Colorado Springs Trains Police on Transgender Issues! (a.k.a. - The Times, They SURE Are A-Changing!)
Hi, Friends and Allies; Nancy-Jo here!
In case anyone is interested in hearing a radio interview I participated in, regarding recent news reports about the Colorado Springs Police Department implementing training specific to how it may better interface with and serve the local Transgender Community, please do the following:
The program is based on a similar one in Chicago. Ryan Warner speaks with Nancy-Jo Morris, who helped design it, and Sgt. Steve Noblitt, spokesman for the police department.
Sakura The Cutie January 16th, 2010 6:49 pm MSTHey everyone, I was just wondering if any of my gurl friends play the computer game, Second Life. I used to play it a long time ago but I was wondering if any of new friends play it. If you don't and are curious about it, its a free game you just download. www.secondlife.com
if you do play, just email or chat to me ^_^
XXXSakuraXXX
Sakura The Cutie January 15th, 2010 11:48 am MSTHey everyone, I think I already made a journal entry about it, but I had a great awesome chance to dress but just had the feeling of ugh, I dont want to dress. I know lots of crossdressers have periods were they don't want to dress, but still I never ever get the chance to dress, this is a great opportunity for me.
I had a fantastic Christmas and hope that you did as well. It was made all the better by a blizzard the weekend before Xmas when we got 26 inches of snow. It was the very light fluffy kind, no good for snowball making but that was okay with me! It reminded me of living in northern Maine! AYUH!!
I have changed a number of my secondary pics. They are not in chronologically in order since I do not want to bother deleting and rearranging them. I will mention them below.
1.(Main Picture) This was taken at 1st Event in Peabody, Massachusetts. Why am I sitting under a plant on the floor you may ask? Maybe I was potted, or is that plastered?
2.I am lounging on a hot summer day beside the Erie Canal in Seneca Falls, New York.
3.Here I am eating “lobsta” at Markey’s Lobster Shack in Seabrook, New Hampshire. YUM YUM!
4.“President Karen Reeves” is issuing executive orders at Theodore Roosevelt Inaugural National Historic Site in Buffalo, New York. This idea should scare the hell out of you!
5.I am standing on the Boardwalk beside Brandywine Falls in Cuyahoga Valley National Park in Ohio. The day was brutally ~HOT~ and the shade was nice!!!
6.Here I am eating, still again, at the Riverton Country Fair in Barkhamsted, Connecticut. You can leave it to your imagination if you think I am sucking on something instead of eating!
7.Here I am showing the latest design in luxurious living at Rocky Neck State Park in Niantic, Connecticut. Hummm, or is this government housing?
8.Here I am at the tail end of the blizzard of December 2009 in downtown Westerly, Rhode Island. It is FREEZING & WINDY! Take the stupid picture NOW!!!
9.Karen is standing beside the entrance shack to Pocono Downs NASCAR Raceway in Pocono Downs, Pennsylvania. Yes, I love NASCAR!
10.I’m ready to go to bed at SCC in Atlanta, Georgia. Are you interested guys and/or girls???
I wish all of you a peaceful & awesome 2010!!! Please stay in touch!
Things have been quite interesting as of late, and the future seems promising too. For example at our December 19th party in Raleigh I intend to interview a few potential subs to see if they are suitable for inclusion. The applicants should be dressed femme and prepared to describe their desires, limits, and availability. Primarily we're interested in TG/CDs and GGs, along with couples. But select guys may be considered, but only very select guys.
The Civilians, a troupe of theatrical performers based out of the New York City area (seehttp://www.thecivilians.org/) descended upon Colorado Springs in early 2007 to eventually create a workshop production play written and directed by Steven Cosson called"Save This City" - which was later refined into a compelling work entitled"This Beautiful City". Its focus was to portray the odd intersection of culture and beliefs which mix and often collide in what some have touted as being the virtual Mecca of Conservative Evangelical Christendom in America.
Several running stories form the piers of the dramatic bridge which carries the main theme of this docu-play right into the hearts of those who watch it; the most notable of which is the fallout from the lurid drug and gay sex scandal of Rev. Ted Haggard - the former pastor of the huge, mega-sized New Life Church of Colorado Springs (who incidentally has returned to town and on Thursday, Nov. 12th held his first local religious gathering at his home since his precipitous fall from grace, per this news story in The Gazette:http://www.gazette.com/articles/haggard-67094-set-life.html).
But one of the other personal stories portrayed in"This Beautiful City" is the short version of my life, as it pertains to coming "out" as a Trans-woman in this kind of town... And anyone who knows me will know of a certainty that what I say here is the plain truth. That monologue and associated song (created from my own words) was presented as an excerpt in this year's"The Arts at Dartmouth" College Event.
You will see a 10 minute segment where actress Emily Ackerman portrays a remarkably accurate incarnation of me. In fact, the first time I saw her performing as "Nancy-Jo", I thought I was in The Twilight Zone!
NEWS FLASH! The Civilians are set to return to Colorado Springs to perform the more refined and polished-up edition of "This Beautiful City" on December 4, 5, & 6. A promotional ad regarding that fact follows this message.
I have an all day meeting that let's out at 4PM and then I have a little time to be Jayne.
Anybody wanna play dress up or undress? I love being a woman and was over at a ggg friends house this weekend and she caught me smeling her used panties. She make me lick and suck her until she had cum three times and needed to rest. Then she had her boy friend stop by and had me suck him dry and then make him hard again and the he used my rear entry. That was my Saturday. I am looking for fun on Tuesday, but i can't spend the night as i need to be back home for an early meeting on Wednesday morning.
Anybody available Tuesday, November 10th late afternoon?
Dateline Monday ( I think…lol) Report to the Surgeon General from the bat cave…;p :
WOO F***ing HOO!
Your Foo fighter (against the seriously mundane) is spent…and my legs actually feel weak today…lol
I seriously doubt that my fellow bat girl, (and team leader of the day (the inimitable Miss Crystal Frost) went to work…If she did, I’m pretty certain that the phone is in “we’ll get back to ya” mode…lol
What a truly heroic VIKING tale yesterday was, and you couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day to be at your finest, looking like a movie star & REPRESENT! …to the general inmate population out there!
Let’s just say that the TWO of us were on a “take no prisoners” ransack of the Left Village…HA!
Here’s what you missed (you can kick yourselves later for being dumb ass lazy!...;p)
It was a beautiful start to the race with Crystal & her assembled entourage of contestants lounging on the red carpet outside of the Cowgirl Hall Of Fame…looking like the cast of Sex In the City being regaled by the Press Gang & paparazzi crushed behind the velvet ropes…;))… ;D The sky was bright & clear, and the sun shone brightly… this was brunch with the ladies who meal, and it’s one of the last days of Indian Summer in NYC…just perfect!
I made my way across the street as the crowd parted like the red sea to join the cast of what would prove to be a production of epic proportions…lol
After an appropriate amount of time for the staff to prepare a central feasting table for us inside the totally cute Cowgirl themed jalapeneo popper…lol we were regaled with a superfine protein & carb fuel up while being treated like stars with super sized smiles & service, with seemingly every satellite table giggling at the comedy coming from our banter… ;D
The Bloody Mary's were en eye opener, or closer, depending on your resistance to hot stuff...lol
The Echidna was seriously bruised…lol
…then…. With all jets a go we launched headfirst into the sun, heading due north. A pedal cabbie was seriously smitten & offered us a free ride wherever we wanted to go…which we declined, as a spectacle such as ours needed be circumcised with much more pomp & circumstance…lol (although I was seriously considering the ramifications of what would come of a modern Judah Ben Hur chariot ride through the streets of the Old West…lol ART! is what we are, and such Dandy Warhol’s need to be seen up close to be truly appreciated for our individuality & quality of execution…lol…best appreciated by the serious connoisseur, culture jammers or blatantly inappropriate lesbians…lol The pedal pusher gave us cards though with his cell number saying “anytime, anyplace”…lolol hmm…;p
Our first stop would be Planet Cubbyhole, for a circle jerk under the twinkling mélange of holidaze rotating overhead, taking in the heady vapors of females in heat…lol and being offered complimentary clam chowder…(how appropriate!)…lol The Cubby’s apparently are wanting to give us brunch-ability with them soon too! Excellent!
Next, it was back out for a stroll through the cobblestone streets heading due East to Johnny’s, where the totally friendly low key atmosphere found us in rare form…I haven’t laughed so hard in ages…did I mention the pie? There was pie…lol it came along with us for the laughs somewhere along the way…in a box. There were cruel jokes, but no one got hurt…lol Tess, resplendent behind the bar was beautiful, and her top was quite revealing. It was a cool night and the door was open…lol…I think it moved…;p Crystal’s friend Melissa was really sweet. I explored the inside of her oral cavity looking for answers, but only found more questions the deeper I probed…lolol
We picked up a hitchhiker who didn’t care for darts, golf or curling, I was to find out…lol He was called Robert, and Crystal & I decided he must have been Chinese, as he ping-ponged with serpentarian aplomb between us…lol men are such dogs, you know, not being able to decide which shit smells better, but wanting to take it all in the ass run…lol
THEN!...(got your score cards out?) we continued the flight out of Egypt with the rainbow warrior in tow & headed East & took a hard right straight into Babylon…lol Making the scene at Boots & Saddles was easy, where the serious grinding of the evening now started, as we danced around a plethora of urgently pressing issues…lol, got our freak on…and with a toss of our curls, schwing! we left…always leave ‘em begging for more I say, right…lol Now it was time to cross the street, past the crowd singing show tunes at street level & down into the bowels of the Monster, for some over exposure under the disco ball’s shimmer & the call of the dance floor. ;D Crystal shook it like a white girl, Trish fell hard for a Latino pixie with a 6 pack, and I went into a tail spin with a hungry wolf…lol We were all having lots of fun, when Trish asked me to sing her a song of desire. I decided that she would be able to hear it much more clearly if I sang it directly into her mouth…lol This particular song is tricky… I make it up on the fly of course, but it wound up having several verses, a repeated chorus…and an encore…lol
At this point we lost the hitchhiker, who, had become like peau de soie,… a medium to heavy, drapeable fabric with a soft satin weave and dull finish….lol
There had been, by this point a serious amount of mead drained out of various tanks, and into ours…lol, and we decided to come up for air…and away we went….
…straight back again into the deep house 4/4 at Greenhouse….I love that space, the raw tune-age is fine, the crowd is terribly sexy, and the toilets come with breath mints…lolol We slid across the waxed dance floor under a canopy of foliage back lit & throbbing with a seemingly full room spectrum of wall to wall sound...it comes from everywhere, but you can’t see how…very cool, kinda like being inside a fuzzy navel or ear canal…radical & tubular!…;)) we danced till breathless, and I got mad props for knowing HOW to move my junk flash dance style in 4+ inch heels…Get your bad self down beatch! lol I wanted the Redheaded Emma Peel Doll in a skin tight black body stocking & boots…yummy… ;)) but she kept disappearing … was it live or was it girls on film?… must have been Memorex, but I can never really be sure…lol
Trish is a real trooper, she’s only just above the level of my business, which means it was easy for her to play with my garters…I told her the pleasure was all mine, but I’m not so sure about that…lolol By now I have no fricking clue what time it was, I think it had been called on account of hedonism… too much fun is just enough ya know…;)) The upstairs was in overdrive, and I had serious fear for the safety of my toes, as the room was like a beehive with a fire lit from below… so we decided to fly before getting our wings clipped. ;D
To the surprise of both Crystal & myself, Trish then jumped into a cab with three beautiful strangers, and headed to Amanda Lepore’s party at the Hiro Ballroom. Crystal assured me that she’d be fine as she always lands on her feet. I was a bit concerned as the poor kitten’s frame seemed seriously bent by now…lol She called us later and I THINK anyway, was back in the game & on the prowl in another part of the jungle…lol
We weren’t done yet, as it turned out…ummm…did I mention the word VIKING…lol Now we were headed back north, passing Caliente Cab Company. Crystal suggested that we should get a dozen girls with temporary water weight gain to go in there & flash mob the bathroom…lol I said I’ll drink to that!...lol (if you don’t get it, do some homework…lol)
Flying a bit farther a field found your trusty heroine’s on a strafing run through Duplex & Stonewall when it occurred to us that the Pie had been having such a good time singing “ I will Survive” at Boots & Saddles, that it had fallen behind with the swaggering Cocks & Hens (and Chickens…lol). SO, we decided to go rescue it, as Pies aren’t especially known for carrying loose cab fare…lol Upon entering, the Pie, which by now had done a costume change and had come fully out of it’s shell joined us for a short rendition of Naughty Marietta, and with a stage left, and a deliberately liberal sprinkling of air kisses, we shuffled off into the gaping mouth of the night, giggling like schoolgirls…lol
Where to go where to go!...NEXT!
The not so obvious choice to me anyway, was the Hanger. Along the way I noted that practically every shop had in some form included the execution of tattoos in their business model… tattoos & heavy lifting, tattoos & French Polishing, tattoos & antique sushi bowling, tattoos & sea foam bubble tea for you & a matching mole, half off on Tuesdays! Tattoos AND body art…I suppose that’s like the Big Mac…. Double your signage & brand recognition with excessive fat…lol…comes with a fork with seating for 6 at the table of the elements, with no reservations required!…lol I thought we should get matching Gummi’s glued screwed or tattooed where the sun don’t shine…lol… so much virgin canvas & so little time! Tsk!...lol The Hanger was really loud, with big muscular tribal beats that make you want to throttle your knuffle bunny’s best assets or at least, the most open targets…lol…Let’s just say it was DEFINITELY NOT ladies nite…lol but who cares, we were out to shake things up & get our goddess worship on anyway…lol I’m ready for my scene now Mr. DeMille…lol Crystal knew a guy in there who begged for us to stay, meanwhile, she gave me a look that said “hockey puck”…lol later explaining that this one follows her around like a puppy…lol I didn’t think a jury could possibly convict…lol Crystal’s certainly got that Big Fish Story appeal…lol I did mention dogs earlier didn’t I?...lol Well, enough of the Locker Room so she, me, and the Pie Rushed out the door flaming…lol Paris isn’t the only thing burning…lol We left burnout patches in the street as we careened a hard right down Bedford…lol
Which way did they go which way did they go! Run rabbit’s run!
