ready for the evening dinner, back at the mall, at Hudson Grille….and, yes, I received another “freebee”, this time offered by Debbie Dunkle’s lovely wife, Sandy. (By this time, I was wondering if my name really was “Dorothy” and I truly was on a Yellow Brick Road.... ) I rode a shuttle over with my Saturday night roomie Tracy and her her friend Deja, and other girls too. As per usual, I didn’t eat very much…I just have to be careful while dining out, with my screwy food allergies. But anyway, not long after finishing, I was SO pleasantly surprised by a visit from not only Bridgett, but her(and mine too!) good friend Candice, from Boston(she's a good friend via the URNA chat room). OH I had been wanting to meet this girl for SO long! Her nickname in the chat room there is “Sweet Boston Candy”---and she definitely IS one of the sweetest girls I know. I almost started to cry after we hugged…but she said to not do that, and to just be happy that we finally met. After dinner, and after taking some outside photos, we all piled back into the shuttle and back to the hotel. I didn’t have any set plans that night—just “hangin’ around” the hotel, the bar there, or wherever. I did go into the bar for a bit, mingled some…but, I also needed some alone time, to gather my thoughts. It had been a whirlwind 36-ish hours up to that point, and I felt I needed some time to sort things through. Maybe that sounds odd…but, remember, this was only the 2nd time I had ever been out, anyplace, ever…if you can count my whole time at SCC plus the traveling as “one time out”. My first time was last December, on my birthday, no less…and in San Francisco, the so-called “capital of trans”(it sure ain’t Greenville !
). Pretty good deal, with these first two outings, me thinks! So, I layed down on the bed, watching the VP debate…and, that had me so excited that I ….fell asleep. For about an hour…and then I freshened up and went back downstairs, hopefully finding Bridgett and Candy…but, no luck, and I feel like mingling much anymore that night, so I went back upstairs and took another refreshing shower. (Yeah, I know—“Party pooper”, that’s me.) Bridgett came in around 1am…I think…and I said that maybe tomorrow we can all, me her and Candy, go someplace to eat, dancing, etc., and she said that’ll work. “Nite-nite Bridgett” “Nite-nite Kelli”
Friday, October 3
Being the Internet/chat addict that I am, I awoke around 5am, to get an early start on chatting and IM messages…and, I sure didn’t see many girls up at that hour! I did get into the URNA chat room though…but, hardly anyone was there…I guess most were in Atlanta! (What was cool though, was later that day, while chatting on Yahoo Messenger, was making contact with a girl, Adrienne, that I hadn’t chatted with for over a year…and, there she was, as I was sitting in the “mecca” of trans-celebration!) So, after awhile, I picked up a bagel, a drink, and went back upstairs to get ready for the day. (Btw, I wore a white long-sleeved sweater with a pink tank underneath, along with a denim skirt and 2” tan wedges--hmmm, sounds familiar. And all either were from Goodwill or Payless…kinda sad isn't it? But, at the same time, some really good bargains…plus, with our finances as they are….sigh.) Another BIG day planned, this time with seminars, the career fair, luncheons, a lovely dinner(and lovely dinner companions!) and, although not originally planned--a fun time at the hotel bar. Let’s start with the seminars. The first was at 9am, with Donna Rose. What an amazing, and of course, obviously gorgeous, woman!! I thoroughly enjoyed her talk…and, I wish it could have lasted another hour. I did get to introduce myself after her talk. And, that was just my first brush with celebrity that day! The next seminar was with Jessica McKinnon, a voice trainer/educator. This was my first exposure to any type of voice training, and I enjoyed her presentation, so much so, that I signed up for a private voice lesson the next morning, up in her suite. (more on that later) I sat with a new friend, Michelle from Boston, whom I had met the day before…and, btw, I absolutely LOVE you Boston girls! It seems like I met at least 7 or 8 while at SCC—all lovely, all friendly, all fun! (I think Boston just moved into 2nd place on places to move to eventually, hehe.). And, so, after that seminar, I had lunch with Michelle, and also with a few Jersey gals. And, again, I ate little…but that’s ok, I was just SOOO happy, being there at this Conference! After parting with Michelle, and going up to freshen up, I went back down for the Career Fair. It was good, and informative, but not being in a position just yet to change jobs/careers, or move from here, I just mostly talked to a couple of presenters and picked up some literature. After that, I went to the vendor area and browsed. No purchases, just browsing. No cash, no purchases. >pout< I LOVED the jewelry trees one vendor had, they had the body of gorgeously dressed women, with various “branches” to hang necklaces and such, on each side…but, oh well, next time.
