URNotAlone

The Big M question…

February 6th, 2008 5:11 am MST

   Many, many, years ago I was told… “Don’t ever ask, a girl if she is Married!”  The Big “M” question was out-of-bounds.  The woman who was instructing me, on proper chat room/ eMail etiquette had a logic that still stuck with me, even today.  Why does a girl hang out in a chat room, or correspond with an online friend?  ANSWER:  She is bored, or lonely, or dissatisfied with half a dozen things in her life.  OR, she is just there for some fun.  The last thing she wants to reflect on in how unsatisfactory her personal relationships are… OR, (if she is in a committed relationship) how much she could be screwing up her life… whether that relationship is marriage, ‘significant other,’ boyfriend, girlfriend… whatever.  THE BIG POINT IS… if it is important it will come out in the conversation, naturally and on its own.  Comment:  I have had long running conversations with girls and never knew their relationship status.  We just had fun talking and flirting on-line.  Why is the knowledge of person’s marital status important?    ANSWER:  The vast majority of On-line relationships are JUST that… On-line.  I have seen websites with numbers of the romantic relationships, and wonder how many thousands were ‘served’ before  Comment: Of the hundreds of girls (Generic, in Transition, or whatever) I have spoken to over the years, there are few I would really call friends.  And fewer still I would trust meeting in person, face-to-face.  Can something be sparked from an On-line romance?  ANSWER:  Rarely, but YES… It is like trying to predict the weather with a piece of ribbon.  If the ribbon is wet it is raining.  If the ribbon is flapping around it is windy.  If the ribbon is shiny it is sunny.  Why am I using this dumb analogy?  Because I am saying you need to be observant.  Don’t let fantasy, or yearning for sexual fulfillment guide your relationship… that will doom it to failure.  Comment: I am not ‘free’ myself to explore this kind of romantic relationship, so I will NEVER offer more than cup of coffee, or a glass of wine.  Nothing serious, nothing binding, and I try to make sure the girl knows that going in as well.  I love to pretend, even more than most people, and this is why I don’t put boundaries on my conversations.  So, don’t start out with the big ‘M’ question… as about my commitments, my relationships… BUT DON’T PUSH… it will come out in its own good time.