Pretty status quo here; received a slight setback on one of my blood tests last week. My oncologists and I will see where it is heading (up, back down, stabilized) next week- but still feeling TFTAB! Been getting a lil frazzled with some non-cancer related things the last couple of weeks; work, health issues with my mom/dearth (and when was the last time you saw the word dearth?!) of help from my sibs, lack of free time recently, and more- whaddya gonna do...
It's been an early spring here and the city really looks pretty! Flowering trees and shrubs already in mid-season bloom, everything greening up nicely- very pretty! Mornings have been milder, have resumed running outdoors again- still need to increase my mileage a bit more. One thing I plan to shoot for this fall is to run a half-marathon; 26.2 miles is a lil too much for me but I believe if I continue to train well I can handle 13.1 miles, even if I don't set a course record! ;) And hopefully get in a couple/few 5Ks or 10Ks along the way as time/schedule permits... And yeah, I need to get my hair done again; I had an appointment a week or so ago but I had to cancel due to some unexpected health issues with my mom- hopefully next week!
And 10 more on shuffle... Lost Beach, The Vanduras Same Girl, Jack Johnson The Bad In Each Other, Feist Keep On Chooglin', CCR (You can take the girl out of the swamp but you can't take the swamp out of the girl! :) Breathless, The Corrs So Nice, Diana Krall Barbara Ann, Beach Boys Bleed Like Me, Garbage Will She Just Fall Down, 'Til Tuesday Mother's Little Helper, Rolling Stones
"And if you take more of those/You will get an overdose..."
Finished strong on my college hoops wagering season- yay! On the downside this was my least-profitable season, and I do depend upon it to supplement my income, but whaddya gonna do. Perhaps I was a bit distracted earlier this fall with some other issues in my life...
On that topic I suppose no news is good news! Apart from the chemo-induced neuropathy in my fingers, feet, and toes (as I've probably mentioned before it's like a numbness- makes typing, tying my shoes, buttoning, zipping things challenging, have a heckuva time trying to fasten the clasps on necklaces and other jewelry, dammit!) I feel fine. The cancer still seems to be at bay, no spread or advance as I begin to close in on one year since being diagnosed (May.) My energy level is as good as ever, now I just need to get my running mileage back up there now that it's more comfy to run outdoors again, and I actually could probably stand to lose about 6-7 pounds; yikes! One thing I can't quite tell is if my hair is getting thinner because of the chemo, or finer vis a vis renewed HRT (since October.) The texture is different from what it was. At any rate I need to get it done again soon; at least I still have some! :) Work and all is what it is, but my schedule is more amenable than it has been in, well, in too long; making more time to get out and about, and will even moreso with the nicer, warmer weather on the way! I've done a lil more work on the novel I've been hacking away writing for years, but I still need to get more serious about it, as well as some short story ideas and pieces languishing on my 'puter (need to think about getting a new 'puter as well sometime this year, this beast has seen better days.) I also want to do some volunteer work and/or contributing/fundraising for orgs and issues important to me if/as time permits (PanMass Challenge- I don't cycle, will donate to friends who are riding- Fenway Health, Beth Israel Deaconess Med Center top my list.)
In short I'm simply trying to get as much out of life as I can for as long as I feel well enuf to do so, in all of my walks of life. Right now I feel great!
Odds and Sods... The Gay Alternative to ObamaCare Wall Street Journal columnist, William McGurn, wrote about free-market health-care reform and GOProud’s efforts to advocate for individuals to make their own health coverage decisions, not their employers or the government. Top 10 Overrated Songs of All Time FWIW. Some (anything by Lady Gaga, Smells Like Teen Spirit, Imagine) I agree with, most of the others I don't. Like beauty, art is in the eye- or ears- of the beholder. Fenway Park Turns 100 The 100 most fascinating characters, moments, and tales in our beloved ballpark's history. Northeast Saw One of the Warmest, Least Snowy Winters on Record I enjoyed. "Climate change?" Bring it on! (Note: the history of our planet is a history of climate change. Deal with it.) Government Surveillance Crackdown On Internet Goes Into Overdrive I'll say it again; if this were occurring under the previous Administration many of the usual suspects would be bleating about imminent fascism and the like. But now... nothing to see here folks, move along. National Library Week, April 8-14, 2012 Read!
"Your deep emotions, inside yourself/They're hard to face but you must try/You had your feelings for the one you love/You got me wondering why..."
It's been a rough season on the wagering front for me; overall I am in the black, but it has been my least-successful year. College football killed me last fall (made out better, and ahead, on the NFL) and while I'm reasonably ahead on college hoops this season, overall it's been my leanest year. At this point I'm simply looking to remain consistent, with the conference and NCAA hoops tournaments coming up...
