URNotAlone

Been gone for a while

April 23rd, 2011 7:23 am MDT

     Just wanted to put out a message to all that for the past two years or so, due to economic reasons, I was forced to give up my gold membership and keep only a profile membership - and aparently I kept a very low profile - as I visited the site very infrequently, during which time many of you visited my site, but with a profile membership, I was only able to view the last three at any given time, and since those times were few and far between, I missed many of you when you visited.

     Unfortunately, I don't think I can ever individually catch up with all of you that I missed during that time, so I am simply going to apologize for my long absence and tell you that it was not due to a lack of caring that you did not hear back from me.

     I'm back now and hopefully I will be able to get back in touch with some old friends and even make some new ones.

                                                                      Cara 

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Finally took another step

April 19th, 2011 7:15 am MDT

     I haven'd posted much of anything for quite a while. In fact, I pretty much dropped out of sight. But I recently took a giant step forward in my trans-life. I am officially no longer Paul. In February, my name was officially (legally) changed from Paul Joseph to Cara Jean.                              

     I had taken a part time job two years ago as Paul to supplement my income as my construction business was no longer paying the bills, and after 20 months I was offered a full time position, which I began in November of 2010, and I realized shortly afterward that it was time to start living my true identy, and after meeting with the appropriate managers, revealing my true self to them and my intent to begin living as my true self, I expected to have the boom lowered on me, but I was quite pleased to hear then and there that all notifications would be made on the same day that my name was officially changed - and they were!!!!!! I can hardly believe the tremendous support I have received from the management team and my co-workers, nor could I have ever even imagined the weight which was instantly taken off my shoulders.

     I have to say that it was an extremely exciting event for me, but two weeks later, after I had received the necessary completed medical paperwork, I was able to have my license changed as well, and I was literally shaking as I left the DMV staring at my new drivers license which read Cara Jean.........Female. Needless to say, now I am hell-bent to make that a 100% reality!!!!

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I hate my cell phone camera!!!

January 27th, 2008 4:24 pm MST

I'm sure that by now most of you realize that almost all of my photos have been taken by me with my cell phone camera, and I think that I should tell you that my cell phone only looks like an unwanted appendage and it doesn't need to be surgically removed. However, I would like to put it down sometime and have a few photos taken by someone else for a change so I could show myself without having my own hand out in front of me looking twice the size of my head. So many of you girls have some beautiful shots posted, and I'd love to have some of those too, where I could look as feminine as I feel instead of staring sideways at the phone to be sure I'm on target as I'm twitching all over the place waiting to hear the camera click before I twitch myself out of focus. I can't afford a professional photo shoot, and although I am out more often than I used to be, I am not "OUT" to everyone yet nor full time yet and I still don't have the confidence to walk into a glam shot studio alone in some mall to have a few photos taken. If anyone knows of a fairly inexpensive, TS/TG friendly photo studio, or even a trustworthy amateur photographer who is also TS/TG friendly, I'd love to hear about it. If any of you are in a similar situation and lack the confidence that I lack to go into a studio because you are always out alone too, and if you are in the same local area (to me), perhaps we could talk about getting together for the extra confidence we each need to walk in to a studio. I'd even be open to suggestions on ways to take my own, if I could figure out cameras, timers, stands, backgrounds, etc. I'm starting with this "friends only" request, and hopefully I will find the answer here. Somebody please help me!!!!

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Finally moving forward

January 11th, 2008 11:54 pm MST

2007 - After three years of therapy and denial, I finally realized that Cara is here to stay, and all the denial in the world is never going to change that. I also realized that I didn't want to change it either. Cara revealed herself at a late age for a reason, and I need to persue it. I went through all of the guilt and shame I can bear, and although my guilt feelings are the result of knowing that many loved ones could be hurt as a result of the changes in me, none of my guilt or shame has changed anything, and I know that I can never return to being the man I once was. Cara has added a dimension to my life that I never imagined existed. I guess the most difficult part was coming to grips with the fact that I have lived as a man for over a half century, and then one day everything changed, and I will never be able to understand WHY! But what I do know is that I cannot continue to try to keep everyone else happy while my own life quickly melts away as I sit on the fence and never experience the fullness of becoming the person I was meant to be. This change has taken place in me for a reason, and I need to know what that reason is. In March of 2007, I began hormone treatments, and I am pleased to say that physical and emotional changes are underweigh, and I am no longer sitting on that fence. I can't wait to see where life takes me now.

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