URNotAlone

We are Evil?

January 1st, 2009 6:45 pm MST

So now, at age 51, because I chose happiness instead of sadness, life instead of suicide and although I am a good person, I love all people, regardless of any differences...as I have always, I am honest, I have never taken drugs, never been drunk, never committed theft, have always reached out to help anyone that I could...now, some people, the Catholic church and others consider me evil and a lessor human?

Even though I am still a hard working individual and pay taxes, I am not aloud to marry my one true love, another male to female transsexual?

I can be fired from my job in most states, denied medical care, and the federal government and anti-LGBT Churches, condones the violence against us.

Is that the actions of a good government and a righteous church?

The pope says if we are aloud to marry that the human race will eventually die out because humans will cease to propagate, what?

Two things, first; we are going to overpopulate this planet into ruin or kill it by other means, second; LGBT have been here since the beginning of man like I said and look how the we have grown in the past 4000 years.

We are no threat to any one's existence, we only want the same rights that every human being deserves, and yes, I fight for everyone who needs help gaining equal rights, not just our community.

Would they practice some type of genocide if given the chance?

Do they condone the violence perpetrated against the LGBT community?

[3 comments]

Our Commitment Ceremony

September 24th, 2008 2:10 pm MDT

Commitment Ceremony of Tammie Huber & Debi Johnson

3pm, Saturday, September 20th, 2008

PRELUDE & PROCESSIONAL

OPENING WORDS & PRAYER BY REV. MELODY

On behalf of Tammie and Debi, I welcome you to this celebration of their commitment to each other.  We are here to affirm their love of one another, the love and support of other individuals, and their community. Thank you for choosing to spend this day in celebration with them.

Let us pray:  Loving Creator, hear our prayers for Tammie and Debi, who today are making a promise to live their lives together in love and respect. Give them your blessing, and bring them into the fullness of a loving relationship of commitment and covenant. May they be living witnesses to Your divine love in the world. Amen.

DECLARATIONS OF INTENT/CONVOCATION

We are gathered here today to celebrate love in the lives of Tammie and Debi.  As a part of this celebration the community gains understanding of their intentions and witnesses their vows. 

Tammie and Debi, the making of vows and the commitment of two souls to one another is a great leap of faith. It involves caring and giving, learning to share one’s life with another person, forgiving, and enjoying the love and meaning which can be found together. It enables you to share your desires, longings, dreams and memories, and to help each other through uncertain times. It provides mutual support and stability in which you may flourish as a couple and as individuals. It provides a focal point for your friends and your extended family who are gathered here today. 

This ceremony is a beginning, not an end, of a journey that will require your constant attention . . . my prayer for you is that you might never take the love you have found for granted in any way and that you will work to grow it more and more deeply as the years go by.

CHARGE TO THE COUPLE

Tammie and Debi, the covenant you are about to make with one another is intended to join you together in a relationship so intimate and personal that it profoundly affects your whole being.  It offers you the hope and the promise of a love that is true and mature.  However to attain such love, you will have to commit yourselves to each other freely, without reservation, and gladly for the sake of a richer and deeper love together. To attain such love you must each respect the freedom, individuality and dignity of the other, not seeking to change or re-shape the other into your own image or likeness, but rather each of you seeking to change and re-shape your own self in order to give that self more completely to the other in authentic love.

In the presence of community we ask, is it your intention to love and honor each other and share your life together?

Will you stand by each other, at all times, giving respect to one another?

Will you strive to understand each other’s needs and nurture the other as an individual?

Will you cherish and nurture your shared love, now and for eternity?

And… to those who have gathered, will you who witness these vows, do all in your power to support and uphold this union in the years ahead? If so, will you answer, “We will.”

And to those who have gathered, are you willing to join Tammie and Debi, as they take their commitment to social justice for all and the Creator’s all inclusive love out into the world? If so, will you answer, “We will.”

THE VOWS

I now invite you to turn to one another and joining your hands to share your vows.

BLESSING AND EXCHANGE OF RINGS

Holy One, by your grace, send your blessing upon these rings. May they be to Tammie and Debi a symbol of your unending love for them and their own eternal love for each other. May they serve as reminders of the covenant of love and faithfulness they have made to one another this day. Amen.