My next seminar was with Jennifer Boylan. And, other than just being here, and traveling there and back, and of course, being with my friends, one of THE main things I wanted to do while at SCC was to attend one of Ms. Boylan’s seminars. Just before going in the Maplewood B room, I ran into(not literally, she could hurt me if I did
) Chloe, and she was going to see Jenny (oh yes, I’m on a first-name basis with her ) also! Being that I had wanted to meet Ms. Boylan ever since reading her wonderful book, “She’s Not There”, I just HAD to sit in the front row. For the first hour, she mostly read passages from her new book, “I’m Looking Through You”, of which I haven’t read yet…was planning to before leaving for Atlanta, just ran outta time, yada yada….and, she interspersed that with her infectious humor, actually throughout her session. I enjoyed my time with her even more than I thought I would! And, afterwords, she signed autographs—yes, I brought both books with me! I even asked her a couple of questions, and had my photo taken with her—YAY! 
Wow….I’m now sitting here at home, thinking about being with her…and really, my whole time down there...and, it’s been almost a week now since arriving back home…and, I’m getting tearful thinking about how special a time I had…and, wishing it could have lasted longer. But hey, magic happened, for me, and no doubt for MANY other girls last week, and, at least for me, it was quite an emotional time too.
So, anyway, my next stop was back to the room, since Bridgett, Candice and I had dinner plans that evening. When I arrived in the room, I heard someone in the bathroom, and, I thought it was Bridgett. “No no, uh-uh…”…it was Candice! Getting ready, and since she was staying at another hotel, it just made sense for her to get ready with us. She is SUCH a fun girl! And, I thought I had nice legs—omg, Candice has WAY better…well, she should, she rides her bicycle over 5000 miles a year!
After we were all done making ourselves perfect(I had on a new black dress, the same one I mentioned earlier), and, not knowing exactly where we wanted to go for dinner, we hung around the bar for a bit, and asked around for some good places to dine, and also some cool dance venues, because one thing I did want to do with Candice was dance with her(and Bridgett also of course), since she has a bit of a “reputation”(no, not THAT kind 
) as a great dancer, and I was hoping to discover that. There was a club, “Le Buzz”, that was fairly local, and that catered to TG’s, and supposedly had dancing available, but then we heard that, at least that night, it was just going to be a drag show….so, we ended up not going there, after dinner. Well, as it happened, that club DID have dancing…but, but the time we found that out, it was too late. Oh well, at least we had a nice(and, OMG, at least to me…though the girls took care of me and my share of the bill—Expensive!!) meal together…along with a bit of flirting with the waiters and waitresses. (All innocent here! >wink< ) That dinner though, was part of the true essence of my time at SCC—forging close friendships, and, hopefully, having them last a lifetime. After dinner, it was back to the Ravinia. I found a couple of friends to talk to, and then I kinda lost touch with Bridgett and Candice, and eventually I went back upstairs to rest a bit. But, I didn’t wanna stay up there…I wanted to have some more fun with friends that night, so I went back down to the hotel bar, and, there they were! “There she is!”, said Candice, so I joined them, for what turned out to be the next 3 hours! More good times with them, and with other girls who came by to say “Hi”. I’d like to give a special “Hello” and thank you to two in particular—Danielle and Rebecca. You girls were so much fun! Danielle seemed to be admiring Candice’s legs…no argument there….and, after some coaxing, Candice relented and allowed(yeah, like she wasn’t gently teasing Danielle in the first place, hehe )(well, girl, you were!) Danielle to massage her feet. Yes, in the bar. But, hey, it was like, 2am now…”who cares”, right?? After awhile, I asked(or, maybe Danielle asked me…can’t remember, hehe) Danielle if I could take her place. Now, I didn’t actually plan to massage Candice’s, or anyone’s feet that night…especially in a hotel bar…but hey, it was fun, and Candice certainly seemed to enjoy it. >wink< Soon we were all getting tired…it was now around 3am…and, I was actually the last one out of the bar that night. Yes, me, “Ms. “Temperance”” 
And then, after going up to the room to gather her things, Candice and I had to say are goodbye’s(Bridgett had went back up an hour earlier), since she had to leave in a few hours, as did Bridgett. Obviously, the least favorite part of my time in Atlanta, parting from friends. I have a feeling I’m speaking here for many girls, but the friendships I have, and now, especially with the girls I’ve actually met in person, run VERY very deep, and it truly is a love of one’s sisters….we’re all in this together, and, hopefully, there will come the day when such conferences won’t be necessary…but, I know, that’s a long way off. If the general public could truly see the close bonds we girls(and no doubt, transmen also) have…and, yes, much of it out of necessity…and how we take care of one another…I think they would be very impressed. And, at the same time, our community needs to reach out TO the general populace, and show them, by our words, and our actions, that we truly belong in this world too. Anyway, by this time I was SO happy to be there that I hardly slept….and little did I know that I could have used more rest, after what happened over the next couple of days.
