Journal Entries for Kaori Barrie
Backlog
May 26th, 2006 7:23 am MDT
Ok lets tell the story from the beginning just so you get the whole gist. For as long as I can remember theres been a spark inside me that has been my feminine side (yay for cliches!). One of my earliest memories (not the earliest but the most relevant that comes under the "early" category) goes like this: We live in a two story house. By that I mean their is the upstairs or "ground floor" and there is downstairs, what was once upon a time a huge wine cellar and is now my brother's bedroom, my bedroom and the back room (which serves a similar purpose to an attic or any normal house's basement). At the time of the memory however my brother and I both inhabited what is now his bedroom and my room was just "that room" between our room and the back room. But all this is largely irrelevant. At the time we were very young and, like many youngsters of similar ages, were looked after by a baby sitter whenever our parents were away for a significant period of time. We played many a game amongst ourselves (babysitter naturally included) one of which was the classic "dress ups" and it was during one of these games that what, I now look back on as a crucial moment in my development as a human being, occurred. "Dress ups" was played a little differently in our house than other houses as far as I can tell. In other houses there was certainly a big old box full of clothes in the attic/basement/back room but in other houses the children didn't take turns putting on a costume, running up the stairs to show off said costume to the babysitter waiting patiently in the loungeroom who would make some very serious comments, before running back down the stairs, changing into another costume and starting the whole process again. Many of the clothes in the box were feminine but my brother and I cared not. There was green sequiny jacket which I now recognise as some horrid relic from the eighties but my brother and I called it a "magician's jacket" and wore it anyway, which was fine because we were small and everything fit us like a tent. Everything except one thing. I was getting very hyped up and having a lot of fun running up and down the stairs and playing with garments of various colour, textures and materials and I was getting more and more creative as we went through the box until I found one tiny blue girl's swimsuit, intended for a young girl much smaller than me but old enough to wear a "proper swimsuit" it was turquoise and shiny and very silky and smooth. I stripped off my clothes (which I had previously been wearing under the majority of costumes) and managed to fit myself into the tiny swimsuit, taking no effort to hide that which denoted me as male. I ran upstairs and jumped in front of the babysitter and said "look! I'm a girl!" The babysitter, unsure how to react made a strange sound of shock and repressed laughter. That is where the memory ends. Since then I have repeatedly swung between being a "normal boy" and admitting my transgendered tendencies to myself. I may post some more stories, I may not. For now, Turrah!