I bless you with this ring

as a gift and sign of my love for you.

May we always be held together

within the joy, faithfulness, and trust it represents.

I bless you with this ring

as a gift and sign of my love for you.

May we always be held together

within the joy, faithfulness, and trust it represents.

PRAYER OF BLESSING

Let us pray. Most compassionate Creator, we give you thanks for your gracious love and for you consecration of this relationship of love. Through your power, we ask that you pour out the abundance of your blessing upon Tammie and Debi.  Defend them from harm. Lead them into prosperity and peace. Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts, their minds and their Spirits. Bless them in their work and in their companionship; in their sleeping and in their waking; in their joys and in their sorrows; and in their journey though life together. Amen.

SEALING OF VOWS

Tammie and Debi, for as much as you have given yourself to each other with your vows and have declared your love for one another with these rings, in the presence of the Holy One and all who are here, and by the authority invested in me by God and Metropolitan Community Churches, I joyfully pronounce you now and forever joined in Holy Union. Those who God has blessed, let no person, government or church seek to separate.  

You may now seal your vows with a kiss.

INTRODUCTION OF COUPLE

I present to you Tammie and Debi wedded by vows, by the exchange of rings, and by our Creator

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Being Trans

March 30th, 2008 12:16 pm MDT

I have read a few articles recently, how girls talk about being comfortable with being TS, because if you are not, even after SRS, if you are among one of the fortunate, you will still not be truly happy with yourself.

I take this one step further, and I know this will be a very unpopular view with my piers. I have been thinking a lot lately, how a lot of us wished that were born in the "correct" body, but ya know what, I am so happy that I was not.

Yeah, it took some time getting here, way more than half my life like most girls and guys. I spent most of my life trying to bury the person inside me, and in the process, I almost buried the whole person. I have given up way to much also, none of us should have to, but I suppose there is a price for our happiness, Its a shame our "loved ones" can not see that.

We are who we are, because of the people, friends have met along the way and experiences we have gone through. I am proud of being a TS. I love myself, who I am and hopefully who I can be someday. Yeah, my life is not perfect, I do have someone very special in my life Deb is more than my soul mate, she is my best friend, my best friend that I have ever had to be exact. I cannot imagine life without her and I do not want to ever know what it might be like. We do have the same troubles as other couples, compounded by the hormones we are on, but through it all we learn and come through it much better friends and more deeply in love.

The friends and acquaintances I have met, wow, its unbelievable, my friends I really do not want to make anyone feel lesser of a friend, but there are a few which we share so much more in common than others. The guys and girls at the clubs & bars, that have made Deb and I feel so very welcome. Girls in guys in the support groups, with HRC, PFLAG, I could go on and on.

If I were born in the form that I should have been born in, would I ever have met these people, all these people that I cherish in my heart, who love me or like me for who I am, not for what I need to be, yes, I am very lucky and very proud to be transsexual.

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Friendship

March 9th, 2008 7:43 am MDT

There has been some disagreement about online friendship. Some people say you can not have true online friends, I for one completely disagree, what is a friend anyway? Someone who likes you for you are? But it goes deeper of course, you might share some common interests, dreams or possibly other friends. There is a degree of openness and trust and you feel deeply about your friend, love possibly.

Yes I know some people say you really do not know the people you meet online, and that is true, but how much do you know your friends that you meet in person, or even long time friends. Take a look at yourself, do your friends know you? Do they know you are on hormones? Do they know you need GRS? Or maybe even that you just perhaps like exploring your feminine side. Or do they know you have fantasies or date trans people? Or are those friends not true friends?

Yes there are for me quite a few people that I consider "true" friends, we share each others sadness, happiness we hurt when they hurt and yes, I would do anything for them, anything that I am able to do, just as I would friends that I have grown up with.

I have the pleasure of meeting some, but not all, and I feel the need to be in contact with them. Friends that you look forward in chatting with everyday and some that seem to drift away, but you still love them and worry about them and of course miss them very much!

