Journal Entries for Tracy H Foxx
Turning Your Negative Engery into Postive!
May 7th, 2012 12:53 am MDT
Hi,
Just a brief journal here on something I learned to do for myself years ago. Having grow up in a caltholic environment when I was very young it was obviously very hard for me to deal with my transgender personality of mine. I feel this is an understatement. To continue, since I was 5 years old up to my late 20's it took me a long time to over come my shame and gulit and tug a war within me. I went away from the church when I was 18 years old because I felt the church profiled people and was not true to the word community. And I felt that the only person that can judge is the one that goes to law school to become a judge...
Anyways, I learned to turn the feeling of shame into positive enegry for my transgender part of me. So whenever shame comes into play it automatically become more enegry for me. Alot has to do with accepting yourself and just learing slowing to become comfortable with your own skin. In short just loving yourself as you are and going forward. Unhibitied as it's called. Just letting go of all that weight you carry called shame and guilt and saying " Hey this is me and we- I need to live with it ".
Many of us go in circles most of our lifes and than we discover when we get older that we should have understood what we know now earlier in life so we could be happier. I was lucky to learn early in my life that what I have become or was born into is real and more importantly my life. And it should not be a problem. Why should it? No reason really...I feel people in the world will always have a problem with other people wheather you are dressed as a women or not. People like to complain and just act out. Just part of human nature. But human nature is also being real with yourself and just going foward in your life and not backwards. Remember if you do not keep going forward you will never know what is up ahead. We all get scared in one way or another just part of life. But that should not hold us back so much that it stops our moment forward.
Last, on a personal note of my life...I just deeply love being Tracy! It took a long time to become me as you see me today. I am not prefect. And I can say I wish I could fix this or that or have a bigger ass or whatever I feel needs enhancing...but than again the way I am and exist today and look with what makes Tracy today and I am happy about that though.
Tracy =)
Clothes Do Not Make The Person The Person Makes the Clothes
April 30th, 2012 11:40 pm MDT
When I was very young I used to think that if I paint myself up and I put on a dress that's all it would take. Back than I was so fully of life and so unexperienced that the excitment just blinded me and made me reckless. I meet alot of men and started to drink alot. Luck for me back than I mangaged to avoid trouble and death.
What I learned in the years after is that being a CD or TG comes from within. And you are either born with it or not. We all know when we are born with it. Without a doubt. Some people say that you are not born gay. That in fact it's a choice. This could not be further than the truth. Technically we are all born with something special. Sometimes we discover it right in our early years and sometimes in our later years. We discover this when we better understand ourselves.
Remember being a CD or TG is in fact a state of mind. It comes from within. This can get a little complicated. But do not allow that to happean. The complications come in when too many doubts come in to play in our effort to better understand ourselves. One way to cut down on self doubt is by making hard choices. When you make hard choices you elimate alot of the waste. Here is an example: " I love myself unconditionally! "..." I will be successfully in life! "..." If I do not understand I will learn how to understand !"..." I will always try to have a postivie attitude towards people ! "...
Like I mention early once you learn to understand that whoever you are or desire to be comes from within your life will be less complicated and you will gain more confidence because things will become alittle more clear in your life about you. You also need to understand that everyone in the world if fully of opinons and only opinons not facts. And finally clothes and make-up only enchance who we really are. Beautiful and unique.
Tracy
The Cold Realism Of the World
April 30th, 2012 11:17 pm MDT
You know in a perfect world there would be total understanding from everyone and we all could just get along no matter what race we are or what life style we live or whatever decisions we make. However, as we all know this is not a prefect world. Even if you have alot of money things can not be completely prefect.
Being in the gay world is nicer compared to living in the straight world. However, people will still judge. Just part of the world. Most gay men are very nice and out going and you can always strike a 1 minute conversion with them. When it comes to the TS world that can be a different story. You would think being part of the sister hood it would not be...but strangly enough it's harder to socialize with some TS especially the showgirls.
What I have managed to understand through growing pains is that most of the time we will feel alone and unwanted. And it may seem like we can not form too many friendships. In the end it all comes down to us alone. As I mention in other journals we have to understand that it's important for us to think of ourselves first and learn to love ourselves as we our. When you are dressed as a girl and you feel that this is really you without much sexual intervention, than you say " This is me "..." I love who I am "..." I love myself "..." I am beautiful "..." I love myself unconditionally because this is my life and this is how I love to appear "..." I do not need to rely on people seal of apprroval because I am someone important in this world and that's all that needs to be said "...
