URNotAlone

Catching up

December 21st, 2008 5:01 pm MST

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Dan says “test out the new journal”, so here I go.

 For those who celebrate, Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year too.

2008 has been another OMFGosh year for ol’ Rach. Heart attack in June has created one hell of a mess. I was just getting my finances straightened out and wham...a fresh 75 grand of debt and now I am in bankruptcy. I thought this would be a blessing of sorts as I could get a fresh financial start. The very day that my attorney files in court, I get a thick envelope from the IRS.

Indeed, I was under suspicion of not quite filling out my 2007 1040 right. Well, I had paid a professional to check the boxes and fill in the numbers. Apparently I owe the feds a couple grand for errors and a little late fee stuff. So much for a fresh start.

Much like Dan, I don’t have any money lying around for extras like this, so the IRS will be  keeping very close tabs on me, much like the Federal, State and Local authorities are while I am in court for being totally broke. How do you think I will fare in a Federal prison? It may very well be where I end up.

Keep an eye on the big internet auction house for nice used clothing, shoes, wigs and baubles. My Ebay ID is rachelle217. I will not be selling my breastforms.

Interestingly enough, I had one of the best years ever with work.

On the other hand, my heart attack has been magical as far as strengthening relationships with my immediate family. One of my sons moved back up from Texas to help me out with work and chores. My two sisters that do not live with me (the disabled one does live with me) have paid a little more attention to my well being, plus I may be getting back together with the mother of my youngest son.

With all that has been happening that is of extreme urgency, spending time expressing my feminine side has been far from a priority. I used to make extra efforts to spend time with the t-community and attended several of the large gathering such as Fantasia Fare and First Event. I did do First event in 2008, but will skip it for 2009. No Fan Fare in 2008. I still get myself to 100% Rachelle when circumstances allow, but I usually just go to the mall or grocery store or out to eat. No dates. I honestly do not miss the whole scene very much. I seem to be much happier spending any spare time with my children, sisters and the large number of aunts, uncles, cousins and former in-laws that I was when I spent all that time with tranny chasers and cute dressers. All fond memories and only a few regrets, but I seem to be over what I now consider a tragic mid-life crisis.

So I have very few gifts under the Christmas tree. Actually, there are none under the tree because the maturing kitten (Earl) would just shred the shiny paper off of them as he has done with the white and blue balls that no longer hang off the tree! The malicious critter is one of the best things to happen to me this year. I just love him!

So once again, another year comes to an end and I am saying I sure hope next year is better

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Getting a little pussy

July 30th, 2008 4:57 pm MDT

I am talking about a kitten. Get your mind out of the gutter!

I lost the family pet a few years ago. Shiner was a real character of a cat. Loved it when my tranny friends came over to visit. Let her out one day and she never came back. I hate to think of what may have happened to her, but I hope she rests easy.

I vowed not to get another. Didn't want the responsibility. Have enough of those already. However, my son moved back home from Texas after my heart attack to help me out with things and he started talking about getting a pet. Something like a lizard. That got me missing a fuzz wad around the house and the next thing I know I am at some woman's house the next town over looking over two litters of rescued kittens.  I atold the son to choose a female, I prefered one of the all black ones. He checked the one on the sofa and proclaimed it to be female. The woman checked her out too. We put her in the carrier and headed home. we pondered a few names on the way home and finally decided to be a little contradictory and named the black cat Pearl.  What a delightful kitten. fun loving and snuggly sweet.

I made an appointment with the local vet. They set me up with a set of shots to happen in two weeks.  In the two weeks, Pearl had practically doubled in size. Still fitting in one hand easily, but just bigger. I decided to give her a good inspection a couple of hours before the appointment. Much to my surprise, I discovered that Pearl had developed a "package". Sure enough, my cat had a sex change before I could. Pearl is now Earl. Apparently this is a common occurance, so I don't feel too dingy I still catch myself calling him "she". My son just laughs. and blames it on my gender dysfunction.

I still miss Shiner (her face looked like she got punched in one eye) and hope that she just shows up at the door someday, but am tickled to pieces with the new kitten. My maternal insticts have kicked in and I so enjoy having to mother a new baby.

Purrrrr.

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Broken hearted

May 29th, 2008 3:32 pm MDT

This is a two part entry. Part 1 was written on 5/18. Part 2 on 5/26

 Part 1

Without going into an abundance of detail (trust me there is an abundance...and some) I am posting this to let you all know that my internet presence may dwindle of a short while. I have spent the last three days in the hospital having a broken heart repaired. No, I did not loose a love, I had a clogged artery. The damage I had caused was not severe and a simple process fixed me up pretty good. The next couple of weeks are supposed to be 100% rest, but those who know me understand that this is really not possible. I can, however, cut way back on certain things and keep the energy use to priority issues and eliminate the fluff, such as internet socializing.

Do not expect any more photo shoots featuring smoking. I have done just about four days without the cigarettes and am finished with that being a health issue any longer.