Who knows what that hidden connection that you share with them, and why some you do not feel that connection. But that is the same for people I have met in person.

I love my friends!

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What other argument do we need!

March 8th, 2008 4:37 pm MST

 I found something that I have been thinking about for sometime, something that I remember being taught in school, way too many years ago, when I was a good little Catholic conservative.

Basically we enact certain laws to protect us from the majority, because we need those protections, that is why we ask, and that should be enough reason to pass such laws.

Whether you agree with us or not, we hurt no one, and we do not ask for special protections, just the same that the majority of Americans are given. We do not kid ourselves, laws will not stop us from being hated; or fired, because employers can always find other ways if they need. And we will still be considered sinners by a FEW!

And yes, I believe everyone deserves protections that they might not have, as long as they are not breaking laws or hurting someone else.

I have seen in some of the conservative Blogs, that if we are given protection, that we should protect the homeless. OMG! What an assinine thing to say, of course the homeless needs protections, and why shouldn't they, because they do not vote? Pay Taxes?

Yeah! I wish they would go away too, but not the same way as some people say, Die? Move on? Have the police harass them? No! by being helped, in anyway that we can, because it is the decent thing to do!

So yeah, we, the homeless and any other group that is unjustly singled out in any way needs protections from the masses if needed.

Read below from our government

Tammie

BE Nice to All The lives You Touch!

From US Department of State

Democracy Papers 

Protecting minority rights: If by "democracy" we mean rule by the majority, then one of the great problems in a democracy is how minorities are treated. By "minorities" we do not mean people who voted against the winning party, but rather those who are indelibly different from the majority by reasons of race, religion, or ethnicity. In the United States, the great problem has been that of race; it took a bloody civil war to free black slaves, and then another century before people of color could count on free exercise of their constitutional rights. The problem of racial equality is one that the United States is still wrestling with today. But this is part of the evolutionary nature of democracy, the drive to become more inclusive and to grant to those who are different from the majority not only protection against persecution but the opportunity to participate as full and equal citizens. Examples of nations treating their minorities in a bloody and horrible manner are numerous, and the Nazi Holocaust against the Jews is only the most vivid illustration. But no society can aspire to call itself democratic if it systematically excludes specific groups from the full protection of the laws.

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Lawrence King

February 16th, 2008 8:31 am MST

Sorry, I just had a few thoughts on the young person needless shot and killed in Oxnard, Ca. He was shot in the head by a school mate and declared brain dead, taken off life support on Friday he soon passed. Some of his organs were donated to "help others".

Some less understanding people might say she asked for it because she sometimes wore feminine attire at school, make-up and painted nails. But I choose to think she died because she stood up and said I am different and there is nothing wrong with being different, what a brave young person she was. I believe our world is worse off with the passing of this beautiful child.

There are some people in our circle claiming the media is ignoring this shooting, its sad but I guess it is getting overshadowed by the shooting in Illinois.

Selfishly, I hope there will be some good from this for our community, but I don't have much hope for that anymore, it seems the harder we push, the religious right pushes back even harder. I would like to know their thoughts on this senseless act.

Sometimes life just doesn't make sense, I keep asking this, "Why does everyone have to be right?"

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Turning 50 and a New Year

January 1st, 2008 10:25 am MST

Wish I could have noting but great news, but with our lifestyle, everyone knows that is not possible. This passed Christmas and leading up to New Years Eve. Deb's Mom came into town to spend Christmas with us she is so great, and a very beautiful person, inside and out. With her support we had a talk with my Mom, whom has had trouble dealing with me, mainly because of her religious background. The discussion did not go well, which in turn had repercussions with my younger sister, who sent me a couple of nasty emails.

New Years Eve, we were invited to my X's house for a party, and after My family found out that Tammie would be there, they all decided not to show up. So it was Deb, Deb's Mom (Suni) and my X and me. I feel really guilty but have decided to stop trying to seek my family's support. Its to hard to go through the ups, downs and the heartbreaks. If they want to make the effort so be it, I am finished with them.

 I was hoping they would come around and eventually help me with my son, but instead I have alienated them also.