Anyways, sometimes you need to talk to youself in front of a mirror. Look at yourself. And tell yourself postive things. And remember in the end you are who you are and nobody can take that away from you only you can.
Tracy =)
Too Much of Something Can Be Bad at Times
April 16th, 2012 12:42 pm MDT
Hi,
As they say sometimes too much of something can be bad at times. True. If you have too much liqour that can lead to very bad things. IF you have too much sex that can lead to bad things. Hate to say it but true. If you smoke to much that can lead to bad things and if you eat too too much that can lead to bad health.
The key is moderation. Moderation is the filter to life.
Think of it as running. IF you running too fast to quick you will run out of enegry and stop or worst. Remember pace yourself and monitor your body and life. So you can live a long and fruitful life.
Have a great day!
Tracy =)
Why We Desire To Be What We Love
April 16th, 2012 12:37 pm MDT
Just lika a plant, it aims it's self towards the sunlight. Why because plants need sun to grow and become full of life. Without sun life like the plant would die. The human brain lets the body know it wants something because it wants to experience it so it will know what it feels like. Once it determines that it can elected or rejected. Some people say you are born with the gay gene others say it's just a choice. I firmly believe that we are born with something special in our brain and than when the brain becomes more mature we than use the special tool called "freedome of choice" to decided what is best for the life.
The gay world can indeed be confusing not to mention how much harder it is to be a CD or TG. However, to element much confusion things much be cleared up to a much simplier way so we can make better choices. Remember less is always more. And taking time to understand and evaluate things is best...taking baby steps.
The first time you dress as a women it's like being on a great drug that continues to give ultimate excitement. Some of it is due to sexual stimulation and the rest is due to making a choice that was very hard to make due to preexisting convservative values. We break the old ways of living and create new ones and that in itself is very liberting.
Remember in the end how we live our lives is our business your business not anyone else's. The church community say they do not judge but than say it's a sin to be gay or to dress as a women. The church is not a court room it's a community for frienship and support.
Yeah the world can be cold and heartless, but that should not discourage us from the desire as how we want to live our lives.
When I was very young ( teen years ) I was devoted more into the church community. Every though I had that dealt with gay or CD I felt ashasmed. It took me sometime to understand that I had nothing to be ashamed of. Because I knew that I was not only gay but in fact a CD and in years to follow a TG person. I broke away from the church. I learned to use that shamed engery into postivie engery for me to use in a good way.
Today I know for a fact that the TG part will remain in me till I die. It's just the way my life was meant to be. And I know I can not be ashamed of that. Because it's me and I am it. One.
Thanks for reading.
Tracy =)
Why Being A CD or TG Can Be Hard?
April 12th, 2012 11:07 pm MDT
Hi...
Being a CD or TG can be very hard to live with. Go any where or do anything thing. Remember always keep it simple. Always. It always comes down to your mind set. Hi high or low your self-esteem is. And how thick your skin can be. Negative comments no matter where they come from always will hurt. We as humans sometimes seek postive up lifting comments about ourselves. But in most cases these postives experiences can be far and few between. So this is where mind power comes into play. Remember it all starts with acceptances. Accepting yourself as you are. Unstanding your motives. Loving yourself and saying that you love yourself out loud. Use good words to describe yourself. The mind is a very sensitive part of your body so the more postive things you say about you the better you will be. Also the better foods you eat and eating in a sensible way too plays a great part in your mind set. Being postivie and eating good food will not only make you feel much better but will enable you to reach further than you though possibly. Last, I had mention this before in one of my earlier journals, exerise. Exerise is really great for the mind and body. Again start slow and work your way up. Having a plan before hand is best this way if you crash you can get up and keep going. Trust me if you think postiive, eat right, excerise and have a solid plan you can gain better results in life. Please keep in mind that luck does play a role in gaining higher success results too. It's all about doing what makes you feel better in life.
Have a great day! Tracy =)
No Drugs Needed Just Me and My Dress is Plently
April 12th, 2012 10:46 pm MDT
WOW!...
