Journal Entries for Ashley Karyn Nickels
Think Good Thoughts, Girls!!
July 13th, 2007 9:23 pm MDT
When you can't find the light,
That got you through the cloudy days,
When the stars ain't shinin' bright,
You feel like you've lost you're way,
When those candle lights of home,
Burn so very far away,
Well you got to let your soul shine,
Just like my daddy used to say.
[chorus]
He used to say soulshine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.
Hey now people don't mind,
We all get this way sometime,
Got to let your soul shine, shine till the break of day.
I grew up thinkin' that i had it made,
Gonna make it on my own.
Life can take the strongest man,
Make him feel so alone.
Now and then i feel a cold wind,
Blowin' through my achin' bones,
I think back to what my daddy said,
He said "boy, in the darkness before the dawn:"
[chorus]
Let your soul shine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.
Yeah now people don't mind,
We all get this way sometimes,
Gotta let your soul shine, shine till the break of day.
Sometimes a man can feel this emptiness,
Like a woman has robbed him of his very soul.
A woman too, god knows, she can feel like this.
And when your world seems cold, you got to let your spirit take control.
[chorus]
Let your soul shine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.
Lord now people don't mind,
We all get this way sometimes,
Gotta let your soul shine, shine till the break of day.
Oh, it's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.
Yeah now people don't mind,
We all get this way sometimes,
Gotta let your soul shine, shine till the break of day.
You can't always get what you want?
June 25th, 2007 12:59 pm MDT
We never quite have it all, do we? I have lived in a beautiful mountain town for 5 years. It is clean, safe and booming. Yet, even though we have grown from 50K to 75K in population since I moved here, outside of a "Pride" fest that about 400 attend, there is NO alternative club or bar. Now that I am out and wanting to live it. I have positioned myself in an impossible location.
I feel that there has to be a large alternative population here that feels as isolated as I do. I have NO Trans friends in town. I have a small amount of venture capital to start a nightclub, but, not enough. If anyone is interested in investing in a limited partnership to launch Central Oregons first Alternative club please sent me a messege. I want it to be Gay/Trans owned and operated. I have many years of experience in the hospitality/Entertainment business to bring to the table. Hope to hear from someone!
Chris Angel Levitation Exposed?
June 12th, 2007 10:58 pm MDT
- Chris Angel levitation secret!!!
-
The Balducci Levitation
Intro
The Balducci Levitation is an illusion that can be performed anywhere, anytime. The illustration to the left show you the audience point-of-view.Stand about 8 to 10 feet away from the audience at a 45° 'backward' angle.
This is an angle sensitive trick. You have to practice your angles over and over to get used to them. One bad angle or position and the illusion is blown!
The Secret
All there is to do is pretend to "float off of the ground while you tippee-toe on just one foot (the foot furthest from their view) as shown to the right and below. The audience can not see your supporting foot because it is hidden by three things: your pants, the angle of the trick and your closest shoe (which hides their view of the foot being used to "levitate" you.) You might only rise 3 or 5 inches off of the ground, but it's all in the presentation! You will want to slowly rise off of the ground . . . wait a few seconds and then drop fast. Stay up too long and they will probably figure it out.
Different Views
Showing an exposed view and two audience views before and during the lev
TAKE this TEST!!
May 30th, 2007 6:13 pm MDT
This actually was quite hilarious! This is fun to do. Just read the
"offense" and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until
you've read each "offense" and added up your total fine. When you are done,
send it back to the person that sent it to you and your other friends.
Title your email "My fine is $........" You don't have to confess your
answers, just the amount of your fine. $1,110.60 is the Max
Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-- $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with the a different race -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend
--$20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole some thing worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50 if you don't add this in, you're lying LOL!
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
the person that sent it to you. $1,110.60 is the Max
Have a Great long Weekend!
May 25th, 2007 4:21 pm MDT
Thanks Steve Winwood
Dear Mr. Fantasy play us a tune,
Something to make us all feel happy.
Do anything take us out of this gloom,
Sing a song, play guitar, make it snappy.
You are the one who makes us all laugh,
By doin' that you break down in tears.
Please don't be sad if was a straight life you had,
We wouldn't have known you all these years.
Dear Mr. Fantasy play us a tune,
Something to make us all feel happy.