I don't watch a lot of television; I often don't have the time nor, frequently, the inclination. When I do it's usually either news, sports, documentaries, or movies. Rarely do I follow any programs; I did watch The Sopranos when it was on (Edie Falco was vastly under-rated), and currently follow Mad Men; Season 5 premiers March 25th! (An aside- my all-time fav MM episode, The Suitcase, is on On Demand this week; superb script, superb acting by Jon Hamm and Elisabeth Moss.) But I see ads for programs and so often I wonder "Who the heck watches these shows?!" Who makes time to watch Two And a Half Men, How I Met Your Mother, some of the trashy so-called "reality" programs (where from the ads all it seems people do is argue and fight over inanities) and more. Granted, many people must; they remain on the air, but yikes... I know, it's probably just me :(
Items of note Sex-changing treatment for kids: It's on the rise A small but growing number of teens and even younger children who think they were born the wrong sex are getting support from parents and from doctors who give them sex-changing treatments, according to reports in the medical journal Pediatrics. It's an issue that raises ethical questions, and some experts urge caution in treating children with puberty-blocking drugs and hormones...A dilemma. My .02- I do think it would be wiser to wait until they reach the age of, I dunno, 14, maybe 16; as one doctor noted: "It's harmful to have an irreversible treatment too early..." Gay Marriage a Tough Sell with Blacks in MarylandAs a bill legalizing same-sex marriage in Maryland hurtles toward a vote in the legislature this week, a coalition lobbying for its passage has focused much of its efforts on a group of Democrats who could potentially scuttle its success: African-Americans.More:A civil solution to same-sex marriage angst...the eighth state to legalize same-sex marriage may soon be Maryland, where former vice president Dick Cheney reportedly lobbied Republican state legislators to help pass the bill FridayMaryland's Senate still needs to vote on the legislation; it passed their House by one vote. 14 Beauty Rituals Men Will Never Understand ...besides shoes, what other things do women wear or do for the sake of fashion and beauty that (straight, obviously) men will never be able to wrap their heads around? Photographer Lillian Bassman on Glamour: "I project what I'm not. What I would like to be." From Couch To ClutchAfter being cut twice, Jeremy Lin emerged from the end of the Knicks' bench to inspire victories, debunk stereotypes and dazzle the NBA—while living on his brother's sofa. Some folks have focused on his being Chinese-American but to me what's impressive is a Harvard guy doing so well in the NBA; the Ivy League isn't the Big Ten.
10 on shuffle... Unity, Desmond Dekker Dancing With Myself, Billy Idol Straight Up, Paula Abdul Medicine, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals Ace Of Spades, Motorhead (really! :) She's A Beauty, The Tubes Maybe Monday, 'Til Tuesday My Moon My Man, Feist Can't Stand Losing You, The Police State Of Massachusetts, Dropkick Murphys
"I don't predict the future, I don't care about the past/Send them both to DSS now you've had your chance..."
Happy Valentine's Day! I hope any and all lovebirds enjoyed :)
Bought a nice pink Talbot's cardigan sweater the other day; it's cute! Also bought a pair of Nine & Co. black knee-high boots- I didn't own a pair, and I've seen a lot of women wearing 'em recently. Call it shopping therapy if you want but I have been on a shopping spree the last several months; I needed to update my wardrobe as is, plus some of my pre-cancer items no longer fit (too big; I've lost, and kept off, a lil weight! :) See? I'm not always Miss Serious And Deep!
Brief health report: re. the cancer itself I'm still doing and feeling fine, wouldn't know I had it if I didn't know. But the chemo-induced neuropathy has gotten more pronounced, and annoying. They did take me off of the drug that primarily causes it (and I went a lot longer on that drug than many colon cancer patients apparently) but it will take time to begin to dissipate. It's like a numbness, a lessened sensitivity, in my fingertips and toes; makes typing, even buttoning or zipping something or tying shoes, opening things, etc... a lil difficult. But considering the alternative... Other than that I feel fine- still running indoors dammit but the am temps should start to moderate soon enuf and I can hit the pavement again- yay!
News of note... Cynthia Nixon: Bald and gay by choice, bisexual by birth Sadly, many self-appointed/self-annointed "leaders" of Big Gay came down on her hard- no dissent from the orthodoxy shall be allowed (and many of these are the same people who bleat about tolerance and "embracing diversity...") A Gay Time at JCPenneyI think the Moms are wrong. Ellen DeGeneres is an American citizen. She has committed no crime. If she wants to promote equality for gays or gay marriage, that is her constitutional right. She should not be dismissed from anything... So let's leave Ellen alone and allow the marketplace to dictate exactly what Americans believe is worthy. That is the American way. Witch hunting against certain people and groups is not. Fair and balanced from Bill O'Reilly. Male and Female Behavior DeconstructedHormones shape our bodies, make us fertile, excite our most basic urges, and as scientists have known for years, they govern the behaviors that separate men from women. But how? Now a team of scientists at the University of California, San Francisco (UCSF) has uncovered many genes influenced by the male and female sex hormones testosterone and estrogen that, in turn, govern several specific types of male and female behaviors in mice. Making Peace With The Past Worth a quick look. Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue shines spotlight on Olympians Motivation to get in shape...