I have the support of Deb, Suni (Mom) and most of her family, of which I am so grateful. The warmth I feel when I think of them is so beautiful.  :-D

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Untitled Post

October 29th, 2007 5:20 pm MDT

Deb and I recently celebrated a year together, all in all our life together has been like something magical. Sure we have our problems, loss of jobs and little spats, usually from misunderstanding each others feelings (two girls living together with hormones levels going nuts). We have grown so close, when I think about her, like now, I get such a warm feeling deep inside, I just can't imagine life without her.

I do not believe in god, reincarnation, ghosts, afterlife but somehow I do believe... We were meant to be together, like we have been searching for each other for centuries, "Life Is Beautiful".

We, have so much in common, not just the obvious, but other things like shopping, motorcycles, billiards, television programs, shopping and then, there are the subtle things, the intangibles. Like cuddling, food with the same spices and just simple touch.

For anyone who might have given up on love, like I once did, please keep your hope and if ever you think you might have found someone, don't be afraid to say something, to take that first step, for if you are lucky enough to find your "soul-mate", OMG, the feeling, the happiness.

You have to take that chance, you might get hurt and then again.... who knows

 Deb, I Love You!

Always

Tammie 

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My Friends

August 18th, 2006 7:26 am MDT

I suppose the only way to get this off my chest is to write about it. When Deb and I first fell in love I never dreamed it would change my life the way it has. We are so much in love, like two parts of a whole person as if we have been searching for each other for centuries, being married, having numerous crushes, I can honestly say i have never felt this strongly about another person as I feel for Debra. The warmth of her voice in the middle of day at work makes all the cares, stress vanish and puts a smile on my face. I want to appologize to all my friends that I have neglected, Kim, Ness, Sky, Susan, Karen, Michelle, Martha, Steffanie, Kristine, Pam, Lisa, Jennifer, Jan and the rest of the girls whom I consider dear friends and I hope you consider me as much your friend. I am so sorry but everything that Deb and I have been going through lately, the terrible hardships that some of you know about, that has reinforced our love and dedication for one another. It just makes it hard to divide time up, I have the feeling that I have hurt some of you, maybe that is me being to narcisitic or vain, who knows. But until we are together always, I am finding it hard not spending most of my time with her in any way that I can. I love you girls trully, but I am in love with Debra Anne Johnson and our relationship means more to me than anything in this world at the moment and I do not see an end to it, ever, for every minute, every hour, and every day our love keeps on growing. I/we have never been happier, the sadness, loneliness and depression is gone finally, for good? Who knows? All I know this is real and I will keep it real as long as I can! I deeply love you all! And Deb :) I Love You!! Tammie

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Tammie's & Debra's 1st Encounter of the 3rd Kind

August 8th, 2006 9:43 am MDT

As previously stated in my other boring journal entries, Deb and I met about 6 months ago and our relationship blossomed into something quite special, well special for Deb and I at least! :) We fell deeply in love, had some doubts, went through some very trying times and through it all, we emerged even more in love.... 4 weeks ago we planned for our first encounter :-D So last Friday morning after a nice flight Deb picked me up at Austin Intl Airport and she was the first TS to see me in drab, yuck! But I got over it pretty fast Deb took me home where we sat on the couch and tried to relax. I slightly hinted around that I was hungry ...OMG I AM STARVING!!!!! In which she politely gave me a bowl of homemade chicken stew...have I ever told you Debra is perfect!!! 

We lounged around for the afternoon, cuddling and nice little kisses, we were both in heaven! I could not believe that our love could grow anymore than it had, but it was like magic. I know if anyone reads this, they will undoubtedly think we are exaggerating but honestly it is like we are one person, like we having been searching for centuries for the other half. Later we went to the groceries and stocked up on some supplies for the weekend, a bottle of wine and fresh fruit to make Sangria, and ingredients for my not so famous enchilada pie. We arrived "home" to tired to cook so we went to bed, relaxed and tried to stay up and watch the X-Games...I fell asleep laying next to Deb, feeling her warmth and for the first time in 16 years I slept with another person. I never thought it would be possible to feel the joy that I felt that evening! :)

Saturday morning, again the closeness of waking in another person's arms, someone that you are you are so deeply in love with, and most important, someone who feels exactly the same way in return! Did I tell you how amazing Deb is? She has gone through so much in this past year, more than most people have gone through in a lifetime and she is still a very loving and caring person! After a hearty breakfast of breakfast shakes and "happy pills",  I made Deb take me to Austin to be a tourist and to one of the famous Jack in a Box restaurants.