Well, I have been trying for months to find out what’s going on with Chumley’s, as the phone’s ringing, but no one’s home…Chumley’s is the Doyenne of NYC Speakeasy’s, having successfully been playing Hide & Seek now for almost a century. It’s like a pair of favorite slippers. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe…;D If you don’t know where it is, you probably won’t find it, there’s no sign, no lamp post & the door is forgettable…lol Once inside the door, you are transported into what is most certainly a Dickensian Era British pub. The dark wooded walls are covered with the manuscripts of Lost generation & Beat Generation writers & poets., men of letters, some chicks too…lol …people like EE Cummings , William Faulkner, John Steinbeck, Ring Lardner & Edna St. Vincent Millay… There is also a ghost in there as well, usually, apparently, over by the bar. The floor is covered in sawdust, and there is a huge working fireplace. There are a trio of Hounds of the Baskervilles, ancient beasts that I think came with the property…lol They usually lie in front to the fireplace like stuffed sacks of peanuts roasting slowly in the dry heat…lol The bar has hand pulled ales with curious names of Firemen who fell in the way back, dirty Vicars & other social anomalies & activists. The walls & benches are carved with the names of lovers & spirits past… There’s a juke box with a permanent collection of 78’s…songs from the distant haze, but you can’t expect to hear what you attempt to play. The ghost get’s to work, and the box has a mind on playing what you SHOULD hear…lol and it’s all good…;)) My favorite meal is a lobster tail, with corn on the cob, salad & a biscuit…all for 12 bucks! You just can’t beat that! Anyway, away we went, and looked with intent, but it’s disappeared, vanished! I could cry a river into my beer if I could just get one!...lol Things that old don’t die, or fade away. I asked a migrant beaner in the corner restaurant. He looked at me balefully, and said “It’s gone”. FAK! I’ve been going there for 30 years, and I have to hear it from someone who fell off the turnip truck yesterday morning… it’s just not fair! I’ve done a google search, and found out the truth, and there is hope alive! ;D
ANYWAY, that wasn’t gonna’ work, so us girls held hands with the Pie & skipped town, err, rather around the corner DOWN town…lol We had almost come full circle from where we started, but couldn’t see the finish line just yet…lol Henrietta Hudson’s looked promising. We were back in our element, with the girls…ok, I’m speaking for myself here…lol Our little mini marathon had at this point seen us girls in heels for at least 15 hours, and me the night before as well…I was smart enough to bring a bag big enough to keep a pair of flats in, but Crystal’s combat boots were now barking…lol and we both wanted to sit down somewhere that wasn’t all whistles & gongs…the belles in HH’s sounded like a good landing strip… and so we were let inside the halls of the sisterhood… ;D Unfortunately, there was no seating available, so now we decided to keep the marathon going…lol Crystal suggested that we entertain the sailors in the “straight” bar across the street, but warned that it could be a bad move… I looked at my shoes. I like may shoes. I looked at the Shamrocks in the window. I looked at Crystal. I looked at her throbbing boots. We had the Pie’s well being to think of, so we walked on by…lol Now, we were back at the Cowgirl where we started, but ya know, every good effort takes 110 percent, and the RL Lounge (nee Rubyfruit) was at the far end of the block…we can do this!!!...lol The RL is a place where a girl can get something good & stiff from another girl, at a fair price!...lol The upstairs has been beautifully renovated. It’s clean & cheerful with good lighting & it’s choc’ full of cute women… just my kind of place! Even the butch bunnies are hunni’s…lol There are stylish salon pedestal stools which make you just want a makeover!...lol We got comfy, and then we got engaged…lol no silly, I love Crystal, but I had my little eyes on Diana. She had a killer dancer’s bod, spike heeled boots & a wicked grin… I kept singing in my head “… but you can leave your hat on…lol” She wiggled over to us, and pulled up to the bumper… fun fun FUN! Well, let me tell you…back off she’s mine!...lol Well, maybe ours… but seeing as Crystal is waiting for Selma Hayak, I think I’ll be building a bridge between my island & her brick house starting this week! What a fine ass pect of the Midnight hour!...lol whew! We exchanged cards, and I needed to scratch an itch…it was on her, of course…lol and well, Bob’s your uncle, as the Bishop said to the Actress…lol Well, as happens when two fine T Gals walk into any room, shit happens…lol and Diana HAD to leave with her friend who pretty much dragged her down the stairs…lol Sympathy for the Devil, and all that…lol We will meet again soon , me thinx… ;D Anyway, with one girl down, and more to go, I found a comfy place at the bar next to yet another lovely La Femme Nikita… and decided to get busy…lol I can actually pin point the exact moment when the fire lit in her eyes, when I explained that my brain actually worked exactly like hers, and that I had no genuine interest in boys at all, and that I guess that would make me lesbian too! Granted, it’s possibly Vampyros Lesbos that we’re talking about here, but hey, I can’t help it, I was just born to really suck at some things in life…lolol Crystal as well was having her own petting party, and we were definitely a hit… so much so, that the girl that I was chatting with’s girlfriend dragged her off down the stairs & out as well!...lol Doh! She wanted to stay, and I could have caused the earth to move, but I thought better for her & said that she should leave with her friend… ;D Ok, time to add a bit of new lipstick before trying for the hat trick…lol SO! I va va voomed my way over to the powder room. Once inside, I marveled at the most excellent design of the large well planned space. There was a niche at the far end lit softly with ambient lighting with a vase of Bird’s Of Paradise, which perfumed the air. The walls & floor were of a hewn bluestone, giving the space the feel of a Zen Garden…The Queen Mary..(There just can’t be a John in there, was a sleek curvilinear design which would echo the anatomy of she who would be born from above…;)) The sink, with it’s pedestal of stone and ovular bowl-like stainless steel nest resting on top with a single pistil-like faucet were in harmony with the somewhat oblique trapezoidal shape of the room. It’s not a box…lol As I sat there with my panties between my ankles, the sound of my own fluidity echoed like a stream flowing through a temple in a hidden cave, somewhat like a womb, actually…. Quite reflective all this, for just taking a pee…lol I lifted myself up, and well, you know, tucked in my panties…lol then washed my hands…. Upon turning around, I saw no towels, and no basket… this, made perfect sense for such a Shinto space. The Fung Sui would be utterly ruined if you could possibly mess it up with random intrusions like misfired rimshots on the floor…lol I then spied the hand dryer, which again, made perfect sense… I glided over, ran my hands beneath it & was immediately blasted by hyper-sonics crashing off the walls, creating standing waves that made harmonic dead spots, as the super heated turbo forced air thundered out of the short, cone shaped expeller. Finally, after what seemed far too long after my hands were already dry, it stopped. I fell back, collected the pieces of my shattered psyche, adjusted my garters & combed my hair. THAT, I’m quite sure, was designed by a man…lol
There are 3 things I found interesting at the RL, besides the company, that is…
1) I decided to have a quick peek into the men’s head…lol It was nothing like the women’s, Firstly, it was about half as big…lol the walls didn’t have the same treatment as in the ladies, quite Spartan by comparison. The sink was the same, but the head was most definitely a John…and the place was brightly lit. This, I assume, was an un-verbalized sign saying look before you get your pee shooter out…lol and oh, it was a box, quite boringly predictably rectangular…
2) Of all the places that we went in that catered to the occasional sporting life, the RL was the only place that didn’t put the Tube De Boob behind or above the bar, but rather placed it in a discretionary position in the room which favored social interaction over mindless hypnosis…lol
3) Of all the bars we were in, every one which catered to the more hirsute patrons had their boxes switched on to football. The RL had on the final ALC championship baseball game. Being a Yankee town, and that night being the last crucial game of the series, combined with the fact that baseball is played as much in the head as on the field, it made again, a lot of sense…lol after all, as we know…Diamonds are a girls best friend…lol
By now it was really getting late, and Crystal needed to get home in time to call in sick…lol so, we gathered our things, said our goodbyes to all of the lovelies, and again, hit the pavement…. Tap tap tap, click click click…and now we’re hugging each other at 7th Avenue. I hail a cab, and she’s away to the train with the Pie, (pumpkin, that’s one well traveled vegetable!)…Goddess speed sister, I hope you got home in a jiff… ;D
SO, what can we gain from this run on stream of consciousness? Get a good night’s sleep Saturday night, empty your bank account, expect the unexpected and have a working medical plan in place …lol
My legs have felt like rubber and weak still some 24 hours later, and my ribs still hurt a little from laughing so hard… but these are pains that I’d welcome anytime… ;))
It’s that time of year again, and amateur night is just around the corner… trust me, If you talk the talk, you need to come out & walk the walk with C & B Music Factory when the risk Vs. reward factor is a toss up…lol… we make what you want to do right now…lol
Brunch with the ladies who DO lunch is now a part of the weekly social, so come out with us in NYC & have a gas yas yas… ;))
Love ya Crystal, let’s turn this pig over & roast the other side soon!
This journal enty is the first since all my computer problems, and the problems URNA had with the old format for their site. It seems that everything is working as it should be.
The neighbors who moved in the apartment below mine have come and gone in the past year. They were almost as bad as the two guys living there before. I had to put up with hearing two dogs barking at everything as well as their owners yelling at them. I actually had more peace and quiet when I was at work than I did at home. I now have another set of new neighbors who moved in downstairs. These seem to be a little better than the last, so I'll wait and see if they become loud and obnoxious like the last.
My computer seems to be running as it did before. I have upgraded it's RAM memory to 2.4Gigs. I was never able to recover the pictures I lost, but luckily I have most of them posted on my websites and in my Flickr account. I have been dressing more lately and even bought some new clothes from Victoria's Secret. I also have an even bigger "E" cup version of my Cleavage Croptop. Check out my Newest Pics gallery to view pics of them. My profile pic shows my "E" cup "girls". The Yellow dress pics are of my "D" cup "girls".
I did attend my first convention in nearly 9 years back in June this year. It was wonderful seeing my friends from years past, as well as meeting new girls who have only seen me via the Net. I also was reinstated as a member of Vanity Club, and I thank all those ladies who helped me back into the group. I love you girls!
I hope the next several months ahead will be enjoyable with the holidays soon upon us. Take care and I hope to be around more often. *Hugs*
But after the feel-good emotional wave had dissipated itself upon the shores of Practical Reality, I felt sort of miffed. I asked myself "Does anybody really know what actually helped make a thing like this happen - especially after going through what I and a few other concerned Coloradans had to go through on the grassroots level?"
The obvious answer to that one is a resounding "NO!" - especially if you’re not part of the "In Crowd" of wealthy or otherwise privileged people who (for whatever reason) have a great big media presence and therefore have become virtual household words in the greater LGBT Community. The fact that this hierarchy exists in any community often causes the valuable efforts of many "average" folks to go overlooked - which, in turn, leaves them thinking that they do not have what it takes to be real Agents of Change in society.
My goal in sharing this story is to dispel that myth, give concerned LGBT constituents hope, and let everyone know that the only way to affect truly progressive change in the political landscape of America is for them to care enough to at least hold their Representatives accountable on issues that really matter.
It All Started at a Town Hall Meeting
Colorado Springs happens to have the distinction of being the veritable Mecca of Conservative Evangelical "Christendom". At last report, there were about 100 such organizations of all sizes headquartered here, the largest of which is Focus on the Family. Because of this fact, those of us in the local LGBT Community who dare to openly defy their discriminatory, anti-LGBT Dominionist agenda tend to be few in number - and wear many hats whilst "fighting the good fight". So although I am the current Co-Chair Incumbent of the El Paso County Stonewall Democrats, I was already obligated to be away at some other LGBT-related function when LisaJo Laptad (member of the EPCSD and Precinct Chair, Colorado Springs Pct264) reminded me about a special Town Hall Meeting to be held on Saturday, July 11 at the East Library - which featured our state’s freshman senator, Michael Bennet.
This rising political star who had been appointed by Governor Ritter to fill the vacancy left when Senator Ken Salazar was elevated to a Cabinet position in the fledgling Obama Administration, was utilizing this event to build rapport with local Democrats so that he could both do his job better and to also help bolster his campaign efforts towards solidifying his seat in the US Senate, come the next state Elections. An article about him in the Colorado Springs Independent which was entitled "Who is this guy?"- Jan 15, 2009 (see
http://www.csindy.com/colorado/who-is-this-guy/Content?oid=1146307 ) shows his photo bearing the caption "Michael Bennet says he’ll learn quickly". Gauging by the interesting sequence of events I’m about to elucidate here, that indeed turned out to be an almost prophetic understatement.
Although we knew the general populace there would be more preoccupied with going after the sizzling Healthcare Reform debate ignited by President Obama’s promises of positive change across the board; and that other initial contacts had told me this Senator was already favorable towards LGBT issues; LisaJo wanted to hear it directly from the source, when it came down to if Mr. Bennet actually was in our corner. So she went to publicly get his take on whether he’d vote to repeal both the bigoted Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and the heinous "Don’t Ask Don’t Tell" policy towards LGBT folks in the Military; whilst going on record to support the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Legislation and the Trans-Inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) of 2009. Since I serve in varying official capacities the Gender Equality Coalition, the World Gender Coalition and also network with UnitedENDA, I asked her to report her findings to me immediately after she left that Town Hall Meeting, so that I could forward that info to those who needed to be kept apprised of such matters.
According to LisaJo, it wasn’t until the very end of the gathering that she was able to get the floor long enough to pose our LGBT-related questions to Senator Bennet. She said he answered them all exactly the way we’d hoped he would - He’d vote to repeal DOMA and DADT; plus he’d cast a "Yes" vote on Hate Crimes and ENDA. I was understandably pleased with that news. So I gladly sent that data upline as soon as I returned home - and then spent the rest of that evening in Manitou Springs at the 30th Anniversary Celebration Banquet of the LGBT-affirming Pikes Peak Metropolitan Community Church of Colorado Springs.