Saturday, October 4
It’s a good thing I didn’t sleep in, because then I would have missed hugging Bridgett and saying goodbye. I can never thank her enough for allowing me to stay with her, without paying my share of the room…my GOODNESS I have wonderful friends!!
After she left, I got cleaned up and went down for some Internet and later, breakfast. By this time, I knew I only had around $50(Several very sweet and generous girls had given me some money while I was there…some, anonymously, and some not(you know who you are! ((HUGS)) )…and, well, I had spent some of that money shopping…hard to resist!...but, as it ended up, I should have saved that money for the trip home.), but I wanted decent breakfast (I think I lost around 5 lbs. during my time in Atlanta), so I went down to the breakfast restaurant(“La Grotta”, I believe) and ordered toast and tea(well, ok, actually hash browns, a bagel and OJ). Not long after I began eating, I looked up and saw Jenny Boylan and some friends walk in. That morning, I wore a pretty pink/tie-dyed style bandana(and a pink(yes, I have lots!)top and capri’s), and as Jenny walked by, she said, “Well hi Kelli(I think she said my name—maybe it’s just wishful recalling 
), what a cute bandana, I like the look!” I smiled the rest of breakfast. 
Just a bit later, I sat with Allyson, a good friend from Yahoo 360, and who, later that day, during the Saturday luncheon, without her knowing ahead of time, would be given recognition for this event being her first time out in public as Allyson. That recognition couldn’t happen to a nicer girl, believe me. So, I finished breakfast, gave Allyson a hug, and headed up to Jessica McKinnon’s suite, for a private voice lesson. Just finishing her lesson was my long time online friend, Keri Renault, who I had met in the lobby the previous day(it was SO nice to finally meet her!), and it was nice to see her again. I really enjoyed that session with Jessica—she recorded my voice, and will be sending that file to me, and I can use that as a template as I continue working on my voice…which she said was pretty good already(Yay!). Thank you, Jessica! And then, I headed up to get packed…since I had to leave that room and stay with Tracy that evening. I somehow crammed everything into my 3 bags…but, I couldn’t find Tracy…her phone would automatically go into voice mail, and I did leave a message, but I never did hear back from her. Later on I found out why, and everything turned out ok, but it was a bit of a frustrating day. So, it was now around noon, and I had to get my stuff out of the room, but without a room yet to keep my bags, I had to leave them downstairs in the storage room. Which, was ok…but later on, I would need to change clothes for the pool party…but, that eventually turned out ok too. (Again, thank goodness for friends!!) The week before I left for Atlanta, I became acquainted online, with Mandi MacDonald, a gal from the Atlanta area. I think she’d left a message on the SCC Lounge Yahoo Group site, and I clicked on her name/profile, and found her story interesting(working for an airline, in the maintenance dept.—while transitioning…so, you can imagine, in such a “macho” type environment….), and sent her an IM, telling her I’m coming to Atlanta for the SCC event, and then she said we should meet up sometime….and, it worked out that we were able to meet for the Saturday SCC luncheon, and I enjoyed my time with her, and her friend Shawna. I also greatly enjoyed both Donna Rose’s and Mara Keisling's speeches….both true heroines of our community
So, now it was time for the pool party! Not being much of a “pool girl”, I was slightly hesitant in going…not to mention not wanting to scare anyone with my blindingly white skin…but, with Chloe giving me some of her old(but still good!) bathing suits(yes, one piece—I’m not THAT daring!), and figuring to see her there, I just “had” to go…but, I needed someplace to change clothes. Thankfully, Tracy’s friend Deja was in the lobby area, and I asked her if I could use her room to change, and being the sweetheart that she is, she said fine, that’s cool. She even let me borrow a lovely wrap of hers. I had a fun time at the party, and re-connected with Michelle, who looked very pretty, as she always did every time I saw her. Chloe didn’t show…well, at least I didn’t see her, but that was ok, she can’t babysit me every moment.