Back home for some R&R and more cuddling before our planned evening to Bout Time a TG friendly club and lucky for us, FREE billiards!!!!!! We played against each other and teamed up against some nice gentleman all the while stealing kisses and hugs from each other (making the straight Cd's in the club quite miffed)   When we shot pool against each other there was no competition what so ever, each of us wanting the other to make the shot, it was just the two of us having the night of our lives. But OMG the magic of that evening was just indescribable, minute by minute ever since Friday morning when I first landed, our love for each other kept growing, it is like we are one person incomplete without the other. After turning down numerous propositions from the gentlemen we closed the bar and wen to a nearby IHOP for coffee and and an early 3am breakfast. Unfortunately for Deb since the IHOP was quite busy, I made her control herself, so she had to refrain from kissing me. I just did not think it was appropriate for us to kiss in a public, where the "normal" peeps might think we are sick pervs. Maybe I am wrong about that but I just think there is a proper place and that is not it. Anyway, I would make up for it when we got back home!

 4:30am Sunday morning, back home we both experienced something quite new to us and enchanting, we took things very slow, the tenderness, affection and a new and ever strengthening bond for each other that just kept building those wee hours that morning was so astonishing.

 I know some people will think it is just sex and how can we really be sure, but is more than that, truthfully, it was more like wanting to please and cherish the other not merely wanting something for our self! Neither of us want it to be about the hollow gratification of just sex and I believe we both know it is and never will be. Trust me, from from both of us coming from failed marriages, and I know what lust is, I have had plenty of lust, this is so much different. We are not going through this blindly, know there are neigh Sayers but this is true love, "The Princess Bride" type true love!

 Sunday, after taking our happy pills, just laid around the remainder of the morning, staying close and thinking about the next day when I would leave, we both unsuccessfully fought back the tears of the upcoming separation, comforting each other when we needed. 

 We made lunch (grilled chicken enchilada pie with green enchilada sauce) together stealing kisses when ever we could, sharing the warmth and touch of each other was the only thing that made the next day's parting bearable.

We shared a wonderful dinner, drank the fresh sangria, then had Haagen Dazs for desert! Deb had the mint chocolate chip and I had the coffee, of course we shared

Sunday evening we changed plans and  decided to stay home and enjoy each other, trying to comfort one another the rest of the night, we did not get much sleep that night, waking up numerous times.

As well as the weekend went, having such a wonderful magical time, Monday was so hard the tears flowed and we tried to comfort each other...

After a few days, I made reservations for a return flight at the end of August,

I trully love Debra Anne Johnson and I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.

Yes, a little bit of news left out, Debra asked me to marry her!!!!.........of course....... I said, YES

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Do Not Read Unless You Have a Strong Stomach/A Night Home Alone with Deb

July 23rd, 2006 4:27 am MDT

 Deb and I have grown so close together in these last couple of weeks. We are separated by exactly 1183 miles, 22hours 45 minutes according to Google.

But last night after thinking about going out to Talbot St with the Altgurls or a local club with some girls from Crossport, our local support group, which I NEVER miss a chance to go out!

After much deliberation, I sat down at my makeup mirror, put my contacts in as I was talking to Deb on the phone, then I hung my head down and I thought, I do not want to go out, I want to spend my evening with "My Love"! So we talked and decided to curl up on our beds, turn our televisions on and watch a movie together as we were connected by phone, we each made popcorn, and just so happened we had the same brand, to me that added to the ambiance.

So we lay there on our beds, sharing our laughs, thoughts and tears, feeling the warmth in our voices, watching the movie "Hitch", what an amazing experience. I am not sure if anyone else has done this or not, surely we did not invent this way of bonding and touch. I have never felt this close to anyone except my best friend who passed away 14 years ago. Debra is now my best friend, my lover and the person that makes my life complete.