An Unfortunate Revelation
Despite the current state of this badly wounded economy, Sunday, July 19 in Colorado Springs brought along with it one of the most successful Pridefests the local LGBT Community had ever seen. Even on the political and social fronts, hugely positive gains were made which are so numerous, they would have to be the subject of some other story. But then August came - and when the 7th of that month rolled around, I got another call from LisaJo about an online political report that instantly sent troubling feelings of possible political betrayal through both of us. The subject at hand was the Federal ENDA; and the spreadsheet which she directed me to via an online link revealed that when it came down to where the Senators in Washington DC really stood on this all-important piece of LGBT-Inclusive legislation, our very own Senator Bennet of Colorado was listed as "Undecided". From what I could tell, the tally was compiled by the Inclusive ENDA Facebook Campaign, and was based upon findings gathered from data in Washington DC and verified by reliable activist sources. At LisaJo’s suggestion, I printed out two hardcopies of what I saw there, just in case we needed to prove a point with this information later on.
Why It Mattered
Let me say at this point that some people participate in politics just because they like it; some may do it for a power trip; whilst others may actually do it for more philosophically "righteous" reasons. But when you find Transgender people involved in it, it’s mostly because it’s a matter of sheer survival for us. Because if the laws go bad (even ones that seem innocuous to the typical person), the day-to-day running of our very lives could get exceedingly far worse than any other people group could ever imagine. For example - what other law-abiding segment of society do you know of, that actually gets harassed or dictated to by policies and ordinances, regarding things as personal and essential as where they might relieve themselves whilst out in the Public Square? (In some odious cases, no tenable "Bathroom Option" have even "allowed" for Transgender people!)
It was LisaJo who had the courage around 13 years ago to establish SCIRTS (Southern Colorado Inter-Regional Transgender Society) here in Ultra-Conservative Colorado Springs; which eventually evolved into the group I now lead, called PAGE (Peak Area Gender Expressions). This is the largest and longest continuously-existing Transgender support group in all of Southern Colorado. We do what we do for our Constituents because history shows that no one else will ever look after the safety and well-being of the Transgender Community better than other Transgender people. Nothing is more fundamentally important than being assured of getting the fairest opportunity when it comes to securing suitable Employment Therefore, we felt it was our duty to assist in seeing to it that this Trans-Inclusive version of the Federal ENDA that is now before Congress gets a good shot at passing - and becoming the Law of the Land in every state across this Nation.
Having that in mind, it should be pretty obvious why both LisaJo ant I swung into action, when it appeared that Senator Bennet had told the public one thing in Colorado Springs - but did something entirely different regarding ENDA, whilst in Washington DC.
From Showing Concern to Real Shoe Leather Action
By August 13, I had received an e-mail from the Colorado Stonewall Democrats in Denver that reiterated the fact that Senator Bennet was still listed on ENDA support spreadsheets as being "Undecided"; and I was also getting calls from Transgender Activists and other out-of-state Allies asking me why I reported that both our Senators were already in our corner on this issue when that apparently was not the case. Since this discrepancy was now cutting into my personal reputation for being known as a trustworthy informational source in the Trans Community, it was definitely time to get to the bottom of this. So when LisaJo called and asked if I wanted to accompany her down to Senator Bennet’s local office here in Colorado Springs, I was more than ready to go there.
The link to the Official Invitation data LisaJo referred me to, initially gave the public erroneous address information because if you took it literally, it would have had you looking for the Senator somewhere in Acacia Park (209 N. Tejon Street) as opposed to it’s actual location two blocks to the north at 409 N. Tejon. We discovered that error on the way over, and ended up calling the staffers at the Office to redirect our course correctly. When we got there, we discovered a short line of people ahead of us, though the message we’d gotten had led us to believe this was a special appointment time just for us and the Senator’s Staff alone. Whatever the case, we waited out the situation until we got our turn to address the staff personnel on duty at the time.
The next few moments were so disappointing full of ineptitude that at one point, LisaJo actually left the room to keep from losing her composure, her temper - or both. The people we interfaced with were properly pleasant and politically correct - but they didn’t even know what ENDA was at first mentioning. After we produced papers with all the pertinent information upon them in an effort to make our point clear about the contradiction we saw in how Senator Bennet said he would deal with it; they somehow still couldn’t find the official text of the Bill, its sponsors, nor its current status on their office computer. (I thought it odd that a Senator’s staffers weren’t able to do something I routinely do online via State and Federal Congressional websites). When we asked if Senator Bennet would ever return to Colorado Springs during this Congressional Recess period, we were told "No" - because he was on an all-county tour of the State. The Senior Staff Representative then apologized for all the frustrating confusion, saw to it that our contact information was obtained - and promised to get back to us as soon as the Senator had rightly dealt with the matter. LisaJo at that point openly predicted that it would never happen, just as we were leaving; and true to her words, neither of us ever got that promised follow-up phone call.
All that experience did was strengthen our determination to find a viable fix for this unresolved issue.
Close Encounters at The Junction
On Saturday of that weekend (August 15th), President Obama was scheduled to hold a Town Hall Meeting on the subject of Healthcare Reform, out in Grand Junction, Colorado. Just plain logic and a couple of contacts I had told me that Governor Ritter and every major State politico who possibly could get there would be there, too - including Senator Bennet. Since I was already in communication with representatives of the local Change That Works Colorado group that was rounding up a bunch of pro-Obama supporters to drive up to Denver and help fill a chartered bus to Grand Junction; I now had an extra incentive to join in with them. I figured that sometime during our effort to offset the rancor of the opposition expected to show up out there, I just might also get to run into Senator Bennet - and possibly have time to voice in his presence the concerns I and LisaJo brought up about his lack of lending true support for a Federal all-inclusive ENDA at his office in Colorado Springs the other day.
Unfortunately, however, my designs on this day were at best a near miss. Our bus arrived at the Town Hall Meeting site so late that those who had official passes into the Central High School Gymnasium where it all was happening did not have time to clear Security in order to be allowed inside. The place already was totally maxed out anyway. So we all added ourselves to the huge throng of people outside which was lining both sides of the road (appropriately named "Warrior Way") that led into the Campus - for one side of the street was full of "Tea Party" Conservatives who were vehemently against President Obama; whilst our side was totally for his proposed plans for Healthcare Reform. There were a few times where the pandemonium on the Front Lines in that street almost hit a flash point that could have went violent - but then the local Sheriff’s crew moved in to separate the loud opposing factions. Not that this mattered - but from what I could tell, I was the only Transgender person out there in that near-melee of a scene.
When it appeared that things had calmed to an almost boring lull, I left the Front to see what was going on in the dusty field of a parking area farther back behind me. I then discovered that Senator Bennet was inside the very bus I had rode in on - exhorting the people who were already seated in there. He was just wrapping his speech up, when I came to the door of that vehicle (where a young girl whom I believe was his daughter was standing); and the best that I got out of him after that was just a handshake - because he and some other officials had to rush off to more rarified environs while the folks on our side of Warrior Way packed things up and called it a day. By this time, the President was already gone from the scene - and the opposition forces had all but dispersed. Therefore, I and the progressive amalgamation of people I was with also left - and ended up returning to Colorado Springs sometime way in the middle of the night.
What did I take away from all this? Although this close encounter Function at Grand Junction was historic and full of Activist "adventure"; it netted me nothing when it came to my goal of possibly getting Senator Bennet to dispel the confusion over where he was regarding ENDA by promising to go on record as being definitely in support of it in Washington DC.
Finally - The Day of Reckoning
I shared what I experienced out in Grand Junction with friends and constituents in several Internet groups and websites; then also dealt with a situation where I thought possible anti-Trans bias was at work (relative to certain other reports of the whole thing), before taking action on issues that were more close to home. But a little over one month later, I got yet another call from LisaJo where she asked me had I gotten an invitation to an up-coming event in Denver sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) called the "No Excuses Community Meeting with Senator Michael Bennet", which was to be held on Saturday, September 19th at 3:30 pm. The short answer to her question was "No".
I had stopped getting direct e-mails from HRC back in 2007 when I halted my support for them, after they acquiesced to the heinous, "incrementalistic" sacrificial selling out of the Transgender Community through celebrating the forward progress of that version of the Federal ENDA which had been shorn of its original Trans-inclusive language. Although LisaJo’s sentiments about that divisive fiasco were the same as mine, somehow she was privy to this special HRC arranged Town Hall Meeting set for the LGBT Community to voice their concerns to Senator Bennet - and wanted to know if I’d go up to Denver with her to attend it. "Absolutely!" was my reply. Something inside told me that it was very likely that the Trans Community of Denver just might NOT show up for this all-important thing, though it was in their very own city. So we from Colorado Springs endeavored to at least try to make sure Colorado’s greater Transgender Community was rightly represented. Because this would finally prove to be the real Day of Reckoning where the Senator’s inconsistencies on the Trans-Inclusive ENDA would indeed be brought to light - and hopefully corrected.
I made sure to get LisaJo and I RSVPed in for the gathering up in Denver; and kept abreast of the situation, when the venue for it suddenly was changed from the Gill Action Building to the Park Avenue Lofts a day before it was to happen. I also printed a couple more copies of that online spreadsheet that showed where all the Senators stood in Washington DC, regarding the all-inclusive Federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act. So when that Saturday did arrive, we were ready - and all set - to go!!
We found the location of the Community Meeting after some minor detours amongst Denver’s sometimes difficult one-way Downtown streets; and got parked there 10 minutes prior to its appointed beginning. And because a certain elevator wasn’t working, a lovely onsite staffer had to lead us along a winding route that eventually had us on the top floor of that complex of expensive Lofts at 19th and Clarkson. The actual site of the event up there was the Club Room, a place that appeared to be normally devoted to the recreational interests of those who lived in that complex.
LisaJo and I met and chatted with one other Trans-woman just before the meeting commenced. Her name was Nicole - and she was from a local LGBT-affirming ELCA Lutheran church. When asked where all the other Transgender people were, she said she had just come from a function at the Gender Identity Center where a lot of girls were - but they did not seem interested, when she told them about this opportunity to meet with the Senator. I didn’t see anyone representing The Center there, either. But I could be wrong about that, because other people were still filtering in by the time Senator Bennet arrived - and things really got underway
Speaking of the Senator, he began just prior to the official part of things by shaking hands and graciously greeting those of us who were at the front of the room. Most everyone was smiling whilst this was going on - but when Mr. Bennet got to LisaJo, her serious-looking expression caused him to say out loud "You’re not smiling...", to which she simply retorted "You waffled!" - and quickly let him know what she was referring to. The Senator then just as swiftly spoke forth a promise to explain and clarify the matter during the course of the meeting. After the preliminaries and pleasantries were out of the way, other people in the assemblage brought up all the key concerns of the LGBT Community at large. Like getting rid of the "Don’t Ask Don’t Tell" policy towards LGBT folks in the Military; supporting the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Legislation, Not letting the Ryan White Act that helps people living with AIDS via special funding expire; supporting the Trans-Inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) of 2009; and repealing the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).
Before the gathering ended, Senator Bennet quickly affirmed that he would properly address and handle every LGBT issue to our liking when he returned to Washington DC and his staff were way interested in getting a copy of that ENDA tally spreadsheet I brought forth, which proved the Senator’s words in Colorado weren’t matching what he was actually doing at the Capitol. A short lady who was with the team Mr. Bennet brought promised that they’d get this discrepancy fixed - and that it will soon be seen that the Senator is indeed in support of the all-inclusive ENDA. We were finally satisfied with this response. But why Senator Bennet tried to make excuse for initially admitting that he would not vote to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) is another issue worthy of a totally separate blog...
In Conclusion
Although this was a very long and detailed account of just exactly what I witnessed and went through, when it came to resolving the inconsistencies and discrepancies which created static in the communication lines between Senator Michael Bennet and his LGBT Constituents in Colorado, I do not apologized for its huge size. Again - I posted this story to let others know how they might go about bringing change where apparent misunderstandings and communication glitches might be the only sticking points. I also want to make it clear that I in no way am alleging that the Senator had knowingly done anything nefarious. I am just bringing to light a process whereby common grassroots-level people can know that they hold the key, are empowered - and must hold their representatives accountable when what is said back home doesn’t match what’s actually done in Washington DC.
Yesterday, my gf thought it would be fun to paint my toe nails, and I just said ok. She used a purple color thats a little shiny. I feel so pretty now ^_^
"[Beck]'s a bimbo and he's a crazy one. I'm telling you: it is not that long before we're going to find Glenn Beck dressed as a woman or playing with his feces or something." - Bill Maher on Behar
For someone that purports to be a defender of liberal causes I have to say that this statement by Mr. Maher is insulting. In an attempt to smear one of his political adversaries he chooses to call him insane rather than offer counter arguements to his opinions, then cites as examples 'dressing as a woman' as his examples of being a 'crazy one' and classifies the behavior as equitable to playing with one's own crap!
Boooo Bill Maher! Go back to telling bad jokes....
