Journal Entries for Jeanette Fontaine
Time for the Ratings System to go...
April 1st, 2007 7:41 pm MDT
Hello again,I'm probably going to get some adverse reactions to this (assuming people actually read my journal posts). But I think it's time for the URNA ratings system to go.I have the utmost respect for Jon, Vicki, and Dan and all they've done for this site and the transgendered community as a whole. I adore this URNotAlone site and I would never have the friends I have without it. And THAT is what is most important to me... friends. But I also have an opinion, and since this is sort of my own little "editorials" page (thanks to Jon/Vicki/Dan for creating it), I'm going to use it to express that opinion.I think the ratings system is good for new members, initially. And by new members, I mean those whose membership is less than 6 months old. It gives new members a chance to meet new people, make new friends, and build self-confidence. And if the ratings system was limited to ONLY new members who've been here less than 6 months, then I think it should stay. But that's not how it works. So I think it's time to get rid of it.People have misused and abused the ratings and have thus turned it into a junior high popularity contest. It has caused people to spend what I have to believe to be nearly every waking moment, online, voting people up or down, to get themselves and/or a friend the coveted brass ring of "Member of the Month". Somehow, ending up as Member of the Month has become the ultimate Transgender Trophy. People give bullshit votes and guestbook comments to complete strangers, just so they can get a "10" vote back from them. They build up a person's confidence and then shoot it back down just as fast, if someone's overall rank gets a little too dangerously high or they get too many votes. This is wrong people, WAKE UP!I myself fell into that same trap the first 6 months or so of my membership 2 years ago. I got lots of votes because I was a new member, and boy did that feel good! Then someone gave me a really low vote, and boy did that hurt! Eventually I too started giving out malicious votes just to get back at people I didn't like or didn't think deserved the overall rank they had. It wasn't until a dear friend of mine showed me the error of my ways, that I stopped what I was doing immediately. I knew deep down I really did NOT harbor that sort of malace toward anybody on here. We're ALL supposed to be on the same side, folks.And these voting games people are playing, I believe are dividing us as a community, not uniting us the way they should. That's not what Jon, Vicki, and Dan made this site about; it shouldn't be that way.And now recently, URNA decided to award people for voting high and voting high often. Will this be good or bad? Time will tell. Personally, I don't think it's a good idea, but again, I'm no authority figure, just someone with my own opinion.I still cast votes now and again; not nearly as much as I used to. But if I believe someone truly deserves a "10", I'll give them a 10. But I'm NOT going to do it, "just to be nice", or "just to become popular" or to make myself look like a good person. I'm only trying to be as genuine as I can, and Jeanette is part of my own unique "genuine-ness". And not being truthful to my fellow sisters by giving a false vote is by no means genuine and truthful. I've said it before and I'll say it again: if I feel someone doesn't deserve a high vote, I simply will not vote for them. But I won't give them a low rating just to bring them down. That is wrong.I just don't need a ratings system to rate my true friends or myself. Get to know me, and you will see what kind of person I am. I'm REAL.I welcome anyone else's opinion on this. Thank you~ Jeanettte~
Okay, so my aim was a little off...
December 27th, 2006 1:34 pm MST
Hi again Everyone ~December 27, 2006 Jeanie here, and I can't believe it's the end of 2006 already. Where did this year go to? I thought I'd look back on this last year and take inventory of the things that happened in Jeanie's life...Well, that's about it. Pretty exciting, huh? Yes, that's right. Nothing. When I last modified my profile (which I gotta get around to doing again, one of these days...), it was in February and I had said that my "aim" for 2006 was to get out there and do more things than before. As it turned out, I really didn't.I hardly went out dressed up. I can count on 2 hands the number of times I dressed and went out, and still have a couple of fingers to spare. I don't know why. It's not that I didn't want to or that I never thought about it. Gawd... I wanted to, needed to, and thought about it day in and day out.Why is that, anyway? My friend Keri Renault said it best when she said we all cycle in and out of this thing, and I believe I'm no different that way.The truth is, in retrospect, I now know that this last year of 2006 I spent a lot of time taking inventory of my state of "transgendered-ness". I've been at issue with my gender since I was between 10 and 12 years old (that's when I was first cognizant that I had a problem). It's been so darn long I don't even know exactly WHAT age I was when the light bulb clicked "on".But what I did mostly this last year, is I took a step back from it, because I was so much focused on the "mental" aspect of myself, I just lost most of my energy to do anything about the "physical" part (ie: dress up and go out). There's nothing wrong with that. Next year I turn 40, and I feel like sometimes I'm running out of time to do something with Jeanie's life (in fact I am not running out of time, it just feels like it somedays).One step that I took is that I've come to realize I am, in all likelihood, a transsexual. I've always known I was something more than a mere crossdresser. Dressing up has always just been something to "complete the thought" for me, not something to arouse me.What I end up doing with that info (that I'm likely a TS) is as yet to be determined, and I'm in no hurry at the moment to take any giant leap one way or another. But it was a step that I took towards knowing more about who I am. Will I ever transition and "come out" to the whole world? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. I am who I am, and that's all there is to it. I've got to live with it either way, and since this is the only life I've been given, I've got to live with it any way I can. So yeah, my "aim" was a little off for my goals for this last year. So what. At least I learned something about myself. Go ahead, make plans, set goals, and make New Year's resolutions for 2007. But when you do, do them in pencil, just in case they change.~Stay Beautiful~~Jeanie Fontaine~
My Turn On The Soap Box
February 24th, 2006 11:46 am MST
Hello to Everyone ~I wanted to elaborate on my comments I posted on Feb. 20 regarding the fake profiles and vote scamming. As of today, I have disabled my ratings. I have no intention of re-enabling them anytime soon. I will give it a rest for awhile. When I became a member of URNA in January 2005, having ratings meant everything to me as a new member. I checked them at all hours of the day to see how many votes I was getting. It was awesome, as a new member expanding her horizons in the TG community by having a profile of my fem-self for all the world to see, and have all the world tell me via the ratings how I looked and dressed. It's very reinforcing, validating, and good for one's self esteem to have others tell you by a vote that you are a "10".For that reason, I believe the ratings system is a great thing, particularly for new members. So many of us transgendered people have image issues, misgivings about how good we look to others, and we want that reassurance that we do in fact have some value in the eyes of others. Having value in the eyes of others is important to so many of us who, because of family and careers, NEED to remain discrete about our feminine side, or risk losing our families, jobs, facing discrimination, or worse. I am no different that way; I too need to be discrete about who Jeanie is to the outside world who only knows me as a male. So having URNA gives me a true sense of belonging to the TG community, to the friends I have made here, and most of all, a belonging to "myself" for being who I am.Then, along came the scammers, the vote cultivators, and the malicious people, who turned a great thing into something political, vying for position in the ratings each month to achieve that brass ring of the beloved "Member of The Month". The ones who have gone about it with honesty and integrity deserve every vote they get. The ones who do it merely to make themselves look better are another story.Around June of 2005, my monthly votes from others trailed off a lot, and I was getting some low votes by malicious people. To receive a "2" or a "3" from somebody actually hurts. It made me mad. I admit now that during that brief period last June, I too voted maliciously to those I did not think deserved it. Then my dear dear friend Keri, set me on the straight and narrow. I saw my name on the list of people who were voting others down, and I was ashamed of myself for what I'd done. I stopped giving out low votes immediately and felt sick about the whole thing. Since then, I have only voted for people who I have felt deserved a vote, and only gave out high votes. I will continue to do this when I vote for others, or I simply won't vote for them.The fake profiles are another thing. So much of who we are can seem "fake" to others when you really think about it. Wigs, breast forms, hip & derriere padding, all to make ourselves into someone we wish we could be all the time. To an outsider, this can seem fake if taken out of context, even if we are simply trying to be who we feel we are on the inside. And in that sense, we are being genuine with ourselves, aren't we? But for someone to post fake profiles for the sole purpose of advancing themselves and degrading others, is so incredibly wrong it is just pathetic. All I can say to the phonys/fakes and malicious voters is: "GET A DAMN LIFE!". Don't these people have JOBS to go to everyday to make a living? The only way some of these ratings abusers can do what they do, is to be logged onto this site 24/7, and how in hell can you live your life if you're doing that??? These people need to take a serious look at themselves and what they're doing to this TG community and knock it off. Keri Renault hit the nail on the head when she said it is a breach of trust.Trust is THE most important thing among transgendered friends. We are here to meet people and make friends and have fun. To do that we need to trust our fellow TG sisters.If we can't trust each other, then what do we have? We have nothing, that's what.Stay Beautiful, but most of all, be true to yourself and your friends. You won't regret that you did.Jeanie Fontaine P.S. ~ Here is a quote I received which ties in beautifully with this whole thing: "When you are content to simply be yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you." by Lao-Tzu