Got a rockin' haircut last week- my gal Alyson does fantastic work, even working with my hair! Slowly but surely I am beginning to make/take more "me" time than I have in, well, in too long. I'm still maintaining the responsibilities and loyalties that I have in my various walks of life but I'm not allowing myself to be overwhelmed by them as I- too often- had done in my past. Physically I'm still feeling fine; in a perverse way I sometimes think I feel healthier than I ever have. Strange- but good!
Back to the Super Bowl- Go Pats!!! It should be a fascinating, and close, match-up. The Pats defense has been playing much better over the last month and half or so, particularly the front 7. They're going to need to pressure Manning and contain the Giants run game to take some of the pressure off of our secondary, which should be tested by the Giants' receivers. Offensively the Pats should have to establish the run a bit more- Benny Green-Ellis, Danny Woodhead, and potentially Aaron Hernandez out of the backfield again- to take some of the pressure off of Brady and the passing game, force the Giants to respect the run enough to potentially free up Welker, Gronk (who will be healthy enuf to play!) Hernandez, Deion Branch, et al... a bit more. The Giants have played well over the last third of the season, and Tom Coughlin is a sharp coach but it is difficult for me to see a Belichick-coached team losing to an opponent twice in one season (11/6, NYG 24- 20 NE; the Pats last loss, BTW.) The wiseguys currently have the Pats installed as a 2.5- 3 pt. favorite; I haven't played it yet. Go Pats!!! (And two UMass guys will have prominent roles: Pats SS James Ihedigbo and Giants WR Victor Cruz.)
Bill would bar prisons from paying for inmate sex changes I realize it may get me booted from "the Sisterhood" but, as in the case with Robert Kosilek here in Massachusetts, why should taxpayers be forced to pony up the $$ for such convicted felons? Further, there are thousands of law-abiding transsexuals, people who did not violate the laws of society to such an extent that their fellow citizens found them deserving of imprisonment, who do not receive hair removal, HRT, SRS at taxpayer expense. Why should their hard-earned dollars, via their taxes, go to enable criminals to receive those? Priorities, people... 8 Anti-Aging Makeup TricksWith all due respect to wrinkle cream, the right foundation or lipcolor can make you look younger — instantly. See for yourself with these super-fast solutions. What gal doesn't want that?! FBI releases plans to monitor social networks Imagine if this occurred under the previous Administration? We'd be hearing cries of incipient fascism and the like. But now... nothing to see here folks, move along. The New Theories of Moral Sentiments The economic historian who is bringing love, faith, courage and virtue back into her discipline... she asks whether one can participate fully in the modern capitalist economy and still be a moral person. Ms. McCloskey is a free marketeer and used to be a close personal friend of Milton Friedman... In the mid-1990s, Ms. McCloskey went through another radical transformation, changing her gender and ditching her given first name, Donald, to become Deirdre. The Secret Power Of Introverts ...before the twentieth century, we lived in what historians called a “culture of character,” when you were expected to conduct yourself morally with quiet integrity. But when people starting flocking to the cities and working for big businesses the question became, how do I stand out in a crowd? We morphed into a “culture of personality,” which she says sparked a fascination with glittering movie stars, bubbly employees and outgoing leadership.
"She's always out making pictures/She's always out making scenes/She's always out the window/When it comes to making dreams.... "
I had a- routine- CT scan earlier this week; great results! Nothing new or worrisome showed up, and the existing tumors had all shrunk appreciably, again (last scan was early last fall.) The oncologists seem very pleased with the results, as well as my continued response to and ability to tolerate the chemo regimen. My med people tell me that I'm doing a lot to stay healthy and strong but to me it just seems like I'm only doing what I've always done, no big thing. But apparently it is paying off, keeping me healthy. So good news!!!
Got a new pair of running shoes- Saucony again (natch! ProGrid Triumph 8.) Finally time to retire what I call my "recovery" running shoes (got me back up to 7+ miles/morning- tho' I'm currently confined to an indoor treadmill at the gym, cold is affecting me too much this winter, dammit.) Also purchased a new winter coat (wool, camel, knee length- nice!) Hafta make an appointment to get my hair done again next week; between the dry winter air, and just that I let it go too long it needs it...