It is hard to change someone's decision if you yourself have your doubts about something. You lack the enthusiasm to push your idea, you feel jaded and a little funny. I am sure that is how most of the "regulars", who quit going to Trixies have felt since the showbar re-opened a couple months ago. What can a TG bar offer to a bunch of girls who go out everywhere and don't mind the stares of disconcert from the mainstream? Nothing. Yep, that's right. We go to expensive restaurants and eat better than what the kitchen at Trixies offers. We can walk into mostly any bar and get a drink that is cheaper than what Trixies is charging. We don't need the hassle of the occasional admirer and we have seen the showgirls hundreds of times. Why would I then accept to help Jon and Vicki at the URNA get together this Saturday Oct. 3 then? Got into an argument with Glenn even. He said he wasn't going. I am sure most of the girls I hang out with, will probably be missing. But, I do not think this get together is destined to fail. Of course, all the guys will be there- that's the only place they will go, but if there are no girls, then their enthusiasm wanes. Definitely, there is no enthusiasm in the veteran ranks but I have noticed a stir among the part-time girls. Part- time girls do not go to Wilton Manors or South Beach- they rather remain anonymous and Trixies is the perfect spot for them. A couple of girls wrote to me and are delighted to know URNA is sponsoring a party this Saturday. I think back several years and I remember how I lived for the day when I could come out and use the term full time like a signature at the end of my name. There are more girls still in hiding and we live totally oblivious to this fact. Back then, the only place I would dare to go was Trixies. And I find this a very compelling argument to support the "only" TG bar in So Fla. The original owners Carlos and Stan made it a point to make every girl that walked in to feel welcome and comfortable. I told Sean (the new guy) that THAT was what made Trixies. Not the show, not the new lights or the new music system. A girl who rarely came out had the chance to feel the 'I am out' for a few hours, anonymously. I do not know if the new ownership will understand. But I am going to give Trixies a chance. Maybe I don't feel like I am supporting Sean as much as I am supporting girls who do not have their own voice in the matter. Jon and Vicki have supported us all these years, so yeah I will be there too :-) And if you are coming stop by and say hi, I don't bite :-P
I don't normally write journal entries. I'm at a serious crossroads in my life. I'm seriously planning to transition much further. Breast augmentation, FFS, hormones, etc. I want to go to everything but SRS.
I spend all the time dreaming of transitioning further. A couple of major events in my life have changed allowing to me to do this now. I have had a very sucessful career as a man, but at a stage I am wanting to start over as a woman, even if it means giving up quite a bit.
Although I've dressed and wanted to be a girl since age 5 like the rest of us. I don't have this awful feeling as a woman trapped in a man's body. I want to become a "woman" to feel the sexual attraction of men wanting a girl. Yes, I know the term autogynophilia.
Is it wrong to want to transition because that is what drives me? Many seem to say Shemale is a derogatory word maybe because of the sex industry. For me, that is my desire (fetish?). I want to be one of those TS girls advertising her services.
Am I too old? I am concerned I won't look realistic / passable enough and should stayed in a mans body and dressed as a girl sometimes but not as seriously.
If I do breast augmentation, FFS, hormones, is it just the logical progression to SRS? Am I kidding myself I could/should go that far but not fully?
I realize I am being blunt and direct. I know a lot of girls have discussed these same things internally.
I would really advice from girls who have asked themselves these questions and have lived it.
I had a request to post this in my journal. I wrote this back in March when I first came out to my wife...
I am writing this story because I want a new start with my wife fully involved in ever aspect of my life, including my dressing.I don't want to hide anything from her anymore.No more lies.No more hiding.No more infidelity.No more shame.From now on everything is going to be different.
I met my wife Christy when she was 15.I was a couple of years older.From the first minute I saw her I loved her.It was absolutely love at first sight.We have known each other for 25 years now and have been married for 23.We have a wonderful family together.She is my wife, my lover and my best friend and I want her to be so for the rest of my life.I truly cannot live without her.
The fact that I love her so much and need her so badly has been a true blessing and also a tremendous burden.It was a burden because I had so many secrets that I wanted to share with her but couldn't because I was so afraid I would lose her.I knew that I could never replace her and my life would end if she left me.I’ve wanted to tell her about this for years but couldn’t.Which day is the best day to drive a dagger through the heart of the one you love?
I've been dressing off and on since I was about 12.Initially it was only pantyhose.As I got older it became panties, bras, lingerie, etc.Whenever I had the opportunity, I would run out and buy something, wear it once, then toss it.For years I felt that I was bad, sick, perverted, a sinner, etc.I didn’t know why I was like this and I did everything I could to stop but it wouldn’t go away.I thought about dressing all the time.That happened off and on until about a year and a half ago.I started traveling regularly on business to Austin, Houston and San Antonio so the opportunities to dress increased.I didn't dress every time I went out of town but it grew more and more frequent as time went on.
I started off buying really slutty lingerie.I would wear it once and throw it out.I wouldn’t dress for a while then I’d go out and buy something else and throw it away.I think this is a binging and purging process like a lot of alcoholics or people with eating disorders go through.You fight the need, then you give in, then you binge, then you feel shame, then you purge, then you fight the need, then the processes starts over again.
Eventually, I even started to question my own sexuality.At one point I thought that I might be gay.I even had a sexual encounter with a man.I found out that I did enjoy some aspects of it.I liked being fem.I enjoyed being the submissive one in the relationship, being slightly dominated, etc.But I realized that I didn’t find him (or any other man for that matter) attractive...at least I don’t really prefer men sexually.Now I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I find some men are very good looking or that a guy with a really nice body isn’t hot.I didn’t want to be with a man but I wanted to be the woman.I know it sounds a little confusing and I guess it is.I absolutely know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I couldn’t have an emotional relationship with a man.I’m not sure but I think I’m a lesbian.J
About a year and a half ago my wife asked me if I was having sex with someone else.I said yes.I told her that I had a sexual encounter with a man.I explained that it was because I had the desire to express my female side and be the submissive in the relationship.I also told her about my crossdressing from the time I was about 12.I didn't get into any details at the time.Just the infidelity, the fact it was with a man and that I had crossdressed in the past was a lot to handle.
As you can imagine she didn’t take it very well at first.I certainly don't blame her.At that point I was sure I was going to lose her.It took a lot of work and talking but we worked it out.She said she did understand that I was different and that was one of the reasons she had married me.
After the encounter with the guy my dressing continued to progress.I didn’t know where it was going.There was no plan.But it just kept growing and growing.
IMPORTANT NOTE:I really made a major mistake at this point that I’m not proud of.I didn’t continue the openly communicate with my wife.If at this point if I would have taken the opportunity to be totally honest with her and share all my thoughts and desires things would have been a lot better and easier.It wasn’t intentional but I wove a very tangled web that continued to get more and more elaborate.One important word of advice that I can give to anyone out there is if a door opens to be honest with your spouse about your dressing take advantage of it.
Everything changed when I bought my first pair of high heels.They were kinda expensive and I knew I couldn’t afford to just throw them out like I had the cheap lingerie.So I had to find some place to keep them.At that point I started “collecting” stuff.Once I started keeping my heels, lingerie, etc.It opened me up to building my new persona as a female.I slowly added to my collection.I eventually bought a wig and then some makeup.Buying the makeup was the hardest thing I had ever done.It is amazing how little guys know about makeup…what you need and how to apply it, etc.
When I put my wig and makeup on for the first time I was amazed.It didn’t even look like me.I didn’t look like a man in a pair of panties, I looked like a woman.A rush of emotion poured over me.I felt like a woman.My mannerisms and everything changed.It was totally different.That process or transformation really hit me.I know you girls know what I’m talking about but I just want to express my thoughts so those that are trying to find their way might benefit from it.
Eventually, dressing in full makeup and wigs and stuff made me have a strong desire to go out in public dressed.This was something that was always private.I hadn’t shared it with anyone.I now realized that I wanted to stop hiding it.
It was really scary and probably never would have ventured out by myself. I found a really sweet girl from San Antonio that agreed to take me out to some clubs if I was in town. I called her one night.She wasn't dressed but agreed to go out with me anyway...in guy mode.I got dressed in my panties and bra and she came over and helped me touch up my makeup...picked out some clothes, etc.
I was really worried about walking out of the hotel dressed. But she helped me tremendously. We got on the elevator, she gave me some words of encouragement. ..just be confident... just be yourself...you'll be fine, etc.I strolled out of the hotel like I was a movie star.I got a few looks and even some nice smiles but didn't get the impression that anyone was "freaked out" by me.
We got in the car and drove to a gay dance club in San Antonio that does drag shows and stuff.It was definitely a crowd that wouldn't be surprised to see me.We got a drink, sat and watched the drag shows and danced for a little while.It was very thrilling and I felt so free.Free of the burden of keeping this side of me private and to myself.I wasn't looking to "hook-up" with anyone that night. It wasn't about sex or anything.Just about enjoying the evening and expressing my fem side.She constantly coached me on what to do and how to act…how to sit, how to walk, etc.There was a lot to learn.
That experience really was a major event for me.I started to reach out to others that were like me and started getting to know some really incredible people.I made friends and went out in San Antonio, Austin and of course Houston where I had a chance to meet a number of you.I have come to realize that I’m not alone out there.There are many, many people just like me that are facing the same challenges.
Some of you have been incredibly helpful in my life and have given good advice that led me to a difficult, but proper decision.I had to come totally clean with my wife.Almost everyone gave me one word of warning.DO NOT OVERWHELM HER WITH TOO, MUCH TOO QUICK.The advice was to take it very slow, let her steer the ship, ask the questions, etc.
My friend Jackie and I went on summer holiday to northern New York State, Ohio, Indiana, Pennsylvania, and Illinois. We got out of New England just before the floods in Connecticut (7 inches of rain fell in just 4 hours!). I got water in the basement of my house for the first time since I have owned it. Thank God I had friends in the area to check up on the home (they had to wet vac the basement however). It was not much rainwater inside but even an inch can cause a huge problem when it sits around for a few weeks. My neighbors down the hill were not so lucky and had huge problems. There was massive flooding in the town where I live!
We went to Fort Stanwix in Rome, NY and then on to Seneca Falls. There was a lovely canal which Jackie and I spent some time sitting along and having a drink (2nd photo #1). It is ironic that we had picture perfect weather the whole time we were gone. There were sunny, cool days and cool nights.
We made it to Buffalo and Teddy Roosevelt Inaugural Nat. Historic Site (2nd photo #2). This is where Teddy became President after President McKinley was assassinated. President Karen Reeves (what a scary thought!!!) had her picture taken behind the President's desk (2nd photo #3). Notice how I take charge!
The two of us then headed into Ohio to Cuyahoga Valley National Park. A National Park in Northern Ohio? It's not exactly Yellowstone or Yosemite for sure! Jackie took a pic of me (2nd photo #4) on the boardwalk by Brandywine Falls. It was very nice there.
We then headed west to the town of Put-In-Bay, which sits on an island in the middle of Lake Erie reachable only by ferry boat. It was a spectacular day. The boat trip out was nice and the views from the tower in Perry's Victory and International Peace Memorial were breath taking (2nd photo #5). There were too many tourists and I almost took some out with my car. I'm not sure if it was accidental or not!
Nest stop was the Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore. Jackie and I waded into the waters of Lake Michigan (2nd photo #6). The Great Lakes are like the Atlantic Ocean but without the salty smell or feel of saltwater on your bod. We wish we had more time to spend here but we had to make some miles on this day.
We then made it to our hotel in Glenview, Illinois. My friend Jackie T. got ready to have her FFS performed on her by Dr. Mark Zukowski. She was, of course, quite nervous, but she faced the situation with great calm and determination. That's Jackie! You go girl J !!!
On Sunday, June 28th , a couple of days before her surgery, Jackie and I participated in the Chicago GLBT Pride Parade (See the Main Photo). We were on a float sponsored by Dr. Z along with a live rock band. I thought the crowds would be a few thousand. They estimated that the crowds along the route might have reached a million people! As we waved and danced we saw people lined up 20, 30, even 40 deep along the route. There were even people hanging out of apartment windows and on balconies. It was a little overwhelming for a girl from the coast of Maine but it was great fun. What an adrenaline rush! Thanks Dr. Z for the invite and for dinner!
In the next photo (2nd photo #7) I am admiring some interesting sculpture.
The nicest part of this parade was that these huge throngs of diverse people, from every background that you can imagine, were all smiles, respectful, and having a fantastic time. Smiles were the order of the day.
Jackie came through the surgery with flying colors. The next few days did not allow for much sleep for her and for me.I was her care giver and I set a new record of staying awake in hours playing nurse & maid. (I hope she does not sue me for malpractice!!! YIKES!!!). I figure I was awake for two days straight.
Jackie was doing well enough after just four days that we went out to see the fireworks on July 4th in Glenview at the golf course. It was kind of weird to be allowed to sit on the greens with chairs and blankets when normally you would be chased away. The show was great.
The next day I went back to the golf course to take some day time photos of the gold course. Two guys offered to be "male models" for my pics. I didn't know that golfing made guys soooooo HORNY!!!!
We also were lucky enough to be able to visit Brenda Sue in her new condo on the north shore. Jackie was not up for doing much but a few hours out was good for her. Brenda's pad was beautiful. She lives in a nice area along Lake Michigan It is very rural. Hey Annette! This area that you are from is NICE!!!
My only complaint is that Brenda cooked us hamburgers that must have been two pounds each. They were delicious but after all this time I AM STILL FULL! Thanks Brenda, Anne, and Colin!
It was finally time to head back east. We spent an extra day in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania coming back since this return trip was hard on Jackie who was still recuperating from her surgery. By the way she is looking even more beautiful with every passing day! Drop her a line!
The last new pic of me on my page (2nd photo #8) was taken by Jackie at Pocono Downs NASCAR Raceway. This place is massive! We love NASCAR!
We arrived home safe and sound. It was time to crash!
Colorado Springs Trains Police on Transgender Issues!
Nancy-josephine Leah Morris March 6th, 2010 12:30 pm MSTColorado Springs Trains Police on Transgender Issues! (a.k.a. - The Times, They SURE Are A-Changing!)
Hi, Friends and Allies;
Nancy-Jo here!