That is probably the only word you can say when you first step out in the cold world dressed as a full of life women. No drugs needed. The rush you get is very overwhelming. If you ever experienced this you know what I am talking of. Sometimes you get tunnel vision. Is so surreal and exciting and free. This is freedom at it's best. I remember my first times as a CD out in public. Out to the mall, the grocery store and to my job. Oh yeah my job. The owners where conservatives. Oh yeah going to work in board daylight with the owners of the company being conservatives...crazy but true. Anyways nothing bad happean. They just told me to stay consistant. Be a boy or be a girl just choose and stay that way. Hmmm...
Anyways, when you venture into public for the first time always do it in small steps and work your way up slowly. It's all about gaining confidence. Once you have alot of confidence you can do almost anything you put your mind on to. But in order to gain the reasurance you must do alot of work to prepare. Working on make-up, personality and conducting yourself a lady and sticking with it till it become natural.
Remember keep it real. Be realistic about yourself and life. Remember you are you and other people are themselves. You can only control yourself and your image nobody else can. And you can only be as much women as your body allows and mind allows. Do not ever force it. Forcing it will only make things worst and not fun. Remember its about having fun and doing things the right way.
Some pointers on being a crossdresser ( M to F ) ....arms close to your body and not far apart. Hands lightly touching the surface or when grabbing a cup or bottle approach with a light touch. Figure tips and thumb and index finger and lower three fingers away from cup or bottle. Chin up and looking forwarded when walking. Smiiling as you make eye contact with others. Feet together when standing or sitting. When studying real women make mental notes. What are the common things women do in private or in public.
When I first started out I used to go to the mall and study women. Ages between 18 and 30 mostly. I used to study how they sat, walked and talked and ate and slept. How they wrote with a pen and how they conducted themselve around men especially men that wanted to pick them up. This takes along time. No over night stuff here. But if you really want to become a women than you need to be serious and do your homework. It's a lonely road. Very lonely at times. But this is where being brave comes into play.
Again staring in small steps works best. Really anything you start in life. This way if you crash it will not hurt as much and you can get up and brush yourself off and go on again. The local gay progress male bar or gay progess night club is one safe place to go. But than again no bar or club is really safe. Life is full of chances anyways...
Thanks for reading. =)
Those Butterfiles
April 11th, 2012 11:40 pm MDT
I am sure that all of us CD's and TG's still get those first time butterfiles before we doll ourselves up and than when we head out the door and before we enter that local bar or night club. I know I still do today and ever since the first time. The feelings are the same for me. Great joy. Great emotions. And just super excited to become a girl. I love it so much. Because it's so me. And I am sure many girls out there feel the same way about themselves as I do about myself.
But remember this world we live in is not as safe as we hope it to be. Everytime we put on a dress we are in danger. A target. But...that should not let you live as we want. As I say to myself at times " I am not a prisoner to society"...or the other thing I say to myself is " If anyone has a problem with me it's not my problem it's their problem, I am happy as I am and I shall remanin happy'".
Once you learn to love yourself. Once you learn to accept yourself as you want to really be you will not have as much of a hard time in life. To do the things you love and to feel comfortable in your skin no matter where you are. The world will always be full of negative remarks no matter what. But on the brighter side of things there will be alot of postive remarks as well.
Eventhough the world is not as safe as we want it to be it's not 100% bad neither. Because we have freedom of choice. And that is a great gift to have if used wisely. Remember be happy and respect yourself and others.
Thanks. Tracy =)
Make-up for the part-time girl
April 11th, 2012 11:29 pm MDT
Hi,
As we all know make-up is an important elemetn for the CD or TG or for that matter the real girl as well. Make-up enhances our appeaance and gives us a lift in our self-esteem. The prices of make-up can be high and very low. It is true that you get what you pay for but not in all instances. No one can agrue that MAC products are great but at the same time one can say that products sold at the local drug store or big box department stores could work just as well with trial and error and lots of practice.
Wheather it's oil based or water base make-up believe or not it can work really well. Lot's of time needs to be devoted in practice and obserance. See how women apply there make-up. Every women does there make-up different. Some apply it heavy while others ligther. Reading books and better watch video's online like on YouTube can help prefect your make-up application.