Do anything take us out of this gloom,
Sing a song, play guitar, make it snappy.
You are the one who makes us all laugh,
By doin' that you break down in tears.
Please don't be sad if was a straight life you had,
We wouldn't have known you all these years.
Karmic integrity and Transexuality
May 23rd, 2007 5:08 am MDT
This is a topic I have pondered for a long time and need some feedback on. First of all, I want to say that I do not intend to offend anyone. This is based on my personal observations and analysis. That being said. Why do most post op TSs and those awaiting SRS seem to be the rudest, ugliest, most self absorbed and generally unhappiest of us all? Most times I am attacked or rudely insulted in chat. I check the profile and sure enough it's some longtime FTer awaiting SRS or a post op. They usually look weathered and unattractive(like they have just let themselves go). Does it get old after awhile, dolling up? When out clubbing EnFemme, it is most always the post op or pre op with implants that is snotty and stuck up, why? I love being decorated and pretty and not sure I even would consider SRS and this really scares the shit outa me! I never want to be like that and can't think of ANY personal experience to counter this kind of attitude. To ME they all seem unhappy! I am beautiful and know it and go outa my way to be KIND to everyone. I am grateful to be able to pass and helpful to girls who want to but cant. A big part of being a girl for me is I can be sweet, kind, gentle,loving,caring, sensitive, etc. I believe you can be a beautiful woman and still maintain your Karmic Integrity!
I'm not Alone...
May 18th, 2007 1:31 am MDT
I see what I do, first look at the phone
Turn on your TV
Unscrew a bottle of beer,
An orange square cellophane cheese
First I think of this, and then I turn to that
Maybe I just don't think
Might sing to this, I might sing to that
If I could only sing
Now, as you can see
This clearly isn't me
I'm not alone, I'm just blue
I'm not alone
There was a day when I was alone
A few sane days ago
There was a love I've been living with
That I lost on the way home
First I thought of this
And then I turn to that
And then I turn a little bit scared
Well, I feel a little bit easier
Knowing that you're here
Now, as you can see
This clearly isn't me
I'm not alone, I'm just blue
I'm not alone
First I think of this
Then I turn to that
Then I turn a little scared
I feel a little easier now
Knowing that you're all here
Now, as you can see
This clearly isn't me
I'm not alone, I'm just blue
I'm not alone
Almost there
May 4th, 2007 1:53 am MDT
My outing has gone extremely well and I am very close to living the dream of being as FT as I want to be.What a relief. I just don't care what peoplr think anymore and life is as good as it has ever been! Hooray For Me!!
It never ceases to amaze me how many gurls in thier late 30s or forties are married and closeted from thier wives. I was married at 18 and about a year into it she caught me in full make up....she told all our friends...I split town...lol..It seems that the vows of marriage are meaningless today anyway...You get tired of it...throw it away like everything else in this culture...But if a woman really loves you and has integrity as far as "better or for worse" or "till death do you part" I cant see how you can live with that kind of secret between you. It would eat me alive from the inside...This urge or desire never goes away...it only intensifies...I have had 7 other live in relationships with GGs that I did not tell (about Ashley) and they all went to shit! Never again will I allow that to happen! If you cant out your femme side to your closest friend and soulmate. I suggest going to whatever lengths possible to gather the courage and free yourself...I have found that outing (Ashley) to my close friends was MIND BOGGLINGLY easy and not the nightmare I always feared!! Tell the wives you love them...bring them flowers....take out the trash...and drop the bomb! Expose yourself to your deepest fears...after that fear has NO power...You are free!!!
re post... This is Good!!
April 15th, 2007 2:23 am MDT
Well, I posted this a little over a year ago and everyone really liked it so I thought I would share it again
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's....First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no child proof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.Riding in the back of a pickup on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video game at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound,no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chatrooms ... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents .We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever .We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming.. . WOW! What a ride!"
United we must stand!!