Playoff fever- Go Pats! A phenomenal performance vs. Denver last weekend, in all facets of the game, with a few different wrinkles thrown into the game plan as well. Baltimore should pose a tougher challenge but if the Pats play like they did last weekend hopefully a Pats win for my birthday! :) Not having my best season AT$ this year, even struggling on college hoops (which in the past has been my best moneymaker.) I am in the black, but not comfortably- and I depend upon it to supplement my income. Whaddya gonna do...
Items of note: NJ lawmaker apologizes for "gaybirds" postA New Jersey legislator has apologized for a post on a social media site that referred to the Philadelphia Eagles as "gaybirds" and the Dallas Cowboys as "cowgirls." Assemblyman Charles Mainor, D-Jersey City... Worth noting to those under the misguided perception that anti-gay sentiments are solely the province of Republicans and conservatives. How to Get Unstuck New Years resolutions or not! The Constitution and the Coot...a sad conclusion: that the job of the constitutional candidate — the ombudsman for the founding document, the champion of the framers — is unlikely to appeal to anyone except the humorless crank at the end of the bar. And that’s not Ron Paul’s fault. That’s ours. Gary Johnson was my preferred GOP candidate but, given that they drove him out of the party I do find Ron Paul's candidacy interesting. Single By ChoiceWhen it comes to getting hitched, more Americans than ever before are saying "I don't." Singles now make up nearly half the adult population in this country, and new research suggests they’re happier, more social, and more active in the community than many of their wedded counterparts. As with many things there are pros and cons.
Looking back I realize the last several years now I've composed a sort-of "year-end/year-ahead" entry. So here's another...
First- I hope everyone had an enjoyable Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate this time of year- mine was very enjoyable! And I wish everyone all the best for the coming year :)
What to say about this past year? A life-altering one, for sure. Back in May I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. As I've referenced a few times, prior to the onset of sudden- and very painful- symptoms the beginning of May I had no inkling, no idea, that anything was remotely wrong with me. Absent symptoms, and absent any particular reason to do any scans, etc... apparently there would have been little way of catching this sooner (a colonoscopy typically isn't recommended before age 50; I'm still several years away from that.) May and June were bad months, dealing with multiple surgical procedures, as well as the realization that I'm likely looking at a vastly-shortened life-span than expected (my oncologists told me- because I asked- that the median prognosis with treatment is currently a little over two years.) My mom also had some serious health issues during that time that I had to deal with/manage as well. The second half of the year has been better in terms of a lot of things; I've felt/am feeling quite good, especially considering. I've been able to resume my normal schedule, work-load, etc... I've regained much of my physical stamina and strength. My med people tell me that I've recovered from the surgeries and all and have responded quite well to the chemo treatments (with minimal side effects- still have all my hair! Tho' I think the chemo has aged my appearance bit, waaaaahhhhh.) I have some great people working on my behalf. I believe that I've done pretty well dealing with the psychological impact of it all thus far. I'm currently in the process of getting into a position to have/make/take more "me" time in the coming year. And I've been very encouraged, heartened, and touched by the outpourings of concern and support that I've received from so many, from all of my walks of life.
What have seldom come easily to me are spontaneity and easy adaptation to change. Be it my relatively conventional nature or whatever but I often tend to be very much a creature of habit (several folks who may be reading this can attest to that.) One thing my illness has begun to cause me to do is to change that trait somewhat (understanding that 44 + years of habit and in-grained processes are difficult to change overnight.) I do have a tremendous amount of- what?- loyalty toward people that I know, and don't wish to unnecessarily or unduly rock their boats; that's just not my way. But I've also felt increasingly liberated, or maybe it's simply not giving as much of a damn, in beginning to do more of the things that I want to do in life. It's not in my nature to be a free spirit nor to throw all cautions to the wind- I'm not wired that way, and I make no apologies for not being wired that way- but, inexorably at times still, I have begun to break out of some of my more hide-bound ways (hardly limited to my TGism, BTW.)