Doing make-up on a clean fresh face is always nerve racking even for me. What I do to cool my nerves is I do not think about the what if's or nots and I do not think about messy up. I just take a couple of deep breaths and focus on doing the best job possible. It's the essence that you try to capture. And the more you do make-up the better you will get and you will set your prefences as you like once you gain more confidence. But remember as much as make-up is an important element to looking and feeling good for a CD or TG what most important is that whatever we do is always a state of mind. It always starts from inside of you and never should be solely from outside. In order to develop good strong character it always starts inside. One my first love yourself unconditionally and second decided who you really are and than live your life accordingly.
On make-up remember you do not need to buy the most expensive product in the market to get good results. And when you do make-up always keep it simple and always practice. The more you practice the more you study the more fun you will have and the more confidence you will gain.
Thanks for reading....Tracy =)
Staying Busy!
April 10th, 2012 11:45 am MDT
Hi,
For the greater part of my life most especially the later half, I always make an effort to stay busy. Beening productive and overall marching forward. Only way to stay the straight line and out of trouble. As much as I like to visit the bars at times for a drink, working and being productive for me has the slight edge. Of course making love with a good man is always a plus and exciting for me still something about keeping busy and just working will always be at the top of my list.
Even when I am tried I always try to sneak in a work out. Even if to ride my bike at least 3 to 5 miles. When I say ride my bike I mean ride not cruise. I push where I feel the burn in my legs and butt. When you cruise on a bike it's just cruising. When you push yourself on a bike it's a muscle toning work out. I love to ride my bike. And I love to keep in shape and most of all just feel good.
If you are the type of girl that love sex alot like me. It's so important to stay in shape and especially eat very clean foods. Grill chicken or fish along with a salad or lots of greens like green beans, broccoli, carrots and alot of water. Also being regular is also as important as a 8 hour sleep night. Makes all the difference in the world. If you have any questions just ask me. Always willing to help. Thanks. Have a great day! Tracy =)
Being a Women is Beautiful!!!
April 6th, 2012 8:03 pm MDT
I have always said that if you where born as a real women you are a special person. Beside the fact that women lives are much harder than a male, that should not detract from the fact that women have more power. If they know how to use it can find themselves in high places.
When you are a women you never can be lonely because men are always on the look out for a female company. Most of the time it's sexual but does not have to be body on body full contact. Just can be a little teasing within the safety net or with in reason.
When a male dresses as a women or because a TS or TG you become a target as well. Similiar to a real women. Depending on how well your refine yourself as a women the reactions of a man searching or a wonmen can be just like that to a real women with of course an extra added spark. Men who like the transgender person get extra excited and say they do not know why. Is it that the crossdresser or TG appear to be an easier catch or perphaps it's something alot more deeper and mysterious. The reasons can be various. It's exciting.
If you are a real women or have the opportunity to dress as women and live as one not only are you special but lucky. Enjoy life!
Thanks a great day!
Tracy =)
Is Being Gay, TG or Crossdresser Hard?
April 5th, 2012 11:55 am MDT
Technically the gay life is not a hard life to live and not at all a sin. In fact being gay is a symbol for love and peace. Nothing wrong with being gay or dressing as a women or man. Besides it's our lives and what we do in our lives is very important. Totally!!!
On the surface is a different story. In general the conversative society people who are very ensecure about there own selfs tend to want to inflick pain to people who are different to them. Not right. As the saying goes "If you can not say anything at all do not say anything at all."...I feel that some people need to mind there own business and let the gay society live out there on personal business in peace and with peace of mind. Like gee wize where do people come of to tell others how to live there own lives. How rude to say the least...
Any how, my point yeah on the surface there is some difficult to life as a gay person or crossdresser or tg because of the hate that lingers in the world. The cold and hard world that is. And hate will never go away and the conversative societies will never go away. We as gay community have to stay strong as a unit and strong as an individual. If one does not stay strong than all can not. No weak links can exist. Being strong is very important. Life is hard and will get harder but that should never make us give up. Remember we are just as important as anyone else. And as long as we love each other as we are and respect others than we will never have to feel bad about living as we should or want to.
Remember anything that is different will always cause reaction will in most casese that is. Just like bright colors or flashy cars will catch the eye so will different personalities. The reactions will range from good to bad. Most of the time bad reactions are result from jealousy or envy and weakness.