Please pardon the interruption and thanks to all well wishers in advance. I am sure I will be flooded with notes about this as I have so many dear friends out here. Thank you for understanding if I don’t send a personal note right away.

 

Part 2

 

Having a heart attack on the15th of this month has me making some changes in how I live life. My stubbornness had me wait 12 hours after initially feeling chest pain before driving myself to the emergency room. I know those emergency room employees can be a bit dramatic, but they suggested that another hour or two may have had me experiencing the last heartbeat.

As usual, I have soldiered through the episode with aplomb and feel pretty darned good 10 days later.

I did have a stent installed. Kinda weird when I think of it, but I do have plastic in my knee and a plastic septum, so popping in a tiny piece of stainless steel is not much of a big deal.

It has forced quitting of cigarette consumption. That has not been easy, but beyond the health issue, I cannot afford the smokes with all the drugs they are making me buy now.

I am not sure if I like the meds thing and plan on weaning myself off of them fairly quick. Plavix may be a keeper.

As most regular readers of my blog should know, I have not had health insurance in many years. Don’t sweat it, kids, I have it covered without a policy. Lots of forms to fill out and the use of a few “friend” cards will have me out of this expense with a much lower rate than what I would be dishing out for a really lame policy that they had been selling me in the long ago past.

The clog in my artery was not extreme. Med pros rated it at a 70% blockage. I had been eating a pretty healthy diet for a couple of years, but still had, perhaps, been spending a bit too much time at the fast food joints. I guess that will be a very rare experience now. Stress is probably one of the main factors in. I had issues with the room mate and he decided to move out, leaving my disabled sister and I to pay for all the costs of living in the house.  Between the cost of everything going up , especially gas and heating oil, I was at my budget's end . Now it seems that I will need to increase my business' billing rate again.

My workload is real heavy right now. Fortunately, I have a couple of guys working with me that are keeping a certain level of production happening and provides a little income. I begged my 23 year old son to make a temporary move back to Connecticut (he lives in TX with his mother) just to help me get through the summer/fall contracts. He was delivering pizza for money. He agreed to come and help and will arrive the first week of June. I am still paying for his mechanics certification training. Perhaps he will find a nice job at a dealership around here and decide to stay until he can get his own place. We will see. It is going to be nice to have him back here regardless.

I probably will not be adding to my she-wear selection much for a little while, so don’t snicker if you see me out with the same old dress again.

The nicotine patch gives me really vivid dreams. I took a nap with the patch on my arm and woke up with it on my butt. Very strange.

My sense of smell has increased big-time. Healthy snacks are very expensive. I am always hungry. It has been12 days since the big event. I have created a dent in the sofa and my posterior seems to have become a bit wider. I cannot say that I miss going to work every day. I do drive out to the job each morning and get the guys headed into the right direction, but am back home and resting by 10:00 am. I am not accustomed to being lazy, but I kinda like it.

I did manage to get my other two sisters to visit. The one that lives furthest away stayed for a few days and spoiled me rotten. I didn’t have to cook for several days. I hate cooking. The concerned relative communications was short lived...only a few days, but it was nice anyhow.

I think one of these medications is messing with my face. It has become bumpy and bleeds every time I shave. I shave with an electric razor. I am getting acne too. Yuk.

At this point, I feel pretty OK. I still get tired easily. The bruise around the spot where surgeons entered my body is still big and ugly, but the tenderness there has dissipated, so I think it won’t be long before I at back at 100% and perhaps  consideralbly better tha. I was a month ago.

Nurses do not wear those fabulous white uniforms anymore. Such a shame.

 

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Self-confidence

April 29th, 2008 5:35 pm MDT

Every once in a while I get a little insecure in my feminine appearance. Getting older and having a few wrinkles around the face and mouth add to what so many of us tgirls experience in wondering if we really look passable in public.

I do go out in public fairly often. Sometimes it is with other tgirls. You know, to a drag show night club or at one of the big trannie gatherings (First event, Fantasia Fair). A bit more rarely, I go out on dates with guys. Even more rarely, I will go out with the GF dressed. Most often, my “outings” are shopping runs and I go all by myself.

I had not done much of any outings since First Event 08. Why? While making my way to the elevator with my roomie for the weekend, an adorable little girl (probably five years old) asked us why we did not look or sound like women. I thought I looked pretty convincing. My roomie is one of us that really does not pull off the package real well, even though she felt like she was just fine. Voice is definitely an issue with her and she does talk alot. The roomie took it harder than I did, but it did make me step back out of the light for a bit.

Last Saturday, the spring weather just had me feeling fabulous. I had purchased a couple of new dresses and just had to step out some how and show one of them off. Grocery shopping was needed so I slipped myself into a casual dress. It is a multi shade brown and tan that is very popular right now. Just below the knee, button front, traditional collar with the top button low and the bottom button about six inches above the knee. Classic office-wear, I suppose, but pretty enough for a casual dinner date. Black stockings, 2” Mary Jane heels and modestly styled gold jewelry. Glue on French nails. I did spend a few extra minutes styling my hair. It is now at least an inch over the collar in the back and the front is maybe two inches below my ears. I really love being able to use my own hair. I felt like I looked pretty normal, maybe a bit on the sophisticated side.

