URNotAlone

Do You Have What It Takes?

March 12th, 2008 4:26 pm MDT

Do you have what it takes?  (03.11.08) As regular readers of this blog know, I’ve been critical in the past of guys who seem to think the internet is a place where they can “go caveman” and come on to a girl with a simple, “hey baby, ur hot” bullshit approach. As you also know, it drives me nuts when guys do this. However, I am nothing if not nice and it takes a lot to push my buttons.  One recent incident, while not requiring a full scale “vent” from me, did make me pause to examine my actions, as well as the actions of the guy in question (aka the GIQ). After a busy weekend, I was on-line catching up with some friends when I got an IM from a guy -the GIQ - that I had chatted with a few times prior.  He had not been rude in the past, although he was (and is) borderline clueless to the point of occasionally saying dumb things that a girl with a shorter fuse might have truly been offended by. When the GIQ sent me the instant message I was in the process of chatting with 5 or 6 of my girlfriends.  Recognizing his screen name as a decent enough guy, I didn’t give him the brush off.  Instead, I attempted to make some time for him.  Again, I genuinely try to be nice. After exchanging a few pleasantries, the next question out of his mouth was, “so, do you go out dressed?” Now, do I really need to comment on the stupidity of this question?  He was referring to my “tgirl-ness” – not whether I leave the house naked – and what he meant by asking me was “do you leave the house dressed as a woman?”   I live much of my life like this, so the answer would be “yes”. But that’s not the point. Here’s the point:  are you fucking kidding me? Let me back up.  I had spoken with this guy before.  I had even tolerated a similar conversation before.  But here he was, either being an idiot (which is bad) or forgetting we had already discussed it (which is worse).  For the record, I have not ruled out both of these options, which results in the ultimate in stupidity on his part. Anyway … I responded to his question with, “Yes … you’re smarter than that.” He backpedaled and apologized claiming he was just trying to get a rise out of me.  (strike 2 if you’re keeping score). Then he said he was embarrassed.  He should have been. So here’s where I tried to help him.   I said, “Dave, why do you have to ask me tgirl questions at all?  Do you ask a girl what it’s like to be a girl?” “No,” he answered. So I replied, “then why do you feel the need to ask a tgirl what it’s like to be a tgirl?” He wasn’t sure. [Note:  I understand people can be curious.  I have no problem with that.  This wasn’t the case here.] So then, with this clusterfuck of annoyance swirling around me, he changed tactics … and asked me out. Now, let me say this again … are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!? I told him, “that’s a nice offer, but I have to decline … for now … because I think you could use a little guidance here.” I then proceeded to reflect on our past conversations and the blunders he had made during this one.  I also told him I wanted to help him. He missed the part about me helping him – or didn’t feel he needed it – and instead gave me a “whatever” and left the chat room. And now I say to you, Mr GIQ … coward. These fucking guys.   Thing is, I could help him.  I could help any guy out there.  Because having “game” is something that can be learned.  And I have it.  I have both sides of it, having been a male and now being “female”.  I know the drill inside and out.  I know what works and what doesn’t.  I know what I respond to as a woman and I know what women respond to from men.  I have the answers.  I use them every single day of my life with great success. But these guys, these stupid, stupid guys - they want the easy way.  And there’s no easy way, unless you’re super hot, super rich or Brad Pitt – who is both.   The average schmuck?  He has no chance of succeeding just by showing up.  The average schmuck needs to work it and work at it.  And yes, I’m talking to you, reader of this blog.  Or 99% of you anyway.  Realistically, only 1% of the population is truly drop dead gorgeous, so yes, if you’re reading this, there’s a fan-fucking-tastic chance you’re the average schmuck.   Don’t take offense – I’m in that group too. And yet, each of these guys – Dave and those like him - they all want the easy way.  And there isn’t one.   What needs to happen is for guys to realize that the best way to attract a girl’s attention is to be different and engaging without being weird and fawning.  As backwards as this sounds, the best way to approach a pretty girl isn’t to tell her she’s pretty.  If you do, you become just one of dozens who have told her the same thing that day.   Approaching girls takes skill.  It takes forethought.  And it takes a genuine ability to rise above the crowd.  It’s hard work.  However, doing it well means you’re going to get to do her well over and over again.   So, I ask you – do you have what it takes? Do you have the ability to handle the criticism necessary to show you what you’re doing wrong today so you can be better tomorrow?  Can you admit your failings to yourself?  Can you unlearn what you know (and you must know it doesn’t work, right?) and relearn the right way?  Because that’s what it takes.   Think about your life.  Are you meeting girls all the time?  Are you having sex as often as you’d like?  If you answer “no” to either of those, then what you’re doing isn’t working.  Can you face that fact?  Will you make the commitment to be better? Or will you crumble like our Guy In Question and spend another night as an average schmuck and spend yet another night hoping to “get lucky”? Hope away, Mr. Hoper.  It won’t do you a damn bit of good.  Unless you have what it takes.   Thanks for reading. XoxoDanielle