In case anyone is interested in hearing a radio interview I participated in, regarding recent news reports about the Colorado Springs Police Department implementing training specific to how it may better interface with and serve the local Transgender Community, please do the following:
Go online and visit KCFR http://kcfr.org/ to search their radio archives for the above-mentioned news show and title per date 03-04-2010 or click the following link: http://www.kcfr.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=94&Itemid=234&target_pg=com_search&kword_comatters=coloradomatters&stype_comatters=and
Thursday, Mar. 04, 2010
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Sakura The Cutie January 21st, 2010 6:29 pm MST[2 comments]
Second Life
Sakura The Cutie January 16th, 2010 6:49 pm MSTHey everyone, I was just wondering if any of my gurl friends play the computer game, Second Life. I used to play it a long time ago but I was wondering if any of new friends play it. If you don't and are curious about it, its a free game you just download. www.secondlife.com if you do play, just email or chat to me ^_^ XXXSakuraXXX[1 comment]
dressing
Sakura The Cutie January 15th, 2010 11:48 am MSTHey everyone, I think I already made a journal entry about it, but I had a great awesome chance to dress but just had the feeling of ugh, I dont want to dress. I know lots of crossdressers have periods were they don't want to dress, but still I never ever get the chance to dress, this is a great opportunity for me.[Comment on this post]
Photoshop
Sakura The Cutie January 5th, 2010 10:17 pm MSTHad some fun with photoshop today, I download a free trial. I never used the program before so I was just messing with it. Tell me what ya think of it
This is the original picture: http://www.cosplay.com/photo/275473/ (credit goes to this)
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Please Help Erica with her SRS Surgery...
Bonnie December 29th, 2009 6:28 pm MSTHello everyone...
can you please help Erica so she can have her SRS Surgery?
thanks so much everyone...
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Happy New Year 2010 To All Of You!
Karen Reeves December 27th, 2009 1:32 am MSTHappy New Year 2010!
Hi Everyone !
I had a fantastic Christmas and hope that you did as well. It was made all the better by a blizzard the weekend before Xmas when we got 26 inches of snow. It was the very light fluffy kind, no good for snowball making but that was okay with me! It reminded me of living in northern Maine! AYUH!!
I have changed a number of my secondary pics. They are not in chronologically in order since I do not want to bother deleting and rearranging them. I will mention them below.
1. (Main Picture) This was taken at 1st Event in Peabody, Massachusetts. Why am I sitting under a plant on the floor you may ask? Maybe I was potted, or is that plastered?
2. I am lounging on a hot summer day beside the Erie Canal in Seneca Falls, New York.
3. Here I am eating “lobsta” at Markey’s Lobster Shack in Seabrook, New Hampshire. YUM YUM!
4. “President Karen Reeves” is issuing executive orders at Theodore Roosevelt Inaugural National Historic Site in Buffalo, New York. This idea should scare the hell out of you!
5. I am standing on the Boardwalk beside Brandywine Falls in Cuyahoga Valley National Park in Ohio. The day was brutally ~HOT~ and the shade was nice!!!
6. Here I am eating, still again, at the Riverton Country Fair in Barkhamsted, Connecticut. You can leave it to your imagination if you think I am sucking on something instead of eating
!
7. Here I am showing the latest design in luxurious living at Rocky Neck State Park in Niantic, Connecticut. Hummm, or is this government housing?
8. Here I am at the tail end of the blizzard of December 2009 in downtown Westerly, Rhode Island. It is FREEZING & WINDY! Take the stupid picture NOW!!!
9. Karen is standing beside the entrance shack to Pocono Downs NASCAR Raceway in Pocono Downs, Pennsylvania. Yes, I love NASCAR!
10. I’m ready to go to bed at SCC in Atlanta, Georgia. Are you interested guys and/or girls???
I wish all of you a peaceful & awesome 2010!!! Please stay in touch!
*Kisses*
~Karen~
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December 2009,
Emma Sloan December 7th, 2009 12:57 pm MSTThings have been quite interesting as of late, and the future seems promising too. For example at our December 19th party in Raleigh I intend to interview a few potential subs to see if they are suitable for inclusion. The applicants should be dressed femme and prepared to describe their desires, limits, and availability. Primarily we're interested in TG/CDs and GGs, along with couples. But select guys may be considered, but only very select guys.
Yes, I seem to have become a bad girl,...
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I've been immortalized! (Well, sort of...)
Nancy-josephine Leah Morris November 14th, 2009 7:55 am MSTHey Girlfriends!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSdz0Z8c12Y
NEWS FLASH!
The Civilians are set to return to Colorado Springs to perform the more refined and polished-up edition of "This Beautiful City" on December 4, 5, & 6. A promotional ad regarding that fact follows this message.
Love y'all!
Nancy-Jo Morris
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Visiting Dearborn Michigan area Tuesday Nov 10th
Jayne Willard November 8th, 2009 8:58 pm MSTI have an all day meeting that let's out at 4PM and then I have a little time to be Jayne.
Anybody wanna play dress up or undress? I love being a woman and was over at a ggg friends house this weekend and she caught me smeling her used panties. She make me lick and suck her until she had cum three times and needed to rest. Then she had her boy friend stop by and had me suck him dry and then make him hard again and the he used my rear entry. That was my Saturday. I am looking for fun on Tuesday, but i can't spend the night as i need to be back home for an early meeting on Wednesday morning.
Anybody available Tuesday, November 10th late afternoon?
Jayne Willard
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Brunch~a~palooza with Bri & Crystal 10.24.09 Yahoo serious!...lol
Brielle Echo Whitney November 1st, 2009 11:53 am MSTDateline Monday ( I think…lol) Report to the Surgeon General from the bat cave…;p :
WOO F***ing HOO!
Your Foo fighter (against the seriously mundane) is spent…and my legs actually feel weak today…lol
I seriously doubt that my fellow bat girl, (and team leader of the day (the inimitable Miss Crystal Frost) went to work…If she did, I’m pretty certain that the phone is in “we’ll get back to ya” mode…lol
What a truly heroic VIKING tale yesterday was, and you couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day to be at your finest, looking like a movie star & REPRESENT! …to the general inmate population out there!
Let’s just say that the TWO of us were on a “take no prisoners” ransack of the Left Village…HA!
Here’s what you missed (you can kick yourselves later for being dumb ass lazy!...;p)
It was a beautiful start to the race with Crystal & her assembled entourage of contestants lounging on the red carpet outside of the Cowgirl Hall Of Fame…looking like the cast of Sex In the City being regaled by the Press Gang & paparazzi crushed behind the velvet ropes…;))… ;D The sky was bright & clear, and the sun shone brightly… this was brunch with the ladies who meal, and
it’s one of the last days of Indian Summer in NYC…just perfect!
I made my way across the street as the crowd parted like the red sea to join the cast of what would prove to be a production of epic proportions…lol
After an appropriate amount of time for the staff to prepare a central feasting table for us inside the totally cute Cowgirl themed jalapeneo popper…lol we were regaled with a superfine protein & carb fuel up while being treated like stars with super sized smiles & service, with seemingly every satellite table giggling at the comedy coming from our banter… ;D
The Bloody Mary's were en eye opener, or closer, depending on your resistance to hot stuff...lol
The Echidna was seriously bruised…lol
…then…. With all jets a go we launched headfirst into the sun, heading due north. A pedal cabbie was seriously smitten & offered us a free ride wherever we wanted to go…which we declined, as a spectacle such as ours needed be circumcised with much more pomp & circumstance…lol (although I was seriously considering the ramifications of what would come of a modern Judah Ben Hur chariot ride through the streets of the Old West…lol ART! is what we are, and such Dandy Warhol’s need to be seen up close to be truly appreciated for our individuality & quality of execution…lol…best appreciated by the serious connoisseur, culture jammers or blatantly inappropriate lesbians…lol
The pedal pusher gave us cards though with his cell number saying “anytime, anyplace”…lolol hmm…;p
Our first stop would be Planet Cubbyhole, for a circle jerk under the twinkling mélange of holidaze rotating overhead, taking in the heady vapors of females in heat…lol and being offered complimentary clam chowder…(how appropriate!)…lol The Cubby’s apparently are wanting to give us brunch-ability with them soon too! Excellent!
Next, it was back out for a stroll through the cobblestone streets heading due East to Johnny’s, where the totally friendly low key atmosphere found us in rare form…I haven’t laughed so hard in ages…did I mention the pie? There was pie…lol it came along with us for the laughs somewhere along the way…in a box. There were cruel jokes, but no one got hurt…lol
Tess, resplendent behind the bar was beautiful, and her top was quite revealing. It was a cool night and the door was open…lol…I think it moved…;p Crystal’s friend Melissa was really sweet. I explored the inside of her oral cavity looking for answers, but only found more questions the deeper I probed…lolol
We picked up a hitchhiker who didn’t care for darts, golf or curling, I was to find out…lol
He was called Robert, and Crystal & I decided he must have been Chinese, as he ping-ponged with serpentarian aplomb between us…lol men are such dogs, you know, not being able to decide which shit smells better, but wanting to take it all in the ass run…lol
THEN!...(got your score cards out?) we continued the flight out of Egypt with the rainbow warrior in tow & headed East & took a hard right straight into Babylon…lol
Making the scene at Boots & Saddles was easy, where the serious grinding of the evening now started, as we danced around a plethora of urgently pressing issues…lol, got our freak on…and with a toss of our curls, schwing! we left…always leave ‘em begging for more I say, right…lol
Now it was time to cross the street, past the crowd singing show tunes at street level & down into the bowels of the Monster, for some over exposure under the disco ball’s shimmer & the call of the dance floor. ;D Crystal shook it like a white girl, Trish fell hard for a Latino pixie with a 6 pack, and I went into a tail spin with a hungry wolf…lol
We were all having lots of fun, when Trish asked me to sing her a song of desire. I decided that she would be able to hear it much more clearly if I sang it directly into her mouth…lol This particular song is tricky… I make it up on the fly of course, but it wound up having several verses, a repeated chorus…and an encore…lol
At this point we lost the hitchhiker, who, had become like peau de soie,… a medium to heavy, drapeable fabric with a soft satin weave and dull finish….lol
There had been, by this point a serious amount of mead drained out of various tanks, and into ours…lol, and we decided to come up for air…and away we went….
…straight back again into the deep house 4/4 at Greenhouse….I love that space, the raw tune-age is fine, the crowd is terribly sexy, and the toilets come with breath mints…lolol
We slid across the waxed dance floor under a canopy of foliage back lit & throbbing with a seemingly full room spectrum of wall to wall sound...it comes from everywhere, but you can’t see how…very cool, kinda like being inside a fuzzy navel or ear canal…radical & tubular!…;)) we danced till breathless, and I got mad props for knowing HOW to move my junk flash dance style in 4+ inch heels…Get your bad self down beatch! lol I wanted the Redheaded Emma Peel Doll in a skin tight black body stocking & boots…yummy… ;)) but she kept disappearing … was it live or was it girls on film?… must have been Memorex, but I can never really be sure…lol
Trish is a real trooper, she’s only just above the level of my business, which means it was easy for her to play with my garters…I told her the pleasure was all mine, but I’m not so sure about that…lolol
By now I have no fricking clue what time it was, I think it had been called on account of hedonism… too much fun is just enough ya know…;))
The upstairs was in overdrive, and I had serious fear for the safety of my toes, as the room was like a beehive with a fire lit from below… so we decided to fly before getting our wings clipped. ;D
To the surprise of both Crystal & myself, Trish then jumped into a cab with three beautiful strangers, and headed to Amanda Lepore’s party at the Hiro Ballroom.
Crystal assured me that she’d be fine as she always lands on her feet.
I was a bit concerned as the poor kitten’s frame seemed seriously bent by now…lol
She called us later and I THINK anyway, was back in the game & on the prowl in another part of the jungle…lol
We weren’t done yet, as it turned out…ummm…did I mention the word VIKING…lol
Now we were headed back north, passing Caliente Cab Company. Crystal suggested that we should get a dozen girls with temporary water weight gain to go in there & flash mob the bathroom…lol I said I’ll drink to that!...lol (if you don’t get it, do some homework…lol)
Flying a bit farther a field found your trusty heroine’s on a strafing run through Duplex & Stonewall when it occurred to us that the Pie had been having such a good time singing “ I will Survive” at Boots & Saddles, that it had fallen behind with the swaggering Cocks & Hens (and Chickens…lol). SO, we decided to go rescue it, as Pies aren’t especially known for carrying loose cab fare…lol
Upon entering, the Pie, which by now had done a costume change and had come fully out of it’s shell joined us for a short rendition of Naughty Marietta, and with a stage left, and a deliberately liberal sprinkling of air kisses, we shuffled off into the gaping mouth of the night, giggling like schoolgirls…lol
Where to go where to go!...NEXT!
The not so obvious choice to me anyway, was the Hanger. Along the way I noted that practically every shop had in some form included the execution of tattoos in their business model… tattoos & heavy lifting, tattoos & French Polishing, tattoos & antique sushi bowling, tattoos & sea foam bubble tea for you & a matching mole, half off on Tuesdays! Tattoos AND body art…I suppose that’s like the Big Mac…. Double your signage & brand recognition with excessive fat…lol…comes with a fork with seating for 6 at the table of the elements, with no reservations required!…lol I thought we should get matching Gummi’s glued screwed or tattooed where the sun don’t shine…lol… so much virgin canvas & so little time! Tsk!...lol
The Hanger was really loud, with big muscular tribal beats that make you want to throttle your knuffle bunny’s best assets or at least, the most open targets…lol…Let’s just say it was DEFINITELY NOT ladies nite…lol but who cares, we were out to shake things up & get our goddess worship on anyway…lol I’m ready for my scene now Mr. DeMille…lol
Crystal knew a guy in there who begged for us to stay, meanwhile, she gave me a look that said “hockey puck”…lol later explaining that this one follows her around like a puppy…lol I didn’t think a jury could possibly convict…lol Crystal’s certainly got that Big Fish Story appeal…lol I did mention dogs earlier didn’t I?...lol Well, enough of the Locker Room so she, me, and the Pie Rushed out the door flaming…lol Paris isn’t the only thing burning…lol We left burnout patches in the street as we careened a hard right down Bedford…lol
Which way did they go which way did they go! Run rabbit’s run!