I'm not sure what the coming year will bring for me; how healthy I remain will be the biggest factor. I've never been much of a resolutions kind of gal, and I really can't think of any that I want/need to make- with the exception of making better effort to appreciate my days and the people in them, now more than ever :)
Nice to see the city decked out for Christmas- looks pretty, all the lights, trees, decorations... Enjoying a bomber of Blue Hills Three Peak Holiday Stout while whiling away- shhhhh; it's in a glass, they'll think it's a Coke! It is getting nippy this evening... I hafta think about getting a new cell phone soon. I've never been a real gadget-geek; as long as something works reasonably well for me I'll stick with it until it drops. But my current phone needs replacement. I don't need a lot of bells-and-whistles, just something reliable, sturdy, and easy to use... Might attend this- T-Social Holiday Party- if I have the night free; Fenway Health (my primary health care provider) provides excellent care and support to the entire community, LGBT and straight... I'm not really sure how I feel about the whole Tim Tebow phenomenon. A lot of football pundits are correct; he doesn't (at least yet) possess many of the skills and attributes of the prototypical NFL QB. Doug Flutie, for all the critiques of him, did possess more of those, even if he also was an unconventional pro QB. But so far, as with Flutie, Tebow-led teams have found a way to win (much of this also goes to the Denver defense keeping games close enough to facilitate 4th quarter heroics.) But he's also a cultural phenom, with his "Tebowing." I respect anyone with sincere faith. And Tebow's seems to be sincere. Having said that, and maybe it's just my New England and/or Catholic background showing but I do find such public exhibitions of faith a bit- what?- unnecessary? There's a line in Scripture: "But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you." (Matthew 6:6.) When it comes to football, I'll put my faith in Bill Belichick- beat Denver tomorrow! (Pats are favored anywhere from 7.5 to 9 points currently; I'm not playing it.)
Items of note... Christopher Hitchens, 1949–2011: In Memoriam Agree or disagree with his views (I did both) the man was thought-provoking and entertaining. A loss. Gary Johnson Hits GOP Candidates Over Anti-Gay Rhetoric I'll say it one more time; Gov. Johnson's candidacy deserved greater respect from both the GOP and the media than it received. (And just to remind the knee-jerk GOP-bashers out there, Pres. Obama and VP Biden are both on record as opposed to SSM. Some "change.") A Brain's Failure to Appreciate Others May Permit Human AtrocitiesSocial neuroscience has shown through MRI studies that people normally activate a network in the brain related to social cognition -- thoughts, feelings, empathy, for example -- when viewing pictures of others or thinking about their thoughts. But when participants in this study were asked to consider images of people they considered drug addicts, homeless people, and others they deemed low on the social ladder, parts of this network failed to engage.
"Come on, it's lovely weather/For a sleigh ride together with you..."
A lil early but... I've probably said it before but one of my favorite Christmas discs is The Ventures' Christmas Joy. For me this is a great Christmas collection; never been much of a Mannheim Steamroller or Trans-Siberian Orchestra gal. Another great one is A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector... I usually don't get thinking too much about Christmas until maybe two weeks or so before, and I don't put up my lil Charlie Brown-like Christmas tree 'til maybe a week before the holiday... If you need a lil more help getting into the Christmas spirit: Irish Eggnog. Slainte!
What I'm Reading Now: Cape Cod Noir, David L. Ulin, ed.
Odds and sods... Your Brain Knows a Lot More Than You Realize Neuroscientist David Eagleman explores the processes and skills of the subconscious mind, which our conscious selves rarely consider. Who knew?! Irish Accents Surpass French Accents As The World’s Sexiest, Supposedly According to a poll of 5,000 women worldwide, cited in the UK’s Daily Mail newspaper, ladies most desire to be whispered sweet nothings in an Irish lilt, followed by Italian declarations of amore.Work on your brogue, guys :) Top 10 excuses for not being great Dare to be great! I Don't Understand What Anyone Is Saying AnymoreI'd say that in about half of my business conversations, I have almost no idea what other people are saying to me...When I was younger, if I didn't understand what people were saying, I thought I was stupid. Now I realize that if it's to people's benefit that I understand them but I don't, then they're the ones who are stupid. Zen: What Catholics Should Know For those interested... Garlic Goodness Good and good for you! The Psychology of NakednessDo people’s mental capacities fundamentally change when they remove a sweater? This seems absurd: How could removing a piece of clothing change one’s capacity for acting or feeling? In six studies, however, we show that taking off a sweater—or otherwise revealing flesh—can significantly change the way a mind is perceived.
Hoping everyone had a relaxing and enjoyable Thanksgiving today- mine was good, spent the day at my mom's, had a nice dinner, nice day! Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday... And despite some of the things going on with me I still have much to be thankful for, most importantly family and friends :)
I must be doing something right- I recently re-took the RealAge survey. Despite closing in on- waaahhhhh!- 45 yrs (next January- and don't wait 'til the last minute to shop for gifts!) and including accounting for my cancer, my Real Age was... 40.5 years! Must be all of my good, clean living... shure, Kel! Wish I could have gotten it under 40, but hey... :) Had a decent, albeit nippy, run this morning. Unfortunately I think I'm going to have to start running indoors on the treadmill this winter; I believe I've previously mentioned that my chemo treatments have increased my sensitivity to cold (and I'm one of those people who always wears shorts year-round.) This morning breathing in the cold air was kinda uncomfortable. That, coupled with how the cold makes my face and hands sting (even with gloves) may make me hafta run indoors when the temps dip near/below freezing. Dammit... Off to a good $tart on college hoops so far- I need it, as I've been getting killed on college football this season, ugh.