I may have been just a little nervous when I stepped out of the car, but it went away quickly as the first thing that happened as I stepped into the store with my purse hanging off my arm and pushing a cart is to cross paths with a very handsome black man that had to be around 20 years old. He stopped in his tracks and motioned for me to pass ahead of him with a gentle stare as I did. I was not sure of I frightened him or pleased, but it felt OK.

It was mid evening. About 8:30. I remember hearing the last call for beer sales a few isles into the store. There were not many other shoppers. This is a store that is only about three miles from home and the one I shop at regularly, even in boy mode, but I just didn’t care if anybody figured me out.

I hit the deli counter for ham and cheese. A cute woman about my age was working the counter and another black gent was back there doing some clean up. He was a big man and very nice looking too. He had this sprayer contraption on the end of a hose that looked like it was spraying a detergent  with the water. I told the lady slicing the ham that I would like one of those things to do my kitchen floors. She giggled and said to the man, “Did you hear her? She said she wants one of those to do her kitchen floors. His back was turned to me, but I heard him giggle. Right at that moment, I say “As long as he comes with it. Ms. Deli lets out a big laugh. He turned to look at me smiled from ear-to ear  and then just turned his face away again in an adorable shy way. His reaction was nice, her referring to me as “her” and “she” without hesitation was encouraging.

I got the deli stuff and as soon as I turn my cart away, there is the first guy I saw as I came in. He was stocking one of the kiosk things in the middle of the isle, but was paying more attention to moi as I browsed. Never took his eyes off of me as I walked by. I smiled at him and it seemed to make his day.

I was now on a new level ego trip.

The ego ride was not done yet. About mid-store (cereal isle) I am parked right in the middle of the isle when I hear voices approaching fast. I turn to peek and it is a younger looking black couple arguing about something they just put in a cart. Not load, just typical couple things. I did not see the next couple that appeared to be with them. They kinda suck up on me with no cart. He was well ahead of her. Probably 24 or so in age, tatooed and dreadlocked, but strikingly good looking. He gets right along side of me looks me square in the face, smiles big time and pops out with a “Hi”. I returned the greeting and the alleged girlfriend  just walks by without a head turn or anything. That one took me by surprise.

No other experiences like that happened the rest of the run. The cashier and bagger girl were gabby, commenting about the new Ocean Spray Cranenergy drink I bought (much better than Red Bull) and the cute hair bands too. I only purchased enough stuff to cover the bottom of the cart and the little baby seat, but it still came to $110.00! Wasn’t long ago that much money would feed me for two weeks. This was just a touch-up shopping run.

At this point, I have regained my confidence and do realize that when I go out with a GG or a male, the majority of people will not figure out that I am a guy. If I am out with other tgirls that are 55 years old wearing a super-mini skirt, spandex top, platform shoes and a cheap wig just pulled out of the box, I am going to be calculated to be a man in woman’s stuff. No offence to my dear friends. I love you to pieces and love spending time with you. I am sure that many of the post-ops can relate to how it feels. I may never get to be a post-op, but just love it when I can go out and just be a nicely dressed woman around town.

I may hit the casino next time out...I have the perfect new dress for that.

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That's Super!

February 1st, 2008 5:11 pm MST

Our concerned and over-protective government is finally doing something for me that I can feel good about.

The timing is uncanny. Two days before the Superbowl, Senior Senator Arlin Specter (R)

makes his announcement that he plans on digging deep to the New England Patriots “Spygate” thingy. Apparently he is curious as to why the NFL said to destroy those cheat tapes. Go get ‘em Arlin!

May I call you Arlin, or must it be Senior Senator Specter?

Dude!

I have been hearing about how Eli and “Big Blue” have what it takes to win the big game. I never really had any doubts. That patriotic team from Foxboro is going to win. I think the Senate Judiciary Committee just cemented it.

Sigh of relief.

If for whatever reason that the team that has managed to win every game that they had played so far this season was feeling a little uninspired, bringing this stuff up at this time will be the nudge that would wake The Brady Bunch up.

Arlin is obviously a Patriots fan. Band Wagoner!

Also obvious is my allegiance to the Pats. There are a few nice things about living in New England all of my life and being smart enough to not be a Cowboys fan.

That was a personal jab at one particular friend who has been depressed since the Giants sent Dallas to the golf courses. Cheer up buddy. There is always next year. Giggle.

To those former Pats fans from the Hartford area that have switched fanhood to the Giants because of Robert Kraft dissing you n the Hartford stadium location, get over it, you knuckleheads! You are missing out on so much fun! How many more games would you have attended if the stadium was in Hartford (20 minute drive) compared to Foxboro MA (2 hour drive)? I bet that number is very near zero. Made no difference to me. I bet (not that I am a gambler) that any one of you would take a job as waterboy for that organization if it was offered to you. I would...watergirl for that matter.

Perfect!

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