Well, I have been trying for months to find out what’s going on with Chumley’s, as the phone’s ringing, but no one’s home…Chumley’s is the Doyenne of NYC Speakeasy’s, having successfully been playing Hide & Seek now for almost a century. It’s like a pair of favorite slippers. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe…;D
If you don’t know where it is, you probably won’t find it, there’s no sign, no lamp post & the door is forgettable…lol Once inside the door, you are transported into what is most certainly a Dickensian Era British pub. The dark wooded walls are covered with the manuscripts of Lost generation & Beat Generation writers & poets., men of letters, some chicks too…lol …people like EE Cummings , William Faulkner, John Steinbeck, Ring Lardner & Edna St. Vincent Millay…
There is also a ghost in there as well, usually, apparently, over by the bar. The floor is covered in sawdust, and there is a huge working fireplace. There are a trio of Hounds of the Baskervilles, ancient beasts that I think came with the property…lol They usually lie in front to the fireplace like stuffed sacks of peanuts roasting slowly in the dry heat…lol
The bar has hand pulled ales with curious names of Firemen who fell in the way back, dirty Vicars & other social anomalies & activists. The walls & benches are carved with the names of lovers & spirits past… There’s a juke box with a permanent collection of 78’s…songs from the distant haze, but you can’t expect to hear what you attempt to play. The ghost get’s to work, and the box has a mind on playing what you SHOULD hear…lol and it’s all good…;)) My favorite meal is a lobster tail, with corn on the cob, salad & a biscuit…all for 12 bucks! You just can’t beat that!
Anyway, away we went, and looked with intent, but it’s disappeared, vanished! I could cry a river into my beer if I could just get one!...lol Things that old don’t die, or fade away. I asked a migrant beaner in the corner restaurant. He looked at me balefully, and said “It’s gone”. FAK! I’ve been going there for 30 years, and I have to hear it from someone who fell off the turnip truck yesterday morning… it’s just not fair! I’ve done a google search, and found out the truth, and there is hope alive! ;D
ANYWAY, that wasn’t gonna’ work, so us girls held hands with the Pie & skipped town, err, rather around the corner DOWN town…lol
We had almost come full circle from where we started, but couldn’t see the finish line just yet…lol
Henrietta Hudson’s looked promising. We were back in our element, with the girls…ok, I’m speaking for myself here…lol Our little mini marathon had at this point seen us girls in heels for at least 15 hours, and me the night before as well…I was smart enough to bring a bag big enough to keep a pair of flats in, but Crystal’s combat boots were now barking…lol and we both wanted to sit down somewhere that wasn’t all whistles & gongs…the belles in HH’s sounded like a good landing strip… and so we were let inside the halls of the sisterhood… ;D Unfortunately, there was no seating available, so now we decided to keep the marathon going…lol
Crystal suggested that we entertain the sailors in the “straight” bar across the street, but warned that it could be a bad move…
I looked at my shoes. I like may shoes. I looked at the Shamrocks in the window. I looked at Crystal. I looked at her throbbing boots. We had the Pie’s well being to think of, so we walked on by…lol
Now, we were back at the Cowgirl where we started, but ya know, every good effort takes 110 percent, and the RL Lounge (nee Rubyfruit) was at the far end of the block…we can do this!!!...lol
The RL is a place where a girl can get something good & stiff from another girl, at a fair price!...lol
The upstairs has been beautifully renovated. It’s clean & cheerful with good lighting & it’s choc’ full of cute women… just my kind of place! Even the butch bunnies are hunni’s…lol
There are stylish salon pedestal stools which make you just want a makeover!...lol
We got comfy, and then we got engaged…lol no silly, I love Crystal, but I had my little eyes on Diana. She had a killer dancer’s bod, spike heeled boots & a wicked grin… I kept singing in my head “… but you can leave your hat on…lol”
She wiggled over to us, and pulled up to the bumper… fun fun FUN! Well, let me tell you…back off she’s mine!...lol
Well, maybe ours… but seeing as Crystal is waiting for Selma Hayak, I think I’ll be building a bridge between my island & her brick house starting this week! What a fine ass pect of the Midnight hour!...lol whew!
We exchanged cards, and I needed to scratch an itch…it was on her, of course…lol and well, Bob’s your uncle, as the Bishop said to the Actress…lol
Well, as happens when two fine T Gals walk into any room, shit happens…lol and Diana HAD to leave with her friend who pretty much dragged her down the stairs…lol
Sympathy for the Devil, and all that…lol We will meet again soon , me thinx… ;D
Anyway, with one girl down, and more to go, I found a comfy place at the bar next to yet another lovely La Femme Nikita… and decided to get busy…lol I can actually pin point the exact moment when the fire lit in her eyes, when I explained that my brain actually worked exactly like hers, and that I had no genuine interest in boys at all, and that I guess that would make me lesbian too! Granted, it’s possibly Vampyros Lesbos that we’re talking about here, but hey, I can’t help it, I was just born to really suck at some things in life…lolol
Crystal as well was having her own petting party, and we were definitely a hit… so much so, that the girl that I was chatting with’s girlfriend dragged her off down the stairs & out as well!...lol Doh! She wanted to stay, and I could have caused the earth to move, but I thought better for her & said that she should leave with her friend… ;D
Ok, time to add a bit of new lipstick before trying for the hat trick…lol SO! I va va voomed my way over to the powder room.
Once inside, I marveled at the most excellent design of the large well planned space. There was a niche at the far end lit softly with ambient lighting with a vase of Bird’s Of Paradise, which perfumed the air. The walls & floor were of a hewn bluestone, giving the space the feel of a Zen Garden…The Queen Mary..(There just can’t be a John in there, was a sleek curvilinear design which would echo the anatomy of she who would be born from above…;)) The sink, with it’s pedestal of stone and ovular bowl-like stainless steel nest resting on top with a single pistil-like faucet were in harmony with the somewhat oblique trapezoidal shape of the room. It’s not a box…lol As I sat there with my panties between my ankles, the sound of my own fluidity echoed like a stream flowing through a temple in a hidden cave, somewhat like a womb, actually…. Quite reflective all this, for just taking a pee…lol
I lifted myself up, and well, you know, tucked in my panties…lol then washed my hands…. Upon turning around, I saw no towels, and no basket… this, made perfect sense for such a Shinto space. The Fung Sui would be utterly ruined if you could possibly mess it up with random intrusions like misfired rimshots on the floor…lol
I then spied the hand dryer, which again, made perfect sense… I glided over, ran my hands beneath it & was immediately blasted by hyper-sonics crashing off the walls, creating standing waves that made harmonic dead spots, as the super heated turbo forced air thundered out of the short, cone shaped expeller. Finally, after what seemed far too long after my hands were already dry, it stopped. I fell back, collected the pieces of my shattered psyche, adjusted my garters & combed my hair. THAT, I’m quite sure, was designed by a man…lol
There are 3 things I found interesting at the RL, besides the company, that is…
1) I decided to have a quick peek into the men’s head…lol It was nothing like the women’s, Firstly, it was about half as big…lol the walls didn’t have the same treatment as in the ladies, quite Spartan by comparison. The sink was the same, but the head was most definitely a John…and the place was brightly lit. This, I assume, was an un-verbalized sign saying look before you get your pee shooter out…lol and oh, it was a box, quite boringly predictably rectangular…
2) Of all the places that we went in that catered to the occasional sporting life, the RL was the only place that didn’t put the Tube De Boob behind or above the bar, but rather placed it in a discretionary position in the room which favored social interaction over mindless hypnosis…lol
3) Of all the bars we were in, every one which catered to the more hirsute patrons had their boxes switched on to football. The RL had on the final ALC championship baseball game. Being a Yankee town, and that night being the last crucial game of the series, combined with the fact that baseball is played as much in the head as on the field, it made again, a lot of sense…lol after all, as we know…Diamonds are a girls best friend…lol
By now it was really getting late, and Crystal needed to get home in time to call in sick…lol so, we gathered our things, said our goodbyes to all of the lovelies, and again, hit the pavement…. Tap tap tap, click click click…and now we’re hugging each other at 7th Avenue. I hail a cab, and she’s away to the train with the Pie, (pumpkin, that’s one well traveled vegetable!)…Goddess speed sister, I hope you got home in a jiff… ;D
SO, what can we gain from this run on stream of consciousness? Get a good night’s sleep Saturday night, empty your bank account, expect the unexpected and have a working medical plan in place …lol
My legs have felt like rubber and weak still some 24 hours later, and my ribs still hurt a little from laughing so hard… but these are pains that I’d welcome anytime… ;))
It’s that time of year again, and amateur night is just around the corner… trust me, If you talk the talk, you need to come out & walk the walk with C & B Music Factory when the risk Vs. reward factor is a toss up…lol… we make what you want to do right now…lol
Brunch with the ladies who DO lunch is now a part of the weekly social, so come out with us in NYC & have a gas yas yas… ;))
Love ya Crystal, let’s turn this pig over & roast the other side soon!
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Since my last entry....
Linda Lewis October 19th, 2009 4:23 pm MDTThis journal enty is the first since all my computer problems, and the problems URNA had with the old format for their site. It seems that everything is working as it should be.
The neighbors who moved in the apartment below mine have come and gone in the past year. They were almost as bad as the two guys living there before. I had to put up with hearing two dogs barking at everything as well as their owners yelling at them. I actually had more peace and quiet when I was at work than I did at home. I now have another set of new neighbors who moved in downstairs. These seem to be a little better than the last, so I'll wait and see if they become loud and obnoxious like the last.
My computer seems to be running as it did before. I have upgraded it's RAM memory to 2.4Gigs. I was never able to recover the pictures I lost, but luckily I have most of them posted on my websites and in my Flickr account. I have been dressing more lately and even bought some new clothes from Victoria's Secret. I also have an even bigger "E" cup version of my Cleavage Croptop. Check out my Newest Pics gallery to view pics of them. My profile pic shows my "E" cup "girls". The Yellow dress pics are of my "D" cup "girls".
I did attend my first convention in nearly 9 years back in June this year. It was wonderful seeing my friends from years past, as well as meeting new girls who have only seen me via the Net. I also was reinstated as a member of Vanity Club, and I thank all those ladies who helped me back into the group. I love you girls!
I hope the next several months ahead will be enjoyable with the holidays soon upon us. Take care and I hope to be around more often. *Hugs*
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Senator Bennet of Colorado Confirms Support on Inclusive ENDA 2009 - The Inside Story
Nancy-josephine Leah Morris October 6th, 2009 5:09 am MDTSenator Bennet of Colorado Confirms Support on Inclusive ENDA 2009 - The Inside Story
One account you’ll never hear of in the Big Blogs which tells what really happened in the field...
By Nancy-Jo Morris
Colorado Springs, USA
Like many of you LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender) Activists out there striving for True Equality in America, I was extremely grateful to be treated to a headline back on September 25 in "The Bilerico Project" which read: Thank You, Senator Michael Bennet: Senate Movement on ENDA (by: Dr. Jillian T. Weiss).
But after the feel-good emotional wave had dissipated itself upon the shores of Practical Reality, I felt sort of miffed. I asked myself "Does anybody really know what actually helped make a thing like this happen - especially after going through what I and a few other concerned Coloradans had to go through on the grassroots level?"
The obvious answer to that one is a resounding "NO!" - especially if you’re not part of the "In Crowd" of wealthy or otherwise privileged people who (for whatever reason) have a great big media presence and therefore have become virtual household words in the greater LGBT Community. The fact that this hierarchy exists in any community often causes the valuable efforts of many "average" folks to go overlooked - which, in turn, leaves them thinking that they do not have what it takes to be real Agents of Change in society.
My goal in sharing this story is to dispel that myth, give concerned LGBT constituents hope, and let everyone know that the only way to affect truly progressive change in the political landscape of America is for them to care enough to at least hold their Representatives accountable on issues that really matter.
It All Started at a Town Hall Meeting
Colorado Springs happens to have the distinction of being the veritable Mecca of Conservative Evangelical "Christendom". At last report, there were about 100 such organizations of all sizes headquartered here, the largest of which is Focus on the Family. Because of this fact, those of us in the local LGBT Community who dare to openly defy their discriminatory, anti-LGBT Dominionist agenda tend to be few in number - and wear many hats whilst "fighting the good fight". So although I am the current Co-Chair Incumbent of the El Paso County Stonewall Democrats, I was already obligated to be away at some other LGBT-related function when LisaJo Laptad (member of the EPCSD and Precinct Chair, Colorado Springs Pct264) reminded me about a special Town Hall Meeting to be held on Saturday, July 11 at the East Library - which featured our state’s freshman senator, Michael Bennet.
This rising political star who had been appointed by Governor Ritter to fill the vacancy left when Senator Ken Salazar was elevated to a Cabinet position in the fledgling Obama Administration, was utilizing this event to build rapport with local Democrats so that he could both do his job better and to also help bolster his campaign efforts towards solidifying his seat in the US Senate, come the next state Elections. An article about him in the Colorado Springs Independent which was entitled "Who is this guy?"- Jan 15, 2009 (see
http://www.csindy.com/colorado/who-is-this-guy/Content?oid=1146307 ) shows his photo bearing the caption "Michael Bennet says he’ll learn quickly". Gauging by the interesting sequence of events I’m about to elucidate here, that indeed turned out to be an almost prophetic understatement.
Although we knew the general populace there would be more preoccupied with going after the sizzling Healthcare Reform debate ignited by President Obama’s promises of positive change across the board; and that other initial contacts had told me this Senator was already favorable towards LGBT issues; LisaJo wanted to hear it directly from the source, when it came down to if Mr. Bennet actually was in our corner. So she went to publicly get his take on whether he’d vote to repeal both the bigoted Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and the heinous "Don’t Ask Don’t Tell" policy towards LGBT folks in the Military; whilst going on record to support the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Legislation and the Trans-Inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) of 2009. Since I serve in varying official capacities the Gender Equality Coalition, the World Gender Coalition and also network with UnitedENDA, I asked her to report her findings to me immediately after she left that Town Hall Meeting, so that I could forward that info to those who needed to be kept apprised of such matters.
According to LisaJo, it wasn’t until the very end of the gathering that she was able to get the floor long enough to pose our LGBT-related questions to Senator Bennet. She said he answered them all exactly the way we’d hoped he would - He’d vote to repeal DOMA and DADT; plus he’d cast a "Yes" vote on Hate Crimes and ENDA. I was understandably pleased with that news. So I gladly sent that data upline as soon as I returned home - and then spent the rest of that evening in Manitou Springs at the 30th Anniversary Celebration Banquet of the LGBT-affirming Pikes Peak Metropolitan Community Church of Colorado Springs.
