Journal Entries for Jan
Life a year ago
July 22nd, 2008 8:10 pm MDT
Last weekend I had time to think about how my life has changed. I spent most of the weekend doing nothing but playing video games and surfing the web. Not because I truely wanted too but because I had nothing better to do. A year ago this would not have bothered me. I did that very weekend.
It has been almost a year, sence I went out for the first time. A lot has change in that year. Most for the better. That first T-party was great. I have done so many things that I would have never done before. It's been great.
A year ago I just live to get to the next day. I don't care about life. I just wanted to through it. Now I do look forward to life. I look forward to doing more on the weekends then just sit around the house. I have more and better friends then I never had in my life.
Of course I have to thank two people for that. Thank you you two.
sad morning thoughts
February 13th, 2008 5:26 pm MST
As I laid in bed this morning, some thoughts rolled through my head. They always do when I try to sleep. This morning I though about the pictures that have been taken of me sence I start to get out "dressed". And how some people call me cutie (I just don't see it, I think people are just being kind to me). That got me thinking about a friend who keeps calling herself a whale. This pains me as she is a beautiful person both in body and heart. Then I had an OMG moment, what about her other half. If it pains me to hear her say these things about herself then it must tear up her signifagent other. At this point I was getting very sad and upset. It hurts me to see my friends hurting and not be able to do anything for them. My thoughts then turn inward. I thought about how powerless I really was. How I can't really help anyone. How useless a person I really was. I just take from the people around me, not able to give anything back. I started to cry. I got up and started doing anything that would pull my thoughts out of where they were going.
my thoughts
January 23rd, 2008 7:39 pm MST
I have been truely dressing for a few years now. I have come a long way, but I look at my path a head and see I have berrily covered any ground. I have so much more to learn about myself it's scary. I have also learned that I can't do it alone. I have tried to do everyone thing myself at times I took great pride in that. I used to think "to hell with everyone else I will do it myself". Now I feel shame in the fact I could not ask for help.
Thank you to all my friends, those I have chatted with and those I have meet in real life. Special thanks to Tammie and Deb. Whom have helped me greatly. Also thanks to dan and jon for a great website. Without all your help I would not have gotten as far as I have on my journal.