In a perfect world we all could live in peace and free of any type of war. But prefect is only a word and life is very real. How we choose to live it will define ourselves as a people. And how strong we are will determine how long we will live. Yeah it's a good thing not to take everything so serously and have a sense of humor but at times time there has to be an even balance on taking things serously to preserve self respect and respect towards others and there feelings...
Sorry so deep here. Thanks for reading. Have a great day!!!
Tracy >^..^<
Excerise and Good Diet for A Better Well Being and Body!
April 5th, 2012 11:38 am MDT
Hi,
It's no secret that I am committed to excerise. I am no sport jock just like to feel good and stay in shape if possible. With so many great tasting foods out there it hard to stay the corase. High sugars, salts and fats are not great for the body nor mind. The saying is true you are what you eat. If you eat something really bad and alot of it you will feel really bad for days. You might feel good at first with the taste buds kicking in the flavor but in the end and for a long time you will feel sleepy, sluggish and unmotivated and worst lose some brain power. So eating better is best. Eating cleaner food is best. The better and lighter you eat the better you will feel. Talking to a doctor first is best if you can. Lots of articles online as well.
Excerise is a must. Eating right and less by a good diet and excerise to build sttrength and indurance is important. Both go hand with hand. Muscle burn fat. If you never excerised and want to start out remember just like anything new and big always start off slow...baby steps. And have a plan. Without a plan you will set yourself up for failure. Trust me I know. I learned things the hard way at times.
Walking for an hour is best. Not in ful sun but near sunset and in a safe public place. Carry maise for peace of mind. Running is best but if you never run before walking is best to start off till you body can get use to the harder stuff. Bike riding can be really fun and great for the body, heart and mind. However, just like buying a good pair of shoes and jogging outfit is important so too is buying a bike. When buying a bike you need to buy one that fits you and a bike that is tuned up by a bicycle mechanic. For the most part most bicycle are great and only very few bad. The lighter the bike the better. But if cash is tight than going to a department store like Walmart is best. However even bikes in departments stores like Walmart need to be adjusted for best effieient ride. The bicycle stores are best to buy a bike since the bikes are all put together by a bicycle mechanic but cost twice as much. Craig's List offers some good buys but most of the bikes are used and in most cases you will need to replace some parts. Not a bad things but an extra expense.
Whatever you do educate yourself first. And develope a plan. And in the end if you want to stop or give up think twice first. Than say I am important to me and this is important to me. I want to feel good everyday and I want to look good. Nothing wrong in saying that to yourself. Remember you are important to yourself. And what you do is your business and it's important business. If other people have issue with you in anyway it's not your problem it's theirs.
I work out couple times a week. I run about 2 miles, I bike ride about 5 to 6 miles and I lift weights. I also do the stair stepper for about 10 mins. All of this cames in steps in my life for me. Not all at once. I started off with walking. I walked for countless of hours almost everyday when I first started. Than when I felt good to run I started but I was slow and kept an easy pace. Remembered not to push be gentle with heart at first. I ran in small steps. Took me a long time to reach 2 miles. After this I started bike riding than so after lifting weight. I started eating less and better foods like salads or grill chicken salads and water no sodas. I also do not drink as much maybe a glass of wine on occassions. You want a tigher body, tigher and toned legs and ass and slimer waist it comes down to resistance. Developing muscle. But you can not do this till you prep your body and start slow. Walking walking walking than running than biking than weight lifting and staying with it and never stop and stay committed. Remember most people that start excerise in the begining of the years stop by 1 or 2 months. The reason no plan and not serious enough. Excerise is not easy and never easy. It's about having a good plan based on good reasons and never giving up. If life was easy life would be boring.
Thanks for reading. Have a great day!
Tracy =)
My Prefences
April 4th, 2012 11:33 am MDT
Hi, sometimes I am asked if I like crossdressers or tg as lovers. My answer simply is I only associate with crossdressers and tg as good friends just like I do with gay men and gay women. I have the up most respect for every one. My prefer lover romantically what not is a straight man. That's the way it started for me and most likely will remain.
So many tg's in th world yet we are apart. I feel our agenda are different in most cases.
Anyways, in the end what matters most is that we love ourselves as we are.
Have a great day!!!