An Unfortunate Revelation
Despite the current state of this badly wounded economy, Sunday, July 19 in Colorado Springs brought along with it one of the most successful Pridefests the local LGBT Community had ever seen. Even on the political and social fronts, hugely positive gains were made which are so numerous, they would have to be the subject of some other story. But then August came - and when the 7th of that month rolled around, I got another call from LisaJo about an online political report that instantly sent troubling feelings of possible political betrayal through both of us. The subject at hand was the Federal ENDA; and the spreadsheet which she directed me to via an online link revealed that when it came down to where the Senators in Washington DC really stood on this all-important piece of LGBT-Inclusive legislation, our very own Senator Bennet of Colorado was listed as "Undecided". From what I could tell, the tally was compiled by the Inclusive ENDA Facebook Campaign, and was based upon findings gathered from data in Washington DC and verified by reliable activist sources. At LisaJo’s suggestion, I printed out two hardcopies of what I saw there, just in case we needed to prove a point with this information later on.
Why It Mattered
Let me say at this point that some people participate in politics just because they like it; some may do it for a power trip; whilst others may actually do it for more philosophically "righteous" reasons. But when you find Transgender people involved in it, it’s mostly because it’s a matter of sheer survival for us. Because if the laws go bad (even ones that seem innocuous to the typical person), the day-to-day running of our very lives could get exceedingly far worse than any other people group could ever imagine. For example - what other law-abiding segment of society do you know of, that actually gets harassed or dictated to by policies and ordinances, regarding things as personal and essential as where they might relieve themselves whilst out in the Public Square? (In some odious cases, no tenable "Bathroom Option" have even "allowed" for Transgender people!)
It was LisaJo who had the courage around 13 years ago to establish SCIRTS (Southern Colorado Inter-Regional Transgender Society) here in Ultra-Conservative Colorado Springs; which eventually evolved into the group I now lead, called PAGE (Peak Area Gender Expressions). This is the largest and longest continuously-existing Transgender support group in all of Southern Colorado. We do what we do for our Constituents because history shows that no one else will ever look after the safety and well-being of the Transgender Community better than other Transgender people. Nothing is more fundamentally important than being assured of getting the fairest opportunity when it comes to securing suitable Employment Therefore, we felt it was our duty to assist in seeing to it that this Trans-Inclusive version of the Federal ENDA that is now before Congress gets a good shot at passing - and becoming the Law of the Land in every state across this Nation.
Having that in mind, it should be pretty obvious why both LisaJo ant I swung into action, when it appeared that Senator Bennet had told the public one thing in Colorado Springs - but did something entirely different regarding ENDA, whilst in Washington DC.
From Showing Concern to Real Shoe Leather Action
By August 13, I had received an e-mail from the Colorado Stonewall Democrats in Denver that reiterated the fact that Senator Bennet was still listed on ENDA support spreadsheets as being "Undecided"; and I was also getting calls from Transgender Activists and other out-of-state Allies asking me why I reported that both our Senators were already in our corner on this issue when that apparently was not the case. Since this discrepancy was now cutting into my personal reputation for being known as a trustworthy informational source in the Trans Community, it was definitely time to get to the bottom of this. So when LisaJo called and asked if I wanted to accompany her down to Senator Bennet’s local office here in Colorado Springs, I was more than ready to go there.
The link to the Official Invitation data LisaJo referred me to, initially gave the public erroneous address information because if you took it literally, it would have had you looking for the Senator somewhere in Acacia Park (209 N. Tejon Street) as opposed to it’s actual location two blocks to the north at 409 N. Tejon. We discovered that error on the way over, and ended up calling the staffers at the Office to redirect our course correctly. When we got there, we discovered a short line of people ahead of us, though the message we’d gotten had led us to believe this was a special appointment time just for us and the Senator’s Staff alone. Whatever the case, we waited out the situation until we got our turn to address the staff personnel on duty at the time.
The next few moments were so disappointing full of ineptitude that at one point, LisaJo actually left the room to keep from losing her composure, her temper - or both. The people we interfaced with were properly pleasant and politically correct - but they didn’t even know what ENDA was at first mentioning. After we produced papers with all the pertinent information upon them in an effort to make our point clear about the contradiction we saw in how Senator Bennet said he would deal with it; they somehow still couldn’t find the official text of the Bill, its sponsors, nor its current status on their office computer. (I thought it odd that a Senator’s staffers weren’t able to do something I routinely do online via State and Federal Congressional websites). When we asked if Senator Bennet would ever return to Colorado Springs during this Congressional Recess period, we were told "No" - because he was on an all-county tour of the State. The Senior Staff Representative then apologized for all the frustrating confusion, saw to it that our contact information was obtained - and promised to get back to us as soon as the Senator had rightly dealt with the matter. LisaJo at that point openly predicted that it would never happen, just as we were leaving; and true to her words, neither of us ever got that promised follow-up phone call.
All that experience did was strengthen our determination to find a viable fix for this unresolved issue.
Close Encounters at The Junction
On Saturday of that weekend (August 15th), President Obama was scheduled to hold a Town Hall Meeting on the subject of Healthcare Reform, out in Grand Junction, Colorado. Just plain logic and a couple of contacts I had told me that Governor Ritter and every major State politico who possibly could get there would be there, too - including Senator Bennet. Since I was already in communication with representatives of the local Change That Works Colorado group that was rounding up a bunch of pro-Obama supporters to drive up to Denver and help fill a chartered bus to Grand Junction; I now had an extra incentive to join in with them. I figured that sometime during our effort to offset the rancor of the opposition expected to show up out there, I just might also get to run into Senator Bennet - and possibly have time to voice in his presence the concerns I and LisaJo brought up about his lack of lending true support for a Federal all-inclusive ENDA at his office in Colorado Springs the other day.
Unfortunately, however, my designs on this day were at best a near miss. Our bus arrived at the Town Hall Meeting site so late that those who had official passes into the Central High School Gymnasium where it all was happening did not have time to clear Security in order to be allowed inside. The place already was totally maxed out anyway. So we all added ourselves to the huge throng of people outside which was lining both sides of the road (appropriately named "Warrior Way") that led into the Campus - for one side of the street was full of "Tea Party" Conservatives who were vehemently against President Obama; whilst our side was totally for his proposed plans for Healthcare Reform. There were a few times where the pandemonium on the Front Lines in that street almost hit a flash point that could have went violent - but then the local Sheriff’s crew moved in to separate the loud opposing factions. Not that this mattered - but from what I could tell, I was the only Transgender person out there in that near-melee of a scene.
When it appeared that things had calmed to an almost boring lull, I left the Front to see what was going on in the dusty field of a parking area farther back behind me. I then discovered that Senator Bennet was inside the very bus I had rode in on - exhorting the people who were already seated in there. He was just wrapping his speech up, when I came to the door of that vehicle (where a young girl whom I believe was his daughter was standing); and the best that I got out of him after that was just a handshake - because he and some other officials had to rush off to more rarified environs while the folks on our side of Warrior Way packed things up and called it a day. By this time, the President was already gone from the scene - and the opposition forces had all but dispersed. Therefore, I and the progressive amalgamation of people I was with also left - and ended up returning to Colorado Springs sometime way in the middle of the night.
What did I take away from all this? Although this close encounter Function at Grand Junction was historic and full of Activist "adventure"; it netted me nothing when it came to my goal of possibly getting Senator Bennet to dispel the confusion over where he was regarding ENDA by promising to go on record as being definitely in support of it in Washington DC.
Finally - The Day of Reckoning
I shared what I experienced out in Grand Junction with friends and constituents in several Internet groups and websites; then also dealt with a situation where I thought possible anti-Trans bias was at work (relative to certain other reports of the whole thing), before taking action on issues that were more close to home. But a little over one month later, I got yet another call from LisaJo where she asked me had I gotten an invitation to an up-coming event in Denver sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) called the "No Excuses Community Meeting with Senator Michael Bennet", which was to be held on Saturday, September 19th at 3:30 pm. The short answer to her question was "No".
I had stopped getting direct e-mails from HRC back in 2007 when I halted my support for them, after they acquiesced to the heinous, "incrementalistic" sacrificial selling out of the Transgender Community through celebrating the forward progress of that version of the Federal ENDA which had been shorn of its original Trans-inclusive language. Although LisaJo’s sentiments about that divisive fiasco were the same as mine, somehow she was privy to this special HRC arranged Town Hall Meeting set for the LGBT Community to voice their concerns to Senator Bennet - and wanted to know if I’d go up to Denver with her to attend it. "Absolutely!" was my reply. Something inside told me that it was very likely that the Trans Community of Denver just might NOT show up for this all-important thing, though it was in their very own city. So we from Colorado Springs endeavored to at least try to make sure Colorado’s greater Transgender Community was rightly represented. Because this would finally prove to be the real Day of Reckoning where the Senator’s inconsistencies on the Trans-Inclusive ENDA would indeed be brought to light - and hopefully corrected.
I made sure to get LisaJo and I RSVPed in for the gathering up in Denver; and kept abreast of the situation, when the venue for it suddenly was changed from the Gill Action Building to the Park Avenue Lofts a day before it was to happen. I also printed a couple more copies of that online spreadsheet that showed where all the Senators stood in Washington DC, regarding the all-inclusive Federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act. So when that Saturday did arrive, we were ready - and all set - to go!!
We found the location of the Community Meeting after some minor detours amongst Denver’s sometimes difficult one-way Downtown streets; and got parked there 10 minutes prior to its appointed beginning. And because a certain elevator wasn’t working, a lovely onsite staffer had to lead us along a winding route that eventually had us on the top floor of that complex of expensive Lofts at 19th and Clarkson. The actual site of the event up there was the Club Room, a place that appeared to be normally devoted to the recreational interests of those who lived in that complex.
LisaJo and I met and chatted with one other Trans-woman just before the meeting commenced. Her name was Nicole - and she was from a local LGBT-affirming ELCA Lutheran church. When asked where all the other Transgender people were, she said she had just come from a function at the Gender Identity Center where a lot of girls were - but they did not seem interested, when she told them about this opportunity to meet with the Senator. I didn’t see anyone representing The Center there, either. But I could be wrong about that, because other people were still filtering in by the time Senator Bennet arrived - and things really got underway
Speaking of the Senator, he began just prior to the official part of things by shaking hands and graciously greeting those of us who were at the front of the room. Most everyone was smiling whilst this was going on - but when Mr. Bennet got to LisaJo, her serious-looking expression caused him to say out loud "You’re not smiling...", to which she simply retorted "You waffled!" - and quickly let him know what she was referring to. The Senator then just as swiftly spoke forth a promise to explain and clarify the matter during the course of the meeting. After the preliminaries and pleasantries were out of the way, other people in the assemblage brought up all the key concerns of the LGBT Community at large. Like getting rid of the "Don’t Ask Don’t Tell" policy towards LGBT folks in the Military; supporting the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Legislation, Not letting the Ryan White Act that helps people living with AIDS via special funding expire; supporting the Trans-Inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) of 2009; and repealing the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).
Before the gathering ended, Senator Bennet quickly affirmed that he would properly address and handle every LGBT issue to our liking when he returned to Washington DC and his staff were way interested in getting a copy of that ENDA tally spreadsheet I brought forth, which proved the Senator’s words in Colorado weren’t matching what he was actually doing at the Capitol. A short lady who was with the team Mr. Bennet brought promised that they’d get this discrepancy fixed - and that it will soon be seen that the Senator is indeed in support of the all-inclusive ENDA. We were finally satisfied with this response. But why Senator Bennet tried to make excuse for initially admitting that he would not vote to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) is another issue worthy of a totally separate blog...
In Conclusion
Although this was a very long and detailed account of just exactly what I witnessed and went through, when it came to resolving the inconsistencies and discrepancies which created static in the communication lines between Senator Michael Bennet and his LGBT Constituents in Colorado, I do not apologized for its huge size. Again - I posted this story to let others know how they might go about bringing change where apparent misunderstandings and communication glitches might be the only sticking points. I also want to make it clear that I in no way am alleging that the Senator had knowingly done anything nefarious. I am just bringing to light a process whereby common grassroots-level people can know that they hold the key, are empowered - and must hold their representatives accountable when what is said back home doesn’t match what’s actually done in Washington DC.
Sincerely,
Nancy-Jo Morris
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Toe Nails
Sakura The Cutie October 4th, 2009 8:42 pm MDTYesterday, my gf thought it would be fun to paint my toe nails, and I just said ok. She used a purple color thats a little shiny. I feel so pretty now ^_^
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Bill Maher equates crossing gender lines with insanity
Kathy Lynn October 1st, 2009 10:32 pm MDT"[Beck]'s a bimbo and he's a crazy one. I'm telling you: it is not that long before we're going to find Glenn Beck dressed as a woman or playing with his feces or something." - Bill Maher on Behar
For someone that purports to be a defender of liberal causes I have to say that this statement by Mr. Maher is insulting. In an attempt to smear one of his political adversaries he chooses to call him insane rather than offer counter arguements to his opinions, then cites as examples 'dressing as a woman' as his examples of being a 'crazy one' and classifies the behavior as equitable to playing with one's own crap!
Boooo Bill Maher! Go back to telling bad jokes....
Kathy Lynn
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URNA @ Trixies this Saturday Oct. 03
Laura Carrillo September 28th, 2009 10:52 pm MDTIt is hard to change someone's decision if you yourself have your doubts about something. You lack the enthusiasm to push your idea, you feel jaded and a little funny. I am sure that is how most of the "regulars", who quit going to Trixies have felt since the showbar re-opened a couple months ago. What can a TG bar offer to a bunch of girls who go out everywhere and don't mind the stares of disconcert from the mainstream? Nothing. Yep, that's right. We go to expensive restaurants and eat better than what the kitchen at Trixies offers. We can walk into mostly any bar and get a drink that is cheaper than what Trixies is charging. We don't need the hassle of the occasional admirer and we have seen the showgirls hundreds of times.