So, now it was around 4pm, and still no sign of Tracy. Deja said I could use her room to get ready for the evening’s festivities…and I thanked her for her offer, but I did want to get into my room(I should have coordinated better with Tracy beforehand). I did get an offer from Debbie Dunkle to use her room to dress…but things got a bit chaotic, what with my cell not always working, and going down to the lobby every once in awhile, hoping to see Tracy around someplace. And, for awhile, I did find another girl who let me keep my bags in her room—Bonnie, from Canada, who also offered to let me stay with her that night, in case Tracy didn’t show up. (Thank you, Bonnie!!) Eventually I did see her in the lobby—she was downtown for much of the day, shopping with a friend…and they had some car trouble, and got caught in traffic…which was all perfectly understandable. So, anyway, now I could get into the room…but now it was around 6pm, so we both had to scramble a bit to get ready in time for the dinner and entertainment. I just HAD to wear my new(thank you again, Bridgett!! ) pink dress! I ended up being a bit late(15 minutes abouts) for the dinner, but hey, that was ok, I didn’t eat much anyway(surprise!). After finishing, I went outside the ballroom and made some phone calls. I called Jeannie…I had forgot to call her yesterday(Friday), and I felt bad about that. She said she was doing fine, and was about ready to eat supper(her church was delivering supper every night while I was away). It was good to hear her voice. I also called a couple of girlfriends, one local to me(she was so surprised to hear from me!) and the other, my best friend Jessica, who would have liked to have been there(she was there in 2006), but with too many complications in her life nowadays, her health being one main reason, she just couldn’t make it…but she was glad I called. And I was glad to call them, and at least give them a bit of a taste of what I was feeling, being there, with some of THE coolest and nicest people I have EVER met in my life. I got a bit emotional sitting there…I didn’t wanna break down, out in the lobby there, but it was hard not to, knowing it was my final night. More and more people were leaving the ballroom by then, and mingling, taking photos, etc. I do hope to receive some photos of me from those sweet girls who took my picture!
Now it was around 9pm, and my feet were starting to bother me again…and, I wanted to change into something different, so I went up to the room and changed(cute black n’ purple top, cute black skirt, cute sho---ok Kelli, calm down). And, once again, to think too. SOOO much had happened to me in the past 4 days!! All good!! It was almost surreal….my whole life, with all the accumulated thoughts, feelings I’d had throughout the years….and, now, I was in this place, this truly magic place called the Southern Comfort Conference…and, I honestly had never felt this comfortable my whole life…trying not to cry while typing this….but yes, it was real, finally real, and, along with my travels as my true self, my time at SCC will never, ever be forgotten. Anyway, after getting done changing(and thinking), I went back downstairs. I noticed Tracy, outside the front doors, so I went out to see what she was up to. She was going to a club someplace…a “straight” club, and then asked if I’d like to go. Sure, why not? Well, after waiting around for about 20 minutes, I went back inside. Maybe it was a slight fear—of being out at a “normal” type establishment…or, maybe I was tired…or maybe it was just all a bit too much…yes, I’d been fine, traveling down, and at the mall, going out to eat, etc…and of course, at the hotel….but, for whatever reason, I backed out from going, and, as it turned out, it was really my only regret my whole time away. Tracy said that they had a great time, and possibly even opened some minds there…let’s hope so! I should have went and been a part of that. Next time, I won’t be so hesitant.
I did go over to the bar, talked to a few girls, but by that time, I was really tired(maybe you should eat more, Kells
), and, feeling kinda down, knowing this would be my last night there…and yes, with my worries back at home always in my mind(I’m sorry, but I just can’t not think about those things….it’s a big part of my life also)…I then went back upstairs, and eventually fell quickly asleep—TOO quickly, because I forgot to wash my makeup off. Oooops! I think Tracy got back around 2am, and she related how fun a time she and her friends had that night. Good for them, I was happy to hear about all of that. And, I really couldn’t complain—it was my fault I didn’t go with them. And besides, I had been having quite possibly the greatest week of my life…especially, obviously, my life as Kelli. So, I slept well that night. 
