URNotAlone

After 2 yrs

April 29th, 2008 12:05 pm MDT

Well, here we are a little over two years since I started to live full time as myself and since I started hrt. I knew exactly what I was in for when I started all of this so the way some people have treated me comes as no surprise. Unfortunately most people are very uneducated when it comes to any subject that they do not deal with on a day to day basis or doesn't effect them and that certainly includes gender issues. Far too many people can not understand or will not try to understand that there are people that are born with a body that just does not match their minds. It amazes me that so many people can understand other birth defects that can not be seen but they just will not except the fact that in some cases Mother nature has made a mistake with peoples outer gender. The simple fact is that it is a neuro biological birth defect but so many people see it as someone that has a fetish or something is just plain out wrong with them. Over the past couple of years I have come to understand especially when it came to my so called friends that they never really knew me at all. All that they knew was the lie I had been living for the majority of my life. Now since I have finally allowed myself to me and not what the rest of the world thinks I should have been, the person I am now is not someone that they would have ever have known. In just over two years there is nothing really left of the person I use to be. I have totally changed most everything about me. I can't say if it's the hormones or just me finally being able to be me. Obviously the phyiscal changes are from the hrt but the way I walk, talk, think, act have all changed as well. The way I look at the world and the things in it has changed. For once in my life I actually have feelings other than the rage and anger that I once had. I am actually a caring, loving, empethic, human being instead of the mean, pissed off miserable freak I use to see myself as and mostly was. To the people that say they can't do this because of this or that but truely want to. Stop wasting your time, make yourself happy with who you are, lifes to short to not be happy. To the people that say this was couragous or that they wished they would get the courage to transition. I don't see anything couragous about me. I'm just a woman that happened to be born transgender. There really is nothing all that special about me. I had just gotten to the point that I was ready to end my life if I hadn't done something to finally make myself happy with me for once in my life. If this is something that you truely want and need to do, you will do it, when it is right for you. Just understand that it may not be easy but nothing in life worth doing or having ever is. The last two years of my life may not have always been easy but they most definately have been the best of my life.