Journal Entries for Kachiri Transprincess Beleza
Too unhappy and depressed
July 31st, 2006 6:12 pm MDT
Just what I need is more problems added to the many I already have. Now my roommate who lived here for 10 years decided to move out, leaving me with no choice but to move too. That's not all... When I decided not to have cable and net on my Eastlink service, he fussed about it and said he's pay most the cost of those 2 parts of the phone/net/cable package, and last bill he didn't actually hand me the money he was going to, and I payed what I was supposed to. He continues to tell me he gave me the money that time. Now he's barely paying anything toward this new bill which is $381. I can't even afford more than $50 and I'm stuck with paying over $300 myself. I knew I should have just cancelled the cable and net and kept it cancelled. I just hope Legal Aid will help me deal with him paying his money on this bill. I just don't think I can go on anymore. I feel like I should just end it all right now. I don't think anybody will ever care or help me with anything. It's just too hard to deal with not being able to make friends, not having any money, not being able to get anything done for my transition, because of the lack of money and support. There's only so much a person can take. There's always that limit. Kachiri
Friends & love life?
May 21st, 2006 10:24 am MDT
I'm tired of having no love life, or sex life for that matter. Why is it that I'm not good enough to you Nova Scotians, that I can't find anyone for a relationship or even just for sex at the least? And the friends, do they even care? They get all sexual with someone in front of me and talk about their sex life, etc, and don't care how it makes me feel to see/hear all this stuff all the time when I'm all alone. And they certainly won't do anything to help me find anyone. I'd have to assume it has something to do with me being a transsexual that doesn't quite pass for that female look. Maybe it's something else, I dunno. I do know when I'm down and about ready to cry and it shows, my "friends" might ask me once "are you alright" and when I say "yes" in a way that makes it obvious I'm not alright, and my eyes are watery, they'll leave it at that and go do their own thing, instead of trying to find out whats wrong and giving a little support. It makes me feel like locking myself in my room for the rest of my life and not bother with the world anymore. I'm not sure I wanna go to Reflections anymore either. I spent 10 years completely alone because nobody would be my friend or date me or anything, and that was better than having friends who don't care much about you. I just don't know anymore what to think. Will I ever have any real friends? Will I ever have a love life or something? I dunno!Kachiri*unhappy & depressed*