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Merry Christmas 2008 To You All!
Karen Reeves December 20th, 2008 11:51 pm MSTHi Everyone!
It is that time of year and yesterday's/today's snowstorm just seems to add to the festive mood of Christmas. I know that getting ready for the holidays can be stressful and painful.
I enjoy all the bright lights, good cheer, parties, the presents, and Xmas dinner. But let us remember the true meaning of Xmas. It is the day that we celeberate the life of one person and the meaning of what it is to strive and have a better planet to live on.
Enjoy your holidays no matter your belief system!!!!!
*Kisses*
~Karen~
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GOOBLE GOOBLE GOOBLE-Some November Thoughts !
Karen Reeves November 16th, 2008 10:00 pm MSTHi Everyone!
I hope that all of you have a great Thanksgiving. We all have, though it may not seem that way many times, so much to be thankful for. The next time you get down emotionally remember that things could be a whole lot worse. Many people are in that predicament.
Don't each too much turkey!
*Kisses*
~Karen~
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Untitled Post
Sherryutah October 4th, 2008 3:20 pm MDThttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-DPV-vswIM[1 comment]
Untitled Post
Sherryutah October 4th, 2008 3:18 pm MDThttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-DPV-vswIM[Comment on this post]
Unraveling Michelle Screening
Jenna Elizabeth Taylor September 7th, 2008 10:47 pm MDTLocal film maker Michelle Farrell will be screening her homegrown documentary at the Local film maker Michelle Farrell will be screening her homegrown documentary at theNew York International Independent Film and Video Festival OPENING NIGHT THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 18th - Unraveling Michelle Screening Saturday 4pm. The OPENING NIGHT PARTY and art/film market at MANSION ON THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 18TH brings participating filmmakers, producers and artists together. Designed as an "open-air" market, the whole spectrum of the film, art and entertainment industry will be invited to attend thus creating a valuable opportunity for NYIIFVF and NYIAF participants to promote their projects and network with relevant industry professionals. Details: MANSION 530 W. 28TH STREET BETWEEN 10TH AND 11TH AVENUE 6PM-MIDNIGHT, Strict dress code: NO T-SHIRTS, JERSEYS, SWEATS, SNEAKERS AND BASEBALL HATS 21 and over only. No Exceptions http://www.nyfilmvideo.com/2008/ny-fall-2008/presrelease/opening-night.htm AFTER-PARTIES: Each night the festival will host after-parties at some of the best venues in New York. A list of our after-parties will be posted on www.nyfilmvideo.com and will also be listed in the program. We are doing our very best to get everyone in for free but venues marked with *** in the program schedule do have a reputation for being very trendy and upscale. We are also guests of the club. You must dress appropriately. NO T-SHIRTS, SNEAKERS, JERSEYS, BASEBALL HATS, BAGGY JEANS, SWEATS, ETC. ALL AFTER-PARTIES ARE FOR 21 AND OVER ONLY. NO EXCEPTIONS. PLEASE KEEP YOUR VIP PASS ON YOU AT ALL TIMES AT THE AFTER-PARTIES. Please email Annalisa San Juan at annalisa@itndistribution.com if you have any questions regarding the after-parties. REMEMBER, for 12 dollars(advance ticket) you get a movie and a party. Unraveling Michelle will be screened on Saturday 9/20 at 4pm. I hope that you can come up to support our documentary.[Comment on this post]
Thoughts on Religion
Kimberly S Virtue August 21st, 2008 5:50 am MDTJust a note so there is no misunderstanding...if you're religious, I'm glad your religion works for you. But your religion is a private matter, so please don't try to convert me. I am quite happy the way I am. If anything changes, I'll call you. What are my beliefs? I'm basically an agnostic. Additionally, I'm interested in Buddhism and Hinduism, and have read some of the writings of J. Krishnamurti. I know this sounds kind of nebulous, but the fact is no human being can say for sure where we all came from and why our universe exists. As the author Geoffrey Wolfe once wrote, "We really don't know who we are, or where we have come from, or what we have done, or why." If you have read this far, log onto parabola.org. It's a great website (and magazine) which represents all faiths.
