Lana
Journal Entries for Lana
Update July 16, 2006, Lana's second time in public
August 7th, 2006 8:24 pm MDT
Dear URNA friends, in July, I visited Keri Renault and her wife Sunny in Milwaukee. One of their friends, Kelly Carson, was also visiting. During the weekend together, we enjoyed great conversations and shared a lot of experiences as we got to know each other. Keri, Sunny and Kelly are wonderful people and I consider myself lucky to have met them. ..........My second time in public as Lana was just as wonderful as the first. Keri had planned for us to go to one of her favorite restaurants called "Barosa." This time, I decided to wear the jeans and wedge sandals (and carry the black purse) that I bought when I went out as Lana for the first time with Steffanie T back in May. Keri let me borrow a brown top, necklace, bracelet and watch to complete my look. As Keri helped me with make-up, Kelly was styling my wig for me to wear. I didn't have all the right make-up, but I hope that the pics look a little more natural (I'll try to post some soon). I have so much to learn about make-up application, but I hope to keep improving. ..........After taking some pics to celebrate our visit together, the four of us got in the car to drive into Milwaukee. This second time in public was very different than the first. I encountered more people and actually spoke to a few, too. Being with Keri, Sunny and Kelly made me feel so comfortable--they were so fantastic to be with! Although I hope that my outward appearance is becoming a little more natural (of course, I need to keep working at it!), I noticed that my feelings inside were much closer to feeling feminine (at least to me) than my first time in public. I felt less of a disconnect between Lana on the outside and Lana on the inside as the evening passed. Of course, I need to learn a lot more about looking and feeling feminine, but I felt like I took some major baby steps in that direction. ..........We got to the restaurant, parked and walked in. It wasn't very crowded and we were seated at a table for six (two more of Keri's friends, a TG and GG, joined us). As we ordered our food, I felt like we were six girls having dinner together and it was a wonderful feeling. I didn't say much during dinner, but I was really feeling ecstatic inside. As Lana, I ate slower and more deliberately, and I noticed that my mannerisms reminded me of my mother eating when she was my age. Actually, that made me feel connected to my femininity and I enjoyed it. ..........After dinner, we walked to our car and drove to a lakeside hangout called "Pieces of Eight" right next to the art museum downtown. As I got out of the car to walk across the parking lot and into the restaurant/bar area, I felt blissfully feminine in the warm summer breeze. There is something indescribable about walking, feeling, thinking, and looking like Lana outdoors. I know this is so new to me, but I was happy to yield to whatever femininity I had inside of me. I also did something I've never done before: I went into the women's restroom! Sunny waited outside while I locked the door behind me. Once I was inside, I used the bathroom, washed my hands and primped in front of the mirror for a minute. It probably sounds silly to say, but wow, that was so amazing! It felt so wonderful to be a girl in a girl's restroom and looking in the mirror and seeing a girl. Part of it, I'm sure, is the fact that I looked younger with all the make-up (who doesn't like to look younger!), but there was something more than that. Looking at Lana in the mirror, I was overwhelmed and smiling so much that I was nearly brought to tears, but I knew I couldn't cry with make-up on, so I held it together. :) When I walked out of the restroom, a young girl who was talking to Sunny looked at me, but didn't look at me twice (yes!). I followed Sunny to the bar area and we all talked more over drinks and met the bartender--she knew Keri and Sunny and was very friendly. As I sipped my water, I looked around and just tried to be myself. I was so happy that no one outside our group paid any extra attention to me, at least not too much. :) ..........As we got in the car to drive home, we shared how the evening went and I was so thankful to Keri, Sunny and Kelly for taking me out to dinner. They were so supportive and made me feel like Lana. One thing I learned on this second time in public is that it is very important to have experienced girls (TGs and/or GGs who have been out with TGs) to go out with. Along with Steffanie T, who took Lana out in public for the first time in May, I couldn't have asked for a more supportive group of friends. ..........I realize that some TGs have had bad experiences in public, so I'm just so thankful that both of my first two outings have been so wonderful. Of course, now I want to try to go out again, but I think it would be best if I practiced make-up a little more and tried to work on looking and feeling as naturally feminine as I can. As I gain more confidence, I'm sure that I'll learn to feel more natural and just be Lana. ..........I hope you enjoyed reading this journal entry. I've often wondered how much more natural Lana could have become if she had started in her 20s and went out in public then, but she'll enjoy the journey where it is now. :) Hugs, Lana
Update May 8, 2006, Lana's first time in public
May 10th, 2006 2:49 pm MDT
Dear URNA friends, well, I finally went out for the first time in public as Lana. Wow, I can't believe it! It was exactly as I had hoped. My heart was racing inside and I was so excited that I could hardly contain myself. Of course, I was also very nervous and forgot to wear any mascara! Yikes! Steffanie T was so wonderful to take me out. After she helped me finish my make-up, we went out about 5:30p. With the sun shining brightly, I thought it might be a mistake to go out in daylight for the first time, but Steffanie said that I would be fine and helped me to relax as we drove to our first stop on our shopping trip. She also said I looked like a bookworm with my glasses on--I agreed and was thrilled to go out looking like a librarian. :) I wore a brown knee-length corduroy/suede large-pleated skirt with nude pantyhose and wedge sandals (they were so cumfy and easy to walk in all day and night!), and a yellow boy's shirt. I only have dressy and/or evening women's clothes, so this was the best I could do for casual wear until I could make some new purchases. What made me feel so wonderful is that the skirt is a size 8 and it was too loose even with the shirt tucked in and even without wearing a waist cincher or corset. I guess that's a good problem to have. :) I love that skirt, so I guess I need to find a size 6. Anyway, back to our public venture... We went