But if you have not and you are in a long distance relationship and you have free minutes, we highly recommend it. We had such a beautiful time together hoping that nights like this will be enough until we meet in person on August 4th.

I love Debra Anne Johnson with all my being and I cannot wait to spend the rest of our lives together, we have already survived some soul searching and one nightmare and both have brought us closer together.

I would not trade last night's experience for anything in the world and I am sorry if it is to sappy for the weak of heart, but what a great evening!

[2 comments]

:D

June 23rd, 2006 3:43 pm MDT

6-23-2006

After 48 years of living as a male, I finally start my journey to be who I was meant to be, a female. Second trip back to my endocrinologist and I have my first shot of Depro and I know most girls do not like the idea of this but my first Primarin dose, 3mg.

I can't believe the joy I feel and the calmness, everything just feels right. Although I know it will be a long rough road, but at least I will have something to blame it all on :)

Wow, about a year ago I stepped out of the house for the first time as Tammie, and I have met so many friends, in person and online...also found love! Hugs Deb!

So in less than a year I have come out of my shell and realized a lifetime dream!

Thank you to everyone who has offered advice and support, without which I would not be at this moment or worse. I hope I can meet all of you someday!

Warm Hugs to All

Love

Tammie

[2 comments]

Pride

June 10th, 2006 8:13 pm MDT

I attended Cincy's Pride fest today, my first, wow what a difference a year makes!

I met Ronnie Rho from Cincy there, Ronnie is one of those people you know that can strike up a conversation with anyone and you would have thought they were best friends, I really look up to her, well she is taller than me! Giggle!

Even though the weather was not the greatest, I and I also believe Ronnie had a great time, everyone was so very nice and it made me wish that I could keep in touch with all of them. I believe Ronnie and I did a nice job of representing the tg community. Yes I am proud to be a TS and even prouder of being included in the GBLT Community, the connection I felt was, well like nothing I have ever felt before.

A since of belonging and kinship, united in trying to make others see that we are not freaks, that we are human like everyone else, that we just want to be happy, loved and treated with respect.

Although I am ashamed to say I was one of those people a little over a year ago, I did not hate anyone, but I did have my prejudiced ideas. I am proud to say that I feel like a born again human being.

And I want to thank Ronnie especially for just being herself and letting me join QTCG. With out Ronnie showing up, knowing who I am, I would not have talked to so many people and would not have had such a rewarding evening. Thank you Ronnie! I would rate today as one of the top five dates in my life. I know what you all will say, "Tammie does not have much of a life" lol

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Love at Last!

May 6th, 2006 5:35 am MDT

Omg, don't you just hate those girls who are madly in love, so cheerful all the time!

Well sorry, Hate me!

Everyone kept telling me that I would find love eventually and when least expected!

So true! Love did not reach out and grab me, jump out of the bushes yelling and screaming, it sneaked up and just kind consumed me slowly, I kept telling myself I do not have time for love at the moment, not until I become me, fully!

As many of you who know me, and know what I had been going through, Oh my, I still can't believe how I feel now ! Like the weight of the world was lifted, I can breathe now and the "f...ing" dark fog has lifted.

I have found my soul mate and we love each other dearly with all our flaws!

Wow, We and Our, never thought I would ever say those words with those meanings again.

Enough of the rambling.....

Debra and I met in here, and like I said we started chatting for some time and then talking on the phone, just nice conversation, I never thought of loving her not even once, but then for some unforseen circumstances, it just happened and omg!

Then I find out she had the same feelings for me, Tammie!

So again I am sorry if you read this and it makes your skin crawl or if you want to spew, but damn it I am Truly Madly Deeply in Love and I have another reason to thank Dan, Jon and Vicki's inspiration that started this whole mess.

Mostly I thank my friends who keep giving me encouragement.

I love you all.

But most of all...

I Love My Soul Mate

Debra Anne Johnson

Whom I love more than anything or have ever loved before.

So again if you find this entry sick or sappy or just plain stupid...well I am sorry but

as the French say "Such is Life"

I love you Debra

Tammie

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