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Crossdressing Boredom
Annette Bowser Brunette July 26th, 2008 8:36 am MDTLike most cd's I became curious about women's clothing at an early age. I won't bore you with the details but it wasn't until 1995 that I began to go out in public on a regular (weekly) basis. I also began electrolysis soon afterwards. No more razors. I haven't shaved my face since '95. Because I was short, small boned and had smooth soft facial features I "passed" well. During my jaunts out in public to various clubs, shopping malls and hangouts I met many wonderful gals. It was quite exciting for awhile. I was in tranny heaven.
Not much happened between '96 and '99 due to cash flow problems. Still I did go out fairly regularly en femme. By 1999 I had hooked up with some good CD friends and we spent more time clubbing and CD getaways down on the Cape. Manray, the local goth/BDSM club really rocked on Halloween and the B & D Ball. Nurses, cops, school girls, scantily clad women and CD's in PVC and leather. You name it, they had 'em all. Being a CD never felt so good and I was, once again, in Nirvana.
Fast forward to 2001. I had, by this time, been out so many times it had become routine. I had always wondered what it would be like to grow out my hair. I got a little good natured ribbing from my coworkers but there's no dress code in the trades. It took a little over a year before I could tie my hair in a ponytail but it was worth it. No more wigs. I knew I had reached the end of my journey when I jumped into a pool in a bikini and soaked myself from head to toe. That should have been the high point in my journey as a cd and it was. For a while.
I got many compliments on my hair. (the "mop") Cd's said that I had it all. Short. Small boned. Full head of hair. No body hair except my lower legs. Feminine face with a soft jawline and no facial hair due to electrolysis. A Cd's dream? Yes and no. Imagine being cross dressed 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Or having a Christmas tree up year round. That's what it was like. Over the years I had been using less and less makeup. Even in drab I looked very effeminite. In fact the only difference between drab and drag was a pair of breast forms. Passing as a guy became almost comical. At a New England Patriots game (American football for those unfamiliar with the NFL) in 2003 the ticket taker told me I had to use the ladies line. (It was very very long and I was with 7 other guys) I told him twice that I was a guy. Finally (at his request) I showed him my driver's license and he apologized and let me through. Even during my day job when I get hot and dirty outside I'd been whistled at by passing cars.
Now none of this means that I'm complaining. Nor do I want to cut my hair short and start looking like a guy full time again. :-( (yech) But it does make me question my own femininity and how much and how often I really feel like a "woman". What it has done is taken away the excitement of transformation. Showering. Shaving. Choosing an outfit. Dolling up. Putting on the wig. I've also noticed a total lack of interest in "super femme" things like 5" heels and long pointy press on nails.
More pertinently, I've come to feel over time, that the feminine role can be just as restrictive as the masculine role. What this means is that physically I like my soft feminine body but mentally I prefer to slip back and forth between both genders. Sometimes masculine, sometimes feminine, sometimes a little of both and sometimes a lot of neither.
I have no desire to transition or take hormones. I don't think about makeup or 5 inch heels or dresses. I just want to be me, catty and negative but real. Amrutta Slee in the book Dick For A Day: What would you do if you had one? once wrote, "I wish men and women, too, had created less cartoonish identities for themselves so we could all relax a bit."
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Laser Treatment on Legs
Kimberly S Virtue June 19th, 2008 6:34 am MDTI recently had a laser hair reduction treatment on my lower legs for the first time. Laser is something I have done on other parts of my body such as my upper legs, neck, hands, etc. The result on my lower legs is especially delightful though. It's as though there was never any hair there at all! As time goes, I truly feel more and more as a woman. :-)
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THIS IS ONLY A TEST! SOME JUNE THOUGHTS
Karen Reeves June 4th, 2008 7:13 pm MDTHi Everyone!
This is a test to see if I can input my journal entry. Fingers crossed!
Summer is almost here. I know that 90 degree weather and 95% humidity does not do much for makeup. The season does not always lend itself to dressing up. The dressed go into the box and the boxes go into the closest.
Why not slip into that swimsuit and go on out and get a great tan in a nice secluded surrounding. Or be more brave and go out in public with a cute, sleeveless top and min shorts/skirt. Give the guys some "eye candy!"
*Kisses*
~Karen~
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Testing Journal Posting
Karen Reeves June 4th, 2008 7:08 pm MDTTesting basic journal posting for Jon and Dan
Hmm, seems to work. Not sure about everything.
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