to two thrift stores and found a bunch of clothes to buy. I was hoping that no one would pay EXTRA attention to me, and fortunately, that's what happened. The late afternoon and evening we were out was so wonderfully uneventful. :) I was trying to be conscious of who was looking at me, but since I didn't stare at anyone, no one seemed to give me a second look. Steffanie was so good to stay close by and she did all the talking when we encountered anyone, so no one heard me say anything. Of course, we weren't in the middle of a crowd and no one really approached us or got too close to my face (thank God!), but I felt empowered nevertheless. I was ecstatic on the inside and felt like my heart was going to jump out of my body any second, though you couldn't tell by the stoic look on my face. After shopping, Steffanie and I ordered sandwiches at Wendy's drive-thru and ate in my hotel room together just after 9p (I wasn't quite ready to eat out as Lana yet). At 10p, Steffanie had to go, so after thanking her for taking me out this first time in public, we hugged and said good-bye. I had all these new clothes on the bed that I just had to try on, including a couple pairs of jeans, a casual pink velvet top with pink crinkle skirt, a black dress (can't have too many little black dresses!), and some dressy skirts. Being en femme from the mid-afternoon to well after midnight was exhilirating. It was so much fun to just walk around outside, get in and out of the car, and sit and act like a woman for so many hours, and Steffanie was the perfect shopping partner. If anyone approached me, she was ready to run interference. :) Next time, I will not forget to wear mascara!! And I need to find some casual earrings, maybe necklace and bracelet. I would have applied nail polish, but we were running late and both agreed to skip that this time. We took pics while we were out, but only a few came out ok, though I keep wishing I had not forgotten to apply mascara! Oh, did I say that already? :) At least I have a record of Lana's firt time in public. :) I also took pics in the new outfits and I'll try to sort them out and post a gallery soon. Thank you for reading about Lana's first time in public. If any of you has not ventured out yet, I hope you will be brave and try it, but please go out with someone who you trust and will be by your side the whole time. You have heard many say that the trick is not necessarily to pass (though I'd be lying if I said that this was not a goal for me), but to not draw attention to yourself. One key is to find casual clothes that GGs would wear in public and try to blend in and look as natural as you can. Of course, we want to look good, too. :) If anyone had checked me out and said, "I think that's a guy, but he/she sure looks good," that would have been wonderful, especially if it took them a while to figure me out. So, thank you for reading about Lana's first time in public. I can hardly describe how it felt to be feminine in public like that, but I hope you sense what I was feeling. Now that I've taken my first baby steps, I look forward to the next time I go out as Lana. Hugs, Lana
Update Sept 1, 2005 through Jan 2, 2006
April 14th, 2006 10:46 am MDT
Many of you have asked me to share more of my story with my ex-gf, so I'll try to summarize it here. Actually it involves two ex-gfs (at different times), but I'll combine the experiences into one for convenience. It all started some years ago when an ex-gf wanted to have a "lesbian" affair with me. Since I'm a straight male, I didn't know what she meant. She loved my masculinity, but she also wanted to bring out my feminine side. One winter she asked me to put on one of her bras, a pair of her pantyhose, one of her tight tops and short skirts. After laughing about it as we modeled for each other, she got more sensuously serious and asked me to shave my chest (what little hair I had) and also my legs, butt and more. When I put her bra and pantyhose on after that, I couldn't believe it! No wonder women love to wear silky pantyhose: they feel so smooth against shaved skin like that (I never knew!). She then dressed me totally sexy and then put make-up on me and I could almost "pass" as a female, at least with the lights down low. :) She then proceeded to make love to her "woman" slowly. There is a lot more to it than that, but it's probably best if I stop there. :) --------I will say, however, that kissing a woman's lips with lipstick (sticky and moist) on BOTH of us is an amazing sensual experience! It fulfilled her fantasy and I never knew what a turn-on that could be for her AND for me. It helped me learn more about feminine sensuality. She even helped me find some breast forms, a wig, and some heels (the ones you see in my profile pic) to wear to really pass as a feminine woman, though we never went out like that. She had no desire to be with another woman; she just wanted me to be her man AND her woman. Unfortunately, we broke up some time later and I've been trying to find a woman who wants to engage in the same experience since, not an easy task! In the meantime, I want to learn more how to look and feel like a feminine woman. --------I've learned a lot from URNA members, including Tiffany Michelle Lloyd, Keri Renault, and Kaitlyn Alexis (a huge thank you to all three of you!), and now I just want to keep improving how I look. Since joining URNA in July 2005, many of you have written such kind messages. Thank you so much--you have been an inspiration to me. I've managed to learn to walk quite well in heels, but need lots of help with make-up. I guess it just takes practice. Wearing sexy clothes feels wonderful, but my goal is to look as naturally feminine and "pass" as much as possible, so I'm trying to find outfits that will work in public. :) --------Sorry for the long update--I hope it was ok to share it with you. Hugs and kisses, Lana
My first URNA Profile July 2005
April 14th, 2006 10:17 am MDT
-------- from my initial July 2005 profile... Hi, I'm Lana. I love to get in touch with my feminine side and look and feel feminine when I can, even though it's only part-time. I love wearing feminine sexy clothes, including skirts, dresses, pantyhose and heels. Please be patient with me. I'm just a beginner, but I'll keep trying. :) I'm only interested in women for LTR (NO men!), but welcome close friendships with TGs, and will appreciate any insights from women and TGs on this site. Please tell me more about the feminine process and how to look and feel more feminine. --------It all started years ago when an ex-gf wanted to have a "lesbian" affair with me. See the Sept 1, 2005 through Jan 2, 2006 update in my journal for the rest of the story. Hugs and kisses, Lana
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