Six months ago tonight I found out that I had cancer. Six months ago tonight I underwent emergency surgery (and, as I later discovered, surgery from which there was a legit concern that I might not make it out of it) to remove a large cancerous growth, as well as a few other procedures. Up until two weeks prior to that I had no knowledge, no inkling, no idea that anything was remotely wrong with me. That night six months ago is still kind of a blur, which is probably for the best. It would be several days later that I was told the extent of my illness, a week after that when I was given the full diagnosis, likely prognosis, and recommended treatment.
Flash forward another couple of surgeries, 16+ weeks of bi-weekly chemo treatments, and six months, and I'm feeling fine! Really. My strength, stamina, energy, appetite are all back- or almost back- near where they were prior to becoming sick. Back up to a lil over 7 miles/morning run, good- and consistently good- workouts @ the gym. (I'm still somewhat weaker on the weights than I was before this all began.) My schedule is back to normal (and I may- finally!- be curtailing, or at least making more amenable, my schedule at long last, likely by the end of the year at latest; holiday issues/scheduling being the few remaining factors to resolve.) Slowly but steadily I'm beginning to make/take a lil more "me" time- something I've too often neglected in the past. Most importantly I've gained a far greater appreciation of and for people than I ever had before; I'll say it once again, I'm truly blessed and honored to be surrounded by sooooooooo many good people, in all of my walks of life!
My ultimate prognosis still is what it is; this is incurable, at some point this will get me. Hopefully, between the dedicated work of my medical team, and any/all efforts I can make, that ending can be pushed back a bit longer. I don't believe that I fear dying- either there is an afterlife (which I believe there is) or there is not, nothing I can do about it either way. I do fear not having lived my life fully enuf. That- along with maintaining my health as best I can!- is the main challenge before me, for however long I have left to do so. But if I had known I'd be doing and feeling this well six months ago I'd have been very surprised. And pleased!
Well why do the hands of time So easily unwind Some lessons we learn the hard way Some lessons don't come easy That's the price we have to pay Some lessons we learn the hard way They don't come right off and right easy That's why they say some lessons learned we learn the hard way... - Some Lessons, Melody Gardot
That four-letter "s" word appeared today... snow- yuck! A good friend of mine in Connecticut lost power, and I guess there were outages throughout the region. I don't like snow and cold, never did, even as a kid. Summer is nice, and fall is wonderful, but wintry weather? Fuggedaboutit! (Al Gore is welcome to come brush the global warming off of my car...)
I've mentioned this before but in light of my illness it bears repeating; I've truly been blessed to be surrounded by so many good people, in all of my walks of life. Family goes without saying, but the genuine concern and affection that I've received from so many folks, from my oldest friends from home, to folks I hadn't been in contact with for- in some cases- many years, to folks I've recently befriended, and any/all in-between, has been truly heart-touching and humbling. While I've usually been a fairly friendly person there is a part of me that is sometimes guarded. The one biggest lesson I've taken from my illness so far is the importance of people, appreciating and, indeed, reveling in people. For any of you reading this, I thank you :)
Random ramblings... A disappointing game by the Patriots this afternoon, ugh...My docs put me on an anti-coagulant the beginning of October, to deal with possible/potential blood clot issues vis a vis my cancer as well as HRT. It's a daily injectible med, so for the first time in my life I've had to shoot up (I'll be in my basement room/With a needle and a spoon... well, not quite! ;)... I have to make an appointment this week to get my hair done again; it's been a lil while. I wanted to wait a bit to see how much- if any- hair thinning/hair loss I might have from chemo but it has- fortunately!- been a non-issue... I have plans to head out to the western part of the state this weekend to get together with several good friends- should be a fun time! Picked up a cute pink cotton sweater recently, a nice addition to my wardrobe... Made a yummy pumpkin bread this morning to take to my mom's- deelish!... My morning runs have been going well, except the colder temps affect my hands and face, make 'em sting and numb (the worst side-effect of my chemo.)... Just my .02, but- I've never understood what was/is considered sexy about smoking. Take the health issues out of it- what the heck is attractive about someone with a foul-smelling appendage in their hand, or their mouth? And kissing a smoker?! Yuck!... I am getting absolutely destroyed ATS on college football this season. I won't even say how far in the red I am. My worst season ever (so far, she types hopefully.) The Big East has been a disaster, no rhyme or reason to it whatsoever this year, and the ACC hasn't been much better for me. The Big Ten has been ok, and I'm in the black on my NFL picks, but not nearly enough to offset my current losses on college football. Ugh.
Sheer boredom on a rainy working Wednesday evening... My fav songs by several artists (too many to choose from for CCR!)