August 4th, 2006 4:20 am MDT
What's happened fairly recently in this country is absolute polarization I.E. anti-Bush or support a war on terrorists — and it's something you have to worry about with a world in crisis. And the United States of America is in deep trouble in a lot of ways. Never before have we faced such a obvious and valid an enemy and been so hostile about it toward one another. You know, it's not by accident that our slogan in this country, written on our money and our buildings in Washington is, "United WE stand." The idea, that simply because someone disagrees with your political point of view or your ideological point of view, that you must hate them and you must vow to destroy them, I would say is not consistent with the American character, nor is it what most Americans believe. Let's all agree to disagree and give each other a smug hug before we destroy ourselves from within with unfettered dissention. Am I right or Am I missing something?
Happy Birthday America, You bastard!
July 1st, 2006 10:30 pm MDT
As the 4th of July approaches I can't help but to reflect on all the dilemma this must put the America bashing left in...On one hand they hate the President, think America is a evil, Imperialist empire, and are against war no matter what...On the other hand...They enjoy a day off and watch fireworks ( I.E> the simulation of warfare) to celebrate the anniversary of America winning a war and being founded....Can anyone help me understand this???? Is this not a classic example of wanting to have your cake and eat it too? I hope they serve (pork) hot dogs to the poor, mistreated, illegally (what a Joke!) detained followers of the religion of peace whose rights are being violated at Gitmo Bay. After all, don't they have the right to be hypocrites too?
"Some People"
April 7th, 2006 12:59 pm MDT
I wrote this circa 1988...Hope it is enjoyed! Some people spend a lifetime looking for what works>Never letting down their guard, calling everyone else jerks>I sure spent a lot of time, playing that stupid game>Letting what they might think of me, Keep me living in shame>Some People think that money is all that they need>Walking all over others, all caught up in greed>Me, I see it different, different I mean than them>You can't judge a book by its cover, baby, and making love's no sin!>Some People say they love you, but, they want you to do like them>And if you don't see as they beleive, they use guilt to suck you in>So when I say I love you, I mean I love you as you are>Whether you're a pauper, baby, or a celebrity superstar>So, I surround myself with Some People, whose hearts I think are good>All who I think would do for me, what I'd do for them if I could>Some People are good!
My insight of the day?
March 31st, 2006 6:52 pm MST
Don't type in CAPITALS it's considered screaming!
My Insight of the day!
March 29th, 2006 5:36 pm MST
....NOTHING LEFT TO DO BUT SMILE, SMILE, SMILE!!
My insight of the day!
March 28th, 2006 8:20 pm MST
....PLEASE DON'T DOMINATE THE RAP, jACK, IF YOU GOT NOTHING NEW TO SAY!
the political can of worms
March 28th, 2006 4:14 am MST
Wow! i just got in a very heated confrontation with a UK person who was bashing the USA in defence of Islam...What the fuck? I know it is trendy to hate and bash bush, but, We, America are not Bush! We are the first there to help in tragedy and disaster... if we are so bad dont put that greedy hand out to us when you are down.....We can do this ( I.E openly crossdress) here in horrible America..We would be beheaded in Islamic culture for this...BEHEADED!!! OK!! So think...and realize who your real enemies are...This IS WW3 and the enemy is real and very easy to identify...He is the Islamic Fascist GET REAL!!!
My insight of the day??
March 27th, 2006 8:00 pm MST
....IF YOU GET CONFUSED...LISTEN TO THE MUSIC PLAY!!!
The marriage/ closet thing..My take on it
March 27th, 2006 3:59 pm MST
It never ceases to amaze me how many gurls in thier late 30s or forties are married and closeted from thier wives. I was married at 18 and about a year into it she caught me in full make up....she told all our friends...I split town...lol..It seems that the vows of marriage are meaningless today anyway...You get tired of it...throw it away like everything else in this culture...But if a woman really loves you and has integrity as far as "better or for worse" or "till death do you part" I cant see how you can live with that kind of secret between you. It would eat me alive from the inside...This urge or desire never goes away...it only intensifies...I have had 7 other live in relationships with GGs that I did not tell (about Ashley) and they all went to shit! Never again will I allow that to happen! If you cant out your femme side to your closest friend and soulmate. I suggest going to whatever lengths possible to gather the courage and free yourself...I have found that outing (Ashley) to my close friends was MIND BOGGLINGLY easy and not the nightmare I always feared!! Tell the wives you love them...bring them flowers....take out the trash...and drop the bomb! Expose yourself to your deepest fears...after that fear has NO power...You are free!!!
