Journal Entries for Deidre Elizabeth Novak
Getting older
September 22nd, 2006 10:33 pm MDT
Well another birthday has come and gone, this one without much fanfare. I don't feel any older than I did the day before it nor the day before that, it is just a way of keeping score. I do have to admit celebrating it alone was not a lot of fun and having to treat myself to dinner a bummer but still what is a girl to do? I guess I couldn't have looked too bad because I could feel a few male eyes follow me through Eastside Nario's on my way to my table. I guess leather skirts and boots do that to men. What do you mean guess Deidre, you knew exactly what you were doing and why, you wanted a little attention and you got it! If that is how I can get it right now I will take the stares, now if I could only convert at least one stare to a man in my bed life would be complete!
Fitting In
August 6th, 2006 7:48 am MDT
I never thought working would be this much fun. Granted when I started all of this I never imagined myself a waitress or a bartender, let alone in such straight places, but here I am. Granted it is hard and hot work, especially that damned period costume I have to wear at the Village but it is fun and financially rewarding! Yesterday we were open late and I stayed from morning to close and made over $160 in tips! Friday night at the bar I made almost $100 so I am flush with cash. Maybe I should treat myself to something but what? Any suggestions girls?
It gets better everyday
July 13th, 2006 11:39 am MDT
Things seem to get a little better each daay. I still can't get over the outpouring of love and sweet comments form all the girls here at Urnotalone. I guess whether we actually know someone or not we are all sisters under the skin. I cannot begin to tell all of you how your cheery words and kind comments help me through the day and have even put a smile on my face a few times. My heartfelt thanks and a big kiss goes out to each of you. Gary did finally return my phone call and I am meeting him for coffee at a neutral and safe coffee house where we can exchange everything. I am not going alone though I know I am still not ready to trust myself 100% Beth, Karen, and Nancy are going with me and although they are not going to sit with us they will be there for the moral support I know I will need. Once that is behind me I am going off for a vacation and who knows what! Not sure where yet but I do know I am going to keep my legs together, I am way too vulnerable right now. Again thanx to all and smoochies!
Time heals all things, what a crock!
July 11th, 2006 11:43 am MDT
I did leave a message for Gary yesterday but he has yet to call back, I guess he wants me to either stew on all of this or else he thinks he can get me to go back, not a chance! I do want to get my stuff back as well as get his shit out of here. I did have the locks changed so if he tries to get his stuff he is in for a surprise, thankx Beth for the suggestion! They say time heals all things but it still hurts more than I ever imagined a break-up could. Maybe I really was in love with him but who knows for sure? One thing I do know for sure is I am going forward with my life as me. I think I will head over to AAA and get some maps and take a vacation. I am still not sure where I am going but I do know I have to get away and start anew. Maybe I need a fling or something to put all that behind me. I do know I haven;t even thought about sex since he told me adios. Oh well Duracell stock is going to take a dive!
Maybe it is for the better
July 8th, 2006 9:32 am MDT
I guess I should have seen it coming still when Gary dropped the bomb last night it took me by surprise. Now that I have had all night to cry about it and think it over it was coming, I knew when I started living as a woman he was not happy with it still he could have let me down a little easier. I think I will call him in a couple of days and make arrangements to get my stuff out of his place, return his things, give him back his key, and get mine back but not today. I am afraid I will do or say something I may regret or will not be too ladylike. Then again some of the names I called him last night were not too nice either! I think what still boils me the most is he waited until after he got a BJ then he drops the bomb! I know the crying is due a lot in part to the HRTand I would probably still be crying but I think I am cried out. Maybe in a few weeks I will realize this is for the best, he was never going to make an honest woman out of me. He had too much fun treating me as a housewife and whore. It is so different than break-ups of the past, this one I poured my heart and soul into. Maybe I should change and go out somewhere, not sure where but somewhere.
My Thoughts
April 25th, 2006 10:43 am MDT
04/25/06 Been 3 months now I have lived FT and it is amazing how different it is. In the beginning it was like a fairy tale but reality has started to come to play. Things are so different now, not only in how I live but also in how people see and treat me. I do love being treated as a lady with doors opened for me and the like but I hate how men think we are all so dumb. It is so funny how we see ourselves in fantasy and how reality differs.