Allman Bros. Band- Soulshine The Association- Never My Love The Bangles- If She Knew What She Wants The Beach Boys- God Only Knows Pat Benatar- Hit Me With Your Best Shot Blondie- Denis Jimmy Buffett- Come Monday The Cars- All Mixed Up Neko Case- Middle Cyclone Johnny Cash- Flesh and Blood Kasey Chambers- Barricades and Brickwalls Shawn Colvin- Trouble Elvis Costello- Alison Sheryl Crow- Strong Enough Dire Straits- Twisting By the Pool The Doors- Light My Fire The Eagles- Peaceful Easy Feeling Fleetwood Mac- You Make Loving Fun Melody Gardot- Some Lessons The Go-Go's- Our Lips Are Sealed Grateful Dead- Sugar Magnolia Heart- Barracuda J. Geils Band- Musta Got Lost Stacey Kent- The Tender Trap The Kinks- Waterloo Sunset Diana Krall- Love Me Like A Man Kris Kristofferson- The Pilgrim, Chapter 33 Lisa Loeb- I Do Lynyrd Skynyrd- Tuesday's Gone Madonna- Holiday Aimee Mann- Going Through The Motions Meat Loaf-You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth John Mellencamp- Ain't Even Done With the Night Steve Miller Band- Heart Like A Wheel Kylie Minogue- Can't Get You Out Of My Head Van Morrison- Tupelo Honey The Police- So Lonely The Pretenders- Mystery Achievement Queen- You're My Best Friend The Ramones- Rock & Roll High School Lou Reed- Coney Island Baby Rolling Stones- Brown Sugar Linda Rondstadt- It's So Easy The Seekers- I'll Never Find Another You Bob Seger- Til It Shines Patti Smith- Because The Night Dusty Springfield- Goin' Back Bruce Springsteen- Point Blank Rod Stewart- I Was Only Joking Stray Cats- Stray Cat Strut Talking Heads- Psycho Killer Til Tuesday- Coming Up Close Shania Twain- No One Needs To Know U2- Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own Townes Van Zant- To Live Is To Fly The Who- Love Reign O'er Me
This was brought on by a conversation with a good friend today but it could just as easily apply to a handful of other folks I know; curiously, they are all T's. I never have this problem with any men/admirers I know, nor with people from any of my other walks of life.
Invariably when I talk, chat, etc... with people, I try to be upbeat, positive, I try to build them up and credit/encourage them for any achievements or successes that they may have, large or small. It's just the way I am; there are more-than-enuf downers and Negative Nelly's in the world. But when I try to do that, and then have people who more-often-than-not focus on negatives, who dump on any of the positives that I try to accentuate to them... frankly, I don't need that misery, that negativity, I don't need that sh*t. And just so it's clear, I'm not talking about when friends share genuine setbacks and misfortunes and such with me, when they share their dilemmas and disappointments. I have both sympathy and empathy for those. But when you try and build them up, encourage them, try to give them an 'attagirl for something, and too often get a litany of negativity in response... Nothing was ever improved or solved by bitching, moaning, and whining. Bitching, moaning, and whining isn't going to change things, and what's more, people seldom wanna hear it, especially when it's in response to efforts at trying to encourage and build up and applaud folks for their efforts and endeavors.
There's a lot I could bitch and whine about if I chose to; a death sentence of cancer is at the top of the list (and yes, my doctors tell me that it is incurable.) I don't write that to elicit sympathy but simply to provide some folks with a lil perspective. With very few exceptions, I choose not to bitch and whine. It doesn't do me any good, it doesn't change or improve things. And- understandably- people really don't want to hear a litany of gloom and doom and negativity. They don't.
I'll leave with words I've quoted before: If you waste your time a-talkin' to the people who don't listen, To the things that you are sayin', who do you think's gonna hear. And if you should die explainin' how the things that they complain about, Are things they could be changin', who do you think's gonna care? - To Beat The Devil, Kris Kristofferson
Had a nice time visiting my brother and his family up in Maine this past weekend; beautiful, unseasonably mild weather, too! Not too bad today, either...
I had my absolute worst weekend picking against the $pread in over three years, pro and- especially- college games :( It was ugly... At least the Pats had a nice win over the New Jersey Jets (I didn't play it, dammit!)
I've been feeling good- been increasing my distance on my morning runs, up to around 6.75 miles/run. October and November are my two favorite months to run all year; hope to be up to 7+ miles by early November. My gym workouts have been going well, too... Something must be paying off; I got a pair of Gap jeans last week- size FOUR! Yeah, I know all about "vanity sizing" and all but it feels pretty dang good to be able to say I fit into a size four anything! And I got the go-ahead to resume HRT this past Friday- yay! Gotta make an appointment to get my hair done again soon; I last had it done the end of July and I wasn't quite sure if/how much hair loss might be a side effect vis a vis my chemo. So far it's hasn't been an issue. Now I just have to find time to fit an appointment in...