Tracy =)
Finally
April 4th, 2012 11:29 am MDT
Finally went out to a bar for a couple of drinks. Did not expected it to be so crowded on Tuesday night but all good honey. Glad I got to go out. It's been a long while. Hope I can have time to go out again. It's always nice to get away from work for a while. I am so bless to be Tracy. It's been a long journey as a person to grow as to how I am today. Not easy road and still more road ahead. From the first day I put on the dress to today the strong feeling have remained the same. Tells me alot. It's real and no joke.
Thanks!
Tracy =)
Real People: US
April 3rd, 2012 12:34 pm MDT
Hi, I feel that the real transgender or crossdress is a wonderful life. Especially if you have a good heart and good to other people. Being polite to other always is certainly something that needs to be standard. It's so easy to be rude and bad today. Easy is easy and hard is more challanging. I prefer to challenge myself. Life was never meant to be easy it was meant to challenge ourselves. Sometimes I am in a bad mood but I remind myself I do not need to spread that negative engery around. I keep it to msyelf at all cost. It's not easy and sometimes it's really really hard to contain but lucky those times are seldom.
If we get to live our lives as CD, TG or TS or just plain GAY...we are ever so lucky. Everryday should be a great day.
People in government, church and just overall conversatives say so much bad about being gay or a TS. Not only are these people misinformed but are literally think they are legends in there own mind. The world should be a peaeful place to sleep, eat and mingle. War is really never good nor bad words towards others. I realize no body is prefect neither I...but it should not hurt to be nice and have an open mind and just to be nice to everyone. This is my two cents.
Thanks for reading. Have a great day!
Tracy =)
Updated my profile wording
April 3rd, 2012 12:22 pm MDT
Hi, I updated my wording in my profile. I think it was due since my life has changed so much and to say the least I am a much different person than say 2 years ago. Today the world is too so much different. And much smaller. With all the new communication and ever changing we hear more good things and so much more bad things. Tuning much of it out is the key to better living and just learing to love one self. If we do not love ourself as we are nobody else will. One thing I learned over the years is that everything we do is important. And should be important to us. Even if others disagree it should not really matter. Being a little selfish is good at times for our well being. Of course selfish by definition is bad because we should think about others and love those who are good to community and to us. Again in the end we are important and all that we do should be important. And we should stat that so the brain can have confirmation on who is number one and that is us. 
My Life Today As Tracy
April 2nd, 2012 12:35 am MDT
Hi all, thanks for reading this. Things are certainly different today 2012. Gas so expensive. How can anyone drive today. Rather ride a bike. Sometimes no choice....anyways I am doing great. I work out and try to still eat light and right. I have not dated as much as I want due to work and time. Miss dating men. And I miss meeting new friends. i get to go to the occasional bar once in a whlle for a drink or two. Of course I get hit on by men. Sometimes it's good. Serves as a good convo. Other times I just like to be alone and enjoy the atmoshpere.
Eventhough it's hard to work out and motivation is hard to come at times. I still manage to work out. I feel better today than when I was younger. I slip into the dresses much easier and over all feel 1000 times better.
I miss kissing a man. Especially the taller guys. Oh my legs get weak for a nice tall masculine man!
Anyway focus girl. Have a great day!
Tracy 
Untitled Post
February 25th, 2009 3:02 am MST
Hello everyone,
I hope we are holding up okay with this recession that is hitting us. Health wise I doing doing great. Best I been in my entire life. I am not starting to make my own dress's. I taught myself how to sew on the sewing machine and I generate my own dress patterns. Of course I wear a fit and revealing attire to say the least. I feel great because I learn this skill and have had great success sewing my own stuff now. All I do is buy my cloth from the fabric store. Of course great patience and focus is needed to render your own cloths on the sewing machine. But it is certainly rewarding. Also I have given myself a new make over with new products. Finally I am still working out and have lost over 25 lbs. Working out is hard yes...but it's rewarding as well. You feel 20 years younger and feel great overall. Diet and excerise does work just takes time and commitment.
Remember try to do the right thing in life. And help others that need help if you can. Life is hard but if we try to rediscovery the best qualities in ourselves we can have small moments of hope that can help us keep going forward. If we do not take care of ourselves nobody will do it for us. Try not to be a prisoner to society and do what makes you feel good on a positive note.
Have a great day!