Why would I then accept to help Jon and Vicki at the URNA get together this Saturday Oct. 3 then? Got into an argument with Glenn even. He said he wasn't going. I am sure most of the girls I hang out with, will probably be missing. But, I do not think this get together is destined to fail.
Of course, all the guys will be there- that's the only place they will go, but if there are no girls, then their enthusiasm wanes.
Definitely, there is no enthusiasm in the veteran ranks but I have noticed a stir among the part-time girls. Part- time girls do not go to Wilton Manors or South Beach- they rather remain anonymous and Trixies is the perfect spot for them. A couple of girls wrote to me and are delighted to know URNA is sponsoring a party this Saturday. I think back several years and I remember how I lived for the day when I could come out and use the term full time like a signature at the end of my name. There are more girls still in hiding and we live totally oblivious to this fact. Back then, the only place I would dare to go was Trixies. And I find this a very compelling argument to support the "only" TG bar in So Fla. The original owners Carlos and Stan made it a point to make every girl that walked in to feel welcome and comfortable. I told Sean (the new guy) that THAT was what made Trixies. Not the show, not the new lights or the new music system. A girl who rarely came out had the chance to feel the 'I am out' for a few hours, anonymously.
I do not know if the new ownership will understand. But I am going to give Trixies a chance. Maybe I don't feel like I am supporting Sean as much as I am supporting girls who do not have their own voice in the matter. Jon and Vicki have supported us all these years, so yeah I will be there too :-) And if you are coming stop by and say hi, I don't bite :-P
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Untitled Post
Lexy Alexis Mccloud September 12th, 2009 5:08 pm MDTI realized I spelled it wrong...Duh.
autogynephilia
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At Crossroads
Lexy Alexis Mccloud September 12th, 2009 2:59 pm MDTHi Girls,
I don't normally write journal entries. I'm at a serious crossroads in my life. I'm seriously planning to transition much further. Breast augmentation, FFS, hormones, etc. I want to go to everything but SRS.
I spend all the time dreaming of transitioning further. A couple of major events in my life have changed allowing to me to do this now. I have had a very sucessful career as a man, but at a stage I am wanting to start over as a woman, even if it means giving up quite a bit.
Although I've dressed and wanted to be a girl since age 5 like the rest of us. I don't have this awful feeling as a woman trapped in a man's body. I want to become a "woman" to feel the sexual attraction of men wanting a girl. Yes, I know the term autogynophilia.
Is it wrong to want to transition because that is what drives me? Many seem to say Shemale is a derogatory word maybe because of the sex industry. For me, that is my desire (fetish?). I want to be one of those TS girls advertising her services.
Am I too old? I am concerned I won't look realistic / passable enough and should stayed in a mans body and dressed as a girl sometimes but not as seriously.
If I do breast augmentation, FFS, hormones, is it just the logical progression to SRS? Am I kidding myself I could/should go that far but not fully?
I realize I am being blunt and direct. I know a lot of girls have discussed these same things internally.
I would really advice from girls who have asked themselves these questions and have lived it.
Thanks girls. Lexy
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In The Beginning...
Allie Summers August 11th, 2009 9:23 am MDTI had a request to post this in my journal. I wrote this back in March when I first came out to my wife...
I am writing this story because I want a new start with my wife fully involved in ever aspect of my life, including my dressing. I don't want to hide anything from her anymore. No more lies. No more hiding. No more infidelity. No more shame. From now on everything is going to be different.
I met my wife Christy when she was 15. I was a couple of years older. From the first minute I saw her I loved her. It was absolutely love at first sight. We have known each other for 25 years now and have been married for 23. We have a wonderful family together. She is my wife, my lover and my best friend and I want her to be so for the rest of my life. I truly cannot live without her.
The fact that I love her so much and need her so badly has been a true blessing and also a tremendous burden. It was a burden because I had so many secrets that I wanted to share with her but couldn't because I was so afraid I would lose her. I knew that I could never replace her and my life would end if she left me. I’ve wanted to tell her about this for years but couldn’t. Which day is the best day to drive a dagger through the heart of the one you love?
I've been dressing off and on since I was about 12. Initially it was only pantyhose. As I got older it became panties, bras, lingerie, etc. Whenever I had the opportunity, I would run out and buy something, wear it once, then toss it. For years I felt that I was bad, sick, perverted, a sinner, etc. I didn’t know why I was like this and I did everything I could to stop but it wouldn’t go away. I thought about dressing all the time. That happened off and on until about a year and a half ago. I started traveling regularly on business to Austin, Houston and San Antonio so the opportunities to dress increased. I didn't dress every time I went out of town but it grew more and more frequent as time went on.
I started off buying really slutty lingerie. I would wear it once and throw it out. I wouldn’t dress for a while then I’d go out and buy something else and throw it away. I think this is a binging and purging process like a lot of alcoholics or people with eating disorders go through. You fight the need, then you give in, then you binge, then you feel shame, then you purge, then you fight the need, then the processes starts over again.
Eventually, I even started to question my own sexuality. At one point I thought that I might be gay. I even had a sexual encounter with a man. I found out that I did enjoy some aspects of it. I liked being fem. I enjoyed being the submissive one in the relationship, being slightly dominated, etc. But I realized that I didn’t find him (or any other man for that matter) attractive...at least I don’t really prefer men sexually. Now I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I find some men are very good looking or that a guy with a really nice body isn’t hot. I didn’t want to be with a man but I wanted to be the woman. I know it sounds a little confusing and I guess it is. I absolutely know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I couldn’t have an emotional relationship with a man. I’m not sure but I think I’m a lesbian. J
About a year and a half ago my wife asked me if I was having sex with someone else. I said yes. I told her that I had a sexual encounter with a man. I explained that it was because I had the desire to express my female side and be the submissive in the relationship. I also told her about my crossdressing from the time I was about 12. I didn't get into any details at the time. Just the infidelity, the fact it was with a man and that I had crossdressed in the past was a lot to handle.
As you can imagine she didn’t take it very well at first. I certainly don't blame her. At that point I was sure I was going to lose her. It took a lot of work and talking but we worked it out. She said she did understand that I was different and that was one of the reasons she had married me.
After the encounter with the guy my dressing continued to progress. I didn’t know where it was going. There was no plan. But it just kept growing and growing.
IMPORTANT NOTE: I really made a major mistake at this point that I’m not proud of. I didn’t continue the openly communicate with my wife. If at this point if I would have taken the opportunity to be totally honest with her and share all my thoughts and desires things would have been a lot better and easier. It wasn’t intentional but I wove a very tangled web that continued to get more and more elaborate. One important word of advice that I can give to anyone out there is if a door opens to be honest with your spouse about your dressing take advantage of it.
Everything changed when I bought my first pair of high heels. They were kinda expensive and I knew I couldn’t afford to just throw them out like I had the cheap lingerie. So I had to find some place to keep them. At that point I started “collecting” stuff. Once I started keeping my heels, lingerie, etc. It opened me up to building my new persona as a female. I slowly added to my collection. I eventually bought a wig and then some makeup. Buying the makeup was the hardest thing I had ever done. It is amazing how little guys know about makeup…what you need and how to apply it, etc.
When I put my wig and makeup on for the first time I was amazed. It didn’t even look like me. I didn’t look like a man in a pair of panties, I looked like a woman. A rush of emotion poured over me. I felt like a woman. My mannerisms and everything changed. It was totally different. That process or transformation really hit me. I know you girls know what I’m talking about but I just want to express my thoughts so those that are trying to find their way might benefit from it.
Eventually, dressing in full makeup and wigs and stuff made me have a strong desire to go out in public dressed. This was something that was always private. I hadn’t shared it with anyone. I now realized that I wanted to stop hiding it.
It was really scary and probably never would have ventured out by myself. I found a really sweet girl from San Antonio that agreed to take me out to some clubs if I was in town. I called her one night. She wasn't dressed but agreed to go out with me anyway...in guy mode. I got dressed in my panties and bra and she came over and helped me touch up my makeup...picked out some clothes, etc.
I was really worried about walking out of the hotel dressed. But she helped me tremendously. We got on the elevator, she gave me some words of encouragement. ..just be confident... just be yourself...you'll be fine, etc. I strolled out of the hotel like I was a movie star. I got a few looks and even some nice smiles but didn't get the impression that anyone was "freaked out" by me.
We got in the car and drove to a gay dance club in San Antonio that does drag shows and stuff. It was definitely a crowd that wouldn't be surprised to see me. We got a drink, sat and watched the drag shows and danced for a little while. It was very thrilling and I felt so free. Free of the burden of keeping this side of me private and to myself. I wasn't looking to "hook-up" with anyone that night. It wasn't about sex or anything. Just about enjoying the evening and expressing my fem side. She constantly coached me on what to do and how to act…how to sit, how to walk, etc. There was a lot to learn.
That experience really was a major event for me. I started to reach out to others that were like me and started getting to know some really incredible people. I made friends and went out in San Antonio, Austin and of course Houston where I had a chance to meet a number of you. I have come to realize that I’m not alone out there. There are many, many people just like me that are facing the same challenges.
Some of you have been incredibly helpful in my life and have given good advice that led me to a difficult, but proper decision. I had to come totally clean with my wife. Almost everyone gave me one word of warning. DO NOT OVERWHELM HER WITH TOO, MUCH TOO QUICK. The advice was to take it very slow, let her steer the ship, ask the questions, etc.
Until next time....
Kisses,
Allie Summers
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July 09: Chicago GLBT, Vacation & Jackie's FFS
Karen Reeves July 26th, 2009 3:55 pm MDTMy friend Jackie and I went on summer holiday to northern New York State, Ohio, Indiana, Pennsylvania, and Illinois. We got out of New England just before the floods in Connecticut (7 inches of rain fell in just 4 hours!). I got water in the basement of my house for the first time since I have owned it. Thank God I had friends in the area to check up on the home (they had to wet vac the basement however). It was not much rainwater inside but even an inch can cause a huge problem when it sits around for a few weeks. My neighbors down the hill were not so lucky and had huge problems. There was massive flooding in the town where I live!
We went to Fort Stanwix in Rome, NY and then on to Seneca Falls. There was a lovely canal which Jackie and I spent some time sitting along and having a drink (2nd photo #1). It is ironic that we had picture perfect weather the whole time we were gone. There were sunny, cool days and cool nights.
We made it to Buffalo and Teddy Roosevelt Inaugural Nat. Historic Site (2nd photo #2). This is where Teddy became President after President McKinley was assassinated. President Karen Reeves (what a scary thought!!!) had her picture taken behind the President's desk (2nd photo #3). Notice how I take charge!
The two of us then headed into Ohio to Cuyahoga Valley National Park. A National Park in Northern Ohio? It's not exactly Yellowstone or Yosemite for sure! Jackie took a pic of me (2nd photo #4) on the boardwalk by Brandywine Falls. It was very nice there.
We then headed west to the town of Put-In-Bay, which sits on an island in the middle of Lake Erie reachable only by ferry boat. It was a spectacular day. The boat trip out was nice and the views from the tower in Perry's Victory and International Peace Memorial were breath taking (2nd photo #5). There were too many tourists and I almost took some out with my car. I'm not sure if it was accidental or not!
Nest stop was the Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore. Jackie and I waded into the waters of Lake Michigan (2nd photo #6). The Great Lakes are like the Atlantic Ocean but without the salty smell or feel of saltwater on your bod. We wish we had more time to spend here but we had to make some miles on this day.
We then made it to our hotel in Glenview, Illinois. My friend Jackie T. got ready to have her FFS performed on her by Dr. Mark Zukowski. She was, of course, quite nervous, but she faced the situation with great calm and determination. That's Jackie! You go girl J !!!
On Sunday, June 28th , a couple of days before her surgery, Jackie and I participated in the Chicago GLBT Pride Parade (See the Main Photo). We were on a float sponsored by Dr. Z along with a live rock band. I thought the crowds would be a few thousand. They estimated that the crowds along the route might have reached a million people! As we waved and danced we saw people lined up 20, 30, even 40 deep along the route. There were even people hanging out of apartment windows and on balconies. It was a little overwhelming for a girl from the coast of Maine but it was great fun. What an adrenaline rush! Thanks Dr. Z for the invite and for dinner!
In the next photo (2nd photo #7) I am admiring some interesting sculpture.
The nicest part of this parade was that these huge throngs of diverse people, from every background that you can imagine, were all smiles, respectful, and having a fantastic time. Smiles were the order of the day.
Jackie came through the surgery with flying colors. The next few days did not allow for much sleep for her and for me.I was her care giver and I set a new record of staying awake in hours playing nurse & maid. (I hope she does not sue me for malpractice!!! YIKES!!!). I figure I was awake for two days straight.
Jackie was doing well enough after just four days that we went out to see the fireworks on July 4th in Glenview at the golf course. It was kind of weird to be allowed to sit on the greens with chairs and blankets when normally you would be chased away. The show was great.
The next day I went back to the golf course to take some day time photos of the gold course. Two guys offered to be "male models" for my pics. I didn't know that golfing made guys soooooo HORNY!!!!
We also were lucky enough to be able to visit Brenda Sue in her new condo on the north shore. Jackie was not up for doing much but a few hours out was good for her. Brenda's pad was beautiful. She lives in a nice area along Lake Michigan It is very rural. Hey Annette! This area that you are from is NICE!!!
My only complaint is that Brenda cooked us hamburgers that must have been two pounds each. They were delicious but after all this time I AM STILL FULL! Thanks Brenda, Anne, and Colin!
It was finally time to head back east. We spent an extra day in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania coming back since this return trip was hard on Jackie who was still recuperating from her surgery. By the way she is looking even more beautiful with every passing day! Drop her a line!
The last new pic of me on my page (2nd photo #8) was taken by Jackie at Pocono Downs NASCAR Raceway. This place is massive! We love NASCAR!
We arrived home safe and sound. It was time to crash!
*Kisses*
~Karen~
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