Five More Things People May Not Know About Me... (or may not care to know!) - My favorite rock band is... CCR! (Not too "girlie" I know, but hey... :) - I have paralyzing arachnophobia; spiders totally freak me out, hate 'em. - As otherwise athletic and coordinated as I am I'm an utter klutz on any dance floor! The best I can do is a slow one where I just hang on tight :( - Several years ago (more than a decade) I weighed in excess of 275 lbs (I'm currently 146! :) - In high school I could touch the rim; pretty good hops for a 5'6" suburban white "girl"...
"We're all here to wonder why/It's a freefall 'til we fly/Then you and I will make circles in the sky..."
Crossfire doesn't burn you It only hurts when it gets you in the heart If you don't hate me you'll learn to I thought I had it clear from the start I don't have a heart -Crossfire, Kasey Chambers
October- the nicest month of the year in New England!
A satisfying win by the Patriots this afternoon, and nice to see Big Vince Wilfork with another pick! And a winning weekend picking ATS- college winners were Wake Forest and Cincinnati, pro winners New Orleans, Tennessee, and San Diego (UConn- figures!- and the Steelers were losers...) And someone breakup the- gasp!- 4-0 Detroit Lions!!! Picked up a couple of camis at Target the other day; they're a good item at a great price... I had an appointment with my primary care doc last Friday re. resuming HRT. Both he and my oncologist are both on-board with it (he said he was very impressed with her response; I have great confidence in her, and in my entire med team.) For a couple of medical reasons they want me on an anti-coagulant (HRT, as well as cancer, raises the risk of blood clots, DVTs, pulmonary embolism, etc... ) so I started that last Friday as well. I meet with my PCP again this Friday where I'll hand him my "informed consent for estrogen therapy" form and- likely- receive my Rx for estrogen :)
The most difficult people to forgive are ourselves. Trite, but often true.
Items of note... Milk, Minus the Cow I've been drinking Silk Original Soy milk for years, usually blended with soy protein powder... Per cup: 100 cal, 4 g fat (0.5 g sat), 8 g carbs (6 g sugars), 120 mg sodium, 1 g fiber, 6 g protein Is This the Sanest Man Running for President?Gary Johnson was governor of New Mexico for eight years, balanced the hell out of his budgets, and climbed Mount Everest with a broken leg. Serotonin levels affect brain's response to angerResearchers from Britain's Cambridge University found that when serotonin levels are low, it may be more difficult for the brain to control emotional responses to anger.
Enjoying a Cadillac Mountain Stout while basking in the glow of a hard-fought Patriots win this afternoon...
I made some absolutely dee-lish meatballs the other night! I used ground beef, pork, and veal, unseasoned bread crumbs, one egg, small diced onion, pressed garlic, salt and pepper to season along with some oregano, basil, fennel powder, and fresh-ground pecorino romano. Drizzled 'em with a lil extra EVOO, popped 'em in to bake for a lil bit... Great served with pasta or in a sandwich, simmered for a lil bit in some homemade sauce- yum! (I make 'em smaller, sub-roll sized.)
A thoroughly-mixed week ATS this week; Iowa, Wisconsin, and Ga. Tech were college winners while Penn State, Michigan State, and Northwestern cost me $$$... In the NFL the Jets and TB came up winners, Buffalo was a push, Baltimore cost me $$$, still waiting on the final of the SF-Dallas game, and I have the Giants tomorrow night... I spoke- briefly- with one of my oncologists last Wednesday regarding resuming HRT. I'll speak with her more fully in about a week and a half but from our conversation she seems to see no problems with my resuming HRT so hopefully by the beginning of October at the latest Ill be resuming- yay!
A few items of note... Sofia Vergara Thinks She Looks Transsexual Take it for what it's worth... Three Surprisingly Strong Ab Exercises Failure to Launch Despite a stellar record of spending cuts, job creation, and balanced budgets—and a world-class adventure résumé that includes an Everest summit—former New Mexico governor Gary Johnson can't get anyone to take his campaign for president seriously. Is it him or us? It's a shame the GOP is shutting this guy out while allowing others debate access and status; Johnson has an outstanding record. The Cross at Ground Zero A lil late but still noteworthy...
10 on shuffle... Ramble Tamble, CCR Somethin' Stupid, Frank & Nancy Sinatra Peggy-O, Simon & Garfunkel Midnight Train to Georgia, Gladys Knight & The Pips Taffy, Lisa Loeb The Look of Love, ABC Light My Fire, The Doors Too Marvelous For Words, Diana Krall Pop A Top, Alan Jackson Blank Generation, The Voidoids
"I belong to the blank generation and/I can take it or leave it each time.."
